Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter two of Corn Maze. The weather this week has been a great indication summer is almost here. It’s been so warm I’ve panted on walks I go on with my novelist. Marigolds have been planted at our abode which brings about a burst of color. We wanted to plant violets but found we were too late in the season. Perhaps we can plant them in the fall. I plan on spending more time outside doing some light reading. I for one am a fan of the classics. How can one pass on a Sherlock Holmes novel? Or something by the fantastic Jules Verne? The Maltese mostly reads coloring books. He doesn’t color them, mind you. He just stares at the pictures. And with that thought, here is chapter two of Corn Maze. Nasoloditisya!

Corn Maze

by

Gigi the Parti Poodle

Chapter Two

Harley hadn’t move back home after graduating from college. He’d gotten two degrees: one in botany and the other in art. He worked as a sketch artist for retail which wasn’t a bad job all things considered, and he was plugging along when he got an email from his parents. They wanted him to come home and take over the farm. It didn’t come as a complete shock to Harley, but it was heartbreaking just the same. Harley had never fancied himself a farmer. But in the back of his mind, he realized it was his destiny. He always knew he would return to the Big Valley, and he knew he would be farming corn. It was his least favorite crop. But his family had done it for years and instead of designing sketches he would build corn mazes.

While he was in his senior year of college, he chanced to meet a young woman named Mallory. Mallory was a socially adept slightly rotund girl with fake blonde hair working on a degree in education. She was gleefully passive aggressive and wanted nothing more than to become the principal of a grade school and run it with a joyful iron fist which is the same way she ran her relationship with Harley. And Harley quietly went along with it because he’d given up on finding love.

Mallory lived on the same dorm floor as Harley. Once she noticed him, she decided she was going to snag him and adore him with all her might. Harley, on the other hand, was too busy studying and working to notice her. But by the time they went on their first date he was fully aware she had captured him in her snare. She was easy on the eyes, so he didn’t care much at first. But by the time they’d gone on a couple dates he was fully aware she was a complete and thorough autocrat.

The whole fiasco started like this. One day while Harley was in his dorm room studying as usual, he made the mistake of leaving his door open. Mallory came sauntering up carrying a plate of freshly baked brownies. “Hi, Harley,” she said in her upbeat yet strangely sour voice. “What are you up to?”

“I’m studying for midterms,” Harley said not looking up.

“Which class?”

“All of them.”

“At once?”

“Shouldn’t you be studying for your midterms, Mallory?”

“I’m going to, but first I’ve made you brownies. You like brownies don’t you, Harley?”

“Not particularly.”

“I love brownies. They’re comfort food. I feel comforted when I eat them.”

“Fantastic. Enjoy your brownies.”

“But that’s the thing, Harley. I baked them for you.”

“Okay, well leave one on my desk.”

“That’s not very nice of you, Harley.”

“What do you mean?”

“I spent my whole afternoon baking brownies and you have absolutely no appreciation for my efforts.”

“I said I’d take a brownie.”

“But you don’t want one.”

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate your efforts, Mallory. I just don’t care for brownies.”

“Someday you’re going to appreciate me, Harley. Someday you’re going to ask me out on a date.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, thanks a lot! Thanks a lot for hurting my feelings! You just said I wasn’t good enough to ask out!”

“That’s not what I said…”

“You said what and why would you ask me out!”

“I’m just trying to study for my midterms, Mallory.”

“Oh, so that’s your excuse!”

“Well, yes.”

“What’s going on?”

Harley and Mallory turned to see the RA standing in the doorway.

“Harley’s being cruel to me,” Mallory said.

The RA rolled his eyes. “What did you do to her, Harley?”

“I made him brownies,” Mallory said, “and he told me he doesn’t like them!”

“You don’t like brownies, Harley?”

“I prefer cookies,” Harley said.

“Right. Look, just to keep the peace around here do you think you two lovebirds could quiet down. It is midterms you know.”

“We aren’t lovebirds.”

“Well, you sound like you are.”

“I’ve been minding my own business studying all day and Mallory shows up and starts talking about brownies.”

“He said I wasn’t good enough to ask out on a date,” Mallory said.

“That’s not what I said.”

“You’re a dog, Harley,” the RA said. “You could have just told her you didn’t want to go out with her.” Then he left.

Harley glared at Mallory. “I have a lot of studying to do and I have to go to my job tonight.”

“What job?” she asked.

“The same one I’ve had all year.”

“I didn’t know you had a job.”

“Thank you for the brownie, Mallory. Now I need to study.”

“We could study together.”

“No, we could not.”

“Why?”

Harley got up and herded Mallory out of the room. “Goodbye, Mallory,” he said and shut the door behind her.

After she left Harley tried to go back to studying but his thoughts were jangled. He walked over to his dresser and opened the top drawer where he always put his wallet, out of sight out of mind. He opened it where in the plastic inserts was a graduation picture of a high school girl. Harley stared at the picture. After a moment he sighed, closed the wallet, returned it to the drawer went back to his desk and continued his studies.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: BUBBA HO-TEP (2002)-Tubi and Pluto TV

It’s hard to believe that today June 9th marks the twentieth anniversary of the release of this incredible and highly underrated film.

Based on the novella of the same name by Joe R. Lansdale, it is the story of Elvis Presley impersonating an Elvis Presley impersonator named Sebastian Haff. Elvis traded places with him in Texas at Sebastian’s show and it was really Sebastian who went on to die in 1977 and not the real Elvis Presley. The story begins with Elvis (Bruce Campell in his landmark performance) as a resident of the Shady Rest Retirement Home in East Texas. In voiceovers he philosophizes on old age, his life as a star and living in anonymity. He tolerates the condescending nurse (Ella Joyce) who takes care of him but doesn’t believe he is Elvis Presley. And he misses his wife Pricilla and his daughter Lisa. His friend who lives in a room down the hall is John F. Kennedy better known as Jack (Ozzie Davis). Jack says he was the President of the United States, but “they” dyed his skin and hid him away which is why he is still alive.

One night at Shady Rest things start to change for the worse. Something old, very old, is walking the halls. Something by the name of Bubba Ho-Tep. Slowly but surely Elvis and Jack begin to put together a puzzle of terrifying proportions and reach inside themselves for the courage to TCB.

The ingenious and wholly original script was adapted from Joe R. Lansdale’s novella by director Don Coscarelli and the fantastic original score that would rival just about anything up for an Oscar was written by Brian Tyler. An absolute must see.    

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to present you my newest story. As you may know every so often, I pen a short story that runs like a serial in sequential installments. Each week I will put up a new chapter until the story is complete. I thought this one would be good for summer as it is about two farmers who compete against each other in a local competition. I hope it will be a lot of fun. So, without further ado I present to you Corn Maze, a story by Gigi the Parti Poodle. Nasoloditisya!

Corn Maze

by

Gigi the Parti Poodle

Chapter One

Once upon a time there were two farmers who hated each other’s guts. Their farms sat adjacent to each other in the Big Valley where the land is lush and fertile and many crops are grown such as strawberries, raspberries, cucumbers, cauliflower, cabbage, and spinach. But the most coveted crop of all was corn. And every year there was a local competition to fashion the best corn maze to be ready by Halloween.

Now, there were salient differences between the two men. One was outgoing and athletic. The other intellectual and reserved. It’s hard to say where or when the riff between the two farmers began. But many think it’s origin may have occurred right after high school. Before then the two had been the best of friends. They were often in the same classes. Both played trumpet for the band. Both got good grades. Both were university bound. But whatever happened between them put them on different paths. They were the best of friends one moment and the worst of enemies the next.

