Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here once again to introduce my eighth chapter in my story Alanna the Piranha. As many of you know this has been a somber week in the music world. I mention this because my novelist wrote a five-book comedic series called Musicology about one season of a fictional reality music television program. Personally, my novelist and I prefer to remain apolitical and stick to fiction which is much less messy or at least we attempt to make our fiction mess free. But we both agree and have agreed for some time that festival seating should be abolished. We are aware there may be some readers out there who disagree with this, but we believe concert attendees should not have to die for their music, a situation which seems rather inane. Should one really say, I am going to pay $343.99, plus a $71.35 concert fee to be trampled and suffocated to death? Or if one wants to be trampled and suffocated to death even more efficiently pay the Stargazing VIP ticket price of $724.99 plus a $69.43 concert fee? No wonder headliners can pay for all the funerals of their fallen fans. They make a lot of money to kill them painfully. At that price one would think they could afford chairs and barriers that keep concert goers safe but then what fun would that be?At any rate here is chapter eight of Alanna the Piranha. Enjoy!
Alanna the Piranha
Gigi the parti poodle
Day the Eighth
After I got back from visiting my sister’s dorm, I took Brooke’s hair from the Ziploc and began the process it takes to extract DNA from hair. Now, before I go any further, I should probably explain why I took Brooke’s hair from the brush. Firstly, it’s completely useless to her at this point. Garbage if you will. But one woman’s trash can become one man’s treasure. The DNA derived from hair is called Mitochondrial DNA and it can survive for as long as a couple of weeks up to a million years. It just depends. Either way that’s long enough for my purposes. You’re also probably wondering why I chose a bunny. There is no reason except I happen to think bunnies are cute. And I think in the end I’ll have a rather fetching result.
I know some of you cringe at the idea of performing this experiment on an adorable little apricot bunny. Especially something so ridiculously cute that fits perfectly in the palm of my hand. But I can’t exactly pull this experiment off with a rutabaga or a cucumber. It just won’t work. So, the bunny must be sacrificed…sort of. I like to say improved. The bunny will not die from the experiment. In fact, that’s the worst thing that could happen. No, I need the little cherub alive. The experiment would be a colossal disaster if the bunny bit it.
Firstly, allow me to tell you how I extracted the DNA from Brooke’s human hair sample. I used Enzymatic Laundry Powder. The whole process takes less than two hours. More specifically, I used enzymatic laundry powder and PCR buffer. I had to put on a face mask, a hair net, sterile gloves, and a lab coat. Then I had to immerse the hair in 84 Disinfectant for forty seconds and rinse it with ddH2O. Then I cut it into two-millimeter pieces, broke it down with an extraction regent that contained 3 mg enzymatic laundry powder which took an hour and a half. Then I gradually heated up the solutions to two hundred- and three-degrees Fahrenheit for ten minutes. Then I stored it in my refrigerator set at -0.4 degrees Fahrenheit. Pretty cool, huh?
If you were here in my room right now, you could look against the wall over there and note that there is a large empty space, I sold a lot of my possessions including my entire…well almost my entire collection of comic books. That one hurt. I mean, come on. How can one be an Incel and not have an extensive comic book collection? There’s this great little comic bookstore in this strip mall that’s not too far from my house that has the best selection ever. And it’s not one of those establishments that has all these nasty boxes and files everywhere. The place is upscale with everything laid out neat and orderly and all the merchandise looks tiptop. Anyway, I sold my comics there which allotted me enough money to buy that state-of-the-art freezer back there.
During the down time, I went to Josie’s former travel crate and took out the Netherland Dwarf. I set the bunny on my lap, and she snuggled up to me and I pet her. I had not expected her to get so attached to me, but she did. I am torn about performing my experiment on her, but I know it’s for the best. Not just for me, mind you, but for her as well. If I don’t do the experiment, she will forever remain an adorable little creature that hops around but nothing more. I would care for her and feed her and tend to her if she fell ill. But science, well, science can allow her to do so much more.
I should make it clear one shot isn’t going to cut it. It isn’t going to magically alter the rabbit. I’m going to have to shoot that rabbit up steadily for a while. It’s hard to know how much time it will take to start seeing changes.
