Left Behind

July 10, 2025July 10, 2025 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce this week’s blog. I must tell you I am most distraught. My novelist is leaving for the weekend to visit a relative who is having a birthday, and I am being left with…him. I am told the dogsitter will be involved as well. I was very upset about this new development, and I held a round table with Bernard D. Bunny and his little sister Belle. They said they would miss my novelist but at least I would not be left to fend for myself. Ridiculous. I am a magnificent parti poodle who can survive quite well on my own, thank you very much. When I want a treat, I whine. When I am hungry, I whine. When I want to go out and get some fresh air, I whine. All these actions result in me getting what I want. I do need a human to do the work, but how hard can it be to find a human who wouldn’t adore me. My novelist tells me there are bad people out there who would snatch up a little dog like me and use it as training for a dog-fighting rottweiler. Pish-posh. Firstly, I know that it is an urban legend and secondly, I would whip a rottweiler into shape. They may be the ninth smartest dog breed, but I am the second. I likely come from a long line of well-bred truffle hunters. Whenever my novelist wants a piece of chocolate, I bring her a truffle.

That said, I am already deeply depressed about not going with my novelist on her adventure. You would think she would take me everywhere. She takes me to the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, I don’t see why she can’t take me to her relatives. I will tell you how the whole ordeal goes next week. Until then I shall continue to work on my new blog story which is shaping up nicely and for now I shall bid you adieu.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE DAY THE EARTH BLEW UP: A LOONEY TUNES MOVIE (2025)-HBO MAX**

This week’s movie is a silly, goofy, funny all-out delight and it’s Warner Bros. very first full-length Looney Tunes motion picture. Animation has been strong lately and this film is no exception. Designed in glorious 2-D, what makes this picture zing in addition to having Daffy Duck, Porky Pig (voiced by Eric Bauza) and Petunia Pig (Voiced by Candi Milo) as the leads, is the clever writing and the wonderful debut of the newest addition to the Looney Tune family, The Invader; a marvelous Grinch-channeling villain from another planet voiced by Peter MacNichol. The animation is marvelously true to the original Looney Tunes cartoons, and the story is on point.

When Daffy Duck and Porky Pig were very young, they were rescued from wolves by Farmer Jim (voiced by Fred Tatasciore). The two rapscallions grew up on his farm raising all sorts of ruckus and driving the ever-patient Farmer Jim right up the wall. Sadly, one day before walking into the sunset forever, Farmer Jim lovingly tells the two grown-up imps to depend on each other and always take care of their home. Which, of course, they are terrible at.

One day, the home inspector Mrs. Grecht (Laraine Newman) comes to tell them if they do not fix their roof within the week, they will be kicked out of their house which was left to them by Farmer Jim. Unbeknownst to them, the big hole in the roof was put there by a UFO. Forced to come up with the money for repairs, Daffy and Porky are now faced with the reality that they must for the first time in their young lives get jobs. After being fired from several occupations they appear to find their calling as entry level factory workers in a gum factory after meeting the beguiling and nerdy Petunia Pig who works there as flavor tester. However, not long after they begin their new career Daffy starts to suspect something is running amok there as he begins to witness things that seem peculiarly out of this world.

Les Dangers D’un Pouvoir Incontrôlé

July 3, 2025 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good morning and Happy 4^th of July tomorrow. I consider myself a fortunate Canis lupis familiaris as fireworks are banned in our neighborhood. This of course does not mean someone will not shoot some off, but it is a relief to know our neighborhood will not turn into an all-out war zone. From what my novelist told me about this place before I was born, it did not have a fireworks ban and was indeed a war zone with all sorts of explosives going off everywhere lighting the sky on fire. The smell of smoke hung in the air two or three days later. She still will not take me on walks from July 3^rd until after July 5^th. Apparently, she once had an unexpected run in with a patron who was leaving the drug dealer’s house across the street. She was going on a walk with my predecessor on July 5^th, and a firecracker was hurled in her direction by said patron whom she had never even met. Even though she witnessed the drug dealer and his ill-mannered pit bull being evicted from the house by the police one night later that same year after an explosion went off in his house, she still does not take chances during the 4^th of July. Even with the ban. I think that might be a bit extreme but then she is an introverted NT personality type.

That said, if you read last week’s blog you know that my novelist is in a trance. She has been scanning over the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. And I thought, how can I put this insanity to good use. Well, it occurred to me I might take this time to address school clothes. My novelist and I are not influencers. So, we are not here to discuss the latest fashions. We are not trained in that area. But we do have some gentle suggestions based on costume design classes she was required to take at her university.

Avoid fast fashion. Yes, we know it’s cheaper, but you get what you pay for. Even with the higher end fast fashion. Even if you do not care about it greatly harming the earth, know that fast fashion is designed to rip you off. You end up buying clothes and then tossing them away because they are not sewn right or they are made of subpar yarns and fabrics. It is better to buy less clothes of good quality than more clothes of poor quality. If you see something you like, always do a search on the brand to see if it is fast fashion and if it is, choose something else.
Don’t go broke buying overpriced designer brands. You may have the desire to buy a few of these pieces but do not go crazy. Especially if they have a trendy look. You will not get your money’s worth out of them and there’s better ways to save or spend your money.
Choose natural fabrics. Unless you are purchasing clothing for a job or something you must have for a school project, or your medical doctor said you had to wear them, try to always choose natural fabrics. Alpaca, angora, bamboo, cashmere, cotton, hemp, linen, genuine leather, mohair, ramie, silk, wool (especially merino wool which is softer) are amongst your best choices. They tend to last longer and generally feel better. If the item has some elastane (spandex or Lycra) mixed in that is okay. But try to avoid polyester, acrylic, nylon, faux fur, and neoprene as best as possible. The one clothing item I would omit from this list is running shoes or trainers because sometimes that is what you need to wear. But again, I would stick to brands like New Balance, Hoka, On Clouds, Puma and other non-fast fashion shoes.
Choose colors that look good on you. This is not always easy, but you can get this book which has been around since the 80’s called Color Me Beautiful by Carole Jackson that is a good start to figuring out what looks best on you and what colors you like.
Choose clothes that fit you. Some places such as Nordstroms will make alterations to clothing which is wonderful. You book an appointment and go in. If, however, you do not wish to have alterations, make sure the clothes you choose fit you. Just because you like something on the hanger, or on a website, does not mean it will look good on you personally, or it may not be the proper size. If it doesn’t fit you, or looks odd on you even if it fits, you likely won’t wear it much and you’ve wasted your hard-earned money.