And so, it happened one day in June, Farley Ellis came driving up in his Ford pickup on his way home from the grocery store. Farley was the outgoing athletic farmer. He carried a bag in each arm and lumbered up the steps to the porch where his Doberman Whiskey lay sleeping.

“Whiskey!” Farley shouted. “You’re in my way, dog!”

Whiskey perked up his ears and raised his nose to gaze upon his owner.

“Move it, boy!” Farley said.  

Whiskey yawned, stood up on his long legs and moved out of the way for the king. Farley tromped into the kitchen where his bedraggled fiancé Valerie was canning cherries for him.

“That darned dog thinks he’s the head of the household. When I say get, that pinhead should get.”

“Dobermans are intelligent,” Valerie said writing the date on the lid of one of the jars.

“What?”

“Dobermans are intelligent.”

“What does that have to do with the price of pizza in Chicago?”

“Whisky’s not a pinhead he’s intelligent.”

“I don’t care. I go out and buy you groceries at the supermarket on a Saturday no less and you’re yammering on about the intelligent quotients of canines.”

“I’m not yammering, Farley. I’m just trying to make a point.”

Farley set the groceries on the counter. “I’m thirsty. Are there still some longnecks in the refrigerator?”

“Didn’t you get any while you were at the store?”

“You mean to tell me it’s a Saturday afternoon and my fridge isn’t stocked with longnecks?”

“I think there might be some microbrews in the pantry…”

“I want an ice-cold Rainier!”

“Why?”

“Because it sounds good!”

“As soon as I’m finished canning, I’ll go to the store and get you some.”

“It’ll take at least an hour to get the suds chilly.”

“I’ll put the microbrews in the fridge right now.”

Farley sighed. “I suppose. Darn things cost a lot more than Rainier.”

“But they’re better quality.”

“I don’t care! Rainier is American.”

“So are those microbrews.”

“You trying to start an argument with me, Valerie?”

“No, Farley.”

“Just hurry up with the canning so you can go get me Rainier,” he said and tromped off to his pantry. 

Valerie sighed. Farley was in a mood. She knew she should have bought him the beer on Thursday and brought it over. But she’d gone to look at bridesmaids’ dresses. At least she’d had the good sense not to move in with him before the wedding.

Farley returned with the microbrews and proceeded to put them in the refrigerator. “Got to get started on my sketch,” he said.

“Have you figured out what you’re going to do?”

“Yeah, I’m going to win.”

“I meant your design.”

“I have a pretty good idea. You haven’t kissed me since I came home by the way.” Valerie slowly dried her hands on a kitchen towel, walked over to Farley and kissed him. He drew her into his arms and said, “I can’t wait till you move in here.”

“There’s still a lot to do.”

“You could still move in and do a lot.”

“We agreed.”

“I didn’t agree.”

“Either way I’m not moving in till after the wedding.”

“That’s not till after the competition which is a long way off.”

“I still haven’t figured out the flowers. We haven’t chosen the cake. I haven’t decided on a dress…”

“Details, details.”

“It’s the details that make the difference.”

Farley rolled his eyes. “Sometimes it’s the bigger picture that makes the difference.”  

“I heard the Hutton’s are moving out.”

Farley stopped putting microbrews in the refrigerator. “You heard what?”

“The Hutton’s are moving out.”

“Who’s moving in?”

“I don’t know?”

“Who’d you hear that from?”

“Patricia.”

“At the diner?”

“Yes.”

“Well, did she say who bought it?’

“No.”

“Well, come Monday I’m going to find out.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: MINARI (2020)-Showtime

This week’s movie is an Oscar winning film from last year. Minari, by the way, is a water parsley that grows in temperate and tropical climates. You can read about it here. This is a lovely well-told story about a young Korean man and his wife who move with their two young children from California to rural Arkansas where the husband Jacob Yi (Steven Yeun of The Walking Dead) has purchased a plot of land where he plans to become a farmer, grow vegetables, and sell them to buyers in Dallas. His wife Monica (Han Ye-ri) is more skeptical. Their son David (Alan Kim) has a heart murmur and there is concern he could die if he exerts himself too much. Their young daughter Anne (Noel Kate Cho) is intelligent and mature for her age and often looks after David.

Jacob is helped on the farm by a kind and peculiar local man named Paul (Will Patton) who served in the Korean war and there are hints that he may be suffering from PTSD. Monica, who works doing chick sexing which she and Paul did back in California needs someone to look after the kids and enlists her mother Soon-ya (Youn Yuh-jung who won the Oscar for best supporting actress) who travels all the way from South Korea to live with the family. Soon-ya is a strong, humorous woman who stays in David’s room. David does not like her much. She has brought expensive herbs to help him with his heart condition and minari seeds which she plants by the creek. She encourages David to enjoy life despite his parents’ concern. Her presence is pivotal in changing the course of the family. Written and directed by Lee Isacc Chung the story is a semi-autobiography about his childhood set during the early 1980’s.

Hello. My name is Tucker, and I am a Maltese. Today Gigi and I wanted to talk about our national holiday, Memorial Day. This is a very important day in the United States because we give respect to those military members who paid the ultimate price and died serving our country. It is without doubt one of our most important American holidays.

I am Gigi and I am a parti poodle. This year, however, is a peculiar Memorial Day because this year it takes on a second meaning as well as we mourn the lives of those we lost in Uvalde, Texas as well as Buffalo, New York and all the mass shootings that have transpired in our nation’s history. Many of which occurred since May 21st, 1998, when Kip Kinkel shot and killed his parents at their home and opened fire in the patio area of Thurston High School in Oregon. He fired fifty rounds of ammunition injuring thirty-seven students and killing two. Wounded student Jackob Ryker tackled him and with the assistance of six other brave students Kip Kinkle was subdued firing only one last shot and yelling “Just kill me!” until the police arrived. Last Saturday marked the twenty-fourth anniversary of its occurrence.

Today Gigi and I will pray for our brave soldiers who fought for our country and the many civilians who have died or were injured on American soil because of narcissistic acts of violence carried out with guns.

And most of all Tucker and I will pray for our country to improve. Many humans look to the past. Many look to the present. But few look to the future. We pray our country, now at the tipping point, looks to the future and we pray our country will change.

Good afternoon. I am Gigi the parti poodle and I am here to introduce my novelist’s blog. I will be returning next Thursday with my new story. The events that occurred on Tuesday have made this a most frustrating and sorrowful week. I am a mere poodle, but I thought I would look at the USA human’s Declaration of Independence to attempt to understand how the events that occurred should be addressed. I find it interesting that the document says this:  

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Safety and Happiness.”

As a poodle what I find interesting in the document is the inalienable rights listed are in this order: Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. In that order and not in alphabetical order or any other order which, from my poodle mind implies that the first, Life, is the most important inalienable right then followed by Liberty which one cannot have without Life and then the pursuit of Happiness which one cannot do if one does not have Liberty. It is instinctive and logical that one should always put the most important information first and the rest in descending order.  

This is backed up and repeated by the order listed in the line “laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.” Again, Safety precedes Happiness, and the words are not in alphabetical order or any other order. If the last item listed was the most important and held the most value, the reader would swiftly be given further explanation. This therefore implies one cannot have Happiness without Safety as it is Safety which is clearly listed first and therefore more important than Happiness.

An example of providing further information pertaining to a list which does not list the most important item first is in the New Testament of the Holy Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:13 as spoken by the Apostle Paul: “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” The last line immediately explains that charity, though listed last, is the most important of the three items. Charity by the way is defined by the dictionary as Agape love specifically as opposed to Eros, Philia or Storge.  

