Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter twenty-seven of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Yesterday my novelist got a couple of inoculations and is not her usual self today. I spoke with Bernard D. Bunny Wednesday, and he said he was sure my novelist would be down for the count. I said preposterous, my novelist can take a shot as well as the next human. But sadly, I am eating my words because Bernard has risen triumphant with his analysis. My novelist is not sick per say but she is unusually tired and worn out. She also pulled a muscle in her neck exercising and that makes her even more testy. And so, she is having me post both my story and her movie pic this week. I had to switch out her mouse for mine. She likes to use this large domed Microsoft mouse and I prefer the small purple travel one. Much easier for small paws. And as you can see, I was able to make it happen. Hoorah for me. After I finish, I am going to fix my novelist a nice hot cup of tea and invite Bernard out to lunch. I will have to make him a nice salad with the leftover iceberg as he is a vegetarian and all. Anyway, here is chapter twenty-seven of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Enjoy!  

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Curtis checked his reflection in the vanity visor mirror. He put on the pair of his Aunt Odette’s glasses he’d grabbed before locking Fia in the attic. They were large thick rounded plastic aviator frames from the 70’s. They made the world blurry, but they also distorted his face enough to make whatever surveillance system they had in there recognize him.

He flipped the visor up, put on his leather gloves, grabbed the manilla envelope with the ransom note in it, got out of his Honda, and headed for the trading post.

The place reminded him of the bank from Dog Day Afternoon. There were two people ahead of him. He glanced at the distorted looking wall clock. Twelve-thirty in the afternoon. The lady at the front was trying to mail a package, but she didn’t have what she wanted packaged. The clerk was trying to help her pick out a properly sized box. Curtis marveled at how people with such minimal skills functioned in this world. The man behind her seemed remarkably patient but Curtis could tell he was starting to get annoyed. The woman was sweet enough. She just had too much air running between her ears.

Suddenly, Curtis noticed a small caramel and white kitten peek its head out of the enormous quilted calico bag the woman had slung over her shoulder. It looked at Curtis and hissed. Curtis furrowed his brow. First the delivery girl from the bakery and now this little furball. No one liked him.

“CeCe,” the woman said to the kitten, “behave.”

The clerk rang up the woman’s sale and handed her a slip.

“Thank you very much,” she told him. Then she turned around and looked at the man behind her. “And thank you for being so patient.”

“Certainly,” the man said.

The woman looked at Curtis as if she were about to say the same thing and got a strange look on her face and turned to leave. The kitten peeked its head out of the bag and hissed at Curtis again.

The man in front of Curtis stepped up to the desk and set what appeared to be a very heavy package about the size of two bricks stacked on top of each other down on the counter. “I need it there by tomorrow.”

The clerk weighed the package. “That’ll be three hundred eighty-five dollars and sixty-seven cents.”

“Jiminy Crickets!” the man said. “That’s highway robbery!”

“Do you need it there tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s what it costs when it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.”

“Listen wiseass, I could buy my wife a new engagement ring for that price!”

“I sincerely doubt it, sir.”

“Three hundred eighty-five dollars and sixty-seven cents is highway robbery!”

“But that’s what it costs.”

“I’m going to the post office. This place is a rip-off!”

Curtis watched the man storm out with his heavy package. He stepped up to the counter and set the manilla envelope with the ransom note down. The clerk weighed it on the scale.

“That’ll be twenty-nine dollars and sixty-seven cents.”

Curtis nodded, took out his billfold and slapped two twenties on the counter.

“I’m sorry, sir. Do you have something smaller? I’m running out of ones.”

Curtis pulled a ten dollar bill out of his wallet, set it on the counter, picked up one of the twenties and put it back in his billfold.

“Thanks. Sorry about that.”

Curtis nodded. He did not want to say anything or look up for fear the surveillance system could pick up his face or voice.

“Here’s your change.”

Curtis took the change off the counter, gave the guy a quick boy scout solute, and headed out the door.

Curtis returned to his aunt’s cabin just after two o’clock in the afternoon. He headed upstairs to the attic and knocked on the door. “Fia,” he called knocking on the attic door, “Would you like to come downstairs?”

“Sure,” she said.

Curtis opened the door. He saw she was in the middle of rehearsal. “Would you like some lemonade?”

“I can’t drink lemonade.”

“Are you allergic to that too?”

She smiled. “No. I’m just yanking your chain.”

Curtis shook his head. “Come on downstairs. I’ll go ahead and make it.”

