Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle her to bring you chapter four of my story Corn Maze. Today…

Hello. My name is Tucker, and I am a Maltese. I am here to discuss things not to do if you visit the Pacific Northwest this summer…

Nobody cares about that, Tucker!

Number one: do not go hiking off the trails in the mountains. You could get lost and end up with exposure. Number two: if you go hiking in the mountains you could run into a bear and get mauled. Number three: do not go swimming in the lakes before August. They are cold and you could get hypothermia. Number four: if you swim in the waters in late summer when there are signs up about staying out of the water you could expose yourself to toxic blue-green algae. Number five: if you go to the eastern side of the states in late July and August you could get caught in a forest fire. Number six: beware of high winds. High winds can knock over trees and they will crush your car or you. They can also cause mudslides after heavy rains. Have a nice summer!

Thank you for that joyful news, you insipid Maltese. Now, here is Chapter Four of Corn Maze. Nasoloditisya!

Corn Maze

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Four

Valerie sat in the Tulip Valley Café, a long-established old-fashioned diner in downtown. A cup of coffee with a rising thin curl of steam sat near her as she read her textbook. She usually went there in the morning after attending Big Valley College where she was taking classes, a fact which Farley did not know. Valerie had completed a bachelor’s degree but decided she wanted to return to school. This was of course in direct conflict with her upcoming wedding.

While she was studying that morning, Harley walked in. He was wearing his old shearling denim jacket and looked like he’d put in some work that morning. He took off his work gloves and shoved them in the back pocket of his jeans. “Hello, Pat.”

“Why, hello, Harley!”

“How’s your son, Pat?”

“Oh, he’s doing just fine,” Pat said. “Glad to be done with school for the year. He’s been playing baseball.”

“Good for him. I never went out for athletics much.”

“I never thought you’d move back to this town, Harley.”

“Well…I knew my parents would eventually want me to.”

“Ah,” Pat said knowingly. “Let me go check on your order.”

“Alright,” he said.

At that precise moment Valerie looked up from her book and saw Harley standing there. She stared at him longer than she should have before she looked back down at her book.

“Here you are,” Pat said returning with a paper bag. She set it down on the counter along with a coffee in a to-go cup.

“Thanks, Pat. I’ll be seeing you soon.”

“See you tomorrow, Harley.”

Pat grabbed a couple menus and slipped around the counter to seat some patrons as Harley turned to leave. That’s when he saw Valerie sitting in the booth reading her textbook and sipping coffee. An awkwardness overcame him.

Both fixated on each other with Valerie gripping her book and Harley gripping his to-go bag in front of his belt buckle. They stayed that way until the waitress strolled up to Valerie’s table with a coffee pot. “You look like you could use a touch up,” the waitress said.

“What?” Valerie asked snapping out of her stupor.

“Coffee, more, would you like some?”

“Please,” Valerie said.

Valerie looked back towards Harley. But Harley was gone.

Farley sat on his porch swing in the late afternoon surveying the vast layout of his field where his corn crop would grow. A light breeze blew across the dirt. He thought about the pattern he’d like to create. He would have his friend Bud take him for a ride in the Piper after the corn started to grow to see if the labyrinth he envisioned would work. This year’s corn maze would be something like he’d never created before. A true work of art.

He grabbed his sketchbook and began to draw. This was almost the best part: the planning. The early phase. The best part was finding out how many people got lost. That was the real joy: proof the plan worked. Sure, it was all fun and games when folks went in, but it was even more fun when they got lost and needed help to get out. That’s when you knew you’d crafted it right.

Valerie came driving up in her crystal white Subaru Impreza. She’d finished work and dropped her books off at home before heading to Farley’s. She parked the car, shut off the engine and sat for a moment with her windows down.

“Don’t stay out there too long,” Farley said. “You and I are having a dinner party.”

Valerie whipped her head around to look at him. “What did you say?”

“I paid a visit to the Hutton’s a couple of nights ago.”

“Why?”

“Mr. and Mrs. Hutton moved out. Harley moved back in.”

Valerie’s eyes widened. “You invited him over?”

“Actually, I invited Harley and Harley’s girlfriend over.”

Valerie felt a cold shiver move across her skin. “His…girlfriend?”

“Mallory. Cute little thing…well, maybe not so little.”

“Why did you invite them to supper, Farley?”

“Well, I’m thinking of it as a welcome back to the neighborhood dinner. They moved in less than a week ago. Thought we should roll out the red carpet, try and be cordial.”

“You’re insufferable, Farley,” she said disembarking the car.

“Why’d you start taking classes at the college?”

Valerie pressed her lips together. “Who said I was taking classes?”

“You can’t get a masters at that school.”

“No, you can’t.”

Farley raised his eyes with a glacial glare. “Just what are you planning to do there, Valerie? You going to pack up your bags and run back to a university?”

“I could drive up to the University in the mornings and drive back here in the afternoons.”

“And how do you expect to keep a job and do that what with you commuting to your classes and all your studies?”

“I’ll make it work.”

Farley laughed and slapped his knee. “You’re a real comedian, Val, A genuine belly of laughs!”

“You don’t think I can do it?”

“I know you can’t do it.”

“You have yourself a good laugh there, Farley. You yuck it up. I am going to complete my masters whether you want me to or not.”

“Well, aren’t you the tiger.”

“Oh, shut up, Farley,” she snapped and marched up the steps. “You could have told me sooner you were having them over for dinner.” Then she threw open the screen door and went inside.

Farley took a pull off his Rainer, grinned menacingly and went back to sketching his corn maze.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: HIGH ANXIETY (1977) & MEL BROOKS: UNWRAPPED (2019)-HBO Max

It is important to laugh, and it is healthy to laugh…unless you have broken ribs or some such thing. And therefore, this week’s pick and accompanying documentary are all about laughter.

High Anxiety is Mel Brooks’s send up to Hitchcock films and many of the scenes are downright hysterical. I am especially fond of one involving newspaper. The story revolves around Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke (Mel Brooks) who suffers from an acute fear of heights and takes a job at the Psychoneurotic Institute for the Very, VERY Nervous. After his bizarre odyssey at the airport, he arrives at the psychiatric hospital to find things amiss. He is replacing the previous Dr. Ashley who died under mysterious circumstances and his driver Brophy (Ron Carey) suspects foul play.

Among his new colleagues are nervous Dr. Philip Wentworth (Dick Van Patten), daffy Dr. Charles Montague (Harvey Korman), and militant Nurse Charlotte Diesel (Cloris Leachman) all of whom seem to be hiding secrets. After seeing light shining from the violent ward, he meets new patient millionaire Arthur Brisbane who acts like a cocker spaniel. But Brisbane may not be who he seems which he finds out from Brisbane’s daughter Victoria Brisbane (Madeline Kahn) who believes her father is being held hostage. 

Mel Brooks: Unwrapped is a short documentary by Alan Yentob from the BBC. It’s a funny and touching look at the different times through the years Yentob interviewed Brooks where we get to see Brooks over the course of his remarkable career. Carl Reiner comes along for some of the ride which is an extra treat. Brooks’s humor elevates the documentary even more. It’s a great addition to watching his classic film.