Though the Declaration of Independence is not a Christian paper it does have religious and Christian influences. Therefore, the forefathers would have been aware of this biblical passage and would have taken note as to how carefully it is structured. They even state in the document that these rights were given to them by their Creator and not man. They in turn would have paid very close and careful attention to the order of the inalienable rights in the document thus making the list of first to last by design and not happenstance. If the first inalienable right was not the most important one, they like, the Apostle Paul, would have made an additional statement about Liberty or the pursuit of Happiness being the most important inalienable right as opposed to Life.

In addition, the document says that if any government becomes destructive of these rights which, by not addressing the list in the order stated with Life first, Liberty second and the pursuit of Happiness third, said government is in violation of the Declaration of Independence. Per the document “whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government.”

Just some thoughts from a poodle.  

You Really Should Be Watching Better Call Saul

This AMC show is without doubt one of the best on television, maybe the best, and sadly it is coming to an end this year, its sixth season. Breaking Bad for which Better Call Saul is the prequal, attracted a large audience for its very smart and exciting shocking turns and twists. This series has those too but to a subtler degree. Better Call Saul is a show for grownups not because of its mature content but because its sophisticated nature requires intelligence and patience to appreciate its meticulous and carefully crafted storytelling. I once met an adult who said they needed to have the jokes on Frasier explained to them and therefore didn’t care for the series. If you are like that person this show is not for you. 

The first season starts with us meeting a young struggling Jimmy McGill (Bob Odenkirk) working in the mailroom of successful Albuquerque law firm HHM. Jimmy wants to be a lawyer, but his narcissistic genius older brother Chuck McGill (Michael McKean) a senior partner in the successful HHM (Hamlin Hamlin McGill) will do anything to stand in his way. Chuck has a great deal of animosity for his younger brother Jimmy who has a perchance for being a con artist. It is suggested that Jimmy is probably more gifted than Chuck at being a lawyer and Chuck’s jealousy runs deep despite graduating high school at age fourteen as valedictorian, earning his bachelors from the University of Pennsylvania and graduating magna cum laude from Georgetown University Law Center. Plainly put, Chuck has the brains, but Jimmy has the talent.

Chuck is also plagued with a mental illness called EHS (electromagnetic hypersensitivity). He wraps himself in a space blanket to be able to go outside and keeps the lights off in his house. He is still a senior partner at his law firm but unable to conduct himself as a lawyer. Jimmy, who loves his brother, has become Chuck’s caregiver which Chuck uses to manipulate Jimmy.

Jimmy has a friend in the mailroom named Kimberly Wexler (Rhea Seahorn) a young woman who finishes her law degree and becomes an associate lawyer for HHM. The two help each other throughout the course of the series and gradually become closer as the seasons progress.

Working as the security man at the gate for HHM is Mike Ehrmantraut (Jonathan Banks), who later becomes the righthand man for Gustavo Fring (Giancarlo Esposito). Both are major characters in Breaking Bad. As the series begins Mike is a former Philadelphia police officer who is trying to make ends meet for his daughter in law and his granddaughter after his son, also a police officer, was killed in the line of duty. Mike and Gus’s stories and their entanglement with the Salamanca family who are also major players in Breaking Bad weave into the transformation of Jimmy McGill into Saul Goodman.

One of the most intriguing parts of the show are the black and white opening scenes which take place somewhere around or just after the time of El Camino. We get to see Saul in a much different situation than he is in either Better Call Saul or Breaking Bad and Vince Gillian is not giving away any secrets. So don’t adjust your television, the look is utterly intentional, and I can’t wait to see how all or at least some of the ends get tied up.

You can stream the first five seasons of Better Call Saul on Netflix. Each season is ten episodes. For the new and final sixth season watch AMC. It is a must-see television landmark.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: NOBODY (2121)-HBO Max

This week’s film could provide the focus for an entire season of Myth Busters. An ultimate middle-aged man fantasy, the movie starts out brilliantly giving us quick cuts of the day in the life of Hutch Mansell (Bob Odenkirk) an everyday man working at a mundane office job in his father in Eddy Williams (Michael Ironside) factory. Hutch tolerates his beautiful but indifferent wife Becca (Connie Nielson), disenchanted son Blake (Gage Monroe), and overtly macho nephew in law and coworker Charlie (Billy MacLellan). Hutch rides the bus to work, misses the garbage truck consistently, jogs to keep in shape, and sleeps with a pillow between he and his wife.

Then one night a twenty-something man and woman break into his house. Hutch attempts to deal with the situation as peacefully as possible, even giving the robbers his sentimental watch. Son Blake tackles the male robber causing the female robber to wield a Smith and Wesson. When they find Hutch has little to no valuables, they leave the house but not before the man punches Blake in the face. This causes Blake to lose even more respect for his already disappointing father.

Hutch is humiliated by the cop that comes to the house as well as his coworkers, but he sticks with his belief that he did what was right. That is until the only person who believes in him, his daughter Abby (Paisley Cadorath) finds that her kitty bracelet which happened to be in the same dish where Hutch kept the spare change the robbers took comes up missing.

Thus begins Hutch’s odyssey to prove to his family there is more to him than meets the eye.    

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here once again and I know you are missing me. I am diligently working on the groundwork for my new story coming out in June. As you know, my novelist is briefly taking over to discuss some television shows and movies to keep you entertained while I am on hiatus.

The weather around here has been erratic. We have gotten rain, sun, and winds. Our May month is often a lovely time here in the pacific northwest but this year it has been a weather dragon. Personally, I blame the Maltese. He in no way controls the weather but I blame him anyway. I occasionally have gone on walks on the sunnier days so not all is lost. However, I would like it if I could sunbathe in front of the window more often. Even as I write this, I see the grey clouds rolling in. How can I work on my hair color this way? I must look incredible to prepare for all the neighborhood summer gatherings. Even those infernal nocturnal cats will make fun of my less than bleached locks. You can’t begin to imagine how catty those felines can be. Again, I blame the Maltese and his natural platinum hair. Anyway, here is my novelist.   

You Really Should Be Watching Severance

Not only is Severance (Apple TV+) the best new show on television, but if it keeps up the pace of its freshman season it might have a chance of being one of the best of all time. Loosely though not admittedly based on the novella Paycheck by Philip K. Dick which was made into the film of the same name, employees of the Lumon corporation agree to have their brain “severed” to maintain a work life balance. What happens at work stays at work and what happens at home stays at home. The price they pay, however, is their memories. The procedure Lumon does to its employees separates them into two different people: their innie and their outie. Their innie knows nothing about their personal life and their outie knows nothing about their work life. The memories of each of these remains separate.

Mark S. (fantastically played by Adam Scott) has a reason for his choice to work at Lumon. He has suffered a horrific tragedy and to function properly at work he chose two years ago to undergo “the procedure” (two years, by the way, is the same amount of time it took the lead character Jennings in Paycheck to fulfill his contract at the Rethrick Construction Company). His sister Devon (Jen Tullock) is about to have her baby, his brother-in-law Ricken (Michael Chernes) has just published a self-help book called The You You Are, and life is going along as normal…until one day Mark’s manager Petey (Yul Vasquez) suddenly no longer works for the company.

Mark S. is promoted to Petey’s position. Newcomer Helly R. (wonderfully played by Britt Lower) an unhappy and rebellious young thirty-something finds herself waking up on a conference table, employed by Lumon, and inducted into Mark’s team. In addition to Mark S. and Helly R., the team also includes fastidious Irving (John Turturo) and reward driven Dylan (Zach Cherry). Overlording Mark’s team is Harmony Cobel (a wonderfully wicked performance by Patricia Arquette) and her always professional henchman Mr. Milchick (Tramell Tillman).

At Lumon the rooms are stark and nearly empty, the exit doors lead right back in if you try to leave, and once in a great while a stranger from another department shows up like Burt (Christopher Walken) who works for Optics & Design. The only way in and out of the place (for most employees) is through the elevator.