Until next week, I wish you a happy holiday and I bid you adieu.

MY BOOKS

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE TWILIGHT ZONE SEASON 3, EPISODE 3: IT’S A GOOD LIFE-PARAMOUNT +**

Occasionally a television episode will stand out for one reason or another that I think is extraordinary. And it being the 4^th of July I thought this would be a good one. Based on the 1953 short story “It’s a Good Life” by Jerome Bixby which is considered one of the best Sci-Fi short stories of all time, it is also considered one of the most chilling Twilight Zones of all time. Take note when you watch it that Rod Serling’s introduction is a little different than usual here. This is not by accident. He is pointing out to you that the monster in this episode has done something very important: it has isolated its victims.

Without giving much away, the story is based on three things: WWII ended only eight years before the short story was written, there is a fear of nuclear war, and there is a fear of totalitarianism. If we look at our society today, it has been four years since the war in Afghanistan ended for the US, there is a fear of AI, and there is a fear of totalitarianism. If you have ever wondered what the difference is between pop fiction and literature, this episode shows it brilliantly. Yes, the monster may be a child because it’s childish. Yes, this may be a small town because the inhabitants are isolated. But this is not a commentary on child rearing. The child isn’t really a child, and the town isn’t really a town. Everything here, all of it, is metaphorical. Great literature is often metaphorical, presents a strong argument and is layered. It’s not just there to entertain the reader. Remember that the root of the word “actor” means plaintiff or someone who argues a point. This can be applied to novels and short stories as well as film and stage. Look for lots of details in this episode, like what is the “corn field” when we think of the story in relevance to WWII and modern times and even what’s playing on the television in one of the scenes. An absolute must see.

New Story in the Works

June 19, 2025 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce this week’s blog. I would like to let you know I am presently working on a new tale for the blog or as my novelist and I like to call it a blog story. The working-title is The Dog Doctor, and it is one of the oddest concepts I’ve penned so far. I will continue to keep you updated about it for the future and let you know when I will be releasing the chapters. I will also be trying a new writing process to craft it and we will see how that goes. Otherwise, it has been a rather dull week. Nothing to report really. I plan to spend the weekend relaxing and watching movies…or at least one movie. Perhaps Bernard and I will put up a sheet outside and invite Belle and baby Brendan to come and watch something wholesome by David Lynch. That would make for a delightful evening. Bernard is suggesting The Straight Story while I think the little ones would find Blue Velvet to their liking. Until next week, have fun at the movies and I bid you adieu.

MY BOOKS

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: GRAVE OF THE FIREFLIES (1988)-NETFLIX**

Much like Hobson’s Choice which I featured a couple of weeks ago, here is another film all cinephiles should see. One of the earliest movies from the brilliant Studio Ghibli it is one of their very finest, maybe even their best. Based on the semi-autobiographical short story by Akiyuki Nosaka, this astounding masterpiece is set against the backdrop of WWII Japan but not necessarily focused on war. It is more about society and belonging and the dismissive treatment of a country towards its citizens.

The story starts out with an Imperial Japanese Navy captain’s son Seita (Tsutomu Tatsumi) whose mother (Yoshiko Shinohara) and his toddler sister Setsuko (Ayano Shiraishi) must get to a shelter when an incendiary bombing occurs. Their mother runs for the shelter ahead of them while Seita gathers up Setsuko and her doll. The mother makes it to the shelter, but it is severely bombed, and she dies of injuries shortly after. This leaves Seita and Setsuko on their own.

Seita and Setsuko go to their father’s sister’s house where their aunt (Akemi Yamaguchi) takes them in. Unfortunately, Aunt is a staunch believer in totalitarianism and an all-around bossy jerk (think Skyler White or Nurse Ratched) and forces Seita and Setsuko to sell their mother’s precious silk kimonos to buy rice for the family. After doing so Aunt says they have contributed nothing despite Aunt consuming a large portion of the rice. She also goes against Seita’s wishes and tells Setsuko about her mother’s death and belittles the two kids at every chance. She believes both children should work for the good of the war effort, despite Setsuko being a very young child. Her unrealistic expectations cause Seita to take his sister and leave to try and find a way to survive on their own.

Shower Curtains

June 12, 2025 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good morning. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce my blog. Today the shower curtain rod came down. This was a most distressing event. My novelist had to hold up the rod whilst I hurried over to the computer to watch a video on how to put it back up. It is one of those curved types that is held up by tension. This is the video I watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K03RkODZ42M

And so, this kind man showed us how to take the horrifying tangle of curtains, rod and rings off the bathroom floor and put it back up. Now, we figured out ourselves to remove the curtain and the rings first so hurrah for us (not to mention it is not part of the video). Anyway, I sat and studied his how to lesson intently. Of course, as all wise poodles do, I put on my blue light blocking glasses first as eye safety is paramount. Then I took notes which are never easy to do as one must understand I have paws and no opposable thumbs. I could hear my novelist shouting from the bathroom the blood was running out of her arms so I had bark back that it would take as long as it takes and then proceed to take notes with my paw.