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the Parti poodle here to introduce Chapter Three of my story Corn Maze. I have spent most of my free time this past week tormenting the Maltese. Sometimes he requires more torture than usual. Don’t think he’s innocent in all this. The Maltese have their nefarious ways. Oh, yes. Nefarious ways indeed. One can never be too careful about them. Their noses change color. In the summer months it turns black. In the winter months it turns pink. Apparently, this is called Winter Nose. Right now, it is both pink and black at the same time. I find the whole thing terrifying. My nose it always black. I cannot understand nor trust a dog with a nose that cannot make up its mind. Anyway, here is Chapter Three of Corn Maze. Nasoloditisya!

Corn Maze

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Three

Monday evening Farley sat on his front porch swing overlooking the stretch of land where his corn would be grown. Right at the edge of it sat the Hutton farm. Harley’s parent’s farm. He and Harley hadn’t spoken for nearly five years. As he was sitting there, a Magnetic Gray Prius came driving down the long driveway that led up to his porch. The Prius stopped and the driver shut off the engine.

Out of the car stepped a slightly rotund twenty-something woman with fake blonde hair. She looked like she didn’t come from around these parts. More citylike but oddly friendly. She waved her hand and said, “Hello there!”

Farley waved back, “Well, hello,” he said. “You lost?”

“I was looking for the Hutton Farm and I think I made a wrong turn.”

“You’re close. The Hutton farm is right over there.” Farley pointed across his future corn maze towards Harley’s parent’s farm. “They’re my neighbors…for now.”

“Oh,” she said.

“You a friend of the family?”

“I’m Harley’s girlfriend.”

Farley narrowed his eyes. “Are you now?”

“Yes. Harley just moved back in there.”

Farley glared over at the Hutton farm and then looked back at the woman. “When?”

“A few days ago.”

“Well, isn’t that interesting.”

“His mom and dad asked him to take over the farm.”

“Huh.”

“They haven’t moved out yet, but I think the moving trucks are coming tomorrow. Should I tell Harley you said hello?”

Farley shook his head. “Nope. I’ll surprise him.”

“Thank you for the directions.”

“Oh, you’re welcome, Miss…?”

“Mallory. Mallory Blander.”

“Good to meet you, Mallory Blander.”

“See you later.”

“Oh, you will.”

Farley marched up to Harley’s house and pounded on the door. It was four in the morning and Farley had been up the entire night fuming.

Harley came to the door yawning, wrapping his buffalo plaid robe around himself and tying the belt. It took a second for his bleary eyes to come into focus and recognize his neighbor and nemesis.

“Harley,” Farley said menacingly. “Looks like you’ve come home.”

Harley scowled at him. “It’s four in the morning, Farley.”

“Is your girlfriend up in your parent’s big bed?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Mallory, is it?”

Harley studied Farley’s face. He still had that vindictive quasi-smile. “Who told you about Mallory?”

“Mallory.”

“I put her up in the guest room.”

“Well, she’s a cutie, I’ll tell you that.”

Harley clenched and unclenched his fist.

“Harley,” a nasal voice said somewhere behind the front door. “Who are you talking to?”

“Go back to bed, Mallory,” Harley said.

Mallory ignored Harley and shuffled around behind him in her fuzzy hot pink slippers. “Oh,” she said. “It’s you. What are you doing here? What time is it anyway?”

“It’s four ten in the morning,” Harley said. “And Farley was just leaving.”

“Why do you always have to be so exact about time? Couldn’t you just say it’s four in the morning? Who cares if it’s a few minutes past the hour?”

Farley grinned. “Lady has a point.”

“What did you want to talk to me about, Farley?” Harley asked.

“Why, I just wanted to greet my new neighbor.”

“At four…,” Harley looked at the wall clock, “…eleven in the morning?”

“The early bird catches the worm. Besides, I wanted to extend an invitation to you.”

“What kind of invitation?”

“I’m getting married.”

“Congratulations!” Mallory said jumping up and down and clapping her hands.

“Who’s the “lucky” girl?” Harley asked.

Farley’s eyes twinkled. “You remember Valerie, don’t you?”

Harley’s face went ashen. “Valerie…”

“Gladhart. That’s right.”

“She moved back here?”

“Right after college.”

“When’s the wedding?”

“You should tell him congratulations,” Mallory told Harley tugging on his sleeve.

“When’s the wedding?” Harley repeated jerking his sleeve away from Mallory.

“After the corn maze competition.”

“Right. The corn maze competition.”

“You going to make one, or you going to pussy out?”

“You’ve made corn mazes, Harley?” Mallory said surprised.

Harley was considering the most effective way to shove Farley off his front porch. “I’ve helped my parents design some,” he told her.

“How come you never told me that?”

“Yeah, Harley,” Farley said. “How come you never told her that?”

“Get off my porch, Farley.”

“I will, I will. But before I do, I’d like to extend a second invitation.”

“Yeah, and what’s that?”

“Come on over to the house and have dinner with us Wednesday evening. Get reacquainted as they say.”

“Oh, that would be fun!” Mallory said. “Wouldn’t that be fun, Harley?”

Harley glared at Farley. The two eyeballed each other for an uncomfortable minute. Then Farley chuckled. “Val would love to cook dinner for you guys. Besides, we can chew the fat about our corn mazes, can’t we Harley? Be seeing you around say, seven o’clock?”

“We’ll be there!” Mallory said jubilantly.

“I’m looking forward to it. Yes, sir, I certainly am.” Then he jumped down of the porch and left.  

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK-DOWNFALL-THE CASE AGAINST BOEING (2022)-Netflix

A great acting teacher I had once said, when two people from different classes marry, they both fall. He was referring to Stanley and Stella in A Streetcar Named Desire. I, however, am referring to McDonnall Douglass and Boeing. My favorite line from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is, “If you ain’t first, your last” and this applies to the former. McDonnall Douglass was a second-rate aerospace manufacturing company who needed a brand name because they built lousy passenger planes that crashed. They were last. Boeing, on the other hand, was originally the best of the best aerospace manufacturing company founded on July 15^th, 1916, by William E. Boeing in Seattle, Washington. His engineers and workers were expected to be extremely precise and careful and build the best aircraft without cutting corners. They had an unrivaled record for safety.

Then came whoring guttersnipe McDonnall Douglass who wooed and “married” Boeing but just brutally raped them in a bathroom stall after getting them good and drunk. Little by little under the name Boeing, the upper management snakes of McDonnall Douglass began to fire safety staff and engineers, you know the people who know how to build things. They drove their entire staff to focus exclusively on the stock price and not really build anything anymore. Why? Because the reality is many graduates from business schools who become upper management are nothing but banal inept manipulative psychopaths with delusions of grandeur who have never nor will ever be able to do anything of worth. Occasionally one will wear a strait jacket as they are wheeled out on a dolly while wearing a modified hockey mask, so they don’t sink their fangs into anyone before they give a lie-filled press conference and tell you they love your suit.

Which is exactly what happened to Boeing after the McDonnall Douglass merger. They killed men, women, children, dogs, cats, and anything else they could get on their airplanes and indifferently crashed them knowing the planes they built were faulty. Not accidentally, mind you, but killed them because they didn’t want to put money and time into research, training for the pilots, and, oh, yeah, for profits and to drive up the stock price. And then after they face a senate hearing do they put what money they have left into rebuilding the company? No. They give the sub-par CEOs they fire a multi-million-dollar paycheck and say thanks for the deaths and profits. It was fun. Think of mundane moron Marissa Mayer who ran Yahoo into the ground and walked away with a wheelbarrow of cash.