One night, Petey shows up and meets Mark S.’s outie at a diner. Petey says he has found a way to reverse the procedure, de-sever, and regain all his work memories. Mark’s outie does not recognize Petey despite Petey’s insistence that he is Mark’s best friend. Just the same, Mark agrees to hide him in his basement and after their initial encounter, Mark starts to question whether his decision to work at Lumon was the wisest choice after all.

Ben Stiller’s direction is amazing here capturing both a Twilight Zone and Kubrickian atmosphere as he brings creator Dan Erickson’s nightmarish take on corporate culture to life. Theodore Shapiro’s original score is both haunting and infectious. Oliver Latta’s opening credits alone are Emmy worthy with a fantastic animation sequence you do not want to miss.

That said, science fiction is a very tricky genre. A good science fiction writer has a solid understanding of science (see for example playwright and novelist Paul Zindel). As Isacc Asimov said, “Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” In other words, it is a niche group who can write science fiction well. A strategic-thinking group. Many writers are idealists and often give into emotion over logic. This leads me to say there was one flaw in Severance which is the final scene of the final episode. And I am being rather picky here but when I saw it, I knew something was off.

I thought about it overnight and realized the fault lay in selecting an emotional choice over a thinking choice. So, let’s say you have a fantasy movie like Ghost. The movie from the get-go is based on emotions. When we get to the final scene the right choice is to make it emotional. And it is emotional because it’s the tone the writer set up from the beginning. But with a science fiction movie like The Terminator, we are not dealing with emotions, we are dealing with a problem to be solved. How do the characters keep a killing machine from destroying the woman who will give birth to a human redeemer? The protagonist and her fairy godmother character are required to strategize. Are there emotions in The Terminator? Absolutely and critically. But the main thrust of the story is to leave the audience thinking not feeling. The ending therefore works because the characters make rational choices and because science fiction characters are often designed to be rational or tactical. Or as this article says, “More than any other genre, we’d argue, the protagonists in science fiction cinema are divided along two lines: those of intellect and those of action.”  

Some years back I was in the studio audience of a television show which had won a wheelbarrow full of awards and rightly so. However, they had two endings to the episode I saw taped. One was verbose, much like the last scene in Severance and the other was covert. Guess which one they went with? That’s right, the wrong one. This goes to show even the crem de la crem can make a misstep. Had the Severance creators taken the time to watch expert science fiction filmmaker Christopher Nolen’s Memento, they would know that under time constraints one should accurately write down or somehow record pertinent information. Get one’s thoughts together as opposed to expressing one’s emotions. Another film that extols the importance of recording information is Scott Frank’s The Lookout where if you want to know where a story is going, and you are a person whose brain cannot be trusted, you write the story down by starting at the end and working your way back to the beginning.

The Severance character I’m referring to in the final scene is a thinker and recorded information is set up to be very important to them. By that rational, that character would have accurately recorded the information they received at the end of the final episode in one form or another. Doing so would parallel with the importance of how the keycard is handled in Defiant Jazz, Episode 1.7 and what one of the characters writes on their arm in In Perpetuity, Episode 1.3. Even though another character tells the character in Episode 1.3 what they have written on their arm won’t work under the circumstances, in Episode 1.9 The We We Are recorded information will work because the circumstances have changed. That’s why the character recording the information in the season finale would have made sense, despite the dialog about finding someone you trust in Episode 1.8 What’s for Dinner? Even if this character trusted someone, they would be rational enough to record the information themselves to maintain its accuracy whether they were under duress or not. When you watch the show, you will understand what I mean.

If you want to watch a season of a show that sets all its ducks up perfectly (a lead rational character albeit not a science fiction show) see season two of Breaking Bad and watch how the teddy bear weaves its way through various episodes until the final moment of the final episode leaving no question that the ending is justified and correct.   

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: MANIAC (2018)-Netflix

Similar in tone to Severance is Netflix’s excellent limited series Maniac. The show is loosely based on the 2015 Norwegian show also called Maniac. This is a fantastic mind bender about a schizophrenic young man named Owen Milgram (Jonah Hill) who cannot seem to fit into his wealthy family and agrees to be a subject in a pharmaceutical trial for the Neberdine Pharmaceutical Biotech (NPB) company. Annie Landsberg (Emma Stone), a plucky young woman with borderline personality disorder, is desperate to join the trial to gain access to drugs and silence the demons of her very troubled past. The purpose of the trial: to take first the A then the B then the C pills provided you and let the computer track your dreams as the scientists take notes.

After the unexpected death of the pharmaceutical trial’s lead scientist Dr. Robert Muramoto (Rome Kanda), Dr. James K. Mantleray (Justin Theroux) who was originally thrown off the project is asked by his former girlfriend Dr. Azumi Fujita (Sonoya Mizuno) to return to head the project. Mantleray has psychological issues stemming from his unbalanced relationship with his mother Dr. Greta Mantleray (Sally Field) a famous pop psychologist whom Mantleray must call in to assist with helping his peculiar computer.

The show, much like Severance, does an excellent job of balancing comedy, drama and science fiction weaving technology of the past with technology of the present and future. The dreamscape storylines are magnificently imaginative, and all the characters are vivid. A great show if you’re looking for a summer binge.     

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce my novelist’s blog. As you may know I am taking a short break from my stories and doing the groundwork for the next one which will be a bit different than Alanna the Piranha. My novelist meanwhile is going to discuss some outstanding television shows available on streaming during the next few weeks that you may or may not have gotten a chance to see.

It is raining more than usual here in the northwest. May can be a beautiful month, but we are getting none of that. There have been breaks where there is sun but a lot of the time the place is living up to its reputation of having downpours. I was supposed to go on walkies today but that is looking unlikely. I do detest getting wet. I do my best work on walkies as I mull over ideas for writing.  

That said, perhaps tomorrow there will be a break and I can return to my brilliant musings. In the meantime, I will keep the Maltese company and snarl and charge him when I get bored. Here my novelist’s post. Nasoloditisya!

You Really Should Be Watching Ted Lasso

Apple TV+ has been making strong headway in the streaming market especially with taking the Academy award for Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor for CODA. And its television shows are outstanding as well which is partly why I wanted to give Gigi a break and talk about a couple of them over the next few weeks.

Although it is not my favorite dramedy of all time, Ted Lasso is clearly a fantastic show. It’s a big breath of fresh air in a swamp of mediocrity. The plot is high concept. A successful American college football coach named Ted Lasso (brilliantly played by Jason Sudeikis) whose marriage is on the skids agrees to take a job across the pond as head coach for British soccer team AFC Richmond (the greyhounds). The team is own by recently divorced Rebecca Welton (also brilliantly played by Hannah Waddingham) who wants nothing more than to thwart her menacing ex-husband Rupert Mannion (Anthony Head of Buffy the Vampire fame) who cheated on her constantly during their marriage and ran off with a younger woman also named Rebecca. Rebecca’s plan is to annihilate the soccer team her husband adores by driving it into the ground and hires Ted who clearly knows little to nothing about soccer to help her achieve that goal. Although the show has dark themes running through it, it manages to be charming and upbeat.

Ted is an infectious and likeable character who tries to look at the positive side of everything even when things are at their worst. A modern-day Pollyanna if you will. Armed with only his good nature and his assistant coach Beard (Brendan Hunt) he lands in England to a storm of dislike and distrust. The press is against him, the players don’t trust him, and the fans think he is a wanker, a term they say to his face. But Ted stays the course and little by little begins to win over the team, the press, and the fans.

Rounding out the cast are team captain Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein), star player Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster), Head of Marketing and fashion model Keeley Jones (Juno Temple), Director of Communications Higgins (Jeremy Swift) and ambitious kit man Nathan Shelley (Nick Mohammad).