When I finished writing, I hopped out of the office chair, retrieved a measuring tape, and trotted into the bathroom. I took the measuring tape and measured the distance from ceiling to rod to make certain the rod was even on both sides, also a challenge with paws. I then barked the instructions up to my novelist reading them off from my notes. She first had to put one arm down and then the other to allow them to recover and then she set the curtain against both walls and twisted the bar for tension. It was a challenge to get the ornamental ends snapped into place. The one went in without a struggle but the second required my novelist to get out her trusty step stool and angle herself correctly to pop it in firmly. We now have a working shower curtain and both of us learned a lesson in home improvement. I am certain Tim Taylor would be proud. Until next week, I bid you adieu.

MY BOOKS

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: BAD INFLUENCE: THE DARK SIDE OF KIDFLUENCING (2025)-NETFLIX**

Female psychopaths are exceedingly rare. Only 1 in 1050 women is a psychopath as opposed to 1 in 150 men. But they still exist and here is your chance to see one in the wild. Not to mention she’s a pedophile to boot. I don’t know about you, but I am not an influencer watcher. I don’t get it. I don’t need someone to tell me what dimwit products to buy with their stupid amateur videos. There are enough professionally made commercials out there hocking uninteresting junk that pimp it better with professional actors, directors and writers. But apparently this seedy low-rent schlock is hot. Especially to grown men who make up 92% of the audience for these kids shows. Picture that lurid debauchery if you will. You’d think this low-rent YouTube content would play to other kids but no. It plays to mentally deranged scum.

Tiffany Rockelle is a reptile who happened to give birth to a human daughter. Unfortunately, the daughter was pretty and talented and so like every garden variety psychopath this female lizard saw dollar signs in her third eye. She started putting Baby Jane Piper into pageants when the girl was three years old. And if that isn’t enough to make you shudder, when Piper turned eight, Tiffany shed her scaly skin, tossed her sweet little cash cow in her car and headed out on the road for Hollywood. Once there, Foxy Loxy started building her own little cult, luring children and their mothers into her cave to devour them. And devoured them she did. She picked up some barely legal sucker to be her boyfriend/director to film videos of the pre-teens hanging out with each other and having a good time calling them “the squad” because “the fresh meat” wasn’t catchy enough. Slowly, she got the mothers to give up their expensive apartments and “save money” by moving the kids into a house where she used the mothers as her minions while she had her boytoy film the kids 24-7. That is not an exaggeration. A typical practice of any psychopath: isolate your victims.

After awhile old Tiffany started doing what she had intended to from day one which is turn the films into her own *ahem* “personal fantasy videos”. And after that her actions became a long list of revolting illegal and immoral acts which you must see to believe. If you happen to read this post and you have any association whatsoever with this Ophiophagus hannah, get out now.

Internet Wonderland

May 1, 2025 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good morning. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce this week’s blog. I am delighted to say we are back up and running. We received our new surfboard modem from UPS, and it works well. We are now able to connect to the internet. This is of course a blessing and a curse. The internet is a vast expanse of information and as a poodle I find myself sometimes getting lost in its cavernous wonderland. I wander around looking at this video or reading that article or window shopping for those sparkly collars and then I look at the clock and I am stunned. The entire day is gone. How can this be? How can I have lost so much time? It is dreadful. It is wasteful. And yet, I am drawn to it like a bunny to a carrot. This nightmarish binge lasted a couple of days after we were back online and then I said to myself, I must stop. Life is too short to wander about in a virtual universe. There must be more to life than this. What did parti poodles do before the internet? I think they went to malls and strutted their beauty. I think they went to parties and strutted their beauty. I think they went to the park and strutted their beauty. How will I ever be able to strut my beautiful gorgeous black and white curls if I hide inside all day? I must be adored. There is a great big world out there of cats, bunnies, and dogs all strutting their beauty and they are missing out on the most beautiful creature of them all: Gigi. How can I deny the world my presence? Shame on me! I must rise on all fours, depart from my computer and voyage out on a mission to be absolutely adored. I will get on that right away…just as soon as I finish this game of solitaire. Until next week I bid you adieu.

MY BOOKS

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE LAST STOP IN YUMA COUNTY (2024)-SHOWTIME**

Small and quirky, this week’s pick takes a fresh spin on the hostage situation story written and directed by Francis Galluppi. Paying homage to tense low budget 70’s psychological thrillers, the film starts out on a quiet morning in Arizona with shots of a truck ala Duel and quickly takes us to a remote roadside diner and gas station with little else for miles around. A man known only as The Knife Salesman (Jim Cummings) has stopped for gas. He is enroute to see his little girl for her birthday who lives with her mother and stepfather in Carlsbad, California. When he arrives the gas station owner Vernon (Faizon Love) tells him the station’s pumps are empty and there isn’t another gas station for one hundred miles, but a refueling truck should be coming along shortly and he is welcome to wait in the diner next door.

The diner is owned by a pretty waitress named Charlotte (Jocelin Donahue) whom the salesman sees getting dropped off for work in a police car driven by her husband Sheriff Charlie (Michael Abbott Jr.). The Knife Salesman heads inside, and Charlotte pours him a cup of coffee and apologizes for the broken air conditioner. Over the radio we hear the Radio Host (Matt McVay) talk about a bank robbery that happened early this morning in Buckeye, Arizona involving thieves who fled with approximately $700,000 in a green Ford Pinto with a damaged rear end. Not long after that, a green Ford Pinto, which is running out of gas, pulls up to the gas station. The car has two men in it, a seasoned criminal named Beau (Richard Brake), and a young hot shot named Travis (Nicholas Logan). After finding out from Vernon they need to wait for the refueling truck to arrive, they enter the café, sit down and order coffee. As customer after customer comes into the diner the tension begins to rise and the sign outside that reads “You’ll Die for Our Rhubarb Pie” gets closer and closer to becoming literal for the patrons inside.

