Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce the forty-sixth chapter of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week I had the most embarrassing experience. I will tell you this could be graphic. I will do my best to be discreet and tasteful in my description of the events. I was out for a walk with my novelist, and I did my business as it were, and my novelist noticed some blood. Alarmed, she immediately swept me up, headed home, called the veterinarian who most fortunately had an opening, and drove me over. I detested going to the veterinarian and I was trembling the entire way. Once inside I trembled even more. My novelist carried me up to the desk and we were quickly escorted into one of the patients’ rooms. The nurse came in and took my information as I sat quivering on my novelist’s lap. I was then set on the counter and the young and kind doctor came in. She examined me and realized my anal glands were swollen. The doctor and nurse then took me back to the medical area where she attended to my discomfort and relieved me of my issue. She then kindly returned me to my novelist with my derriere feeling a bit out of sorts but better. They told us that was all that needed to be achieved and sent us home. I am feeling ever so much better after that. And that is this week’s spooky Halloween story. Here now is chapter forty-six of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Joyeux et effrayant octobre!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Six

After Curtis read Fia’s note he peered out the window blinds. Just as he suspected, the accountants had followed him home that night. He saw Grady’s van parked across the street. He carefully folded the note back up and slipped it into the pocket of his blazer. Then he grabbed his keys, headed outside, locked the door, hopped in his Honda and backed out of the driveway.

From the minivan the accountants watched him take off. Grady turned on the engine and headed after him.

“Don’t get too close,” Makenna said.

“You’re driving next time,” Grady said.

“Just don’t let him know we’re on his tail.”

“You think we might get back in time to swing by McDonalds?” Irwin asked. “I need to get some dinner before I work on those accounts.”

“If you say one more word about your accounts, I’m going to slide open this door and shove you out.”

“I’ve seen her do it too,” Lance said. “It’s gruesome. Besides, McDonnald’s sucks.”

“No, it doesn’t. I collected all four of those adult Happy Meal toys and sold them online for two thousand dollars.”

“Are you yanking my chain? You made two thousand dollars off those things?”

“Mint condition and brand new.”

“Nobody makes two thousand dollars…are you serious? Those things are weird.”

“Yeah, well, they’re two thousand dollars weird.”

“I wanted the one with the white hat,” Grady said.

“Shut up about your plastic dolls and keep your eyes on Cook,” Makenna said.

“Looks like he’s heading for the mall.”

“I haven’t had a Hot Dog on a Stick in ages,” Irwin said. “When I was a kid, I used to get a Hot Dog on a Stick then afterwards I’d get a frozen yogurt with gummy bears and strawberries.”

“I always got Reese’s Pieces,” Lance said.

“Turn the car,” Makenna shouted at Grady. “We’re losing him!”

“Shut up,” Grady said. “He’s merging, not turning.”

“Keep an eye on him. At this rate he could be heading towards Canada.”

“I could use some Tim Hortons right about now,” Irwin said.

“What is your obsession with junk food?”

“What kind of treats did you like as a kid, Makenna?”

“None. I was always dieting.”

“That sucks.”

“He’s heading for the lake,” Grady said. “You think Cook has lakefront property?”

“Maybe,” Makenna said. “There’re some smaller cabins out there.”

Curtis glanced in the rearview mirror and saw they were still on his tail. As he continued down the winding path, he realized there was still enough light outside for him to notice the spring flowers and the fresh green leaves on the trees. He cracked his window and breathed in the faintest smell of the cherry blossoms like the ones Fia had pointed out at the mall. He sped up and was able to put some distance between himself and his pursuers. As he approached his Aunt Odette’s cabin, he made a sharp turn into the driveway and rushed to park the car inside the garage, shut the door, killed the engine and remain quiet.

“He turned there,” Grady said and pulled the minivan into the driveway. “This looks like a place with an attic.”

Makenna scowled. “I don’t like this.”

“Why?” Lance asked.

“Firstly, I don’t see Cook’s car. Secondly, it’s too easy. Cook’s too smart to be easy.”

“Look,” Grady said. “You wanted us to follow Cook home. We followed him home. You wanted us to follow him here. We followed him here. And now you’re telling us something isn’t right? None of us have time for this. We all have a job to do.”

“Not if we end up in prison for breaking and entering. Not to mention animal cruelty. Then you can kiss your job goodbye. I’m telling you; this is a trap.”

“Trap, Schnapp. I couldn’t care less. I’m going in there to see what Cook is up to and fix his little red wagon.”

“Fine. Go ahead and trot your little hooves right in that cabin and get your pork loins handed to you. We’ve followed him all the way out here. There’s no need to rush now.”

“All those in favor of going inside and dealing with Cook say aye,” Lance said.

All three men said “aye”.

“All those opposed?”

“Nay,” Makenna said.

“The aye’s have it. Let’s boogie.”

“Have a blast.”

“Oh, no,” Grady said. “You forced us out here, you’re going in,”

Makenna narrowed her eyes. “Fine.”

Irwin slid open the side door of the minivan and he, Lance and Makenna disembarked. Grady jumped out of the driver’s side door. The four of them headed for the front porch. As they did, Makenna kept a close eye on the left-hand pocket of Grady’s jacket where he’d put the keys to the minivan.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: EDGE OF TOMORROW (2014)-NETFLIX

If you are on the hunt for a stellar science fiction film you’ve not yet seen, look no further than this week’s pick based on the novel All You Need Is Kill by Hiroshi Sakurazaka. This is a smart, riveting, entertaining, edge of your seat film about a military officer who gets shanghaied by a ruthless general after which all sorts of wild things happen. The script is co-written by none other than Oscar winner Christopher McQuarrie along with Jezz Butterworth and John-Henry Butterworth, and deftly directed by Dough Limen. The special effects here are outstanding and hold up superbly after ten years.  

Aliens known as Mimics have invaded the earth. And Major Willam Cage (Tom Cruise) is more than happy to be the television spokesperson for the battle that will stop them. That is until he is called into the office of General Bringham (Brendan Gleeson). Bringham, a stone-faced warmonger, tells Major Cage he is being sent to the front lines to film the suicide mission battle to attempt to stop Mimics from completely overtaking Europe and the world at large. Stunned by this assignment, Cage tries everything from reason to blackmail to make Bringham see that he clearly is not fit for battle. But as Cage leaves the general’s office he is arrested, tasered, and wakes up to meet Master Sergent Farrell (Bill Paxton) who gleefully leads him to the barracks with the rest of J Squad. The next day Cage is whisked off to battle where he crosses paths with highly honored Full Metal Bitch better known as Rita (Emily Blunt) and he finds out they are both doomed…or are they?