Many writer/directors out there have a consistent theme that runs through their movies. The Cohen Brothers write about greed. Quentin Tarantino writes about honor. The writers of Ted Lasso focus on fathers. Ted is a father who has been separated from his little boy and it’s killing him especially because he harbors a dark secret about his own dad. Rebecca also knows uncomfortable secrets about her father. Not to mention her ex-husband never wanted to have children with her but he’s perfectly fine having one with his young girlfriend. Roy knows the father of his niece is a jerk, so he steps into the role of her dad. Jamie’s father is an embarrassing lowbrow ass who treats his son abysmally. And no matter what Nathan does or what he accomplishes he can never please his. In fact, the only person who seems to have a healthy relationship with his dad is rising star soccer player Sam Obisanya (Toheeb Jimoh).

There are some strange character choices at times that don’t work for me especially in the second season. They don’t seem to add to the character’s persona. In fact, some of the choices weaken the characters’ intelligence and integrity and makes them a little less appealing. It also interferes with the flow of the major storylines.  At the same time there are also some brilliant choices, one being the journey of Nathan’s character. Another is season two episode nine which ironically is the episode with the lowest ratings on IMDB. Probably because it is the least emotional and most imaginative and off-beat of all the episodes. I would like to see the writers stretch themselves more like they did with this one from time to time and see where they could go with that kind of creativity. I wouldn’t mind if all the unusual episodes focused on Beard whom we don’t really get know enough about. The trick might be to add a touch more seriousness to the surrealism. Maybe they could call in Glen Gordon Carron for writing advice who is a master of thinking outside the box for television episodes.

That said season two does end on a strong note with the emergence of a well set up villain, an Iago of sorts. It puts the show in a great position to build a strong trajectory plot for season three which I look forward to with bated breath.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: FRESH (1994)-Paramount+, Pluto TV & ScreenPix

Finally, finally, finally I have been able to find this film on streaming. One of my favorite movies of 1994 and of the 1990’s in general this brilliant, underrated masterwork tells a grittier more tragic version of Searching for Bobby Fisher. It is written and directed by Boaz Yakin whose work is outstanding here on all levels.

Fresh a.k.a. Michael, (a then twelve-year-old Sean Nelson in a phenomenal performance) is a boy genius and chess prodigy who lives in Brooklyn, New York. He runs drugs for a man named Corky (Ron Brice) and for a man named Esteban (Giancarlo Esposito of Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul and The Mandalorian fame). Fresh is serious about his education and dreads being late to class especially when he must wait for indifferent drug dealers. He is also cautious and frugal with the money he earns, keeping it in a can he has hidden in a ground pipe in a wooded area near abandoned railroad or possibly subway tracks. He dreams of getting out of the violent and impoverished world in which he is stuck.

His father Sam (Samuel L. Jackson) is a chess master/hustler who lives in a beat-up trailer outside a building and has several chess boards set up inside where he is playing against famous master chess players. He has taught his gifted child everything he knows about the game. Fresh does not live with his father but rather in the projects in an apartment with several other kids. His older sister Nichole (N’Bushe Wright) is a drug addict who has taken up with Esteban much to Fresh’s dismay.  

When one of Corky’s right hand men Jake (Jean-Claude La Marre) shoots and kills another twelve-year old on an outdoor basketball court our of jealousy, he inadvertently also shoots Fresh’s friend and sweetheart Rosie (Natima Bradley). The event starts Fresh on a harrowing journey involving a whole new kind of chess game. One that puts him on a path to take down Esteban and Corky.  

Good morning. The Maltese and I have composed a musical piece for all the mothers out there on this most auspicious day.

We are going to sing! We are going to sing!

Stop that barking! It’s most unbecoming.

But I am excited because it’s Mother’s Day.

Just hold on a moment, would you? Alright, let me get out my pitch pipe here…yes, here it is. Alright, alright. Are you ready to warm up?

Yes, I am. I am a Maltese, and I am ready to warm up.

Fabulous. Alright, let me play the note.

LAAA!

LAAA!

LAAA!

Fantastic. We sound great. Alright here we go.

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you and here’s some flowers too. Hey!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you and here’s some chocolates too. Hey!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you and here’s some presents too. Hey!

We’d never put you in a zoo!

We’d always love you though and through!

We’d do most anything for you!

Happy Mother’s Day! Woo!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

And here’s some love for you. Hey!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!

Good morning! It is I Gigi the parti poodle here once again to introduce the final chapter of Alanna the Piranha. As I mentioned last week, I have started the groundwork for a brand-new tale which I will be premiering in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, during my preparation my novelist shall briefly take over the blog and discuss a few movies and television shows she has wanted to highlight.

I must say there was much debate over what my tale should be about. I experimented with different ideas and after trying a couple out I have decided on one. It will be quite a bit different from Alanna as my novelist and I agree that I should keep my stories fresh and always be striving to come up with something new.

Also, I should again mention my novelist has finished writing her newest book and I will keep you posted on its release date. She has also started the next novel as a writer should never finish one story and not write another. We are hopeful this one will not take her as long to pen.

That said I will be back next week to introduce my novelist’s musings and will take over the blog once again by June as I should always be the one in control. Happy Cinco De Mayo and a happy belated May the 4^th be with you. Disfrutar! & For Star Wars fans: The story, you shall enjoy!

Alanna the Piranha

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Day the Thirty-Second

I am not happy with my aunt’s idea. She has proposed that Alanna and Fabulous move in with her. She says I need to focus on myself. She does agree they should continue their act at The Chuckle Duck, and I should continue to be their manager. But I would be best with a dog for a pet and to focus my time primarily on getting into grad school.

I know I should apologize to Brooke for stealing her DNA. Stacy told her all about it because Stacy can’t keep her great big mouth shut. And so today I am on route to Brooke’s dorm to do just that. I will probably be arrested. Chicks get kind of testy about these things. I reluctantly enter the dorm and board the elevator. I look down and see my hands are shaking. The elevator doors open, and I step out into the hall which looks a lot longer than it ever has before. One foot in front of the other I tell myself. One foot in front of the other. I head down the corridor hoping I will reach Brooke and Stacy’s room without passing out.

When I arrive at their door, I extend my hand to knock. Then I drop it by my side and stare at the carpet. Then I raise it again and manage to rap on the steel this time. I hear footsteps approach. I feel someone looking at me through the peephole.

“Flint?” Brooke says on the other side.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I say.

She unlocks the door and I push my glasses up on my nose. She is wearing a very conservative dark purple turtleneck top and a pair of grey mom jeans. I know she has been expecting me. “You have a lot of explaining to do,” she says. “I was going to call the police.”

“Thank you for not doing that.” I have never spoken truer words.

“What’s going to happen to Alanna and the rabbit?”

“Fabulous.”

“Yes. Fabulous.”

“They are going to live with my Aunt Linda. She’s a hobby dog breeder.”

“What about the act?”

“They’re going to continue to perform at The Chuckle Duck.”

“How could you do this, Flint? Just take my hair, my hair, and inject it into a rabbit and a fish?”

I clench and unclench my hands which are deep in the pockets of my knockoff Member’s Only jacket. “I was lonely.”

“Are you insane?”

“Apparently.”

“I mean I’ve heard of men doing some pretty crazy things to get women but this…I mean this takes the cake!”

“I’m very sorry, Brooke. I’m very, very sorry. I shouldn’t have stolen your hair from your brush. But you must admit your DNA helped create some remarkable creatures.”

“The only remarkable creatures I ever want to create from my DNA are my own children, Flint!”

“I know. I know that now. I was a horrible, creepy person and I will never do something like that ever again.”

