Good morning. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce my ninth chapter of Alanna the Piranha. As you know Thanksgiving is just one week away and we all know what that means…

The Great Dane is coming! The Great Dane is coming!

Tucker! Are you out of your mind, you insipid Maltese!

Every year The Great Dane delivers delicious doggie treats to all the good little doggies on Thanksgiving.

I think you mean Santa Claus…

No! I mean The Great Dane. He hops on his Segway Ninebot and travels far and wide giving special doggie treats to all the thankful little dogs.

You are insane.

Look on my phone…

You have a phone?

See? There’s a picture here of me with my special Thanksgiving goodies from The Great Dane.

Did you doctor this up in Microsoft Photo Editor?

No, this is totally for real.

Seriously? Then why have I not received such a bounty?

Maybe you aren’t sincere enough.

What? I am not sincere…get out of here! Stupid…anyway, here is chapter nine of Alanna the Piranha. Enjoy!

Alanna the Piranha

by

Gigi the Parti Poodle

Day the Ninth

Today I administered the bunny’s first Crisper Cas9 injection. She did not like it. She squealed and kicked, and my mother opened the door and called downstairs to ask what all the racket was. I told her I was watching a show on the laptop, and she mumbled something like why doesn’t he get a job? She didn’t come down the stairs though. My parents and I have an agreement that the basement is my room to be kept private. Not even Stacy is allowed down here and believe me that is an accomplishment.

I do find myself liking the bunny so far. She is a fun pet and often likes to sit in my hand. She seems to trust me and likes to be cuddled and pet. She’s very possessive and does not like me to leave for very long. Anyway, I realized I should have purchased more food for her because she is running out so I’m heading out to the pet store.  

I put on my Members Only knock off jacket from Costco and head out the door to the pet store. Luckily Lyle is working today.

“Hey, Flint,” he says when I walk in the door. “How’s the Newfoundland Dwarf?”

“What did you decide to name her?”

“Name?”

“Yeah. You did name her, right?”

Who names a science experiment? “I haven’t thought of one yet.”

“I was sure you would have named her by now.”

“She hasn’t told me her name yet,” I half joke.

“Oh,” he says with a knowing grin. “Say are you a fish guy?”

“Fish? No, I’m into mammals.”

“That’s too bad. Because I have this one fish that’s seventy-five percent off.”

This makes me stop and take pause. Could I do something with a fish as a side venture? I could give it a whirl just for kicks if it’s cheap enough, I suppose. And if it’s a fail, I could just flush the thing. “Alright, let’s see the fish.”

I follow Lyle back into what I like to call the “groovy room” where all the aquatic animals are kept in ultraviolet light. It feels like a dance club except way more mellow. We step up to a tank with a big orange & white sales tag on it. That’s when I see what I’m getting myself into: a yellowy tan piranha. The thing is about eight inches in length from tip to fin and ugly as sin. It focuses on me with an intense stare. Its mouth opens and shuts, and its fins scull the water.I break my staring war with the nasty beast and turn to Lyle. “Not a chance.”

“Oh, come on,” Lyle says. “Piranhas are cool.” 

“Would you go out with one?”

“What?!”

“Don’t you have a cheap angel fish swimming around in here?”

“Angel fish are full price. This little princess is a steal.”

“Piranhas rip people to shreds.”

“Not this one. She’s a Tometes camunani. She’s vegetarian.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. “I’m good with the bunny.”

“Come on, Flint. Do me a solid here. She’s gotten big and the boss wants her out of here.”

The piranha keeps watching me. It doesn’t even swim around occasionally. It just stays parked there at the glass and stares like it expects me to do something.

“I don’t need a fish.”

“I’ll throw in a bunny hutch for free…I mean I can’t get you one of the really good ones, but I’ll give you the one we have on sale for ninety bucks.”

I think about this for a moment feeling the piranha’s stare. The Newfoundland Dwarf could use a hutch.

“I need something to house this thing in too.”

Lyle rolls his eyes. “Fine. I’ll throw in a bare bones tank at no extra cost.”

Lyle makes me feel like I’m watching an infomercial. “What does this thing eat?”

“Seeds and nuts. She’s got strong teeth, but she will not eat any flesh. Not even human. And she really digs strawberries.”

“You’re going to throw those in too, right?”

“We don’t sell strawberries.”

“No, I mean the regular food.”

“You’re killing me, brah.”

“What if I have to reach into the tank?”

“Well, she’s actually shy.”

“The piranha is shy?”

“She scares easily.”

The tomato-chamomile-whatever piranha does not look like she’s shy…and she’s still staring at me.

“Be that as it may, can I reach into the tank and not get my hand sawed off?”

“Yeah, she won’t hurt you.”

“Fine,” I say. “Put the thing in a sardine can and I’ll take her home.”

So, now I am sitting here in my basement once again with a new tank and a new hutch both of which I had to sneak in past my parents and set up. The bunny seems content enough, but the piranha is just sitting in the tank over there against the wall staring at me.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: PRISONERS (2013)-Hulu

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, a lot of folks probably think of movies like Home for the Holidays or Pieces of April. But this week’s film may not be one that immediately comes to mind as a Thanksgiving film much like Die Hard does not automatically come to mind as a Christmas film. And it really should because it just might be the best Thanksgiving movie ever made next to John Hughes’s Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Just because a holiday film does not automatically fit the holiday movie genre, does not mean it isn’t just as effective. And believe me, this one is effective. Although I was greatly disappointed in how Denis Villeneuve’s movie Enemy ended (mostly because everything up to its unsatisfying ending was fantastic) this one not only sticks its ending with a perfect ten, but it is absolutely riveting from start to finish. The film has such a remarkable ensemble cast it’s almost hard to believe they were able to put such a talented array together, but somehow, they did, making this fantastic script by Aaron Guzikowski come to life most vividly. Prisoners was nominated for an Oscar for its Cinematography but honestly, the script should have been nominated as well. The story starts out on Thanksgiving Day in a modest Pennsylvania neighborhood when Keller Dover (Hugh Jackman), his wife Grace (Maria Bello), his teenage son Ralph (Dylan Minnette) and young daughter Anna (Erin Gerasimovich) head over to their good friends Franklin Birch (Terrance Howard) and Nancy Birch’s (Viola Davis) house for Thanksgiving dinner which is just down the street from where they live. The Birches have a teenage daughter Eliza (Zoë Soul) and a young daughter Joy (Kyla Drew). The two families enjoy a pleasant Thanksgiving dinner together. Before the feast the four children take a walk around the neighborhood and discover an older RV which the two young girls want to play on before the teenagers help get them down. Later after the feast Anna asks if she and Joy can head over to the Dover home to play.

After some time, the adults realize they haven’t seen the little girls in a while and when they ask the two teenagers where they are, they don’t know either. The families begin to look for them, but the girls are nowhere to be seen. The police are called, and Detective Loki (Jake Gyllenhaal) arrives on the scene. And that’s just the beginning of the nightmarish, harrowing, edge of your seat odyssey that is about to unfold. Rounding out the cast are Paul Dano as Alex Jones and Melisa Leo as his mother Holly Jones.