This is a straight-forward, well-researched documentary from Ron Howard and Brian Grazer directed by Rory Kennedy and written by screenwriters Keven McAlester and Mark Bailey. An excellent microcosm exemplifying why America is on a runaway train heading straight into inferno.   

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter two of Corn Maze. The weather this week has been a great indication summer is almost here. It’s been so warm I’ve panted on walks I go on with my novelist. Marigolds have been planted at our abode which brings about a burst of color. We wanted to plant violets but found we were too late in the season. Perhaps we can plant them in the fall. I plan on spending more time outside doing some light reading. I for one am a fan of the classics. How can one pass on a Sherlock Holmes novel? Or something by the fantastic Jules Verne? The Maltese mostly reads coloring books. He doesn’t color them, mind you. He just stares at the pictures. And with that thought, here is chapter two of Corn Maze. Nasoloditisya!

Corn Maze

by

Gigi the Parti Poodle

Chapter Two

Harley hadn’t move back home after graduating from college. He’d gotten two degrees: one in botany and the other in art. He worked as a sketch artist for retail which wasn’t a bad job all things considered, and he was plugging along when he got an email from his parents. They wanted him to come home and take over the farm. It didn’t come as a complete shock to Harley, but it was heartbreaking just the same. Harley had never fancied himself a farmer. But in the back of his mind, he realized it was his destiny. He always knew he would return to the Big Valley, and he knew he would be farming corn. It was his least favorite crop. But his family had done it for years and instead of designing sketches he would build corn mazes.

While he was in his senior year of college, he chanced to meet a young woman named Mallory. Mallory was a socially adept slightly rotund girl with fake blonde hair working on a degree in education. She was gleefully passive aggressive and wanted nothing more than to become the principal of a grade school and run it with a joyful iron fist which is the same way she ran her relationship with Harley. And Harley quietly went along with it because he’d given up on finding love.

Mallory lived on the same dorm floor as Harley. Once she noticed him, she decided she was going to snag him and adore him with all her might. Harley, on the other hand, was too busy studying and working to notice her. But by the time they went on their first date he was fully aware she had captured him in her snare. She was easy on the eyes, so he didn’t care much at first. But by the time they’d gone on a couple dates he was fully aware she was a complete and thorough autocrat.

The whole fiasco started like this. One day while Harley was in his dorm room studying as usual, he made the mistake of leaving his door open. Mallory came sauntering up carrying a plate of freshly baked brownies. “Hi, Harley,” she said in her upbeat yet strangely sour voice. “What are you up to?”

“I’m studying for midterms,” Harley said not looking up.

“Which class?”

“All of them.”

“At once?”

“Shouldn’t you be studying for your midterms, Mallory?”

“I’m going to, but first I’ve made you brownies. You like brownies don’t you, Harley?”

“Not particularly.”

“I love brownies. They’re comfort food. I feel comforted when I eat them.”

“Fantastic. Enjoy your brownies.”

“But that’s the thing, Harley. I baked them for you.”

“Okay, well leave one on my desk.”

“That’s not very nice of you, Harley.”

“What do you mean?”

“I spent my whole afternoon baking brownies and you have absolutely no appreciation for my efforts.”

“I said I’d take a brownie.”

“But you don’t want one.”

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate your efforts, Mallory. I just don’t care for brownies.”

“Someday you’re going to appreciate me, Harley. Someday you’re going to ask me out on a date.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, thanks a lot! Thanks a lot for hurting my feelings! You just said I wasn’t good enough to ask out!”

“That’s not what I said…”

“You said what and why would you ask me out!”

“I’m just trying to study for my midterms, Mallory.”

“Oh, so that’s your excuse!”

“Well, yes.”

“What’s going on?”

Harley and Mallory turned to see the RA standing in the doorway.

“Harley’s being cruel to me,” Mallory said.

The RA rolled his eyes. “What did you do to her, Harley?”

“I made him brownies,” Mallory said, “and he told me he doesn’t like them!”

“You don’t like brownies, Harley?”

“I prefer cookies,” Harley said.

“Right. Look, just to keep the peace around here do you think you two lovebirds could quiet down. It is midterms you know.”

“We aren’t lovebirds.”

“Well, you sound like you are.”

“I’ve been minding my own business studying all day and Mallory shows up and starts talking about brownies.”

“He said I wasn’t good enough to ask out on a date,” Mallory said.

“That’s not what I said.”

“You’re a dog, Harley,” the RA said. “You could have just told her you didn’t want to go out with her.” Then he left.

Harley glared at Mallory. “I have a lot of studying to do and I have to go to my job tonight.”

“What job?” she asked.

“The same one I’ve had all year.”

“I didn’t know you had a job.”

“Thank you for the brownie, Mallory. Now I need to study.”

“We could study together.”

“No, we could not.”

“Why?”

Harley got up and herded Mallory out of the room. “Goodbye, Mallory,” he said and shut the door behind her.

After she left Harley tried to go back to studying but his thoughts were jangled. He walked over to his dresser and opened the top drawer where he always put his wallet, out of sight out of mind. He opened it where in the plastic inserts was a graduation picture of a high school girl. Harley stared at the picture. After a moment he sighed, closed the wallet, returned it to the drawer went back to his desk and continued his studies.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: BUBBA HO-TEP (2002)-Tubi and Pluto TV

It’s hard to believe that today June 9th marks the twentieth anniversary of the release of this incredible and highly underrated film.

Based on the novella of the same name by Joe R. Lansdale, it is the story of Elvis Presley impersonating an Elvis Presley impersonator named Sebastian Haff. Elvis traded places with him in Texas at Sebastian’s show and it was really Sebastian who went on to die in 1977 and not the real Elvis Presley. The story begins with Elvis (Bruce Campell in his landmark performance) as a resident of the Shady Rest Retirement Home in East Texas. In voiceovers he philosophizes on old age, his life as a star and living in anonymity. He tolerates the condescending nurse (Ella Joyce) who takes care of him but doesn’t believe he is Elvis Presley. And he misses his wife Pricilla and his daughter Lisa. His friend who lives in a room down the hall is John F. Kennedy better known as Jack (Ozzie Davis). Jack says he was the President of the United States, but “they” dyed his skin and hid him away which is why he is still alive.

One night at Shady Rest things start to change for the worse. Something old, very old, is walking the halls. Something by the name of Bubba Ho-Tep. Slowly but surely Elvis and Jack begin to put together a puzzle of terrifying proportions and reach inside themselves for the courage to TCB.

The ingenious and wholly original script was adapted from Joe R. Lansdale’s novella by director Don Coscarelli and the fantastic original score that would rival just about anything up for an Oscar was written by Brian Tyler. An absolute must see.    

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to present you my newest story. As you may know every so often, I pen a short story that runs like a serial in sequential installments. Each week I will put up a new chapter until the story is complete. I thought this one would be good for summer as it is about two farmers who compete against each other in a local competition. I hope it will be a lot of fun. So, without further ado I present to you Corn Maze, a story by Gigi the Parti Poodle. Nasoloditisya!

