Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter seventeen of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This is Oscar week and I have already been to the groomers and am looking fabulous. My novelist has even gifted me with a sparkly rhinestone collar. I am so delighted to wear it. I am always excited about viewing the gala as there are many delectable horderves and appetizers prepared by…him. They are downright scrumptious. As a poodle I only get to smell them mostly but occasionally a crumb or two might make its way to the floor and then it is heaven. I also enjoy filling out an Oscar ballot and trying to guess who will walk away with the gold. I am researching the Baftas, the Golden Globes, the Art Designer’s Guild Awards, the Costume Designer Guild Awards, the Director’s Guild Awards, the ACE Eddie Awards, and the SAG awards to try and decide which films have the best chance in each category. It is quite a research project. To all of you out there working on your Oscar competitions I wish you the best of luck. And now here is chapter seventeen of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant.  

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Seventeen

Mr. Dupree sat in his Steelcase chair in his home office talking to the police. “She never came back after lunch,” he told Sheriff Bob.

“Well, now,” Sheriff Bob said, “I’d love to help you, Dal but a person isn’t considered missing until it’s been at least twenty-four hours. Unless, of course, the person is under eighteen, which Fia is not.”

“It’s not like her to act this irresponsible. I mean she’s a little irresponsible. All college kids are a little irresponsible. But not to this degree. Her mother and I are deeply concerned. Deeply concerned, Bob. And we want the police looking for her as soon as possible.”

“I know how you feel, Dal. I know how you feel. If it was our Brady, Jill and I would be deeply concerned too.”

“And what would you do if it was Brady?”

“I’d start looking for him immediately. But I’d also know the police couldn’t start looking for him for a full twenty-four hours.”

“That’s absurd. Anything could happen in twenty-four hours. I could fly to Japan and back in twenty-four hours.”

“Well, you’d be going through a lightning-fast TSA line if you did.”

“You know what I mean, Bob.”

“Yes, Dal, I do. But that doesn’t take away from the fact Fia hasn’t been missing for twenty-four hours. Call me at noon tomorrow if she hasn’t shown up. I’ll get a posse together and go on a manhunt to bring Fia home.”

“She could be dead by tomorrow, Bob. My little girl could be dead. Do you have any idea how much I paid to put her through school? Not to mention all those years of theatre classes and long wretched hours of watching plays and listening to kids screw up lines and wander around on stage like donkeys with burrs in their hips.”

“I feel you, Dal. I surely do. But she went missing at noon and I can’t send my officers out to look for her until tomorrow.”

“I hope you shoot off your ass with that gun of yours, Bob.”

“Now, Dal, that’s no way to talk to an officer of the…”

Dallas Dupree hung up. He marched out of his office, down the stairs to the front door where he grabbed his coat and keys, headed into the garage, hopped in his Cadillac, and opened the automatic door.

“Idiot!” he growled as he began driving down the street. “She could be in a dumpster by now! She could be in Tiajuana walking the streets for tricks! She could be in a dirty bus on route to South America with some nutjob soldier of fortune who’s talked her into smuggling Peruvian cocaine into the US!” At least he was out here looking for her hoping by one small chance she might still be in the state, in town, hanging out with those nitwit friends of hers drinking shots of Jägermeister and flirting with imbecilic earwigs who still live in their parent’s basements.

Mr. Dupree headed downtown and pulled into the back parking lot of a sports bar called Deep League and turned off the engine of his silver Cadillac CT5. Deep League was the most popular bar in town, and he knew Fia and Bexley had met up there the night before. He figured if she was hanging out somewhere this was the place. He stepped into the dimly lit establishment. Green bar lights hung over a pool table and a foosball table. A pinball machine stood in the corner. The tables had the local sports team’s logos on the tops and the chairs were wooden with armrests and caster wheels. Loud music blasted from the sound system making him fear he would go deaf.

