Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce the twenty-third chapter of Alanna the Piranha. We have been having a bit of a cold snap in the great northwest and getting a couple dustings of snow. One occurred on the day I had to go back to the vet. A most distressing event indeed. They wanted to make sure all the cruel things they did to me were looking okay which they are. It does seem to get sunny in the afternoons however which allows me to take my novelist for walks. I am also in desperate need of a trim. My novelist made an appointment for me but could not get one sooner than early March. I am presently sporting the grown-out fluffy look which, all things considered, I look fantastic in. The Maltese, who has his appointment the day before mine cannot pull it off and looks like an absolute wreck. Anyway, here is chapter Twenty-three of Alanna the Piranha. Насолодитися!

Alanna the Piranha

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Day the Twenty-Third

I didn’t sleep at all last night. All I could think about was how dangerous it was to have run into both Brooke and Stacy at the movie theatre. I am concerned Stacy is going to tell my parents I am secretly dating someone. And then my parents are going to want to meet Alanna. And I definitely do not want my parents to meet Alanna.

I’m starting to realize sooner or later I will have to do something about Alanna and Fabulous. They cannot keep living in this basement forever. They need a place of their own and be able to move around in the outside world. I think my hopes of originally developing a girlfriend out of a bunny have become less of a dream and more of a burden. I am fully responsible for Alanna and Fabulous and I cannot expect to explain them to anyone. Not my parents or Stacy or Aunt Linda and certainly not Brooke. And if someone found out about my experiment and that it was partially successful, Alanna and Fabulous might get confiscated and locked up somewhere like Area 51 or NORAD. They might even get carted off to a college research facility where they would prod and poke at them and Alanna would sob incessantly and Fabulous would stop talking.

“Flint,” Alanna says to me as I sulk at my desk.

“Yes?”

“I have a suggestion.”

“What?”

“A suggestion of how to make money.”

“How?”

“Actually, it was my idea,” Fabulous says who is nestled on her mini bed.

“What’s your idea?”

“I’ve been thinking about that strip mall you talk about sometimes. The one with the comic book store you like.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, Alanna and I were looking up other businesses in said strip mall and one of the places is a comedy club called Chuckle Duck.”

“You’re point?”

“What if Alanna and I put together a comedy act and auditioned for the club?”

“You’re kidding.”

“I think it might be a way Alanna and I could go out in public and be ourselves. Hide in plain sight as it were. She wouldn’t have to wear that cape with the huge hood anymore and I could talk. Everyone would think it was part of the act.”

“This is a terrible idea.”

“But we loved going out to the park and the movie theatre so much,” Alanna says bouncing on the balls of her feet. “And if we could pull this off, Flint you wouldn’t have to hide us anymore.”

“I’ve been doing some research about Chuckle Duck,” Fabulous said. “Some of the acts that warm up the audience for the main attraction have gotten bigger gigs. One of them even got their own show in Vegas.”

“This Chuckle Duck gig isn’t going to pay much.”

“It will if we get to Vegas,” Alanna said. “Oh, Flint, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all live in Vegas!”

“Do you have any idea what it would cost to uproot everything and go to Vegas…no. Let’s get back to the point at hand. You are telling me you want to audition for this strip mall comedy club fully exposed without anything to hide your anomalies with?”

“Yes.”

“Good grief!”

“They do both sketch comedy and stand up,” Fabulous says. “I thought Alanna and I could do a type of sketch comedy. They have auditions tomorrow afternoon.”

“Do you have a routine figured out?”

“Yes.”

“We just need you to drive us over.”

“Can I see this routine?”

“Absolutely!” Alanna says.

“You can see it at the audition tomorrow,” Fabulous says.

“This sounds half baked. And how have you been able to practice behind my back anyway?”

“We practice every time you go out to run errands or pick up groceries…or “visit your sister”.”

“Great.”

“I want to do this so much,” Alanna says. “Please, Flint. Please, please, please…”

“Alanna! This is dangerous. I need to think about it.”

“It would be an excuse to invite Brooke on a date,” Fabulous says.

“Why would Flint want to invite Brooke on a date?” Alanna says a note of jealousy in her voice.

Fabulous glances at me then back at Alanna and says, “Because she’s Flint’s friend.”

“I thought she was Stacy’s friend.”

“She’s Stacy and Flint’s friend.”

“As long as she’s just a friend.”

“Let me think about it and I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE (2021)-HBO Max

Jessica Chastain and Andrew Garfield turn in riveting performances as Tammy Faye Bakker and her crooked psychopathic televangelist husband Jim Bakker in this Oscar nominated biopic. The movie chronicles the life of Tammy Faye whose mother was a pianist for the local evangelical church. Tammy was never allowed in the church because her parents had divorced, and her mother had remarried. But this does not stop Tammy and as a determined young girl she charms her way into the congregation whether her mother likes it or not. As a student at North Central Bible College in Minneapolis, Minnesota, she meets fellow classmate Jim Baker. Jim quickly sees the extroverted feeler as a useful tool in his passion to use the church to make money, and they marry (ironically on April Fool’s Day), an act which gets both kicked out of college.

The newlyweds move to South Carolina where they start a ministry together and travel around the United States. They eventually end up in Virginia Beach, Virginia where they create a puppet ministry for Pat Robertson (Gabriel Olds) who is as equally creepy and psychopathic as Jim. The couple become founders of the 700 Club and join forces with the stalwart Jerry Fallwell (Vincent D’Onofrio) and begin to build a doomed overzealous religious empire.

Jessica Chastain delivers a phenomenal Oscar nominated performance as the effervescent but often naive tool of her manipulative closet homosexual husband. One of the best moments in the film is when she has a chance to leave her bizarro life and falls prey to Jim’s psychological exploitation. The film was also nominated for its fantastic Makeup and Hairstyling by Linda Dowds, Stephanie Ingram, and Justin Raleigh. Andrew Garfield should have also had a second Oscar nomination this year for Best Supporting actor for his wonderful performance as the charismatic monster who is out there swindling to this day. The film is based on the 2000 documentary of the same name.