Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter thirty-seven of Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week was rotten to the core. My novelist took me in for my yearly check-up. They weighed me, they poked me, they prodded me, they took blood samples, they shoved something up my nose and blasted spray into my nostrils, and worst of all they cuddled me. I am not happy with my novelist at all. Not at all, mind you. Cruelty. Utter cruelty. This whole veterinarian thing is a nightmare. That said my report was a good bill of health. Apparently, I have tested negative for heartworm and tick-borne diseases. Disgusting but delightful. I continue to be a healthy Canis lupus familiaris specimen. Today, my novelist decided to back up her continuing torture of me by having…him put Frontline between my shoulders as directed. That was not exactly what I would call pleasant either. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. And with that thought here is chapter thirty-seven of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Attention au vétérinaire.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Deputy Gunther arrived at the unmarked van in the grocery store parking lot across the street from the Dupree Tax Agency. Two more officers were staked out inside The Steamed Bean and another two were staked out inside the presently closed gift shop located on the opposite corner of the street.

“How’s it going, Gunther?” Officer Steve asked after the deputy shut the side door.

“The employee Curtis Cook wasn’t home.”

“He hasn’t shown up at the agency either,” Sheriff Bob said looking through his binoculars. “I just called what’s her name…Makenna again. She says her coworker Cook still hasn’t showed up.”

“Sounds suspicious.”

“Maybe. Doesn’t sound good.”

“What now?” Officer Steve asked.

“We wait.”

“Weird this kidnapper or kidnappers didn’t demand money.”

“Could be a whack job.” Sheriff Bob picked up his walkie-talkie and said, “Unit two, any suspicious activity? Over.”

“Nothing yet,” a female officer staked out inside The Steamed Bean replied. “Over.”

“Unit three, any suspicious activity?”

“Not yet,” a male officer in the gift shop replied. “Over.”

“You get some of that coffee back there, Gunther?”

“Getting it right now, sheriff,” Deputy Gunther said and reached into the carry-out tray and retrieved a pastel paper coffee cup.

“I don’t know about you guys,” Officer Steve said, “but this is just about the most exciting thing I’ve ever done. Except maybe that time I went to this amusement park and road the Loopy-Loop-Dippy-Dip. I was upside down and the top of my car came open. Downright terrifying. A real I’m-gonna-sue-ya experience. I’m putting my wife through grad school with that one.”

“Shh!” Sheriff Bob said. “Possible suspect approaching.”

The two officers leaned in towards the monitor and watched as a figure came walking around the corner. The three of them studied the subject as he headed from the corner where The Steamed Bean stood en route to the Dupree Tax Agency. They saw the figure draw closer and closer to the main door, look around, turn up his collar…and continue around the corner where the gift shop stood.

“False alarm,” Sheriff Bob said.

“Coffee’s good,” Deputy Gunther said. “Never had that brand before. Walked by the place a hundred times. Never went inside.”

“We’ve got another possible suspect.”

This time it was a guy coming around the corner where the gift shop stood. He headed towards the tax agency…and passed by it, lumbered down the street and turned into The Steamed Bean.

“Unit two,” Sheriff Bob said into his walkie-talkie. “Possible suspect wearing tan trench coat heading your direction. Over.”

“Copy,” the female officer replied. “Possible suspect matching description just headed into our location. Suspect is stepping up to the counter…suspect is placing order…suspect is stepping aside allowing next patron to order…suspect is walking to the end of the counter to pick up order…order appears to be a cappuccino…suspect is placing lid on pastel yellow cup…suspect is leaving location. Over.”

“Copy, unit two. We have eyes on the suspect. Suspect is moving towards target location…suspect has stopped and is checking his watch…suspect is taking a drink of his cappuccino…suspect is continuing towards target location…suspect is passing target location…suspect is turning the corner…unit three do you have eyes on the suspect? Over.”

“Copy on that,” the male officer said over the walkie-talkie. “Suspect is passing by our location…and heading north. Over.”

“This bites,” Officer Steve said. “You’d think the kidnappers would have shown up by now.”

Deputy Gunther grabbed a pastry out of the pink box set up in the back by the coffee and took a bite. “Yeah,” he said sarcastically. “You’d think they’d just show up and get themselves caught.”

“Hazardous Device Unit combed the business over for bombs, poisons and just about any booby trap possible. Doesn’t look like the kidnappers set a trap. Of course, they could bring one with them…”

“We’ve got another suspect,” Sheriff Bob said. The two officers saw a smaller figure in a black trench coat suddenly come into view, heading past the van towards the Dupree Tax Agency. “All units, suspect is moving out of parking lot en route towards target location. The suspect is approximately five foot five inches and wearing a black trench coat. Over.”

