Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter thirty-five of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week I had a tea party with Bernard D. Bunny. We tried a white tea with apples blend from Harney & Sons. It was sensational. As white tea has the most caffeine of all the teas, we had an abundance of energy for the rest of the afternoon. We also nibbled on short bread cookies infused with cherry green tea. We did a bunny hop with a baby bunny named Belle A Bunny, Bernard’s younger sister. We also played leapfrog and of course Bridge. I am rather good at the game if I do say so myself. But Belle turned out to be the expert. She won the most rounds. She is quite wily. And the white tea made her wilier. Afterwards, I headed back inside and had a good nap before putting the final touches on my story. And so, here it is chapter thirty-five of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Bonne journée du lapin d’été!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Thirty-Five

“Good morning, sport,” Dallas Dupree said to the delivery girl as she arrived early Monday with the day’s croissants.

“Where’s that guy who’s always here when I come in?” the girl asked.

“You mean Curtis? I don’t know. I was surprised he wasn’t here when I arrived. He’s always here when I get here.”

“Is your daughter still missing?”

“Yes. My wife and I have had the worst week of our lives.”

“That sucks.”

“Oddly the kidnappers did not ask for money.”

“Isn’t asking for money what kidnappers do?”

“Usually.”

“Well, good luck. I hope your daughter comes back soon.”

“Thank you, sport. Here you go.”

Mr. Dupree handed the girl a tip.

“Thanks, Mr. Dupree.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Mr. Dupree unlocked the front door and let the girl out then he locked the door back up and headed into the break room to get a croissant and a cup of coffee before going upstairs to his office.

Ten minutes later Grady, Irwin, Lance and Makenna, each carrying a pastel coffee cup from The Steamed Bean unlocked the front door and entered.

“This whole thing is bizarre,” Irwin said.

“But we’re here on time,” Grady said checking his watch. “That’s what matters.”

Makenna looked over at Curtis’s empty desk. “Where’s Cook?” she asked.

“Cook?” Lance called out.

“Maybe he’s in the bathroom,” Irving said.

“He’s always at his desk when we come in,” Makenna said.

“He’s not there now.”

Makenna marched into the breakroom. Curtis wasn’t in there. “That’s odd,” she muttered and marched back out. “I’m going to talk to Mr. Dupree,” she announced and turned towards the stairs.

“Is Cook the Books in there?” Lance asked.

“No,” she said and ascended the stairs. She knocked on Mr. Dupree’s office door.

“Yes?” Mr. Dupree said.

“It’s Makenna.”

“Come in.”

Makenna entered his office and said, “Curtis isn’t here yet. Isn’t everyone supposed to be here by seven forty-five?”

“He’s still not here?”

“No.”

“I called Sheriff Bob a few minutes ago. He should be here soon.”

“Thank you, Mr. Dupree.” Makenna headed back down the stairs to the other accountants. “He hasn’t shown up today,” she announced.

“Maybe he got caught in traffic,” Irwin said.

“In this town? Don’t be ridiculous.”

Suddenly, the receptionist’s phone rang. All four accountants turned to look at each other.

“Should we answer it?” Grady asked.

Makenna rolled her eyes and sighed. She walked over and picked up the handset. “Hello?”

“Good morning, ma’am,” Sherrif Bob said.

Makenna turned on the speakerphone. “We’re all here except Curtis Cook,” Makenna told him.

“Alright. I’ll send a patrol car around to Mr. Cook’s place of residence to see if he’s home. He might be running late for work.”

“He lives in a duplex,” Lance said.

“I see. I’m calling it in right now. A patrol car will be there shortly.”

“Thanks,” Makenna said and hung up.

“Maybe Cook the Books is the kidnapper,” Lance said.

Makenna scoffed. “Don’t be stupid. Cook couldn’t plan a library fine.”

“Gunther,” Deputy Gunther heard over his police radio as he was on route to the Dupree Accounting Agency.

“Deputy Gunther here,” he said. “Over.”

“This is Sheriff Bob. I need you to take a swing by Curtis Cook’s house. Over.”