Cable Sugit

April 24, 2025 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce my weekly blog post. I must tell you; internet cable is a nightmare. They are digging up the neighborhood to lay down Fios. And we are absolutely delighted by this as we have wanted fast internet for a while now. However, while they were digging up the ground and laying the cable we lost the internet. The Fios workers were kind enough to repair our cable so we have a television, but we could not bring back our internet for the computer. We contacted our provider who sent out a technician. Turns out whatever the Fios workers did fried our router which, if you have a router, you know they are not the cheapest toy in the Crackerjack box as it were. Anyway, our router was fortunately still under warranty, and we were able to order a new one at the cost of twenty-five dollars to ship. Dreadful. However, it is better than paying one hundred and seventy dollars. We are trying every workaround to use what internet we can. My novelist and I must be careful about using our phone for a hot spot because we would have run out of data for the month. Hopefully, our router will arrive soon, and we will be back to our regularly scheduled program. Until then, I bid you adieu.

MY BOOKS

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: BEAU IS AFRAID (2023)-HBO MAX**

This week’s pick is without doubt one of the strangest movies I have ever seen. And that includes Blue Velvet which ironically makes complete sense to me. I will say Beau Is Afraid is not for all tastes, it is not for kids, and the ending is truly odd. But the first two acts of the film are downright hysterical, and they make it worth the watch. The film is wildly written and directed by Ari Aster.

The plot, if that indeed is what it is, is focused on a man named Beau Wassermann (bravely and brilliantly played by Joaquin Phoenix). Beau has reason to be afraid. He lives alone in the absolute worst neighborhood in America and is understandably seeing a therapist (Stephen McKinley Henderson). Today’s visit is extra special because Beau is going home to see his highly successful mother Mona Wassermann (played by both Zoe Lister-Jones & Patti LuPone) tomorrow. Beau has every intention of getting home to see her and has every intention of catching his flight and the therapist gives him some pills he absolutely must drink with water to survive the affair. But because an unknown person keeps slipping notes under his door all that night by an unknown person claiming he won’t turn down his music (Beau is not playing any music) he wakes up late to catch his early flight. In his rush to get to the airport on time he makes the dreaded mistake of leaving his suitcase and keys in the hall to run back and retrieve his beloved dental floss. When Beau returns to the hall both the suitcase and keys are gone. He then finds himself on a genuinely bizarre odyssey as he attempts to head home to his mother’s house and tries to get there in time before…well, you’re just going to have to watch it and find out for yourself.

Rounding out the cast of this whacky adventure are Parker Posey as Elane Bray, Beau’s childhood sweetheart, Nathan Lane as Roger, and Amy Ryan as his wife Grace. Also look for Bill Header in a small but crucial roll as UPS Guy.

Selling a House is Difficult Indeed

December 19, 2024 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here hoping you are having a wonderful holiday season. This week we finally got our tree up thanks to…Him. It has lights but no decorations yet. My novelist has been helping one of her relatives sell their house as well as starting work on her new novel. It has been utter madness. We’ve hardly had time to breathe. None of our gifts are wrapped. And our home is discombobulated. We have come to learn, as some of you may know, the biggest challenge to selling a house is emptying it. Absolute pandemonium. We have also learned that one of the worst things to sift through in a house is not accessories or books or clothing or dishes or tools. It’s papers. Papers are the worst. You must go through every document to figure out what is important and what is trash. An absolute nightmare. Things can be kept, sold, gifted and/or donated. But not paperwork. I wake up at night after dreaming about the sound of shredders. I now know what it is like to work for UPS. I have nothing but respect for those astute individuals. One would not think a writer would come to despise paper. However, a good writer often writes on their computer, uploading their work to the cloud and keeps notebooks of their writings usually in an orderly or somewhat orderly fashion. But paperwork, well now, that’s a whole different story.

That said, I am keeping a stiff upper lip and keeping my novelist well managed by telling her which pile to put which documents in. She has been remarkably accepting of my suggestions. The sale of the property should be completed this week and then we can settle back into our usual routine and move forward with the holiday season. I for one am still itching for my diamond studded collar to be placed under our tree by Santa or my novelist. Either is satisfactory. And now, here is my novelist’s Stream of the Week. Joyeuses Fêtes!

MY BOOKS

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: DERRY GIRLS (2018)-NETFLIX**

One of Netflix very best comedies is this absolute gem by Lisa McGee. If you have never seen it, you really, really should. It catches your attention right off the bat and you won’t be able to wait for the next episode. If you are looking for something to binge-watch this holiday season you will find it difficult to choose a better dark comedy than this one about five friends who find themselves in all sorts of wacky teenage situations which come off as utterly entertaining and smartly told. In my opinion, this might be one of the best if not the best teenage ensembles I’ve ever seen put together on a television show. McGee based the show on her teenage years when she attended Thornhill College in Northern Ireland in the early 1990’s. The show won a well-deserved Internation Emmy for its third and final season. At least the Emmys got something right.

Set in the early 1990’s in Northern Ireland in the little town of Derry, lives a group of catholic girls who just want to be teenagers and not bothered with the war, often referred to as The Troubles. Erin Quinn (Saoirse-Monica Jackson) is a sixteen-year-old catholic schoolgirl who keeps a diary and dreams of one day becoming a writer. She lives with her mother Mary Quinn (Tara Lynne O’Neill), her father Gerry Quinn (Tommy Tiernan), her maternal grandfather Joe McCool (Ian McElhinney), her sixteen-year-old cousin Orla McCool (Louisa Harland) and Orla’s mother Erin’s aunt Sarah McCool (Kathy Kiera Clarke).