Mr. Dupree scanned the crowded room for his daughter. There was an ample amount of college aged men and women who had returned home for spring break. You see, Fia, he thought. Not everyone travels to exotic places between quarters. He slowly weaved his way up to the beaten up cherrywood bar with the hope the bartender who was working tonight was the one who worked the night before. “Excuse me,” he said when he arrived.  

The bartender turned around and looked at Mr. Dupree. Mr. Dupree noted the man had a tattoo of an angry black bear clutching an innocent looking bunny by the throat on his right bicep and a tattoo of a punk rock girl sporting a mohawk and smoking a cigarette on the left bicep. “What’ll you have, pops?” the bartender asked.

“I’m looking for a girl.”

“Aren’t we all.”

“No, I mean I’m looking for my daughter. I have a photo of her.” Dallas showed the bartender a recent picture of Fia on his phone.

“She’s hot.”

“Yes, well, be that as it may she’s decided to play hooky from work, and no one’s seen her since lunch. She came in here last night with my receptionist Bexley…”

“Oh, yeah! I know Bexley. She’s cool.”

“The point is Bexley, and my daughter came in here last night, and I was wondering if you’d seen them come in here this evening.”

“Man, I can’t recollect. Although I might be persuaded to search my memory files if you were to encourage me with a tip.”

“A tip? I didn’t order anything. Why should I tip you?”

“Suit yourself, pops. It’s not my daughter who’s missing.”

The bartender turned his back on Mr. Dupree and went about making a Harvey Wallbanger. Mr. Dupree’s face turned beat red. He glared at the bartender’s back. He hated being taken and he knew there was a fifty-fifty chance this guy didn’t remember Fia being in here at all. But he seemed to know Bexley. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

“Bartender,” he said.

The bartender turned back around.

“I’ll have a Monkey Shoulder neat.”

“My kind of guy,” the bartender said handing the Harvey Wallbanger to his patron and grabbing a glass. He reached up to the top shelf and took down the bottle of Monkey Shoulder scotch and poured Mr. Dupree his libation. He set the glass on the bar and Mr. Dupree paid for the drink plus a hefty tip.

“Yeah, I saw Bexley and your daughter last night. They came in and ordered a couple of drinks. I remember Bexley ordered an apple martini and your daughter ordered pineapple juice and soda. Bexley was trying to get her to put a little rum in it, but your daughter said no. Said she needed to work the next day. Then they played foosball for about a half an hour.”

“And tonight?”

“Haven’t seen them.”

“Great,” Dallas said sarcastically. “You have been so much help.”

“Thanks for the tip, pops.”

Mr. Dupree downed his scotch, turned on his heel, and left the establishment.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: NYAD (2024)-NETFLIX

This week’s pick is an Oscar nominated biopic about Diana Nyad, a fierce, focused athlete who unabashedly sets out at the age of sixty to swim from Cuba to the Florida Keys.

The film starts out with Diana (Annette Benning in a much-deserved Oscar nominated performance) celebrating her birthday with a surprise party thrown by her best friend and fellow athlete Bonnie Stoll (the always fantastic Jodie Foster in an Oscar nominated performance). Diana had attempted to make the swim from Cuba to Florida in 1978 at the age of twenty-eight but was unable to reach her destination. After celebrating her 60^th birthday, Diana decides one way or another to reach her ever elusive goal. She begins training by swimming at the local pool and lifting weights.

She enlists a reluctant Bonnie to be her coach and the two relocate to Florida where they hire John Bartlett (Rhys Ifans) to be their navigator on the boat that will accompany Diana. They set out to make the journey. Determined to swim without a cage she uses a special shark repellant electronic device known as a Shark Shield. Diana finds herself pushed off course by unfavorable ocean currents and she is unable to reach Florida. But Diana is determined to reach her goal and prepares for her third attempt. She finds a box jellyfish expert who gives her a specially designed suit to fight the deadly stinging box jellyfish, her other worst enemy on her journey.