“That guy who lives in the duplex? Over.”

“Yeah, that guy. Would you drive by his place of residence and see if he’s still home? Over.”

“He’s not at the accounting office yet? Over.”

“Not yet. Over.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes. Over.” Gunther turned his prowler around and headed towards Curtis’s duplex.

When Deputy Gunther arrived, he didn’t see Curtis’s pale green Honda Accord parked in the driveway. He spotted Curtis’s neighbor Earl sitting outside his apartment wearing a blue terrycloth robe and sipping coffee. When Earl saw the officer marching up to him, his eyes widened, and he stopped mid sip.

“Curtis Cook?” Gunther asked.

“No, I’m his neighbor Earl.”

“Do you have identification?”

“Yes, sir.”

Earl reached over and grabbed his billfold off the mesh metal table beside his folding chair, removed his driver’s license and handed it to the deputy. The deputy glanced at it and handed it back to Earl.

“Did you see your neighbor Mr. Cook leave for work this morning?”

“Curtis leaves for work before I get up.”

“Did you hear Mr. Cook leave?”

“No. He’s usually very quiet. Even more so since his dog died.”

“When did his dog die?”

“Last Wednesday.”

“How did the dog die?”

“She escaped from the house when Curtis was at work. Some robbers broke in and Haven, that’s the dog, ran into the road.”

“Then there’s a record of it. What type of dog was it?”

“A Yorkie.”

“When was the last time you saw Mr. Cook?”

“Friday evening. He was leaving.”

“Do you know where he was going?”

“No.”

Deputy Gunther knocked on Curtis’s door. “Mr. Cook?” Nothing. He knocked again. “Mr. Cook?” Silence. Gunter peered around the side of the house. “Is there a way into the back yard?”

“You can follow the fence line. You’ll have to climb over.”

Deputy Gunter moved around the side of the house and expertly hoisted himself up and over the fence like an Olympic gymnast. He headed over to the bedroom window. He looked inside and saw Curtis’s bed was made and his laptop was sitting closed on the neat and orderly desk. By the bed was a photo of a small round fluffy Yorkshire Terrier puppy.

“Mr. Cook,” Gunther said rapping on the window.

No answer.

Deputy Gunther swung back over the fence and came around to the front. He strode over to the prowler and said into the radio, “Cook’s not at his place of residence. Over.”

“He’s still not arrived at the accounting agency either,” Sheriff Bob answered. “Over.”

“His neighbor says his dog was killed last Wednesday while he was at work. Over.”

“How was the dog killed? Over.”

“His house was broken into by thieves. The dog got loose during the robbery and was hit by a car. Over.”

“I wonder if that has something to do with his having gone missing. Let me talk to Dal and see what I can find out about Mr. Cook. Over.”

“I’ll head out to the Dupree Accounting Agency. Over.”

“See you there. Over.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: RUN LOLA RUN (1998)-AMAZON PRIME

Finally, finally, finally this fantastic film is available for streaming. Winner of the Sundance Audience Award in 1999 and nominated for the BAFTA for Best Film Not in the English Language in 2000, this highly imaginative brilliantly written and directed film by Tom Tykwer and edited by Mathilde Bonnefoyis is as fresh and exciting today as it was when it was released over twenty-five years ago. Not one second of this fast paced, edge of your seat, real-time time bending 80-minute masterpiece is dull.

The premise is simple and straightforward: Manni (Moritz Bleibtreu) has screwed up. He’s left a bag of 100,000 German francs on a subway train. A homeless man named Norbert von Au (Joachim Król) has taken it. Manni must come up with 100,000 German francs in the next twenty minutes or he will be forced to rob the grocery store near the payphone he is calling his girlfriend Lola (Franka Potente in a stellar performance) from. If Manni doesn’t deliver the money to the criminal it belongs to, he will most assuredly be killed. Lola, whose moped has been stolen, must come up with a way to get the cash and run to Manni to deliver it before he makes a fateful decision. Every choice Lola makes along the way decides not only Manni and her destiny but everyone else’s along the way.