Erin and Orla attend Our Lady Immaculate College with their friends the neurotic Clair Devlin (Nicola Coughlan) and cock-sure Michelle Mallon (Jamie-Lee O’Donnell). As the show opens on the first day of a new school year, Michelle is accompanied by her cousin James Maguire (Dylan Llewellyn) who has recently moved in with the Mallon’s. He is from England, which all the girls give him a hard time about and is the only male student attending the all-girls school. Our Lady Immaculate College is run by world weary nun Sister Michael (Siobhán McSweeney) who has seen it all and sees through just about everything.

What do you buy a Bunny for Christmas?

December 12, 2024 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here once again wishing you a happy holiday season. This week we have gotten a lot of rain although my novelist and I have managed to go for a walk here and there during the breaks. I often find myself sitting by the window in my novelist’s office curled up and cozy on my pillow watching the raindrops spatter on the window as my novelist works on her new book.

We still have not put up and trimmed our Christmas tree and the clock is ticking. I adore Christmas trees. They often have gifts under them addressed to me. I also have my own stocking. It is green and red and knit out of yarn and says Dogs Like Presents Too. Well, of course we do. I am still holding out for a diamond studded collar this year. I will probably get a lovely chew toy, but that does not stop me from dropping hints here and there. Like my paw print doodles that happen to look like diamonds. Or whining when a jewelry ad happens to pop up on the computer screen. Or opening my novelist’s jewelry box and bringing her one of her pieces. I am a master of subtle persuasion. Although I do face a serious reprimand for opening her jewelry box and bringing her one of her pieces. Diamonds are a poodle’s best friend after all.

I am also busy trying to pick out the perfect gifts for Bernard D. Bunny and his little sister Belle. What should one give a rabbit for Christmas? I was considering a gift card from the pet store. But I would have to lend Bernard my computer to put in an order online because although it is a marvelous store the bus ride would be tricky for him to take, and the checkout counter is rather tall. He can jump quite high but not that high. I may be able to hop up and down, catch air, and throw the card at the counter but then again, I would have to take the bus over there and that is a monumental feat. Oh, I suppose I could let the rabbit use my computer. But it is my computer after all. I guess if I didn’t leave him unsupervised it could work. I will order a stuffed bunny, make it two stuffed bunnies, and get the gift cards and put them in the bunnies’s paws. Mission accomplished. And with that, here is my novelist’s Stream of the Week. Joyeux Noël!

MY BOOKS

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: VICE PRINCIPALS (2016)-HBO**

As we move closer to Christmas, I thought I would list some great binging opportunities starting with this one. Danny McBride is television gold. His shows are edgy, funny and downright fantastic. And if you’ve never seen this one, you really should. It’s a real headscratcher for me why comedies like this don’t get nominated for Emmys. Apparently, you can’t be funny if you want to get nominated. And no, I’m not talking about The Bear. That show is good.

Many times, I’ll sit down to watch a comedy show that gets a lot of accolades and find it’s not even remotely humorous. These lukewarm bore fests either steal their format from a show that’s ten times better and come off as amateurs or they’re downright dull. But if it really makes you laugh like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia or The Righteous Gemstones it gets completely ignored. The television industry needs to rethink this problem.

One important thing this show did right was it was completely written, every episode that is, before it was ever cast or shot. And that makes all the difference in the world. A show should always know how it’s going to end. And if it doesn’t, the writers are sloppy. This should be required before a show is ever given the green light. A TV bible is great and all but if you do not know how the entire story ends, that show should never get made. Ever. Even if you can’t have the entire show completely written, know how it ends. Then and only then do you know where it’s going. J.J. Abrams, as an example, never ends any of his projects well. He starts out his stories strongly, but he can’t stick the landing to save his life whether it be Lost or Star Wars.

But Danny McBride deserves a score of ten and the gold medal. He co-created Vice Principals with Jody Hill, and the plot of this dark comedy works like this: Principal Welles (Bill Murray) of North Jackson High School is retiring to take care of his wife. Under Principal Welles are two vice principals: Neil Gamby (Danny McBride) the school’s authoritarian vice principal and Lee Russell (Walton Goggins) the vice principal of curriculum. Both despise each other and are cocksure one of them will take Principal Welles’s place. That is until they find out the school district has hired Dr. Belinda Brown (Kimberly Hébert Gregory) to fill the vacancy instead. After preparing to backstab each other to get the job, Russell invites Gamby to the woods near the school to call a truce and form a pact to oust Brown from her job so one of them can get the title instead.

Both Gamby and Russell have complicated personal lives which intervene with their plan. Gamby is recently divorced from his wife Gale (Busy Philips) and is trying to stay involved in the life of his daughter Janelle (Maya G. Love). Neil struggles to come to terms with Gale’s likable new husband Ray (Shea Whigham) and Ray’s passion for motorcycles instead of horses. He also finds himself falling for English teacher Amanda Snodgrass (Georgia King). Russell, meanwhile, is married to Christine (Susan Park) but struggles with his mother in-law Mi-Cha (June Kyoto Lu) who gives him no end of aggravation. Rounding out the cast are Edi Patterson as Ms. Abbott and Sheaun McKinney as Dayshawn.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Fifty: Final Chapter

November 15, 2024November 15, 2024 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce the fiftieth and final chapter of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This has been an experiment almost a year in the making. And now it has reached its glorious end. If you are not aware, the idea of my blog stories is to write a story on the fly, chapter to chapter as opposed to creating the foundation of a story and doing the research that accompanies most novels. After today I will be taking a hiatus to assist my novelist in writing…a novel…the traditional way. I will continue to do my usual Thursday posts, and my novelist will continue to write her Stream of the Week. I anticipate returning to writing stories for the blog again in the Summer of 2025 and will keep you updated. Until then, I hope you enjoy my fiftieth and final chapter of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Jouir!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Fifty

Curtis opened his eyes. He could see a carpet of green grass and his nose caught the smell of Easter lilies. He sat up and looked around and could see daffodils and tulips blooming in the nearby gardens. As he gazed further away, he saw a haze…maybe a mistiness across the field in the distance. Then he heard a jingle, a light metallic sound.