Corn Maze

by

Gigi the Parti Poodle

Chapter One

Once upon a time there were two farmers who hated each other’s guts. Their farms sat adjacent to each other in the Big Valley where the land is lush and fertile and many crops are grown such as strawberries, raspberries, cucumbers, cauliflower, cabbage, and spinach. But the most coveted crop of all was corn. And every year there was a local competition to fashion the best corn maze to be ready by Halloween.

Now, there were salient differences between the two men. One was outgoing and athletic. The other intellectual and reserved. It’s hard to say where or when the riff between the two farmers began. But many think it’s origin may have occurred right after high school. Before then the two had been the best of friends. They were often in the same classes. Both played trumpet for the band. Both got good grades. Both were university bound. But whatever happened between them put them on different paths. They were the best of friends one moment and the worst of enemies the next.

And so, it happened one day in June, Farley Ellis came driving up in his Ford pickup on his way home from the grocery store. Farley was the outgoing athletic farmer. He carried a bag in each arm and lumbered up the steps to the porch where his Doberman Whiskey lay sleeping.

“Whiskey!” Farley shouted. “You’re in my way, dog!”

Whiskey perked up his ears and raised his nose to gaze upon his owner.

“Move it, boy!” Farley said.  

Whiskey yawned, stood up on his long legs and moved out of the way for the king. Farley tromped into the kitchen where his bedraggled fiancé Valerie was canning cherries for him.

“That darned dog thinks he’s the head of the household. When I say get, that pinhead should get.”

“Dobermans are intelligent,” Valerie said writing the date on the lid of one of the jars.

“What?”

“Dobermans are intelligent.”

“What does that have to do with the price of pizza in Chicago?”

“Whisky’s not a pinhead he’s intelligent.”

“I don’t care. I go out and buy you groceries at the supermarket on a Saturday no less and you’re yammering on about the intelligent quotients of canines.”

“I’m not yammering, Farley. I’m just trying to make a point.”

Farley set the groceries on the counter. “I’m thirsty. Are there still some longnecks in the refrigerator?”

“Didn’t you get any while you were at the store?”

“You mean to tell me it’s a Saturday afternoon and my fridge isn’t stocked with longnecks?”

“I think there might be some microbrews in the pantry…”

“I want an ice-cold Rainier!”

“Why?”

“Because it sounds good!”

“As soon as I’m finished canning, I’ll go to the store and get you some.”

“It’ll take at least an hour to get the suds chilly.”

“I’ll put the microbrews in the fridge right now.”

Farley sighed. “I suppose. Darn things cost a lot more than Rainier.”

“But they’re better quality.”

“I don’t care! Rainier is American.”

“So are those microbrews.”

“You trying to start an argument with me, Valerie?”

“No, Farley.”

“Just hurry up with the canning so you can go get me Rainier,” he said and tromped off to his pantry. 

Valerie sighed. Farley was in a mood. She knew she should have bought him the beer on Thursday and brought it over. But she’d gone to look at bridesmaids’ dresses. At least she’d had the good sense not to move in with him before the wedding.

Farley returned with the microbrews and proceeded to put them in the refrigerator. “Got to get started on my sketch,” he said.

“Have you figured out what you’re going to do?”

“Yeah, I’m going to win.”

“I meant your design.”

“I have a pretty good idea. You haven’t kissed me since I came home by the way.” Valerie slowly dried her hands on a kitchen towel, walked over to Farley and kissed him. He drew her into his arms and said, “I can’t wait till you move in here.”

“There’s still a lot to do.”

“You could still move in and do a lot.”

“We agreed.”

“I didn’t agree.”

“Either way I’m not moving in till after the wedding.”

“That’s not till after the competition which is a long way off.”

“I still haven’t figured out the flowers. We haven’t chosen the cake. I haven’t decided on a dress…”

“Details, details.”

“It’s the details that make the difference.”

Farley rolled his eyes. “Sometimes it’s the bigger picture that makes the difference.”  

“I heard the Hutton’s are moving out.”

Farley stopped putting microbrews in the refrigerator. “You heard what?”

“The Hutton’s are moving out.”

“Who’s moving in?”

“I don’t know?”

“Who’d you hear that from?”

“Patricia.”

“At the diner?”

“Yes.”

“Well, did she say who bought it?’

“No.”

“Well, come Monday I’m going to find out.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: MINARI (2020)-Showtime

This week’s movie is an Oscar winning film from last year. Minari, by the way, is a water parsley that grows in temperate and tropical climates. You can read about it here. This is a lovely well-told story about a young Korean man and his wife who move with their two young children from California to rural Arkansas where the husband Jacob Yi (Steven Yeun of The Walking Dead) has purchased a plot of land where he plans to become a farmer, grow vegetables, and sell them to buyers in Dallas. His wife Monica (Han Ye-ri) is more skeptical. Their son David (Alan Kim) has a heart murmur and there is concern he could die if he exerts himself too much. Their young daughter Anne (Noel Kate Cho) is intelligent and mature for her age and often looks after David.

Jacob is helped on the farm by a kind and peculiar local man named Paul (Will Patton) who served in the Korean war and there are hints that he may be suffering from PTSD. Monica, who works doing chick sexing which she and Paul did back in California needs someone to look after the kids and enlists her mother Soon-ya (Youn Yuh-jung who won the Oscar for best supporting actress) who travels all the way from South Korea to live with the family. Soon-ya is a strong, humorous woman who stays in David’s room. David does not like her much. She has brought expensive herbs to help him with his heart condition and minari seeds which she plants by the creek. She encourages David to enjoy life despite his parents’ concern. Her presence is pivotal in changing the course of the family. Written and directed by Lee Isacc Chung the story is a semi-autobiography about his childhood set during the early 1980’s.

Hello. My name is Tucker, and I am a Maltese. Today Gigi and I wanted to talk about our national holiday, Memorial Day. This is a very important day in the United States because we give respect to those military members who paid the ultimate price and died serving our country. It is without doubt one of our most important American holidays.

I am Gigi and I am a parti poodle. This year, however, is a peculiar Memorial Day because this year it takes on a second meaning as well as we mourn the lives of those we lost in Uvalde, Texas as well as Buffalo, New York and all the mass shootings that have transpired in our nation’s history. Many of which occurred since May 21st, 1998, when Kip Kinkel shot and killed his parents at their home and opened fire in the patio area of Thurston High School in Oregon. He fired fifty rounds of ammunition injuring thirty-seven students and killing two. Wounded student Jackob Ryker tackled him and with the assistance of six other brave students Kip Kinkle was subdued firing only one last shot and yelling “Just kill me!” until the police arrived. Last Saturday marked the twenty-fourth anniversary of its occurrence.

Today Gigi and I will pray for our brave soldiers who fought for our country and the many civilians who have died or were injured on American soil because of narcissistic acts of violence carried out with guns.

And most of all Tucker and I will pray for our country to improve. Many humans look to the past. Many look to the present. But few look to the future. We pray our country, now at the tipping point, looks to the future and we pray our country will change.

Good afternoon. I am Gigi the parti poodle and I am here to introduce my novelist’s blog. I will be returning next Thursday with my new story. The events that occurred on Tuesday have made this a most frustrating and sorrowful week. I am a mere poodle, but I thought I would look at the USA human’s Declaration of Independence to attempt to understand how the events that occurred should be addressed. I find it interesting that the document says this:  

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Safety and Happiness.”

