Good afternoon and a most joyous Thanksgiving to you all. It is I Gigi the party poodle here to bring you the tenth chapter of my story Alanna the Piranha.
Happy Popcorn Day! Happy Popcorn Day!
Tucker, you intolerable cur! What are you talking about?
I want to wish you a Happy Popcorn Day!
It’s Thanksgiving! People eat turkey, stuffing, ham, Tofurky, potatoes, yams, cranberries, pumpkin pie, and other gastronomical delicacies for but they do not traditionally eat popcorn!
On the Thanksgiving television show they eat popcorn and toast and jellybeans.
But that is a cartoon. And the point of the cartoon is to show it does not matter how fancy your dinner it is the company you get to share your meal with and what you are thankful for.
Then it does not matter if you have popcorn, toast, or jellybeans or if you have turkey, potatoes and stuffing.
Then it is okay for me to call it Happy Popcorn Day!
Yes…I mean no…don’t you need to go set the table?!
Happy Popcorn Day! Happy Popcorn Day!
Good grief! That said, have a Happy Thanksgiving and here is the tenth chapter of Alanna the Piranha. Enjoy!
Alanna the Piranha
Gigi the parti poodle
Day the Tenth
The Piranha keeps staring at me. It doesn’t even swim around occasionally. She just parks herself behind the glass and stares. Like she’s expecting me to do something. I must have been out of my mind buying this thing. Not to mention it’s ugly. I mean there’s no such thing as a cute piranha.
I injected the bunny again today with CRISPR shots. I suppose at some point I may have to face the fact that this experiment may not work. I might need to go back and try it again. But I don’t know if I will be able to afford some of this stuff without a job. I have battled with the notion that I have to get out into the real world and that’s a real problem.
I should tell you I shot up the piranha with CRISPER too. The fish started to get on my nerves with that staring and all. I figured what the heck. Besides I want to see what happens. I had to put on these Venom Defender Animal Handling gloves, reach in, and grabbed the little fishy, give her a jab and let her go. She didn’t like it much. But I don’t get bitten if I wear the gloves and it doesn’t die so I guess it’s not really hurting anything. I have wondered if Brooke’s DNA may have not been the right fit for my experiment. Maybe I should have tried to snag some from one of Stacy’s dance team members instead. They might have better DNA than Brooke. Couldn’t be worse.
Tonight, I drove out to the college and I’m hanging out at the undergraduate library watching co-eds study. Yeah, I know I’m pathetic. But ever since leaving completelyworthlessdude.com I must entertain myself somehow besides making human CRISPR injections for animals. I’ve picked a table in the back in one of the corners which allows me to look out at an angle, so I get a pretty good view. I know where the sorority girls have their study sessions, and I’ve situated myself to have a good vantage point.
It doesn’t take long before a group of buffed up CHADS come sauntering up to one of the sorority girl’s tables. These guys talk up the chicks and get them giggling in no time. What do chicks see in these Neanderthals? They’re all body and no brains. Some aren’t even that good looking. They’re just excessively masculine. Heck, some of them would rather stare at their own muscles in a mirror than a woman. If I had a woman, I’d never get enough of staring at her. I’d treat her right too. I wouldn’t cheat on her or play mind games. I’d give her space when she needed it. I guess that’s why they’re CHADS and I’m an Incel.
Over at another table are a couple of BECKYS. BECKYS are chicks that aren’t as attractive as STACYS. They’re dressed in these baggy clothes and let me tell you these chicks are way too thin. They think they look attractive wearing tight pants and no makeup and their hair styled like a librarian. They’re just average you know. Stacy’s roommate Brooke is somewhere in the middle. Not quite a STACY and better than a BECKY.
I whip around to see Brooke standing beside my table.
“Hey…Brooke. I was just…I came here to get some reading in.”
“What are you reading?”
“Well, I…just got here so…”
“Stacy said you majored in physics?”
“Wow. Are you going to become a professor or work in the private sector?”
“I’ve been considering going into business for myself.”
“What would your company do?”
Yeah, like I’m going to tell her I shoot up animals with her human DNA. “Well…my company would…”
“What are you doing here, freak?”
I should have known my sister wouldn’t be far behind.
“He’s getting some reading in,” Brooke says.
“Yeah, I’ll bet,” Stacy scoffs.