“I mean what you did was remarkable but horrible, you know what I mean?”

“Yes. I know exactly what you mean.”

“Are you going to get some help?”

“You mean an assistant or…”

“No, I mean psychiatric help! You’re deranged!”

“I’m just an Incel. I like science and I’m an Incel.”

“Small wonder! You’re…I don’t even know what you are!”

“Well, I just said what I was.”

“What?”

“I’m an Incel.”

“That’s not an excuse!”

“I didn’t mean it as an excuse. More of an explanation.”

She looks at me like she’s studying a bug she caught in a jar.

“You need a haircut.”

“Yes.”

“And some clothes that fit you. You look like you’re swimming in those things.”

“Yes.”

“And some clothes from this century. My dad wears that jacket.”

“Members Only jackets are kind of making a comeback.”

“That one’s a knockoff.”

“You’re right.”

“And some exercise. I mean you look like a nerdy emo Oliver Twist or something.

Just then the elevator doors open, and I glance that direction. Then I do a double take. A caped figure in a mini skirt and high heels holding a tiny bunny starts coming our way.

“What are you doing here?” I call out.

“You’re Aunt Linda drove us,” Fabulous says. “We have something we want to tell Brooke.”

Brooke turns and looks down the hall to see Alanna carrying Fabulous. “What are they doing here?” she asks me.

“Beats me.”

Alanna moves up beside me and Fabulous and turns to Brooke. “Hello, Brooke,” she says. “I know you are very upset with our Flint here. But Alanna and I wanted to tell you something.”

“Yes,” Alanna says. “We want to say thank you for your DNA. I know you didn’t know Flint had stolen it from your hairbrush. But because of your DNA we get to be more than just a bunny or a piranha.”

“And our performance on Parent’s Day weekend got such buzz all our Chuckle Duck shows are all sold out,” Fabulous adds.

“Wow,” Brooke says. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

“Here,” Alanna says turning and leaning her free hand forwards. “We got you front row tickets to the show on Saturday.”

“I…thank you.”

“It was Flint’s idea.”

Brooke looks at me and then back at Alanna. “This whole thing is pretty weird for me.”

“I know,” Alanna says. “And maybe what Flint did was wrong. But not everything turned out badly.”

“And Flint gave the money his aunt loaned him back to her,” Fabulous says. “Because Alanna and Flint and I are going to work as a team to make him enough money from our act to get him into grad school.”

“Alright,” Brooke says to me. “I’ll go to the show with you if you let me pick out your clothes. But you can never, ever and I mean ever do an experiment like this with my DNA again.”

I can’t believe how happy this makes me. “You’ve got a deal,” I say. “You’ve got a deal.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: MASS (2001)-Hulu

This week’s movie is one of the very best films of 2021. It is also the most harrowing. Set in one modest room in the basement of an Episcopal church an event is about to occur. We watch a young man and woman set up a round collapsible table and four chairs. The woman has brought refreshments and sets them on a small table against the wall. A third person, a professional woman enters and says there is no need for the refreshments. But a box of tissue is set on the table and the placement of it becomes a dilemma. Slowly one couple comes into the room and then another. The young man and woman and the professional woman leave. The two couples sit around the table and begin to talk. And slowly the nightmare unfolds. One of the couple’s sons was a suicidal mass murderer. The other couple’s son was one of the 10 victims he killed. Both couples are there to dissect what happened.

The Oscars really missed on this one. This is Franz Kranz directorial and writing debut and it is a stunning one. The script should have been nominated, all four riveting performances by Jason Isaacs, Martha Plimpton, Ann Dowd, and Reed Birney should have been recognized and the script should be structured into a stage play and produced on Broadway as it would lend itself well to live theatre.

One thing I am delighted the film discusses, albeit brief, are FMRIs (Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging). This is where MRI machines use a specific software which allows psychiatrists, psychologists etc., to see the brain react to images and words, primarily focusing on the prefrontal lobe and paralimbic system to determine psychopathy which can sometimes be a psychological disorder of a mass shooter such as Eric Harris.

However, the movie, or at least one of the characters in the movie does argue that the shooter was not a psychopath. And that may very well be true. In fact, it is more likely for a mass shooter to have a different mental illness such as schizophrenia. A SPECT scan or a PET scan can help determine schizophrenia by finding what look like holes in the human brain where blood flow is compromised. And recent studies indicate that serious mental illness was found in almost all mass shooters and that often it has been left untreated. Then pairing that with the easy access of weapons makes for a Molotov cocktail. Other elements can come into play as well like perhaps the shooter had a genetic issue (NRXN3 for example.) And as crazy as this may sound the family may have owned an outdoor cat which can carry a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii which is suspected to be linked to psychosis in men.  

The challenge therefore becomes prevention. How do we keep a meeting like the one in the movie from ever having to occur? How do we thwart our addiction to unnecessary guns? How can we use and improve our knowledge of science to identify who might be at risk for having a serious mental illness, and which of those with serious mental illness have a predilection for violence?  

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here once again to introduce my story. A few bits of business I should get out of the way. Next week will be the final chapter of Alanna the Piranha. I have already begun brainstorming a new story and will be premiering it in a couple weeks. My novelist has completed a new novel and has started another one. I will keep you posted as to when the new novel will be available. It is quite an unusual tale and required a fair amount of research to complete. I am most excited about it because of its strange nature and vivid characters. In the meantime, my novelist and I will discuss some television shows we are very excited about and some films as well. So, without further ado…

I am excited too! I am excited too!

What?

I am excited to find out what happens at the end of Alanna the Piranha.

You can read?

Just because I am a Maltese doesn’t mean I can’t read. I read every day in fact.

I have never seen you read.

That is because I do it when you are not around.

What do you read?

I just started reading The Mouse and the Motorcycle. I love it.

I love that book too. I cannot believe I love a book you are reading. And that you read. Anyway, here is Chapter Thirty-Two of Alanna the Piranha. Nasoloditisya!

Alanna the Piranha

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Day the Thirty-First Part II

The entire audience is looking around to see who this Flint guy is.

“Aren’t you going to help her?” My mom asks me. “You’re her manager!”

“Son?” my dad says in agreement.

Brook looks at me like I should listen to my parents. I really don’t want to get up in front of all these people, but I don’t want to disappoint my parents and I certainly don’t want to disappoint Brooke.

“Help me, Flint!” Alanna yells onstage.

“Augh,” I say as I get up and reluctantly work my way out to the aisle. As I head up to the stage, I can hear the audience murmuring. My face flushes with embarrassment as I feel a couple hundred sets of eyes on me, but I continue jogging forwards catching audience members pointing and gawking in my peripheral vision. I reach the stage and climb the stairs.

“Kid, kid!” The Zipper says to me as I step onto the stage. “Tell Gams to take her mask off!”

“Get him off me!” Alanna pleads.

“You need to let go of her,” I tell The Zipper.

“The audience wants to see her face!”

“They want you to stop pulling on it. Mystery in a performer is a magical thing.”

“Yes!” Alanna agrees. “I am mysterious!”

The Zipper grabs the microphone. “You all want to see what’s under this mask, don’t you? Don’t you?”

The audience sends up a resounding cheer.

“Flint,” Alanna pleads. “Please.”

I walk over and snatch the microphone away from The Zipper.

“What are you doing, kid?” he says. “What are you doing?”

I take a deep breath and realize my hands are shaking. “Hi,” I say to the audience, hearing a tremor in my voice. “I’m Alanna and Fabulous’ s manager and part of their act is Alanna keeps her identity a secret. If you want to know more about them, you can visit The Chuckle Duck where they’ll be performing Wednesday thru Saturday!”