As a poodle what I find interesting in the document is the inalienable rights listed are in this order: Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. In that order and not in alphabetical order or any other order which, from my poodle mind implies that the first, Life, is the most important inalienable right then followed by Liberty which one cannot have without Life and then the pursuit of Happiness which one cannot do if one does not have Liberty. It is instinctive and logical that one should always put the most important information first and the rest in descending order.  

This is backed up and repeated by the order listed in the line “laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.” Again, Safety precedes Happiness, and the words are not in alphabetical order or any other order. If the last item listed was the most important and held the most value, the reader would swiftly be given further explanation. This therefore implies one cannot have Happiness without Safety as it is Safety which is clearly listed first and therefore more important than Happiness.

An example of providing further information pertaining to a list which does not list the most important item first is in the New Testament of the Holy Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:13 as spoken by the Apostle Paul: “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” The last line immediately explains that charity, though listed last, is the most important of the three items. Charity by the way is defined by the dictionary as Agape love specifically as opposed to Eros, Philia or Storge.  

Though the Declaration of Independence is not a Christian paper it does have religious and Christian influences. Therefore, the forefathers would have been aware of this biblical passage and would have taken note as to how carefully it is structured. They even state in the document that these rights were given to them by their Creator and not man. They in turn would have paid very close and careful attention to the order of the inalienable rights in the document thus making the list of first to last by design and not happenstance. If the first inalienable right was not the most important one, they like, the Apostle Paul, would have made an additional statement about Liberty or the pursuit of Happiness being the most important inalienable right as opposed to Life.

In addition, the document says that if any government becomes destructive of these rights which, by not addressing the list in the order stated with Life first, Liberty second and the pursuit of Happiness third, said government is in violation of the Declaration of Independence. Per the document “whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government.”

Just some thoughts from a poodle.  

You Really Should Be Watching Better Call Saul

This AMC show is without doubt one of the best on television, maybe the best, and sadly it is coming to an end this year, its sixth season. Breaking Bad for which Better Call Saul is the prequal, attracted a large audience for its very smart and exciting shocking turns and twists. This series has those too but to a subtler degree. Better Call Saul is a show for grownups not because of its mature content but because its sophisticated nature requires intelligence and patience to appreciate its meticulous and carefully crafted storytelling. I once met an adult who said they needed to have the jokes on Frasier explained to them and therefore didn’t care for the series. If you are like that person this show is not for you. 

The first season starts with us meeting a young struggling Jimmy McGill (Bob Odenkirk) working in the mailroom of successful Albuquerque law firm HHM. Jimmy wants to be a lawyer, but his narcissistic genius older brother Chuck McGill (Michael McKean) a senior partner in the successful HHM (Hamlin Hamlin McGill) will do anything to stand in his way. Chuck has a great deal of animosity for his younger brother Jimmy who has a perchance for being a con artist. It is suggested that Jimmy is probably more gifted than Chuck at being a lawyer and Chuck’s jealousy runs deep despite graduating high school at age fourteen as valedictorian, earning his bachelors from the University of Pennsylvania and graduating magna cum laude from Georgetown University Law Center. Plainly put, Chuck has the brains, but Jimmy has the talent.

Chuck is also plagued with a mental illness called EHS (electromagnetic hypersensitivity). He wraps himself in a space blanket to be able to go outside and keeps the lights off in his house. He is still a senior partner at his law firm but unable to conduct himself as a lawyer. Jimmy, who loves his brother, has become Chuck’s caregiver which Chuck uses to manipulate Jimmy.

Jimmy has a friend in the mailroom named Kimberly Wexler (Rhea Seahorn) a young woman who finishes her law degree and becomes an associate lawyer for HHM. The two help each other throughout the course of the series and gradually become closer as the seasons progress.

Working as the security man at the gate for HHM is Mike Ehrmantraut (Jonathan Banks), who later becomes the righthand man for Gustavo Fring (Giancarlo Esposito). Both are major characters in Breaking Bad. As the series begins Mike is a former Philadelphia police officer who is trying to make ends meet for his daughter in law and his granddaughter after his son, also a police officer, was killed in the line of duty. Mike and Gus’s stories and their entanglement with the Salamanca family who are also major players in Breaking Bad weave into the transformation of Jimmy McGill into Saul Goodman.

One of the most intriguing parts of the show are the black and white opening scenes which take place somewhere around or just after the time of El Camino. We get to see Saul in a much different situation than he is in either Better Call Saul or Breaking Bad and Vince Gillian is not giving away any secrets. So don’t adjust your television, the look is utterly intentional, and I can’t wait to see how all or at least some of the ends get tied up.

You can stream the first five seasons of Better Call Saul on Netflix. Each season is ten episodes. For the new and final sixth season watch AMC. It is a must-see television landmark.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: NOBODY (2121)-HBO Max

This week’s film could provide the focus for an entire season of Myth Busters. An ultimate middle-aged man fantasy, the movie starts out brilliantly giving us quick cuts of the day in the life of Hutch Mansell (Bob Odenkirk) an everyday man working at a mundane office job in his father in Eddy Williams (Michael Ironside) factory. Hutch tolerates his beautiful but indifferent wife Becca (Connie Nielson), disenchanted son Blake (Gage Monroe), and overtly macho nephew in law and coworker Charlie (Billy MacLellan). Hutch rides the bus to work, misses the garbage truck consistently, jogs to keep in shape, and sleeps with a pillow between he and his wife.

Then one night a twenty-something man and woman break into his house. Hutch attempts to deal with the situation as peacefully as possible, even giving the robbers his sentimental watch. Son Blake tackles the male robber causing the female robber to wield a Smith and Wesson. When they find Hutch has little to no valuables, they leave the house but not before the man punches Blake in the face. This causes Blake to lose even more respect for his already disappointing father.

Hutch is humiliated by the cop that comes to the house as well as his coworkers, but he sticks with his belief that he did what was right. That is until the only person who believes in him, his daughter Abby (Paisley Cadorath) finds that her kitty bracelet which happened to be in the same dish where Hutch kept the spare change the robbers took comes up missing.

Thus begins Hutch’s odyssey to prove to his family there is more to him than meets the eye.    

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here once again and I know you are missing me. I am diligently working on the groundwork for my new story coming out in June. As you know, my novelist is briefly taking over to discuss some television shows and movies to keep you entertained while I am on hiatus.

The weather around here has been erratic. We have gotten rain, sun, and winds. Our May month is often a lovely time here in the pacific northwest but this year it has been a weather dragon. Personally, I blame the Maltese. He in no way controls the weather but I blame him anyway. I occasionally have gone on walks on the sunnier days so not all is lost. However, I would like it if I could sunbathe in front of the window more often. Even as I write this, I see the grey clouds rolling in. How can I work on my hair color this way? I must look incredible to prepare for all the neighborhood summer gatherings. Even those infernal nocturnal cats will make fun of my less than bleached locks. You can’t begin to imagine how catty those felines can be. Again, I blame the Maltese and his natural platinum hair. Anyway, here is my novelist.   

You Really Should Be Watching Severance

Not only is Severance (Apple TV+) the best new show on television, but if it keeps up the pace of its freshman season it might have a chance of being one of the best of all time. Loosely though not admittedly based on the novella Paycheck by Philip K. Dick which was made into the film of the same name, employees of the Lumon corporation agree to have their brain “severed” to maintain a work life balance. What happens at work stays at work and what happens at home stays at home. The price they pay, however, is their memories. The procedure Lumon does to its employees separates them into two different people: their innie and their outie. Their innie knows nothing about their personal life and their outie knows nothing about their work life. The memories of each of these remains separate.