Out of the mist came a sight that gave him more relief than anything he’d ever seen. His little dog Haven with white satin bows in her hair ran towards him yipping frantically. When she reached him, she stood up on her hind legs and danced in front of him.

Curtis fell on his knees and scooped the little Yorkie runt into his arms. Her silky hair brushed against his cheek as he inhaled her clean scent that swirled in his mind like joy.

“Haven,” he said as warm rivers of tears streamed down his cheeks. “Haven, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you.”

Her small pink tongue flicked at his salty face as he stood up and carried her through the grass. He looked around and saw the mountains with white snowy caps. He could hear water flowing from a nearby fountain. He heard robins and blue jays and chickadees. He looked up into the cherry blossom trees and saw them flitting from branch to branch. He carried Haven over to the fountain, set her down, and sat down beside her. He kicked off his shoes so he could feel the grass on the soles of his feet.

He felt the sun on his face and closed his eyes. When he did, he heard a strange, distorted sound. His eyelids flew open, and the distorted sound stopped. His Cochlear nerve shifted, and the chorus of the birds and the falling water of the fountain once again filled his ears. He petted Haven and she laid her head in his lap. He looked across the rolling grass where brown bunnies hopped around and chased each other.

In the distance, something caught his eye. He studied it trying to make out what it was. It looked familiar but he was unsure. He reached out to his side and felt Haven’s leash curled beside him. He fastened it to Haven’s harness and started walking towards the object with his little dog leading the way. As he approached it, he realized it was a large ornate chair. As he moved around it, he found it was empty as if it were waiting for something or someone to sit on it. Haven trotted over, put her paws on the seat and stood on her hind legs wagging her tail and examining this odd piece of furniture.

“Haven, get down,” Curtis said.

Haven ignored him and hopped up in the seat and sat there wagging her tail.

“Come on. Let’s get down.”

Haven laid down on her stomach, put her head on her paws, and looked up at him with forlorn eyes.

“Cuteness will get you nowhere.”

Curtis reached over to lift her off the chair, but she hopped out of his hands and sat back down as if to say she wasn’t going anywhere. He sighed and sat down on the grass beside her. He closed his eyes and heard the strange, distorted sounds again. His eyes flew open, and the sounds stopped.

Bexley’s plane descended from the sky and landed on the tarmac at exactly 6:00am. She had her small carry-on under the seat in front of her and her larger carry-on with wheels in the bin above. She was sitting in front, and she knew as soon as first class got off the plane she would be inside the airport in no time. Although it was a short flight, she managed to sleep most of the way. The plane had less passengers on it than she’d anticipated.

She looked out the window as the jet’s wheels coasted to a stop. She took her ear plugs out of her ears, reached down and retrieved her small carry-on bag. She stood up, set it on her seat, stepped out into the aisle, grabbed her larger carry-on from the bin above her, and set it on the ground. This was no small task as the carry-on was weighed down with souvenirs she had picked up while in Palm Springs. She stood there waiting for the first-class passengers to disembark. Then she slipped the strap of the small carry-on over her shoulder and dragged her matching larger carry-on behind her as she headed to the front of the plane where she said goodbye to the flight attendants and the vaguely sleezy-looking pilots. She traversed down the jet bridge and arrived at the small airport.

As she headed out the sliding glass doors and stood outside waiting for her shuttle to arrive, she realized how much colder it was here than Palm Springs. Not as cold as winter, but there was a misty rain, and the sky was a somber shade of grey. She regretted giving her phone number to that tall guy who always wore his baseball hat backwards and sported sleeveless white t-shirts with that California microbrew insignia on the back. She also shouldn’t have given her number to that bodybuilder who was always sticking a bottle cap between his thumb and forefinger and snapping it trying to determine how far it would sail through the air. And she never should have given her number to that annoying short guy with the nasal voice who kept following her all around the beach. Note to self: change phone number today.

Bexley was surprised at how empty the shuttle was when she boarded it. The only other passenger was a young woman her own age. The woman had bleach blonde frosted curls, a light tan, and sported an anklet that looked like a friendship bracelet and three gold hoops in each ear. When the young woman sat down, she turned to Bexley and said, “Heading back for Spring Quarter?”

Bexley studied the woman a moment and said, “Something like that.”

“I’m going to end up going Summer Quarter this year too.”

“That sucks.”

“Tell me about it. I had to drop a couple classes this year, so I need to make them up somehow, right?”

Bexley shrugged. “What are you going to do?”

“I know, right?”

The shuttle pulled into a place called The Coconut Express where both women had parked their cars. Bexley and the woman didn’t say anything else to each other. They just got off the shuttle, retrieved their bags, and tipped the driver. Bexley headed to her lime green Fiat, stuck her carry-ons in the trunk and climbed into the driver’s seat. She headed out to the freeway en route to the Dupree Tax Agency before she got off at the second exit.