Just then President Winnie Crowbar click-clacks back out onstage and marches right up to Alanna. Winnie reaches out her hand and touches Alanna’s face. Stunned, Alanna stumbles back. Madame Crowbar moves forwards and touches her face again. Then she marches up to the microphone and says to the audience. “As you may know,” my doctorate is in Zoology. And I can tell you right now this Alanna is either a real fish or this is the finest makeup or mask I have ever seen!”

“What?!” The Zipper exclaims.

I run up to the microphone. “My degree is in biochemistry, and I constructed Alanna’s…mask.”

“Out of what?” Madame Crowbar demands.

“I used a new technology.”

“It’s no technology I’ve ever heard of.”

“That’s why it’s new.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying.”

“He’s not lying,” Alanna says. “He constructed my face.”

President Winnie Crowbar is not convinced. “I believe this face of hers is that of a real fish.”

The audience laughs. They think Crowbar is in on the joke.

“Why are you laughing,” she says. “This is not a joke!”

The audience suddenly turns serious. I take the microphone away from Doctor Crowbar.

“It’s a new technology,” I insist.

“What technology?”

“The kind that allows me to make a piranha face. Or a bunny sing and talk.”

Fabulous gives me a horrified look. The audience laughs louder.

The Zipper laughs with them and struts up to the mike. “Another round of applause for Alanna and Fabulous!”

Right after Alanna and Fabulous’ s performance I do not go back to sit with Brooke and my parents. I hurry offstage with my fish girl and bunny, scurry out to the parking lot, and drive us home. I take them down to the basement, turn on a movie and let them know I need to go out. Then I drive around for a couple of hours trying to think of what to do.

After a while I give up and go home. I head into the house and wander into the living room to find Stacy, Mom, Dad, and my Aunt Linda all sitting there looking morose.

“Son,” my dad says. “Have a seat.”

I see they have left the chair facing the end of the coffee table vacant. I walk over and sit down. They all look at each other with painful expressions.

“Flint,” my father finally says. “I need you to know your family loves you no matter what. You are our son, a brother to your sister and a nephew to your aunt. But we don’t want you to keep something secret that’s torturing you all bottled up inside. We want you to know you can be transparent with us.”

Great, I think. They’ve figured it out.

“Dear,” my mother says with a crack in her voice, “We love you. You know that.”

I glance at Stacy who glares back with profound repulsion.

“What your parents are trying to say,” Aunt Linda says, “is you’re going through a challenging time, and we want you to know we’re here for you.”

“I’m really not,” I say.

“You’re really not what?”

“I’m really not going through a challenging time…”

“Heck,” my dad says. “When I was first dating your mother, I used to wear her underwear.”

“What?”

“It was a phase I went through. I wanted to be close to her all the time and it help me through a very stressful season in my life.”

“I just…wow.”

“That’s disturbing!” Stacy exclaims. “I never wanted to know that!”

“I’m trying to help your brother,” my dad tells her. “Besides, we’re family. This conversation does not go beyond these walls.”

“It shouldn’t have gone past your head! I’m your daughter for crying out loud! I don’t want to hear about that!”

“I have a confession to make too,” my mom says. “And this was before I met your father. I used to walk up to strange men in the supermarket and…”

“I don’t want to know, mom!”

“I thought we all agreed to be adults about this and support your brother.”

“I was a stripper,” my Aunt Linda says. “I used to go into these glass booths at lunch hour and dance. It was good money.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Stacy exclaims.

“That has nothing to do with Flint’s problem, Linda,” my dad says.

“And wearing my sister’s underwear does?”

“I don’t want to know!” Stacy yells. Then she turns to me and says, “And you have been steeling my shoes! I recognized them on that freak show you put up on stage!”

“I’m sorry,” I say mortified. “I just didn’t think you’d understand.”

“Well, isn’t that the understatement of the year!”

“We understand, son,” my dad says. We all have things we don’t want those closest to us to know.”

“So, you’re trying to tell me you know about Alanna and Fabulous.”

“If that’s what you want to call…whatever they are.”

I turn to my aunt. “Alanna’s really helped me invest your money well, Aunt Linda.”

Aunt Linda makes a face. “How?”

“She invested in stocks at first and then she and Fabulous came up with the act.”

“The bunny helped the fish girl come up with the act?”

“Yes. Fabulous is the real brains. Alanna is more emotional.”

“Have you lost your mind?!” Stacy says. “We all know you did some sort of weird experiment to make those…freaks!”

“Flint,” my dad says quietly. “We understand you’ve had trouble finding a girlfriend. But did it have to come to this?”

“Alanna’s not my girlfriend.”

“What is she to you son?”

“She’s, well, she’s a piranha girl. She needs to meet a nice piranha boy.”

“How…how do I even put this? How did you…make this piranha girl and singing bunny?”

“CRISPR Cas9.”

“What is that?”

“I bought a piranha and a bunny at the pet store and genetically altered them with shots of it.”

“You idiot!” Stacy screams. “Are you crazy?! You should be in prison!”

“Everybody, calm down,” my Aunt Linda says. “I think I have an idea.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: OLD HENRY (2021)-SHOWTIME

Westerns are a great film genre to make during Covid because they can be shot outdoors with a lot of social distancing and are relatively inexpensive to make. There’s usually no CGI and the strength lies in the story. And it’s been wonderful to see them make a showing in recent years with great work like Power of the Dog.

This week’s movie is a good old-fashioned western with a twist. A farmer named Henry (wonderfully played by Tim Blake Nelson) and his teenage son Wyatt (Gavin Lewis) live on a farm hidden in the Oklahoma prairie. Henry’s wife died of tuberculosis years ago and her brother, Wyatt’s Uncle Al (Trace Adkins) lives on a nearby farm and helps the father and son with the work. Wyatt is restless and longs to see the world. He laments over why Henry settled there. But his father tells him “You’ll discover there’s worse arrangements”.

One day the two find a lost horse with blood all over the saddle. Henry goes looking for the rider and finds an unconscious man named Curry (Scott Haze) whose been shot and a satchel full of money. After much deliberation Henry brings Curry to his house to heal. But Curry has men who are looking for him. And they come in the form of a would-be sheriff named Ketchem (Stephen Dorff) and his sinister sidekick Stilwell (Max Arciniega).

Good evening. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce the thirty-first chapter of Alanna the Piranha. The Maltese and I had a wonderful Easter. We went for a long drive in which I sat in the front, and he sat in the back. I used to sit in the back, but I made it clear I needed to sit upfront with my novelist to supervise all traveling. We of course were forced to have a bath before Easter and that is never a good thing. I came out looking the more magnificent of us. I must say I do think poodles should receive Easter baskets. I know we are not allowed to eat chocolate bunnies and all but there are plenty of interesting and engaging treats one might put inside a basket that would be to my liking. I have seen plenty of little bunnies hopping around the area where we live. I am not certain which of them is the official Easter bunny but I if I cannot find out I will see if I can find one of the famous bunny’s assistants and send word out right away that I too deserve a basket of goodies. That said, here is Chapter Thirty-One of Alanna the Piranha. Насолодитися!

Alanna the Piranha

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Day the Thirty-First

Once word got around Alanna and Fabulous would be performing for Parent’s Weekend at the university, I knew we were about to crash into a wall. The headliner was a comedian named Rexes Raucous who was scheduled to debut in his own Netflix streamer, a highly anticipated and critically acclaimed comedy. He was known for being exceptionally raunchy which ironically made him a perfect choice for Parent’s Weekend at the university.