Mark S. (fantastically played by Adam Scott) has a reason for his choice to work at Lumon. He has suffered a horrific tragedy and to function properly at work he chose two years ago to undergo “the procedure” (two years, by the way, is the same amount of time it took the lead character Jennings in Paycheck to fulfill his contract at the Rethrick Construction Company). His sister Devon (Jen Tullock) is about to have her baby, his brother-in-law Ricken (Michael Chernes) has just published a self-help book called The You You Are, and life is going along as normal…until one day Mark’s manager Petey (Yul Vasquez) suddenly no longer works for the company.

Mark S. is promoted to Petey’s position. Newcomer Helly R. (wonderfully played by Britt Lower) an unhappy and rebellious young thirty-something finds herself waking up on a conference table, employed by Lumon, and inducted into Mark’s team. In addition to Mark S. and Helly R., the team also includes fastidious Irving (John Turturo) and reward driven Dylan (Zach Cherry). Overlording Mark’s team is Harmony Cobel (a wonderfully wicked performance by Patricia Arquette) and her always professional henchman Mr. Milchick (Tramell Tillman).

At Lumon the rooms are stark and nearly empty, the exit doors lead right back in if you try to leave, and once in a great while a stranger from another department shows up like Burt (Christopher Walken) who works for Optics & Design. The only way in and out of the place (for most employees) is through the elevator.

One night, Petey shows up and meets Mark S.’s outie at a diner. Petey says he has found a way to reverse the procedure, de-sever, and regain all his work memories. Mark’s outie does not recognize Petey despite Petey’s insistence that he is Mark’s best friend. Just the same, Mark agrees to hide him in his basement and after their initial encounter, Mark starts to question whether his decision to work at Lumon was the wisest choice after all.

Ben Stiller’s direction is amazing here capturing both a Twilight Zone and Kubrickian atmosphere as he brings creator Dan Erickson’s nightmarish take on corporate culture to life. Theodore Shapiro’s original score is both haunting and infectious. Oliver Latta’s opening credits alone are Emmy worthy with a fantastic animation sequence you do not want to miss.

That said, science fiction is a very tricky genre. A good science fiction writer has a solid understanding of science (see for example playwright and novelist Paul Zindel). As Isacc Asimov said, “Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” In other words, it is a niche group who can write science fiction well. A strategic-thinking group. Many writers are idealists and often give into emotion over logic. This leads me to say there was one flaw in Severance which is the final scene of the final episode. And I am being rather picky here but when I saw it, I knew something was off.

I thought about it overnight and realized the fault lay in selecting an emotional choice over a thinking choice. So, let’s say you have a fantasy movie like Ghost. The movie from the get-go is based on emotions. When we get to the final scene the right choice is to make it emotional. And it is emotional because it’s the tone the writer set up from the beginning. But with a science fiction movie like The Terminator, we are not dealing with emotions, we are dealing with a problem to be solved. How do the characters keep a killing machine from destroying the woman who will give birth to a human redeemer? The protagonist and her fairy godmother character are required to strategize. Are there emotions in The Terminator? Absolutely and critically. But the main thrust of the story is to leave the audience thinking not feeling. The ending therefore works because the characters make rational choices and because science fiction characters are often designed to be rational or tactical. Or as this article says, “More than any other genre, we’d argue, the protagonists in science fiction cinema are divided along two lines: those of intellect and those of action.”  

Some years back I was in the studio audience of a television show which had won a wheelbarrow full of awards and rightly so. However, they had two endings to the episode I saw taped. One was verbose, much like the last scene in Severance and the other was covert. Guess which one they went with? That’s right, the wrong one. This goes to show even the crem de la crem can make a misstep. Had the Severance creators taken the time to watch expert science fiction filmmaker Christopher Nolen’s Memento, they would know that under time constraints one should accurately write down or somehow record pertinent information. Get one’s thoughts together as opposed to expressing one’s emotions. Another film that extols the importance of recording information is Scott Frank’s The Lookout where if you want to know where a story is going, and you are a person whose brain cannot be trusted, you write the story down by starting at the end and working your way back to the beginning.

The Severance character I’m referring to in the final scene is a thinker and recorded information is set up to be very important to them. By that rational, that character would have accurately recorded the information they received at the end of the final episode in one form or another. Doing so would parallel with the importance of how the keycard is handled in Defiant Jazz, Episode 1.7 and what one of the characters writes on their arm in In Perpetuity, Episode 1.3. Even though another character tells the character in Episode 1.3 what they have written on their arm won’t work under the circumstances, in Episode 1.9 The We We Are recorded information will work because the circumstances have changed. That’s why the character recording the information in the season finale would have made sense, despite the dialog about finding someone you trust in Episode 1.8 What’s for Dinner? Even if this character trusted someone, they would be rational enough to record the information themselves to maintain its accuracy whether they were under duress or not. When you watch the show, you will understand what I mean.

If you want to watch a season of a show that sets all its ducks up perfectly (a lead rational character albeit not a science fiction show) see season two of Breaking Bad and watch how the teddy bear weaves its way through various episodes until the final moment of the final episode leaving no question that the ending is justified and correct.   

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: MANIAC (2018)-Netflix

Similar in tone to Severance is Netflix’s excellent limited series Maniac. The show is loosely based on the 2015 Norwegian show also called Maniac. This is a fantastic mind bender about a schizophrenic young man named Owen Milgram (Jonah Hill) who cannot seem to fit into his wealthy family and agrees to be a subject in a pharmaceutical trial for the Neberdine Pharmaceutical Biotech (NPB) company. Annie Landsberg (Emma Stone), a plucky young woman with borderline personality disorder, is desperate to join the trial to gain access to drugs and silence the demons of her very troubled past. The purpose of the trial: to take first the A then the B then the C pills provided you and let the computer track your dreams as the scientists take notes.

After the unexpected death of the pharmaceutical trial’s lead scientist Dr. Robert Muramoto (Rome Kanda), Dr. James K. Mantleray (Justin Theroux) who was originally thrown off the project is asked by his former girlfriend Dr. Azumi Fujita (Sonoya Mizuno) to return to head the project. Mantleray has psychological issues stemming from his unbalanced relationship with his mother Dr. Greta Mantleray (Sally Field) a famous pop psychologist whom Mantleray must call in to assist with helping his peculiar computer.

The show, much like Severance, does an excellent job of balancing comedy, drama and science fiction weaving technology of the past with technology of the present and future. The dreamscape storylines are magnificently imaginative, and all the characters are vivid. A great show if you’re looking for a summer binge.     

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce my novelist’s blog. As you may know I am taking a short break from my stories and doing the groundwork for the next one which will be a bit different than Alanna the Piranha. My novelist meanwhile is going to discuss some outstanding television shows available on streaming during the next few weeks that you may or may not have gotten a chance to see.

It is raining more than usual here in the northwest. May can be a beautiful month, but we are getting none of that. There have been breaks where there is sun but a lot of the time the place is living up to its reputation of having downpours. I was supposed to go on walkies today but that is looking unlikely. I do detest getting wet. I do my best work on walkies as I mull over ideas for writing.  