The world is really one big experiment now. There are people attempting to add all sorts of traits from one creature to another. Let’s say I wanted the bunny to be able to fly. I would have to go extract DNA from say an eagle or a falcon. Basically, I would go in using CRISPR technology and with a little pair of perfectly programed scissors I’d splice a specific strand of DNA in the bunny apart and add in the DNA from the bird and connect the strand back together to see if the little powderpuff sprouts wings. It would make complete sense to use something like this bunny to add wings to because it is lightweight and small giving it the ability not just to have wings but perhaps even to take off. I would, I suppose, need to figure out a way to keep it from flying out an open window and into the great blue yonder.
I’ve spent some time ruminating about the potential outcome of the experiment. I mean I suppose it’s not perfect, a bunny injected with human DNA and all, but I’ve been lonely long enough. What am I supposed to do? I mean seriously. What are my options as an Incel? Some guys like me head to the Nevada brothels. Some sneak into parties uninvited and try to find drunken girls who’ve passed out in a room somewhere. Others get to a point where they get so lonely, they take their own life. But I figured if I took charge of my situation and instead of hunting in vain for the girlfriend I will never have, I would simply build one. Not a doll or some inanimate object designed to look like a woman but a living breathing creature I could call my own. But for now, I’m not going to get too close to the bunny. That’s why I haven’t named her. It’s dangerous to care about something that might die. It’s dangerous to invest yourself in something only to get your heart tossed into a blender. I don’t need the aggravation. Anyway, tomorrow I shoot up the bunny.
You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!
STREAM OF THE WEEK: WKRP IN CINCINATI EPISODE 41(1980)-You Tube
The promoters, performers, security, venue operators, and city officials involved around the Astroworld debacle are no different than Perez Reed, the twenty-five-year-old suspected serial killer who was charged with two deaths and suspected in four others on November 6, 2021, just one day after the Astroworld tragedy on November 5, 2021. They just chose to crush people to death instead of shooting them. And they did it knowingly and were aware of the dangers of festival seating. In fact, they were more successful than Reed, killing nine people instead of six.
When I write stories, I often have rules I custom design and force myself to follow around each tale. When I wrote Musicology, which is a five-book serio-comedic series spanning across the course of one season of a fictional American reality music competition television show, one of those rules I chose to follow was no singer in the book would perform a song by The Who. I felt it was important with a book about American reality music competition to be respectful to those who suffered profoundly from the event that occurred on December 3rd, 1979, at the Riverfront Coliseum in Cincinnati, Ohio. That is not to say there are no other musical artists who are mentioned in my books who may also deserve omission. But boycotting the use of The Who’s music was a conscious decision concerning a devastating American tragedy. The concert was an incident which violently shook the nation when it occurred. Not long after Cincinnati, Ohio passed an ordinance against festival seating, a law which lasted there for twenty-five years. The Astroworld tragedy this past week has proven once again that human beings are incapable of change, nothing ever progresses, and history is doomed to repeat itself.
Therefore, I think it is fitting to make this week’s stream of the week one of the most important television episodes of all time: WKRP in Cincinnati Episode 41: In Concert. Television, both now and then, is not as brave as it would like to believe. Not to mention that this episode points out a profound and glaring flaw with streamer shows: their inability to make a one-off episode in the case that something monumental were to occur. That way television can remain as cowardice as ever. In other words, I would be surprised, nay stunned, if a show, for example, were to write and run an episode on the Rust shooting and gun safety in the coming months. Some folks out there like to throw around a phrase call “it’s too soon” instead of focusing on the more pragmatic phrase “it’s too late”. But on February 11th, 1980, seventy days after the Cincinnati tragedy, one show stood head and shoulders above the rest, and proved it had courage. WKRP in Cincinnati aired the controversial, groundbreaking episode which told all those who say “it’s too soon” they don’t understand the importance of dealing with an issue head on instead of worrying about offending someone. It is an episode unlike any of their others and it is without doubt their finest hour. Comedy thrives when it is aloud to be disturbing and profound.
And with that thought, Live Nation encourages you to purchase their new “I love compressive asphyxia” T-shirts available on their web site for only $19.99. All proceeds go towards paying Trevor Scott and Michael Rapino’s legal fees and a brand new pair of twin Learjets. You can also purchase “I would walk over you to see The Who” T-shirts at Larry Magid’s Electric Factory Concerts website. You can also purchase them at the Temple University Bookstore where they are located right next to the limited-edition Bill Cosby 4 Women’s Rights bobble heads on sale right now for $0.99.