Am I not merciful?

There are several and we are not being comical this time. Combinations of any of the following are highly suspect.

1. They drink black coffee.
2. They drink gin and tonic.
3. They like bitter foods such as radishes.
4. They eat strange combinations of foods and often like fast food (like Donald Trump or Warren Buffet)
5. They exhibit a poor sense of smell.
6. They are obsessed with food, money and sex.
7. They have heavy prominent eyebrows.
8. They have a wide face.
9. They have a flat affect.
10. They bully people.
11. They are extroverted and a thinker.
12. They have a tendency to get in your personal space.
13. They are twitchy and/or use their hands a lot when they talk.
14. They are arrogant and narcissistic.
15. They don’t like animals, don’t like pets and if they live where they could have pets, they don’t have any.
16. They often engage in high-risk activities such as base jumping, hang gliding, snowboarding, gambling, fast driving.
17. They have a violent temper.
18. They are a member of a college fraternity.
19. They are extroverted (not introverted) and play sports for a high school or college or professionally.
20. They are an ESTP, ENTP or ENTJ. Sometimes possibly an ESTJ.
21. They are majoring or planning to major in business administration, law, communications, criminology, religion, culinary arts, or planning on becoming a surgeon.
22. They are a CEO, a salesperson, a lawyer, a policeman or policewoman, a surgeon, a chef, a journalist, a postal worker, a politician, a civil servant, a member of the clergy, or they work in the media.
23. They have abnormal speech patterns consisting of unusually high amounts of doubled words, disfluencies, and excessive use of subordinate conjunctions such as because, so that, that, therefore, etc.
24. They primarily listen to rap music and like songs like “No Diggity” by Blackstreet and “Lose Yourself” my Eminem and hate songs like “My Sharonna” by The Knack and “Titanium” by Sia.
25. They have an above average IQ. One example is Simon Cowell and Ted Bundy who both have/ had an IQ of 124.
26. They are pathological liars.
27. They are charming.

Why it was a dog bed of course. Apparently, the spoiled rotten Maltese needs a new dog bed. I don’t know why he should be bestowed a new sleeping apparatus. He’s perfectly fine on the floor on his well-worn pillow. Why does he need a mattress? I don’t get a new bed. Just because I sleep on my novelist’s Sealy Posturepedic mattress doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the best, the finest dog bed around. But do I get one? No. I just get scolded for growling at that wretched cur every time he wants to hop up on my bed. I mean the nerve. Doesn’t he realize it’s uncivilized for a Maltese to sleep on the same mattress as a parti poodle? Does he not realize he is unworthy? And then my novelist, my Maltese enabler insisting he needs better support. Better support. Are you kidding me? That thing is spoiled beyond belief. Eating the same special dog food I do, eating the same premium treats I do, sleeping on a new bed instead of the cold hard floor where he belongs. It’s utter madness. So, there you are. That’s the last thing my novelist and I searched for online. Pathetic.

Good evening. As you may know, every Thursday when we do our weekly blog post, my novelist chooses a film, television show, or mini-series that is on one of the streaming services presently and writes an article on it. Last week we listed Uncle Buck as an example which, though a comedy, has stood the test of time. The film can come from any genre and be a newer or older film, but it has to be good enough to recommend. These choices can come from Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, Apple TV +, Showtime, HBO, Roku and a number of other free premium streaming services such as Freebee. We have literally watched thousands of films and so it is very difficult to make a list of our top ten favorites because once you get into the best of the best it can be like comparing apples to oranges. But we will list ten favorites we think are outstanding, rewatchable and everyone should see. Honestly, we would rather list one hundred. And we would still want to honor more. Here is our list in no particular order:

1. Vertigo

2. A Clockwork Orange

3. The Graduate

4. Pulp Fiction

5. Psycho

6. Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

7. The Manchurian Candidate (Original)

8. Rocky

9. The Apartment

10. It’s a Wonderful Life

And here are twenty-one more that could have easily made our list also in no particular order:

1. The Piano

2. Notorious

3. The Terminator

4. Rear Window

5. Memento

6. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

7. Three Colors: White

8. Taxi Driver

9. Sex, Lies and Videotape

10. Donnie Darko

11. Being There

12. Fargo

13. The Last Picture Show

14. Sling Blade

15. The Truman Show

16. The Silence of the Lambs

17. The Hustler

18. The Shop Around The Corner

19. Thelma and Louise

20. Memories of Murder

21. The Usual Suspects

But there is one film which was originally presented in Poland that we think might be one of the greatest film achievements of all time. But because it was technically a television show it was arguable whether the film should make the list. It is ten hours long and worth every single minute and it is called:

The Dekalog

Each “episode” is set in the same apartment building in Poland and based on one of the Ten Commandments. All the stories are interconnected and have different tones. Some are tragic, some are comedic and all of them are profound. Find this film and watch it. Do not miss this masterpiece.

In an alternate universe I would be supreme comander of everything. I would rule the world with an iron paw. Everything would run smoothly. I would cut the number of managers by sixty percent and increase the number of talent, both scientific and artistic by at least thirty percent. I would be visionary, moving towards more answers to the universe and the world at large. Education would be of the utmost importance. Personal finance classes would be taught starting at seventh grade. Standard testing would be abolished. The use of disposable plastic would be greatly reduced except for the medical industry and scientific testing. Synthetic clothing would be allowed at a minimum. Dogs would be allowed to vote. Cats would be considered. Reading across the board would be requied. Work weeks would be reduced to four days a week. I would live in a luxurious compound built to my standards that would be designed by Frank Gehry. It would be tastefully and moderately filled with modern art and one painting by Jim Carrey.

I weigh six pounds and am slim and wiry in build. I sport a Holstein pattern on my back, a white underbelly, and my face and short tail have curly black hair. All four of my legs are salt and pepper in color. I have silky black ears with a wavy curl much like the texture of Lady from Lady and the Tramp. I have a majestic Greek nose and my paw pads are mostly black with one pink one on my right front side. My eyes are bright brown and can look into the core of your soul. All in all I am quite stunning.

Being a parti poodle myself, I of course would choose my fellow Canis lupus familiaris. Although, I have occasionally come across particular Felis catus who are acceptable to be around. One in particular was a small Siamese kitten. She was the brightest of her liter of three and in addition to Siamese was also fluent in Balinese, Burmese, and Savannah. She had long planned to study Botany at the Sorbonne but alas she had a bit of a breakdown towards the end of her senior year in college after falling in love with a Manx and ended up having a liter with him. He of course left her high and dry. Later on, she took night classes at a nearby community college but in order to make ends meet she found herself serving cocktails at a strip club called The Naughty Kitten. The tips were good, but it changed ownership just as she was starting her second semester. Luckily, she was granted a scholarship to the University of Washington where she found a way to cross a carnation with ivy to create a new breed of floral vine. The vines began growing on the campus and eventually took over the regular ivy that grew up many of the Collegiate Gothic architecture seen on the campus. This unfortunately did not turn out to be as lucrative as one would hope, and she struggled to make ends meet for a couple of years until she was finally able to sell it to a small business wedding company who uses it often in their arrangements.