“Roger that,” the female officer replied.

“Roger,” the male officer replied.

“Suspect is stopping at target location,” Sheriff Bob said. “Suspect is unlocking door of target location. All units stand by.”

“Roger that,” the female officer replied.

“Roger,” the male officer replied.

“Suspect is engaging employees. Employees look distressed. All units move in. Repeat: all units move in!”

“Roger.”

“Roger.”

“Let’s do this,” Sheriff Bob told his two officers.

Officer Steve pulled open the door of the van and he, Sheriff Bob, and Deputy Gunther all jumped out and moved swiftly towards the Dupree Tax agency. The two officers from the gift shop and the two officers from The Steamed Bean moved stealthily towards the tax office.

Everyone inside seems to be in a state of shock, Sheriff Bob thought. He tried to determine if the suspect had a weapon. But he couldn’t quite tell.

Then he saw…what’s her name? Makenna, that was it. Makenna look straight at him jaw dropped. The suspect must have noticed too because they turned around. His eyes widened in surprise.

“Hold your fire!” he demanded of his officers. “Nobody fire! Nobody fire!”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: GODZILLA MINUS ONE (2023)-NETFLIX

Why is it some years the most outstanding films do not get the credit they deserve? This is easily one of the very best of 2023 and yet all it was nominated for, and rightly won was Visual Effects. The screenplay is excellent. The dialogue is well written, and the payoff is outstanding. What was the academy thinking? A lot of the scripts they nominated though not terrible were mediocre including Poor Things, Barbie, Oppenheimer, May December and Past Lives. Although a lot of research went into the Oppenheimer script and I appreciate that, it came out long and convoluted. A more concise book like the Newbery Honor Book & National Book Award Finalist Bomb: The Race to Build–and Steal–the World’s Most Dangerous Weapon by Steve Sheinkin would have been an outstanding resource to adapt instead.  Anatomy of a Fall was a solid but somewhat underwhelming script. Amongst the best scripts were The Zone of Interest and The Holdovers, both of which were stellar and yet neither one won. And to be fair I have not yet seen American Fiction or Maestro, so I cannot comment on those.

But Godzilla Minus One is exactly how an action film should be written. It is not about car chases or superheroes or lots of flashy sequences with no substance which was the problem with Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. It is gorgeous to look at but torture to sit through. There’s just no plot. But Godzilla Minus One is a fantastic retelling of the Godzilla story and roots its tale in honor, community, science, and love. Takashi Yamazaki, Ishirô, Honda, and Takeo Murata who penned the script deserved that nomination. Hollywood sometimes needs to remember it is not the genre that determines the quality of a script. It is the level of writing. And just like Dream Scenario which also should have garnered a writing nomination, the voters completely missed the boat. (No pun intended).

The story starts out at the end of WWII with a frightened kamikaze pilot named Koichi Shikishima (Ryunosuke Kamiki) who hides on an island where airplane mechanics are stationed including one named Sōsaku Tachibana (Munetaka Aoki). Koichi tells the mechanics his plane is having issues to avoid combat. While Koichi hides out on the island, a sea monster the natives call Godzilla rises from the ocean and terrorizes the station. Sōsaku tells Koichi to run for his plane and shoot at the monster. But Koichi freezes and almost all the mechanics on the island are killed. An angry Sōsaku blames Koichi for his lack of bravery.

The war ends and Koichi returns home to his village to find it destroyed. His family has been killed in a fire and a woman named Sumiko Ota (Sakura Andô) whose children were also killed reprimands Koichi for his cowardice and dishonor. Shortly after, a young woman named Noriko Oishi (Minami Hamabe) races up to him carrying an infant named Akiko. She hands Akiko to him and runs away from the people who are chasing her then returns to Koichi. She tells him her parents were also killed in the fire, and she is not Akiko’s mother. A dying woman asked her to take the little girl and protect her. Koichi reluctantly lets Noriko and Akiko stay with him. He gets a job on a minesweeper boat and works with a former Naval weapons engineer named Kenji Noda (Hidetaka Yoshioka), a young crewman named Shirō Mizushima (Yuki Yamada) and the captain of the boat Yōji Akitsu (Kuranosuke Sasaki). While out in the waters destroying mines they come across Godzilla and discover the horrifying creature is becoming more mutated and empowered by American testing.