Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle once again to introduce chapter seventeen of my story Corn Maze. This week the Maltese and I saw some nefarious animals lurking around outside. First was the rat occurrence. And we are not talking a cute little thing with a propensity for French cooking. No. This one was large, rotund, and terrifying. My novelist saw it three times and the third time she pounded on the window and the thing dashed away. The other unexpected visitor showed up early this morning.
It was big and scary. Very scary.
Hush, Tucker! I’m the one telling the story here.
Yes, but it was big and scary.
They get that! As my cohort said, it was big and scary. And it was dark outside, not quite dawn, and a bit of a distance away so my novelist couldn’t make it out even with a bright flashlight. But she suspected a bobcat as there have been bobcats around here in the past.
Bobcats are big and scary.
Go sit over there.
Over there! Thank you. Now, the creature was big and scary and looked like it could be a bobcat, so my novelist whisked the Maltese and I back indoors. It got lighter outside but my novelist still couldn’t figure out what it was. But it was a bold creature and made it’s way closer to our living quarters. It’s eyes still glowing menacingly when my novelist raised her flashlight to meet its face. Finally, it jumped up on a nearby fence and my novelist was able to get a very good look at what we believe to be…a Dragon Li. If you have not heard of a Dragon Li, it’s a breed of house cat.
The big bad rat can say good-bye now.
Enough! You’ve ruined my story! Anyway, yes, we were glad to welcome the Dragon Li to our premises and hope to be rid of the rat. Anyway, here is chapter seventeen of Corn Maze. Nasoloditisya!
Gigi the parti poodle
Farley knew his truck was at an angle. Not upside down but not fully upright either. Maybe in a ditch. Yep, he was in a ditch. He was in the ditch behind Nile’s restaurant. Well, that just sucked. He heard the rush of click-clacking heels running towards his ditch-bound truck.
“Farley!” Mallory called. “Farley! Are you okay?!”
“I tipped over,” Farley slurred when she crept down the bank and reached the driver’s side window. “I tipped over like a Holstein. Moo.”
“I’m calling a tow truck,” Mallory said taking her phone out of her bag and dialing.
“Why did you drive off like that?”
“I don’t know…”
“Hello,” Mallory said into the phone. “Yes, my date drove his truck into a ditch…”
“Hang up,” Farley said. “They’ll give me a DUI.”
Mallory muted the phone. “They’re a tow truck company, not the police.”
“Hang up,” Farley said as he climbed out of the driver’s window and staggered out of the ditch.
“Yes,” Mallory said after unmuting the phone. “We’re at Nile’s…”
Farley grabbed the phone out of her hand and ended the call.
“Hey!” she exclaimed. “Give me back my phone!”
“Don’t call a tow truck.”
“How else are you going to get out of the ditch?”
Farley took his phone out of his jacket pocket and dialed. “Hey, Lyle,” he said. “Say, I’ve got a…a mishap here over at Nile’s and I was wondering if you could lend me a…yeah, I know it’s date night…yeah, I know it’s date night, but I could really use your help right now. Yeah…yeah…yeah…okay. Tell Patsy hello.”
Farley hung up the phone, turned to Mallory and said, “He’ll be right over.”
“Don’t you need to go to the hospital first?”
“No. I didn’t hit my head. I didn’t get whiplash. I didn’t break any bones. I just slowly drove into a ditch.”
Just then a tall strong guy wearing a pair of gym shorts, a tank top and a lobster bib sauntered over to them. “Hey, Farley,” he said after wiping his mouth on the bib. “I was just having dinner with Patsy in there.”
“I know, dude,” Farley said. “But I drove my truck into a ditch.”
“You’ve been hitting the whiskey, haven’t you.”
“I’ll go get Bull.”
“Bull?” Mallory said.
“You’ll see,” Farley told her.
Mallory watched Lyle march around the corner of the building. Two minutes later she heard a loud roaring engine as Lyle drove his bright neon green monster truck up to Farley’s pickup.
“Holy cow!” Mallory said.
Lyle leaned his suntanned arm on the window and poked his head out. “Help me with the winch, Farley.”
“Okay,” Farley said.
Farley climbed back in the ditch, and helped Lyle hook the winch up to his pickup. Lyle marched over and jumped in his monster truck. He revved the engine a few times and dragged Farley’s truck out of the ditch.
“Wow,” Mallory said when Farley’s pickup was once again on terra firma. “That went a lot smoother than I thought it would.”
“Ain’t my first time at the rodeo ma’am. Not even my first rodeo with Farley…say, are you a reporter or something?”
“You do know Farley’s engaged.”
“Yes, I know. I’m engaged too.”
“So, you are a reporter?”
Lyle shot Farley a stern look. Then he pointed back and forth at them. “You aren’t on a date, are you?”
“Thanks for giving me a hand, Lyle,” Farley said taking a few bills out of his wallet and slapping them into Lyle’s palm. “Tell Patsy hello for me.”
Lyle strutted back into Nile’s Steak House as Farley turned to Mallory and said, “How does a movie sound?”
“I’m not going anywhere until you hand me the keys.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Hand them over.” Farley rolled his eyes and handed Mallory the keys. “Where’s the movie theatre and what’s playing?”
“There’s that new horror movie from…”
“Not a chance.”
“Yeah, okay. Well, I think there’s a new psychological thriller playing at the AMC theatre.”
“Over by the mall.”
“Great. Let’s go.” Mallory hopped into the truck and Farley climbed into the passenger’s side. “Why did you get drunk anyway? If winning this contest was so important to you, why did you get drunk?”
Farley looked out the passenger’s side window. “I’m nervous.”
“How it’s all going to turn out.”
Mallory nodded. “Let’s go see the movie.”
You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!
STREAM OF THE WEEK: BAD WORDS (2013)-Netflix
This sleeper was added to Netflix recently and it is a wicked, sly droll dark comedy written by Andrew Dodge and directed by Jason Bateman. Guy Trilby (fabulously played by Jason Bateman) is a smart, snarky acid tongued forty-year-old eighth-grade dropout come warranty information proofreader who, because he never finished the eighth grade is, by a loophole, allowed to compete in the Golden Quill National Spelling Bee. This revelation is much to the vexation of both the parents and those who run the Golden Quill National Spelling Bee. He has conscripted reporter Jenny Widgeon (Kathrine Hahn) a whack job in her own right to pay for his expenses in trade for his story. Trilby easily takes the win at the regional level and doggedly heads off to compete in the national competition. On the plane he meets fellow competitor 10-year-old Chaitanya Chopra (Rohan Chand), a happy go-lucky kid who insists on befriending the acid-witted Trilby. Upon his arrival at nationals, he is called into the office of Dr. Bernice Deagan (Allison Janney) who spares no punches in telling him what a jerk she thinks he is and he in turn unleashes venomous verbal fire right back at her. His presence at the competition is met with continued distain from both the parents and the competition’s founder Dr. William Bowman (Philip Baker Hall).
There are some very funny laugh out loud moments in the film, and it remains sharp and witty throughout. Although I would have appreciated an even more vicious ending, the movie is well worth the watch.