Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter thirty-two of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Today I am writing to you from under my novelist’s bed. I am hiding you see because the most terrifying phenomenon of all the pacific northwest is happening today. Forget vampires. Forget serial killers. Forget Starbucks Coffee. The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale catalogue just dropped today. My novelist has been online since this morning ogling over all the new merchandise. It is monstrous. Sane people everywhere up and down the upper west coast are cowering as hordes of Nordstrom fanatics stampede towards laptops, smart phones, tablets and yes, desktop and start making out their wish lists. I must suffer the entire month of July as my novelist takes note after note, wringing her hands trying to narrow down her beloved list to fit her budget. Her eyes grow wide and bloodshot. Her hands quiver inexplicably. Her credit card trembles. And all I can do is cower and watch as the pandemonium grows more and more out of control. Oh, no! I think she just clicked on something. Pray for me. And with that thought here is chapter thirty-two of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Enjoy…and stay safe.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Thirty-Two

Curtis hurried up the stairs to the attic and unlocked the door.

“Don’t you knock?” Fia said when he burst inside.

“I need to get something,” Curtis said.

“How’d it go with your dad?”

Curtis hurried over to the steamer trunk and flipped up the large brass latches. He rummaged around inside desperate to find the photograph and leave.

“What are you looking for?”

“Something for my dad.”

“What is it?”

“An art thing.”

“I thought you got all the paintings.”

“I did. But now he wants this photograph too.”

“You drove all the way back here for a photograph?”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“Is it valuable.”

“No. It won a competition.”

“Can I see it?”

“No.”

Curtis reached inside and took out a black rectangular box. He opened the lid to find both the framed photo and the award. He quickly put the lid back on the box and closed the chest.

“Is that you?” Fia asked.

“Is what me?”

“Is that a photograph of you?”

“It’s a picture my aunt took of me when I was a kid.”

“Can I see it?”

“I’m in a hurry.”

Curtis stuck the box under his arm and rushed towards the door. Fia cut him off at the pass.

“Why are in such a hurry?”

“My dad needs this.”

“I thought you wouldn’t be back for four hours.”

“Change of plans.”

“Where’s your dad?”

“Waiting for me to bring him the picture. Now get out of the way.”

“Waiting where?”

“I want to see the photograph.”

“Not showing you the photograph.”

“Why?”

Curtis tried to push Fia aside, but she held her ground.

“I’ll scream.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll bet you a million dollars you dad will hear me. Now, show me the photo.”

“It’s not my photo to show.”

“But you’re the subject of the photo.”

“That does not make it mine.”

Fia started to scream. Curtis clamped his hand over her mouth. Fia pointed to the rectangular box.

“Is everything okay up there, Curt?” Mr. Cook called from the living room.

“I just saw the squirrel,” Curtis yelled as he glared at Fia.

“Squirrel?” Fia mouthed.

“Your need me to come up there and help?” Mr. Cook yelled.

“No,” Curtis yelled back. “She’s in the trap now.”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“I got a good look at her.” Curtis whirled Fia around and dragged her to the table and chairs. “Listen up,” he told her. “If you scream again your actions will have consequences.”

“You said you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“But I didn’t say I wouldn’t hurt your mom or your dad or your family business.”

Fia studied him for a moment. She was ninety percent certain this was an empty threat. “Just show me the photo, Curtis.” Curtis slapped the rectangular box down on the table. He lifted the lid slowly and set it aside. Fia peered into the box. She took a long look at the photo. “You’re naked,” she said.

“Aunt Odette was into nudes then. She was going through her nude period.”

“You’re like what, six here?”

“Seven. Look, I’ve got to get this to my dad.”

“I hope he likes it…I guess.”

“I just hope he doesn’t post it on the internet.”

“Did you find it?” Mr. Cook called from the living room.

“I’ve got it dad!” Then he turned to Fia and said, “Good luck with your performance art piece.”

“Good luck with your…nude.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: LOLITA (1962)-TUBI

In resuming my hunt for great films on Tubi (and there is a surprising number of them) is Stanley Kubrick’s classic comic tragedy based on the masterpiece book Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, one of my favorite novels. The film’s droll and disturbing screenplay was also written by Nabokov. Filmed in glorious black and white with subtext aplenty, it is one of the several brilliant, twisted tales from Kubrick’s genius body of work. Be forewarned: this is not your normal story, and the subject matter is profoundly provocative.  

An astute French Literature professor named Humbert Humbert (the always fantastic James Mason) needs a place to stay for the summer before his professorship begins at Beardsley College, Ohio. He finds himself looking at a room at the home of Charlotte Haze (Shelly Winters). He’s not so sure he wants to live in the house of this emotionally unstable woman until he goes into the back yard to look at the garden and sees Charlotte’s incredibly beautiful barely teenage daughter Dolores (Sue Lyon in her spectacular debut performance) lit on the grass. But what the monstrous Professor Humbert doesn’t know is he had a predecessor: Mrs. Haze’s short-time boyfriend, the even more vile and sleezy playwright Clare Quilty (Peter Sellers).

This is one of the many fantastic films Tubi managed to have on its streaming channel leaving in a few short days so be sure to check it out soon. If you ever want to read Nabokov’s darker and more disturbing predecessor to Lolita, check out Laughter in the Dark. One might also note the name Dolores means “sorrow”.