“Did you know your cousin is thinking of going into business for himself?”
“What was it you said your company was going to do?”
Stacy smirks at me waiting for my answer. “I want to get in the business of improving animals with DNA.”
“Wow,” Brooke says.
“Improve them how?” Stacy scoffs.
“Different ways,” I say.
“Depends on the animal.”
“You mean like help heal dogs who lose their sight or hearing?” Brooke asks.
“Yes,” I say.
“How would you do that?”
“I would use a technique which basically allows me to go into their DNA, cut a strand of it, paste an improved strand and hook it all back together.”
“That’s mind-blowing,” Brooke says.
“Or wrong,” Stacy says. “Maybe they are supposed to stay the way they are.”
“You wouldn’t want a sick person to stay sick.”
“I wouldn’t want a kitten with alligator teeth either.”
Some CHAD with tousled hair and ripped shoulders walks up to us.
“Hey, Chad,” my sister says flirtatiously.
“You girls here studying?”
No, I think. They’re here to watch circus acts. “I’m tutoring them,” I say.
Chad gives me a threatening look. “Yeah, what are you tutoring them in?”
“Really? I’m taking Biology. Can you tutor me?”
“Seventy-five bucks an hour.”
“Seventy-five bucks an hour! That’s your going rate?!”
“I’ll have to ask my mom. That sounds kind of expensive.”
“I get results.”
“You girls are getting ripped off by this tool!”
“Flint…,” Stacy warns.
“I’m going to go sit with the bros,” Chad says. “When you girls are done getting screwed by this guy come find me.”
Chad saunters off dragging his knuckles along the carpet.
“Why did you tell him that?” Brooke asks.
“Because he’ll just use you.”
Brooke looks at me quizzically.
“Let’s get out of here,” Stacy snaps and grabs Brooke by the arm.
I watch them leave. I don’t feel like watching the coeds anymore this evening. I’m going home to give the bunny and the piranha another injection.
You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!
STREAM OF THE WEEK: DOPESICK (2021)-Hulu
If you are looking for something to stream this Thanksgiving weekend look no further than the outstanding Hulu miniseries Dopesick based on the book by journalist Beth Macy. The story takes a harrowing look at the ravenous Sackler family who ran Purdue Pharma and the devastation they unleashed in America with their highly addictive pain medication OxyContin. OxyContin is essentially heroin in a pill form with a coating which allows it to have a time release to manage pain. The coating was originally easy to remove and those who took it could bypass the time release and get an intense high crushing and snorting it or shooting it which was also of course highly deadly and if that didn’t do it for you, the company was more than happy to make higher and higher doses. They started at 10mg per pill then went to 15mg, 20mg, 40mg, 60mg and 80mg. The truly scary reality was that many people got addicted just taking it as prescribed by their doctors without removing the time release coating. Numerous patients eventually died using a drug that was supposed to help them. Which tells you something about the medical industry. Does the modern medical industry in some cases make people sicker by trying to make them better? And does it call their patients villains instead of victims because of the outcome?
Purdue and the Sackler family at the time was led by resident psychopath Doctor Richard Sackler also known as Hitler’s brother from another mother. The series is headed by an all-star stellar cast with Michael Stuhlbarg brilliantly playing the quietly evil and ruthless Richard “Satan” Sackler, Peter Sarsgaard and John Hooganakker as Rick Mountcastle and Randy Ramseyer, the United States attorneys who went after Purdue Pharma, Will Poultler as the smart but naïve drug salesman who questions the safety of the drug but continues to sell it to doctors, Rosario Dawson as Bridget Meyer the DEA agent who seeing the danger of the drug early makes it her mission in life to bring down Purdue Pharma, and Katelyn Dever as Betsy Mallum the young coal miner who becomes harrowingly addicted to the drug after an accident on the job. All the cast is outstanding and deserve Emmy and Golden Globe nominations.
The big standout for me was Michael Keaton as Dr. Samuel Finnix the ivy league graduate doctor who followed his beloved wife to the Appalachians where she died, and he continued to practice. His horrific journey from a superb small-town doctor to a victim of the opioid epidemic is stunning and reminiscent of his outstanding work early in his career as Daryl Poynter in the film Clean and Sober.
Danny Strong of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame has done an outstanding job as creator, writer, and director of this must-see mini-series.