Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter two of Corn Maze. The weather this week has been a great indication summer is almost here. It’s been so warm I’ve panted on walks I go on with my novelist. Marigolds have been planted at our abode which brings about a burst of color. We wanted to plant violets but found we were too late in the season. Perhaps we can plant them in the fall. I plan on spending more time outside doing some light reading. I for one am a fan of the classics. How can one pass on a Sherlock Holmes novel? Or something by the fantastic Jules Verne? The Maltese mostly reads coloring books. He doesn’t color them, mind you. He just stares at the pictures. And with that thought, here is chapter two of Corn Maze. Nasoloditisya!
Gigi the Parti Poodle
Harley hadn’t move back home after graduating from college. He’d gotten two degrees: one in botany and the other in art. He worked as a sketch artist for retail which wasn’t a bad job all things considered, and he was plugging along when he got an email from his parents. They wanted him to come home and take over the farm. It didn’t come as a complete shock to Harley, but it was heartbreaking just the same. Harley had never fancied himself a farmer. But in the back of his mind, he realized it was his destiny. He always knew he would return to the Big Valley, and he knew he would be farming corn. It was his least favorite crop. But his family had done it for years and instead of designing sketches he would build corn mazes.
While he was in his senior year of college, he chanced to meet a young woman named Mallory. Mallory was a socially adept slightly rotund girl with fake blonde hair working on a degree in education. She was gleefully passive aggressive and wanted nothing more than to become the principal of a grade school and run it with a joyful iron fist which is the same way she ran her relationship with Harley. And Harley quietly went along with it because he’d given up on finding love.
Mallory lived on the same dorm floor as Harley. Once she noticed him, she decided she was going to snag him and adore him with all her might. Harley, on the other hand, was too busy studying and working to notice her. But by the time they went on their first date he was fully aware she had captured him in her snare. She was easy on the eyes, so he didn’t care much at first. But by the time they’d gone on a couple dates he was fully aware she was a complete and thorough autocrat.
The whole fiasco started like this. One day while Harley was in his dorm room studying as usual, he made the mistake of leaving his door open. Mallory came sauntering up carrying a plate of freshly baked brownies. “Hi, Harley,” she said in her upbeat yet strangely sour voice. “What are you up to?”
“I’m studying for midterms,” Harley said not looking up.
“All of them.”
“Shouldn’t you be studying for your midterms, Mallory?”
“I’m going to, but first I’ve made you brownies. You like brownies don’t you, Harley?”
“I love brownies. They’re comfort food. I feel comforted when I eat them.”
“Fantastic. Enjoy your brownies.”
“But that’s the thing, Harley. I baked them for you.”
“Okay, well leave one on my desk.”
“That’s not very nice of you, Harley.”
“What do you mean?”
“I spent my whole afternoon baking brownies and you have absolutely no appreciation for my efforts.”
“I said I’d take a brownie.”
“But you don’t want one.”
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate your efforts, Mallory. I just don’t care for brownies.”
“Someday you’re going to appreciate me, Harley. Someday you’re going to ask me out on a date.”
“Well, thanks a lot! Thanks a lot for hurting my feelings! You just said I wasn’t good enough to ask out!”
“That’s not what I said…”
“You said what and why would you ask me out!”
“I’m just trying to study for my midterms, Mallory.”
“Oh, so that’s your excuse!”
“What’s going on?”
Harley and Mallory turned to see the RA standing in the doorway.
“Harley’s being cruel to me,” Mallory said.
The RA rolled his eyes. “What did you do to her, Harley?”
“I made him brownies,” Mallory said, “and he told me he doesn’t like them!”
“You don’t like brownies, Harley?”
“I prefer cookies,” Harley said.
“Right. Look, just to keep the peace around here do you think you two lovebirds could quiet down. It is midterms you know.”
“We aren’t lovebirds.”
“Well, you sound like you are.”
“I’ve been minding my own business studying all day and Mallory shows up and starts talking about brownies.”
“He said I wasn’t good enough to ask out on a date,” Mallory said.
“That’s not what I said.”
“You’re a dog, Harley,” the RA said. “You could have just told her you didn’t want to go out with her.” Then he left.
Harley glared at Mallory. “I have a lot of studying to do and I have to go to my job tonight.”
“What job?” she asked.
“The same one I’ve had all year.”
“I didn’t know you had a job.”
“Thank you for the brownie, Mallory. Now I need to study.”
“We could study together.”
“No, we could not.”
Harley got up and herded Mallory out of the room. “Goodbye, Mallory,” he said and shut the door behind her.
After she left Harley tried to go back to studying but his thoughts were jangled. He walked over to his dresser and opened the top drawer where he always put his wallet, out of sight out of mind. He opened it where in the plastic inserts was a graduation picture of a high school girl. Harley stared at the picture. After a moment he sighed, closed the wallet, returned it to the drawer went back to his desk and continued his studies.
You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!
STREAM OF THE WEEK: BUBBA HO-TEP (2002)-Tubi and Pluto TV
It’s hard to believe that today June 9th marks the twentieth anniversary of the release of this incredible and highly underrated film.
Based on the novella of the same name by Joe R. Lansdale, it is the story of Elvis Presley impersonating an Elvis Presley impersonator named Sebastian Haff. Elvis traded places with him in Texas at Sebastian’s show and it was really Sebastian who went on to die in 1977 and not the real Elvis Presley. The story begins with Elvis (Bruce Campell in his landmark performance) as a resident of the Shady Rest Retirement Home in East Texas. In voiceovers he philosophizes on old age, his life as a star and living in anonymity. He tolerates the condescending nurse (Ella Joyce) who takes care of him but doesn’t believe he is Elvis Presley. And he misses his wife Pricilla and his daughter Lisa. His friend who lives in a room down the hall is John F. Kennedy better known as Jack (Ozzie Davis). Jack says he was the President of the United States, but “they” dyed his skin and hid him away which is why he is still alive.
One night at Shady Rest things start to change for the worse. Something old, very old, is walking the halls. Something by the name of Bubba Ho-Tep. Slowly but surely Elvis and Jack begin to put together a puzzle of terrifying proportions and reach inside themselves for the courage to TCB.
The ingenious and wholly original script was adapted from Joe R. Lansdale’s novella by director Don Coscarelli and the fantastic original score that would rival just about anything up for an Oscar was written by Brian Tyler. An absolute must see.