She drove up to a bikini barista coffee stand called Kitty Cat Cappuccino. She’d worked at one outside of town a few years ago before getting a receptionist job. In truth, with tips she’d made more slinging coffee than she made answering phones. But she’d gotten tired of the clientele. One guy who’d really irritated her was, ironically, not some dude who drove an oversized pickup truck blasting Blake Shelton and Jelly Roll but rather a respectable lawyer in a Tesla who was fond of single-breasted suits and two-hundred-dollar haircuts. He had an annoying habit of reaching out of his car window, pinching the side of her bikini bottoms and snapping them back.

After a week of putting up with his shenanigans, she went to HotSauceRUs.com and purchased a small bottle of Da Bomb Evolution hot sauce. If you are not familiar with Da Bomb Evolution hot sauce it only requires a few drops to be brutal. When Mr. Tesla unassumingly drove up to the window of Kitty Cat Cappuccino, reached out and predictably snapped her bikini bottoms, Bexley had turned and smiled at him as she handed him his triple iced mocha. Turns out, Mr. Tesla’s mocha was not as iced as he thought that day as it contained no less than fifteen drops of Da Bomb Evolution which, as you may have guessed dear reader, blew his mind. He crashed his car into a stop sign, and after a 911 call made by a volunteer at a local women’s shelter, the drink landed him in the emergency room.

After tipping the barista a proper twenty percent, Bexley drove back onto the freeway and headed for the Dupree Tax Agency. At precisely seven fifty-five AM, she parked her lime green Fiat in the back parking lot of the Dupree Tax Agency, hopped out of her car, and headed to the front door with her keys.

“I’m back, she said tromping I in her black Birkenstocks she’d worn on the plane and her black summer cashmere t-shirt and charcoal colored Lucky Brand jeans with the Treasure and Bond black leather belt with the large gold tone oval buckle. She was greeted with the unexpected sound of silence. As she looked around she found the office to be vacant. She stepped up and set her drink from Kitty Cat Cappucino on the receptionist desk and wandered into the break room. Everything looked organized and in its place. She headed back out into the office area but still no one was at their desk. “Hello? Is anyone here? Hello?”

Suddenly, the door to Mr. Dupree’s office opened and Bexley heard whimpering. There was a light scuffling sound and then Mr. Dupree stepped outside his office and started descending the stairs. When he saw Bexley he said, “Looks like you’re back from vacation. And you got a little sun, I see.”

Bexley looked past him and saw Fia descending the stairs. In her arms she held a tiny Yorkshire Terrier puppy. The dog appeared to be a runt and had a bright red bow tied in its hair between its ears. “Is that yours, Fia?”

Fia looked at Bexley and her eyes widened. “It’s a gift,” she said.

“For whom?”

“I’m glad you’re back, Bexley,” Mr. Dupree said.

“Thank you, Dallas.” Bexley looked around at the empty office. “So…what did I miss?”

MY BOOKS

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE DIG (2021)-NETFLIX**

This Netflix original is a wonderful period piece about a widowed woman and her young son on the eve of WWII. It is well-directed by Simon Stone with a screenplay by Moira Buffini based on the novel of the same name by John Preston.

Edith Pretty (Carrie Mulligan) lives on a large estate in Sutton Hoo she and her deceased husband purchased that may be a site for an archeological excavation due to the large burial mounds on the property. Edith hires excavator and self-taught archeologist Basil Brown (Ralph Fiennes) to see what he can dig up there. Basil is hesitant at first because Edith is not able to pay him a large enough wage to cover his costs, but through the persistence of Edith’s young son Robert Pretty (Archie Barnes) and Edith’s offer to pay him a larger sum, he decides to give it a try.

After digging for a while Basil finds iron rivets which he believes may be from a ship that could date back to the Anglo Saxons and not the Vikings. Edith has the museum experts come in and they doubt Robert’s findings as such ships would be very old. Edith insists Basil continue leading the excavation and her cousin Rory Lomax (Johnny Flynn) is brought in to assist Basil. News of the dig reaches Cambridge archaeologist Charles Philips (Ken Stott) who declares the dig to be of national importance after Basil and Rory believe they have found a ship. Philips calls in the Office of Works to take over and brings in a larger team including newlyweds Stuart Ernest Piggott (Ben Chaplin) and Peggy Piggott (Lily James).

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Nine

November 7, 2024 ~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter forty-nine of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Yesterday my novelist went and got her Covid shot, and her Flu shot she has been quite tired today. I asked her to assist me with my intro and she snored. She is most difficult when she is groggy. I am surprised she was even able to get my drinking water changed this morning. She really should take my needs into consideration when she gets inoculated. Her sleepiness is most disrupting to my life. Especially since I have a garden party with Bernard this afternoon. I have become quite a celebrity with Bernard and the other bunnies as a fairytale writer. In the late afternoons we sit out on the grass and all the bunnies gather round and I tell them fairy tales. They are especially fond of the one about the troll that lives in the abandoned tree house. Every night the troll climbs down from his tree house to hunt squirrels although the local squirrels led by Sergio dismiss this idea as fiction. That said I am desperate to finish up here so I can go be admired by the local wildlife. And so, I will wrap it up here and quickly introduce chapter forty-nine of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Nine

After Fia secured the door to the attic, she hurried down the stairs and burst outside. She spotted Grady’s minivan and headed towards the driver’s door. Someone came out of the van and ran for the garage. Hanging back in the shadows, she watched the figure open the garage door and hurry inside. Fia ran for the van, peered into the window, and saw Curtis slumping over in the passenger’s seat. She tried to open the passenger side door, but it was locked.

“Curtis!” she yelled pounding on the window. But he was not moving. She tried pulling on the van’s side door, but it too was locked. She ran to the driver’s side door and tried to open it, but to no avail. “Curtis!” she yelled again, pounding on the windshield. But Curtis remained motionless.

