Personality Types and Romance

Good evening. As you probably know I am Gigi and I am a parti poodle. Tonight, my author is going to be discussing personality types and romance. Being an ENTJ my romantic partner would be an INFP. Unfortunately for me Maltese make horrible INFPs. That said, I hope you will enjoy my author sharing this method she likes to use in her writing.

The adage “there are plenty of fish in the sea” may sound reassuring because it’s true for many. But for others it’s a complete lie. Personality types are not evenly balanced. There are a lot more of some temperaments than there are of others. For some people there are a lot of fish and for others there are fewer more specific fish. I like to think of it as some characters shop at Walmart and others shop at Nordstrom.

You might think the dominate difference between people is extroversion vs. introversion. And yes, these elements do come into play but the real determinant which decides whether two people are attracted to each other is sensory vs intuition. The world is 74-80% sensory. Only 20-26% of the world is intuitive. A sensory personality type can cast a big net out into the sea and attract a large group of fish to choose from. An intuitive cannot.

Again, there are four temperaments: Artisans, Guardians, Rationals and Idealists. The Artisans and the Guardians are sensory. The Rationals and Idealists are intuitive. When it comes to romance and sexual attraction, Artisans match up with Guardians and Rationals match up with Idealists. In other words, sensory is attracted to sensory and intuition is attracted to intuition.

Now one might argue if that’s the case would not Guardians seek out Guardians, Artisans seek out Artisans etc. In other words, the idea “birds of a feather flock together”. But according to Jung we seek out not our equal but rather our compliment. We seek out what we lack that completes us, the opposite part of us we have not developed, expressed or sought after. This is well demonstrated in Dr. David Keirsey’s book Please Understand Me II chapter 7.

Take for instance One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Now that doesn’t look like a romance at all. But in truth it is. Nurse Ratched is a Guardian. R.P McMurphy is an Artisan. More specifically Ratched is an ISFJ and McMurphy is an ESTP. Notice how each one is the opposite letters of the other except S for sensory. Ratched represents bureaucracy. McMurphy represents spontaneity. From the moment McMurphy enters the psych ward the sparks fly Each one is the opposite but complimentary of the other. Each one needs what the other has. But in this story neither one can accept what they are missing, especially Nurse Ratched and things spin wildly out of control creating a timeless meditation on the sinister nature of institutions.

One of the most famous romances is between intuitive characters Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth is a whip smart ENFP and Darcy is a brooding but brilliant INTJ. Again, notice all the letters are opposites except for N. What I’ve always found fascinating about the story is after Darcy proposes to Elizabeth and is shot down, he is pragmatic in his attempts to resolve the issue. He creates a system with which to win Elizabeth’s hand by hunting down her wayward sister and the conniving Mr. Wickham and getting them hitched up appropriately, encouraging his friend Bingley to propose to Elizabeth’s sister Jane after breaking the two up originally and denouncing his Aunt’s wishes before boldly proposing to Elizabeth again. Darcy intuitively knows he must solve these puzzles not only to win Elizabeth’s heart but also to change her mind.

One clever thing to do when writing a love story is to put unusual but complementary personalities together. Remember, personality types don’t care about political correctness. Personality tests have shown most women have feeling personality types and most men have thinking personality types. But not all men are thinkers nor all women feelers. Putting an ENTP female with an INFJ male is not going to be all that common. Putting an ISTP female with an ESFJ male is not going to be all that common either. But these people do exist, and these combinations do work, and they work well.

If you’re looking to write a volatile disastrous relationship put people together that have no business whatsoever being together. Guardians are the opposite of Rationals. They hate each other. Idealists are the opposite of Artisans. They hate each other too. If you want a romance to be doomed from the start put an ENTP with an ESFJ. Nothing good will come of it. If you want a war put an ESTJ with an INFJ and let the carnage begin. These love stories are usually doomed from the beginning.

I’ll post every Thursday. That’s the schedule. While you’re waiting for my next post check out my novel Chicane currently available on Amazon.