That said, perhaps tomorrow there will be a break and I can return to my brilliant musings. In the meantime, I will keep the Maltese company and snarl and charge him when I get bored. Here my novelist’s post. Nasoloditisya!

You Really Should Be Watching Ted Lasso

Apple TV+ has been making strong headway in the streaming market especially with taking the Academy award for Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor for CODA. And its television shows are outstanding as well which is partly why I wanted to give Gigi a break and talk about a couple of them over the next few weeks.

Although it is not my favorite dramedy of all time, Ted Lasso is clearly a fantastic show. It’s a big breath of fresh air in a swamp of mediocrity. The plot is high concept. A successful American college football coach named Ted Lasso (brilliantly played by Jason Sudeikis) whose marriage is on the skids agrees to take a job across the pond as head coach for British soccer team AFC Richmond (the greyhounds). The team is own by recently divorced Rebecca Welton (also brilliantly played by Hannah Waddingham) who wants nothing more than to thwart her menacing ex-husband Rupert Mannion (Anthony Head of Buffy the Vampire fame) who cheated on her constantly during their marriage and ran off with a younger woman also named Rebecca. Rebecca’s plan is to annihilate the soccer team her husband adores by driving it into the ground and hires Ted who clearly knows little to nothing about soccer to help her achieve that goal. Although the show has dark themes running through it, it manages to be charming and upbeat.

Ted is an infectious and likeable character who tries to look at the positive side of everything even when things are at their worst. A modern-day Pollyanna if you will. Armed with only his good nature and his assistant coach Beard (Brendan Hunt) he lands in England to a storm of dislike and distrust. The press is against him, the players don’t trust him, and the fans think he is a wanker, a term they say to his face. But Ted stays the course and little by little begins to win over the team, the press, and the fans.

Rounding out the cast are team captain Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein), star player Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster), Head of Marketing and fashion model Keeley Jones (Juno Temple), Director of Communications Higgins (Jeremy Swift) and ambitious kit man Nathan Shelley (Nick Mohammad).

Many writer/directors out there have a consistent theme that runs through their movies. The Cohen Brothers write about greed. Quentin Tarantino writes about honor. The writers of Ted Lasso focus on fathers. Ted is a father who has been separated from his little boy and it’s killing him especially because he harbors a dark secret about his own dad. Rebecca also knows uncomfortable secrets about her father. Not to mention her ex-husband never wanted to have children with her but he’s perfectly fine having one with his young girlfriend. Roy knows the father of his niece is a jerk, so he steps into the role of her dad. Jamie’s father is an embarrassing lowbrow ass who treats his son abysmally. And no matter what Nathan does or what he accomplishes he can never please his. In fact, the only person who seems to have a healthy relationship with his dad is rising star soccer player Sam Obisanya (Toheeb Jimoh).

There are some strange character choices at times that don’t work for me especially in the second season. They don’t seem to add to the character’s persona. In fact, some of the choices weaken the characters’ intelligence and integrity and makes them a little less appealing. It also interferes with the flow of the major storylines.  At the same time there are also some brilliant choices, one being the journey of Nathan’s character. Another is season two episode nine which ironically is the episode with the lowest ratings on IMDB. Probably because it is the least emotional and most imaginative and off-beat of all the episodes. I would like to see the writers stretch themselves more like they did with this one from time to time and see where they could go with that kind of creativity. I wouldn’t mind if all the unusual episodes focused on Beard whom we don’t really get know enough about. The trick might be to add a touch more seriousness to the surrealism. Maybe they could call in Glen Gordon Carron for writing advice who is a master of thinking outside the box for television episodes.

That said season two does end on a strong note with the emergence of a well set up villain, an Iago of sorts. It puts the show in a great position to build a strong trajectory plot for season three which I look forward to with bated breath.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: FRESH (1994)-Paramount+, Pluto TV & ScreenPix

Finally, finally, finally I have been able to find this film on streaming. One of my favorite movies of 1994 and of the 1990’s in general this brilliant, underrated masterwork tells a grittier more tragic version of Searching for Bobby Fisher. It is written and directed by Boaz Yakin whose work is outstanding here on all levels.

Fresh a.k.a. Michael, (a then twelve-year-old Sean Nelson in a phenomenal performance) is a boy genius and chess prodigy who lives in Brooklyn, New York. He runs drugs for a man named Corky (Ron Brice) and for a man named Esteban (Giancarlo Esposito of Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul and The Mandalorian fame). Fresh is serious about his education and dreads being late to class especially when he must wait for indifferent drug dealers. He is also cautious and frugal with the money he earns, keeping it in a can he has hidden in a ground pipe in a wooded area near abandoned railroad or possibly subway tracks. He dreams of getting out of the violent and impoverished world in which he is stuck.

His father Sam (Samuel L. Jackson) is a chess master/hustler who lives in a beat-up trailer outside a building and has several chess boards set up inside where he is playing against famous master chess players. He has taught his gifted child everything he knows about the game. Fresh does not live with his father but rather in the projects in an apartment with several other kids. His older sister Nichole (N’Bushe Wright) is a drug addict who has taken up with Esteban much to Fresh’s dismay.  

When one of Corky’s right hand men Jake (Jean-Claude La Marre) shoots and kills another twelve-year old on an outdoor basketball court our of jealousy, he inadvertently also shoots Fresh’s friend and sweetheart Rosie (Natima Bradley). The event starts Fresh on a harrowing journey involving a whole new kind of chess game. One that puts him on a path to take down Esteban and Corky.  

Good morning. The Maltese and I have composed a musical piece for all the mothers out there on this most auspicious day.

We are going to sing! We are going to sing!

Stop that barking! It’s most unbecoming.

But I am excited because it’s Mother’s Day.

Just hold on a moment, would you? Alright, let me get out my pitch pipe here…yes, here it is. Alright, alright. Are you ready to warm up?

Yes, I am. I am a Maltese, and I am ready to warm up.

Fabulous. Alright, let me play the note.

LAAA!

LAAA!

LAAA!

Fantastic. We sound great. Alright here we go.

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you and here’s some flowers too. Hey!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you and here’s some chocolates too. Hey!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you and here’s some presents too. Hey!

We’d never put you in a zoo!

We’d always love you though and through!

We’d do most anything for you!

Happy Mother’s Day! Woo!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

And here’s some love for you. Hey!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!

Good morning! It is I Gigi the parti poodle here once again to introduce the final chapter of Alanna the Piranha. As I mentioned last week, I have started the groundwork for a brand-new tale which I will be premiering in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, during my preparation my novelist shall briefly take over the blog and discuss a few movies and television shows she has wanted to highlight.

I must say there was much debate over what my tale should be about. I experimented with different ideas and after trying a couple out I have decided on one. It will be quite a bit different from Alanna as my novelist and I agree that I should keep my stories fresh and always be striving to come up with something new.

Also, I should again mention my novelist has finished writing her newest book and I will keep you posted on its release date. She has also started the next novel as a writer should never finish one story and not write another. We are hopeful this one will not take her as long to pen.

That said I will be back next week to introduce my novelist’s musings and will take over the blog once again by June as I should always be the one in control. Happy Cinco De Mayo and a happy belated May the 4^th be with you. Disfrutar! & For Star Wars fans: The story, you shall enjoy!