Fia turned to see the figure who’d run into the garage start to pull Curtis’s Aunt Odette’s Vespa out of the garage. Fia snuck through the shadows searching around the ground as she went for something to use as a weapon. Suddenly, she spotted an old-discarded wooden rake and slowly picked it up. She moved towards the side of the garage.

The figure revved the Vespa’s engine. Fia got into position holding the rake like a baseball bat. Her heart pounded as she waited for her opportunity. The figure coasted the scooter forwards and as she did Fia swung. The end of the rake hit the driver square in the face causing her to fall off the vehicle. Fia proceeded to whack the passenger several times. “Where’s the key’s to the van?” she demanded.

“Stop hitting me!” Makenna shouted back. She reached out and grabbed the rake’s handle pulling Fia down to the ground. The two women grappled for control.

“Give me the keys he’s not moving!”

“I don’t have the keys!”

“What do you mean you don’t have the keys?”

“I jammed them into him.”

“What? Why?”

“Because he wouldn’t shut up.”

“He’s dying in there.”

“I have a Vespa to ride.”

Makenna pulled the rake out of Fia’s hands and swung it at Fia’s head. Fia rolled out of the way and hopped to her feet. She reached for the rake, but Makenna jabbed the pole’s end at her. Fia stumbled back.

“We’ve got to get him out of there, Makenna!”

“He can rot in there for all I care.”

“What did you do to him?”

“Nothing.”

Makenna jabbed the rake at Fia again. Fia jumped back and realized the only way to help Curtis was to let Makenna escape. “Go ahead and take the Vespa.”

Makenna backed up towards the scooter, her weapon ready to jab again. Fia stood and watched her. Makenna, rake still in hand hopped on, revved the engine and took off. As she was peeling out of the driveway, Fia ran to the minivan and peered into the passenger side window. “Curtis! Curtis, open the door!”

Curtis remained slumped over and motionless against the passenger side door. Fia pulled her phone out of her back pocket and dialed 911.

“911,” a female operator said. “What is your emergency?”

“My friend has passed out in a van, and he isn’t moving,” Fia said.

“Is he sleeping?”

“No, I can’t wake him up.”

“Are you in the van with him?”

“No, I’m locked outside.”

“What is your location?”

“I’m at 1800 Big Lake Drive.”

“Is the van parked in the front or the back of the residence?”

“It’s in the front facing the road.”

“I’m dispatching a unit out there right now. They should be there in five minutes.”

“Please tell them to hurry. I’m not sure what happened to him, but I think he may have been assaulted.”

“Did you see someone suspicious around who may have attacked him?”

“Yes.”

“Can you describe them?”

“When are the emergency responders supposed to get here?”

“In a couple of minutes.”

Fia peered into the passenger side window. “He’s not moving.”

“Alright I’ll stay on the line until they get there.”

Just then Fia heard sirens wailing in the distance. “I think they’re on their way.”

The blue and red flashing lights of the police prowlers came racing down the road and spun into the driveway. Fia saw the lights of neighbor’s houses flip on. The officers got out of their car just as the siren of an ambulance came into earshot. The ambulance whipped around the corner and plowed into the front yard of Aunt Odette’s house.

This was followed by the sound of a fire engine screaming from the opposite direction. The red leviathan snaked its way into the driveway and pulled up beside the ambulance. Two firefighters jumped off the truck. One of them was wielding an axe. He ran up beside Fia. “Which side is he on?”

“The passenger’s side,” she said.

The fireman ran over to the minivan, lifted his axe and smashed it into the driver’s side window sending shards of glass everywhere. He reared the axe back and struck the window again. Then he reached in and unlocked the driver’s side door.

His partner leaned across the seat, grabbed Curtis and dragged him out of the van. “Looks like we’ve got a bleeder here!”

MY BOOKS

**STREAM OF THE WEEK: AMERICAN FICTION (2023)-PRIME VIDEO**

This week’s pick was last year’s winner of the Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay. And although I would have picked The Holdovers in this category, this is a fantastic script well worthy of the prize. The film was written and directed by Oscar winner Cord Jefferson based on the novel Erasure by Percival Everett. It’s the story of a professor and novelist who strives his entire life to write profound literature. And he is successful at it except for one thing: his books are not best sellers.

Thelonious ‘Monk’ Ellison (brilliantly and drolly played by Academy Award Nominee Jeffery Wright) is a literature professor living in Los Angeles who wants to be a great author. He does not want to be seen as a great author because he is African American, he wants to be seen as a great author because his books are outstanding. He gets irritated when bookstores put his works in the African American Studies section instead of the Literature section. He gets frustrated with his family because his siblings Lisa (Tracee Ellis Ross) and his brother Clifford (Sterling K. Brown) are both doctors and praised for their intelligence while he is ignored. Especially by his mother Agnes (Leslie Uggams) who has Alzheimer’s disease and touts Clifford as a genius despite his hedonistic lifestyle.

When Monk’s university puts him on leave over verbal conflicts with students, he travels out to see his family at his mom and dad’s summer home in Boston. While there, Monk meets next-door neighbor and lawyer Coraline (Erika Alexander). He attends a seminar where a first time author he despises named Sinatra Golden (Issa Rae) published a successful novel called We’s Lives in Da Ghetto chock full of black stereotypes.And then tragedy strikes.

Nearing his wit’s end, Monk sits down one night and pens a satirical melodramatic novel about the black experience. He takes it into his agent Arthur (John Ortiz) and says it was written as a joke, but Arthur sends the book out anyway under the pseudonym Stagg R. Leigh causing all sorts of pandemonium for Monk.