“So, exactly how are you associated with this act, Flint?” my dad asks as we sit out in the audience in the Student Union building waiting for the event to begin. My mom is situated on my dad’s right and Brooke is sitting on my mom’s right. For one reason or another Brooke is Chad-free this afternoon. Also, Brooke’s parents can’t attend the event. That’s why she’s sitting with us. She’s going to get a real kick out of watching the spawn of her DNA prance about the stage. Yeah, right.

Alanna and Fabulous are slotted to go second. On some level I am hoping my family will understand the whole thing and appreciate both my scientific prowess and Alanna and Fabulous’s artistic expression.   

“I’m just the manager and chauffer for one of the acts,” I tell my dad.

“That’s…well…I thought maybe you might…I’m proud of you son. How much are they paying you?”

“Two hundred dollars for the day.”

“Well, that’s not bad. Something’s better than nothing.”

It’s always wonderful when your accomplishments disappoint your parents. But honestly, it’s better than telling them oh, and by the way I created the act out of a bunny and a piranha from the pet store, some genetic stuff I bought on the dark web, and your daughter’s roommate’s hair.  

“Stacy’s dance team is going to open the show,” my mother says.

“I thought she wasn’t performing.”

“The basketball team wanted the publicity and asked the squad to perform one of their routines at the last minute,” Brooke says.

“But it’s a comedy show,” I say.

“They’ll be adding school spirit to the event.”

“But…it’s a comedy show.”

“The comedy acts are from The Chuckle Duck,” my dad informs my mom, “We haven’t been there in years.”

“Yes,” my mom says. “And I’d like to keep it that way. That place is a dump.”

“I always liked it.”

“Maybe you and Flint could go there together sometime.”

“Say, that would be fun. What do you think, Flint?”

“Uh, well,” I stammer. “I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

“I’m just not that into comedy.”

“But you’re chauffeuring and managing one of the acts.”

“I’m doing it for the money.”

“Maybe Stacy and I could drop by and see your act perform,” Brooke says. “It’s exciting, Flint. You must be so proud.”

“Oh…well…”

Suddenly, upbeat music starts playing onstage and The Zipper strolls out with the university president, Madame Winnie Crowbar. Between his bright yellow suit and Madame Crowbar’s dull grey overly long skirt they make the strangest pairing I’ve ever seen. The president reminds me of that diabolical sheep from Zootopia as her sensible heels click-clack up to the microphone center stage. 

“Good afternoon,” she says. “My name is Doctor Winnie Crowbar, and I am the president of the university. Joining me this afternoon is the owner of one of our most popular and successful local comedy clubs, The Chuckle Duck. Allow me to introduce you to The Zipper.

The audience applauds and The Zipper steps up to the microphone like a plump penguin and adjusts the stand down to his height.

“How you doing, how you doing?” he says. “Looks like we have a great crowd here this afternoon, a great crowd. Now, before we bring out the acts, I want to introduce your very own university dance squad!”

The back doors on either side of the room burst open and Stacy’s dance team members dressed in their uniforms come pouring out. Stacy leads the group up the aisle to my right. The university fight song blares from the sound system. The dance team members clap to the beat. The audience finds this infectious, and they start clapping along with them. The dance team rushes the stage turning it into a swamp of the university’s colors.

“Go, Stacy!” my mom, dad, and Brooke all yell in unison.

I can feel my heart pounding knowing Alanna and Fabulous are up next. I don’t know if I’m more worried about them forgetting the new dance steps or having the entire audience find out they are a genetic experiment.

Stacy and her dance team form a chorus line and perform a perfectly synchronized Rockette-style kicking sequence. This garners huge applause. They finish with equally synchronized double pirouettes and land in perfectly sequenced lunges. The crowd goes wild, and I double over certain I’m about to pass out.

“Flint?” my father asks. “Are you alright, son?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m just a little nervous about my act performing. They are slotted to go first.”

“You seem as nervous as if you were going to be the one performing.”

I return to an upright position. “No, I’m good.”

The applause fades and The Zipper returns to his microphone. “That was great! Wasn’t that great!? Alright, alright. You are in for a real treat this afternoon. This first act is the newest member of our Chuckle Duck family. Put your hands together for the hilarious musical talents of The Chuckle Duck’s sensational Alanna the Piranha!”

The audience claps as Alanna struts out onstage wearing her cape and a glossy red pair of Stacy’s heels carrying Fabulous in her downstage hand. I hear all the women in the audience let out a unified “Awe!” at the sight of her. Alanna sets Fabulous on the stool, adjusts the microphone, and puts a miniature pair of sunglasses on her. Then she saunters to stage left where she poses magnificently.

“Flint,” my father says. “You’re turning blue!”

“Oh,” I say realizing I’ve been holding my breath for an unreasonably long time. “I didn’t realize I forgot to breathe.”

“I’m worried about you son.”

“So am I.”

The opening guitar strains to “Shot Down in Flames” by AC/DC begin to play. Fabulous bounces her head to the rock beat. This garners a laugh from the audience. Alanna twirls around in her cape and starts grooving to her funky dance. I must say I am proud of my choreography on this one. She looks fantastic doing the moves. Not to mention the song fits Fabulous’s gravelly voice to a T.

Alanna moves up to the edge of the stage and starts clapping which causes the audience to start clapping along. Then she glides back and executes a perfect triple pirouette. The audience cheers. I could not be more pleased. Some of the audience turns their cell phones on and begins waving them in the air while the rest continue to clap to the beat. Alanna boogies over to Fabulous, and the Newfoundland Dwarf jumps into her hand, then onto her shoulder, and finally onto her head not missing a single lyric. Alanna struts down the middle aisle carrying Fabulous who continues to sing.

Alanna makes a turn at the doors and comes prancing up the left side aisle until they arrive at the stage. Alanna struts up the steps and faces the back of the stage. Fabulous hops off her hand and onto the stool. As she finishes the song Alanna does a split leap, another perfect triple pirouette, and poses dramatically.

The crowd goes ballistic leaping to their feet, cheering, clapping, demanding an encore.

“Alanna was amazing, Flint!” Brooke gushes. “No wonder you’re her manager!”

“Thank you,” I say, my face turning bright red.

“Wow!” The Zipper says marching out onstage. “That was out of this world! Out of this world! Alanna, come over here, come over here!”

Alanna walks over to Fabulous who hops off the stool into her downstage hand and they head over to The Zipper.

“I gotta tell ya, I gotta tell ya,” The Zipper says. “You have got the house rocking tonight, yes sir! Yes, sir! So, what I want to have you do now is take off that mask and show everyone who you really are!”

Alanna leans back in shock. “This…this is who I really am,” she says.

“Everyone wants to see the real star of the act. The real star.”

The Zipper reaches over and starts pulling on Alanna’s face.

“Flint!” Alanna yells in desperation. “Flint!”

TO BE CONTINUED….

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: A MOST VIOLENT YEAR (2014)-Showtime

This week’s stream of the week is a tense, humorless, well-told tale about the courage it takes to be honest. Oscar Isaac and Oscar winner Jessica Chastain are outstanding as a couple who run an oil heating business who are on the brink of either losing everything or gaining it all. It is the winter of 1981, considered to be the most violent year in New York City to date. Aptly named futuristic focused Abel Morales (Oscar Isaac) is about to make the deal of his life for which he needs one and a half million dollars. The money will enable him to purchase a piece of land presently owned by Hasidic Jews that will allow him to get his product directly from the boats coming in from everywhere in the world. Abel has always been an upfront honest businessman. But his fellow oil company owners have not. Abel finds his oil trucks being hijacked, his salespeople being assaulted and his time running out. When his new house is almost broken into one night and his young daughter finds a loaded gun in the bushes, his more aggressive wife Anna Morales (Jessica Chastain) works to try and convince him that honesty is not always the best policy. Albert Brooks helps round out the cast as Abel’s righthand man.