Alanna the Piranha

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Day the Thirty-Second

I am not happy with my aunt’s idea. She has proposed that Alanna and Fabulous move in with her. She says I need to focus on myself. She does agree they should continue their act at The Chuckle Duck, and I should continue to be their manager. But I would be best with a dog for a pet and to focus my time primarily on getting into grad school.

I know I should apologize to Brooke for stealing her DNA. Stacy told her all about it because Stacy can’t keep her great big mouth shut. And so today I am on route to Brooke’s dorm to do just that. I will probably be arrested. Chicks get kind of testy about these things. I reluctantly enter the dorm and board the elevator. I look down and see my hands are shaking. The elevator doors open, and I step out into the hall which looks a lot longer than it ever has before. One foot in front of the other I tell myself. One foot in front of the other. I head down the corridor hoping I will reach Brooke and Stacy’s room without passing out.

When I arrive at their door, I extend my hand to knock. Then I drop it by my side and stare at the carpet. Then I raise it again and manage to rap on the steel this time. I hear footsteps approach. I feel someone looking at me through the peephole.

“Flint?” Brooke says on the other side.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I say.

She unlocks the door and I push my glasses up on my nose. She is wearing a very conservative dark purple turtleneck top and a pair of grey mom jeans. I know she has been expecting me. “You have a lot of explaining to do,” she says. “I was going to call the police.”

“Thank you for not doing that.” I have never spoken truer words.

“What’s going to happen to Alanna and the rabbit?”

“Fabulous.”

“Yes. Fabulous.”

“They are going to live with my Aunt Linda. She’s a hobby dog breeder.”

“What about the act?”

“They’re going to continue to perform at The Chuckle Duck.”

“How could you do this, Flint? Just take my hair, my hair, and inject it into a rabbit and a fish?”

I clench and unclench my hands which are deep in the pockets of my knockoff Member’s Only jacket. “I was lonely.”

“Are you insane?”

“Apparently.”

“I mean I’ve heard of men doing some pretty crazy things to get women but this…I mean this takes the cake!”

“I’m very sorry, Brooke. I’m very, very sorry. I shouldn’t have stolen your hair from your brush. But you must admit your DNA helped create some remarkable creatures.”

“The only remarkable creatures I ever want to create from my DNA are my own children, Flint!”

“I know. I know that now. I was a horrible, creepy person and I will never do something like that ever again.”

“I mean what you did was remarkable but horrible, you know what I mean?”

“Yes. I know exactly what you mean.”

“Are you going to get some help?”

“You mean an assistant or…”

“No, I mean psychiatric help! You’re deranged!”

“I’m just an Incel. I like science and I’m an Incel.”

“Small wonder! You’re…I don’t even know what you are!”

“Well, I just said what I was.”

“What?”

“I’m an Incel.”

“That’s not an excuse!”

“I didn’t mean it as an excuse. More of an explanation.”

She looks at me like she’s studying a bug she caught in a jar.

“You need a haircut.”

“Yes.”

“And some clothes that fit you. You look like you’re swimming in those things.”

“Yes.”

“And some clothes from this century. My dad wears that jacket.”

“Members Only jackets are kind of making a comeback.”

“That one’s a knockoff.”

“You’re right.”

“And some exercise. I mean you look like a nerdy emo Oliver Twist or something.

Just then the elevator doors open, and I glance that direction. Then I do a double take. A caped figure in a mini skirt and high heels holding a tiny bunny starts coming our way.

“What are you doing here?” I call out.

“You’re Aunt Linda drove us,” Fabulous says. “We have something we want to tell Brooke.”

Brooke turns and looks down the hall to see Alanna carrying Fabulous. “What are they doing here?” she asks me.

“Beats me.”

Alanna moves up beside me and Fabulous and turns to Brooke. “Hello, Brooke,” she says. “I know you are very upset with our Flint here. But Alanna and I wanted to tell you something.”

“Yes,” Alanna says. “We want to say thank you for your DNA. I know you didn’t know Flint had stolen it from your hairbrush. But because of your DNA we get to be more than just a bunny or a piranha.”

“And our performance on Parent’s Day weekend got such buzz all our Chuckle Duck shows are all sold out,” Fabulous adds.

“Wow,” Brooke says. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

“Here,” Alanna says turning and leaning her free hand forwards. “We got you front row tickets to the show on Saturday.”

“I…thank you.”

“It was Flint’s idea.”

Brooke looks at me and then back at Alanna. “This whole thing is pretty weird for me.”

“I know,” Alanna says. “And maybe what Flint did was wrong. But not everything turned out badly.”

“And Flint gave the money his aunt loaned him back to her,” Fabulous says. “Because Alanna and Flint and I are going to work as a team to make him enough money from our act to get him into grad school.”

“Alright,” Brooke says to me. “I’ll go to the show with you if you let me pick out your clothes. But you can never, ever and I mean ever do an experiment like this with my DNA again.”

I can’t believe how happy this makes me. “You’ve got a deal,” I say. “You’ve got a deal.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: MASS (2001)-Hulu

This week’s movie is one of the very best films of 2021. It is also the most harrowing. Set in one modest room in the basement of an Episcopal church an event is about to occur. We watch a young man and woman set up a round collapsible table and four chairs. The woman has brought refreshments and sets them on a small table against the wall. A third person, a professional woman enters and says there is no need for the refreshments. But a box of tissue is set on the table and the placement of it becomes a dilemma. Slowly one couple comes into the room and then another. The young man and woman and the professional woman leave. The two couples sit around the table and begin to talk. And slowly the nightmare unfolds. One of the couple’s sons was a suicidal mass murderer. The other couple’s son was one of the 10 victims he killed. Both couples are there to dissect what happened.

The Oscars really missed on this one. This is Franz Kranz directorial and writing debut and it is a stunning one. The script should have been nominated, all four riveting performances by Jason Isaacs, Martha Plimpton, Ann Dowd, and Reed Birney should have been recognized and the script should be structured into a stage play and produced on Broadway as it would lend itself well to live theatre.

One thing I am delighted the film discusses, albeit brief, are FMRIs (Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging). This is where MRI machines use a specific software which allows psychiatrists, psychologists etc., to see the brain react to images and words, primarily focusing on the prefrontal lobe and paralimbic system to determine psychopathy which can sometimes be a psychological disorder of a mass shooter such as Eric Harris.

However, the movie, or at least one of the characters in the movie does argue that the shooter was not a psychopath. And that may very well be true. In fact, it is more likely for a mass shooter to have a different mental illness such as schizophrenia. A SPECT scan or a PET scan can help determine schizophrenia by finding what look like holes in the human brain where blood flow is compromised. And recent studies indicate that serious mental illness was found in almost all mass shooters and that often it has been left untreated. Then pairing that with the easy access of weapons makes for a Molotov cocktail. Other elements can come into play as well like perhaps the shooter had a genetic issue (NRXN3 for example.) And as crazy as this may sound the family may have owned an outdoor cat which can carry a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii which is suspected to be linked to psychosis in men.  

The challenge therefore becomes prevention. How do we keep a meeting like the one in the movie from ever having to occur? How do we thwart our addiction to unnecessary guns? How can we use and improve our knowledge of science to identify who might be at risk for having a serious mental illness, and which of those with serious mental illness have a predilection for violence?