30 Things I’ve Learned Being an NT Writer

Good Afternoon. It is I Gigi the Parti Poodle here and it has been a most distressing week. I am a Canis Lupus Familiaris of champagne taste and the true horror of Covid-19 for me is not being able to go to Salon de Gommage Chiot for my grooming needs. My novelist took it upon herself this week to give me a bath, a brushing, and a haircut. She ignored my whimpers and protestations in the bathtub while she showered down water on me and doused me in soap. That was Day One. Day Two was even more horrifying. She brushed me which was barely tolerable. And then she took out that dreadful new mini Wahl Pet Clipper and went to town on me. When I fought her and refused to have my hair clipped by that wretched device, she pulled out the full-size Wahl Pet Clipper. I now have patches that are shorter than others and my front paws are clearly more shaved than my back ones. I look a wreck. She is a horrendous coiffeur. It will take a month for me to look vaguely normal again. That said, here is my novelist.

Thirty Things I’ve Learned Being an NT Writer

1. Feeling writers will pen page after page to tug at the heartstrings and not one sentence to tug at the mind.
2. Extroverts will never believe great things get accomplished in solitude.
3. Group projects accomplish nothing but misery and subpar work.
4. You will waste a lot of time in life being around people you never wanted to meet.
5. You are never allowed to say what is on your mind especially if you are right.
6. You will always be censored.
7. NTs do think different and often own PCs.
8. Most folks love like a ditch: wide and shallow. NTs love like a well: narrow and deep.
9. Most individuals would rather drink a 44 oz tanker of juice or not drink any juice at all and berate everyone who partakes than pour juice into a 4oz juice glass and enjoy it in moderation.
10. You cannot get to the truth without entertaining ideas you don’t like.
11. Very few persons look to the future.
12. People who change the world for the better are not always good.
13. Villains always look like villains, but most people can’t tell the difference.
14. SJs and NFs should never ever be members of a Student Disciplinary Board.
15. Folks are more likely to believe what they see than what they know.
16. Those who can’t do manage others.
17. NTs view time in cross sections. To everyone else time is linear.
18. Society is more likely to condemn someone for their words than their actions.
19. It is better to be banned than boring.
20. Donnie Darko makes complete sense.
21. Walter White is the smartest smart guy in the room.
22. Those who cannot think are doomed to mimic the words of those who can.
23. Social groups are often run by psychopaths and made up of suckers.
24. Parties are dumb.
25. Law enforcement takes classes to tell me apart from a psychopath.
26. Folks will believe a lie told by someone they like but smear the truth told by someone they don’t.
27. Characters who are in your books are your friends. Characters who are not are your enemies.
28. Always do your research even if someone tells you to make things up.
29. Writers who aren’t as imaginative as you will steal and are thieves.
30. Never join a writing group where people critique your work.

My Books

You can check out my books Chicane and the first book in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!  on Amazon both in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s website at www.musicologyrocks.com The second book of the Musicology series, Musicology Volume Two, Kid! is coming in Fall 2020!

SCREEENWRITINGU FREE FRIDAY CLASS: The Best One Character Movie?

You can sign up here for the free teleconference which occurs on Friday 8/28 @ Noon PST

STREAM OF THE WEEK: Harold and Maude-Amazon Prime

This film really should be a no-brainer but the AFI in their infinite wisdom has yet to put it up as their movie of the day, so I am going to beat them to the punch. Especially since it’s been available on Amazon Prime for a while now. Harold and Maude is one of the best and I mean the best satirical films ever made. It’s the story of wealthy cynical young Harold, a man in his early twenties who can’t seem to decide what to do with his life, so he kills himself…repeatedly. His snobbish aristocratic mother tries time and time again to hook him up with young women which he elaborately dies in front of. She even gives him a Jaguar and he turns it into a hearse. He enjoys attending funerals for fun and that is where he meets the plucky just shy of her eightieth birthday Maude. Maude is the fervor of life. She enjoys posing nude, stealing cars, and living by her own rules. Once they meet all is simpatico until a terrible secret comes to light. Harold and Maude was originally a critical and commercial failure when it was released in 1971. But it became a cult classic and turned it’s first profit in 1983 nearly twelve years after its initial release.

SMART MOVIES FOR SMART KIDS: WarGames-Amazon Prime

This one’s for older kids. Filmed primarily in the Pacific Northwest, WarGames the story of your typical teenage computer hacker David (Mathew Broderick) who thinks the computer with password Joshua he has hacked into wants to play a friendly game of chess. And “Joshua” does. But what he’s really playing is Thermo Nuclear War. And it’s not a game. David finds himself on a collision course with a nuclear attack as he races against time with the assistance of his classmate Jennifer (Ally Sheedy) to find the creator of Joshua a mysterious man named Falken (John Wood). Dabney Colemen is excellent as always as government man McKittrick.