“My dad’s coming to my place on Wednesday to pick up my aunt’s paintings,” Curtis said as he sat in the bookshelf chair in the living room.

“The ones you had me help you with?” Fia asked, taking a sip of lemonade.

“Yes.

Fia nodded. She wanted to leave on Friday to get back in time for spring quarter. And she just plain needed to leave.

“Thank you for curling my hair today.”

“Of course.”

“I am aware this situation I’ve put you in is harrowing. And you have surprised me with your kindness. I am not used to people being kind to me.”

“You’re not hard to be kind to, Curtis. You might just need some time to work through your grief.”

“Maybe. But first I must take care of business.”

“What business?”

“The business of settling the score.”

“You mean revenge.”

“Revenge is a dirty word.”

“So is business.”

“I loved Haven and Lance and Makenna, and those other two bastards killed her. Do you have the slightest idea what its like to lose the one thing in this world that makes you happy?”

“No. I guess I’m lucky. All that ever happened to me was I got kidnapped.”

“Getting kidnapped isn’t all that bad. I have cooked for you, given you a comfortable room to sleep in, and let you work on your performance art in the attic. It’s been a better spring break option than what your father set up for you.”

“I wanted to be his receptionist for a week. The point was to take a break from school.”

“So, you’re unhappy here.”

“Except for being pinned to the ground when I tried to leave it hasn’t been terrible. But you can’t keep me caged here. Putting stress on my mom and dad like this isn’t fair.”

“Your mother yes, your father no.”

“And you’re stressing me out too.”

“I don’t like doing this any more than you like having it done to you. But if I let them get away with this without retribution they will never stop.”

“Retribution is just another name for revenge, Curtis. It leads you nowhere. Except you ending up losing your job, your license, and your life as you know it.”

“I think you need to go back upstairs now,” he said rising from his chair.

“Right. Because if someone disagrees with you, you lock them in an attic.”

“If possible, yes.”

“Curtis, think,” she said standing up and staring him in the eye. “If you let me leave right now, you get off scot-free with no one the wiser.”

“What are you going to tell your parents? The police?”

“I’ll tell them I went off to spend time with friends.”

“They’ll never believe you.”

“Yes, they will. It’s a perfectly plausible answer.”

“No, it isn’t. You’re too responsible. I was at work when your father came into the office the morning after I delivered the first ransom note. He was certain someone had abducted you. And he did everything a reasonable father would do to get you back.”

“I’m giving you a way out of this. Let me go now before it spirals out of control. I’ll tell them my friends sent the ransom notes as a joke. A sick joke, but a joke. All you need to do is move on.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE SEARCHERS (1956)-HBO MAX

Although it’s great to pick a newer film or show for my Stream of the Week, I like to feature a classic occasionally because I find there are movie enthusiasts out there who may not have some of these films.

One of the greatest westerns ever made, the legendary John Ford’s epic masterpiece is not a typical western story. And its subject matter is not for the faint of heart. It’s ugly and relentless and shows ruthlessness on both the side of the settlers and the side of the Native Americans.

Based on the book The Searchers by Alan LeMay it is the story of Civil War veteran Ethan Edwards who comes home after eight years to see his brother Arron Edwards (Walter Croy) and his brother’s family: wife Martha (Dorothy Jordan), oldest daughter Lucy (Pippa Scott), young son Ben (Robert Lyden) and youngest daughter, eight-year-old Debbie (Lana Woods). Ethan has a large collection of gold coins for which he gives no explanation as to how he acquired them. Ethan finds out his brother has adopted a young man named Martin Pawley (Jeffery Hunter) who is one-eighth Cherokee which does not go over well with Ethan.

Not long after Ethan’s arrival Arron’s neighbor Lars Jorgensen (John Qualen) finds his cattle stolen. Under the leadership of Rev. Captain Samuel Clayton (Ward Bond) Ethan, Martin, and a group of Rangers head out to find what happened only to realize they have been tricked by the Comanche tribe who has led them astray so they can carry out a murderous attack. Ethan and Martin return to Arron’s home to find Arron and young Ben killed and scalped and Martha raped, murdered, and scalped. But the two girls Lucy and Debbie are missing sending Ethan, Martin, and Lucy’s fiancé Brad (Harry Carry Jr.) on a long and brutal Odessey to find them and bring them home. A teenage Natalie Wood rounds out the cast.

Some critics have suggested perhaps Ethan and his brother’s wife Martha may have had an affair and Ethan having been gone eight years and Debbie being eight may explain why Ethan left originally and why he searches so tenaciously for Debbie.