Tag: christmas

What do you buy a Bunny for Christmas?

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here once again wishing you a happy holiday season. This week we have gotten a lot of rain although my novelist and I have managed to go for a walk here and there during the breaks. I often find myself sitting by the window in my novelist’s office curled up and cozy on my pillow watching the raindrops spatter on the window as my novelist works on her new book.  

We still have not put up and trimmed our Christmas tree and the clock is ticking. I adore Christmas trees. They often have gifts under them addressed to me. I also have my own stocking. It is green and red and knit out of yarn and says Dogs Like Presents Too. Well, of course we do. I am still holding out for a diamond studded collar this year. I will probably get a lovely chew toy, but that does not stop me from dropping hints here and there. Like my paw print doodles that happen to look like diamonds. Or whining when a jewelry ad happens to pop up on the computer screen. Or opening my novelist’s jewelry box and bringing her one of her pieces. I am a master of subtle persuasion. Although I do face a serious reprimand for opening her jewelry box and bringing her one of her pieces. Diamonds are a poodle’s best friend after all.

I am also busy trying to pick out the perfect gifts for Bernard D. Bunny and his little sister Belle. What should one give a rabbit for Christmas? I was considering a gift card from the pet store. But I would have to lend Bernard my computer to put in an order online because although it is a marvelous store the bus ride would be tricky for him to take, and the checkout counter is rather tall. He can jump quite high but not that high. I may be able to hop up and down, catch air, and throw the card at the counter but then again, I would have to take the bus over there and that is a monumental feat. Oh, I suppose I could let the rabbit use my computer. But it is my computer after all. I guess if I didn’t leave him unsupervised it could work. I will order a stuffed bunny, make it two stuffed bunnies, and get the gift cards and put them in the bunnies’s paws. Mission accomplished. And with that, here is my novelist’s Stream of the Week. Joyeux Noël!

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: VICE PRINCIPALS (2016)-HBO

As we move closer to Christmas, I thought I would list some great binging opportunities starting with this one. Danny McBride is television gold. His shows are edgy, funny and downright fantastic. And if you’ve never seen this one, you really should. It’s a real headscratcher for me why comedies like this don’t get nominated for Emmys. Apparently, you can’t be funny if you want to get nominated. And no, I’m not talking about The Bear. That show is good.

Many times, I’ll sit down to watch a comedy show that gets a lot of accolades and find it’s not even remotely humorous. These lukewarm bore fests either steal their format from a show that’s ten times better and come off as amateurs or they’re downright dull. But if it really makes you laugh like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia or The Righteous Gemstones it gets completely ignored. The television industry needs to rethink this problem.

One important thing this show did right was it was completely written, every episode that is, before it was ever cast or shot. And that makes all the difference in the world. A show should always know how it’s going to end. And if it doesn’t, the writers are sloppy. This should be required before a show is ever given the green light. A TV bible is great and all but if you do not know how the entire story ends, that show should never get made. Ever. Even if you can’t have the entire show completely written, know how it ends. Then and only then do you know where it’s going. J.J. Abrams, as an example, never ends any of his projects well. He starts out his stories strongly, but he can’t stick the landing to save his life whether it be Lost or Star Wars.

But Danny McBride deserves a score of ten and the gold medal. He co-created Vice Principals with Jody Hill, and the plot of this dark comedy works like this: Principal Welles (Bill Murray) of North Jackson High School is retiring to take care of his wife. Under Principal Welles are two vice principals: Neil Gamby (Danny McBride) the school’s authoritarian vice principal and Lee Russell (Walton Goggins) the vice principal of curriculum. Both despise each other and are cocksure one of them will take Principal Welles’s place. That is until they find out the school district has hired Dr. Belinda Brown (Kimberly Hébert Gregory) to fill the vacancy instead. After preparing to backstab each other to get the job, Russell invites Gamby to the woods near the school to call a truce and form a pact to oust Brown from her job so one of them can get the title instead.

Both Gamby and Russell have complicated personal lives which intervene with their plan. Gamby is recently divorced from his wife Gale (Busy Philips) and is trying to stay involved in the life of his daughter Janelle (Maya G. Love). Neil struggles to come to terms with Gale’s likable new husband Ray (Shea Whigham) and Ray’s passion for motorcycles instead of horses. He also finds himself falling for English teacher Amanda Snodgrass (Georgia King). Russell, meanwhile, is married to Christine (Susan Park) but struggles with his mother in-law Mi-Cha (June Kyoto Lu) who gives him no end of aggravation. Rounding out the cast are Edi Patterson as Ms. Abbott and Sheaun McKinney as Dayshawn.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Seven

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. Normally Gigi would be introducing the blog but this week I am. I am the one known as Him. And I want to give you my side of the story. These dogs are a pain in the neck. Spoiled to a fault. I mean they whine when they want to go outside, they whine when they want a treat, they whine when it’s suppertime and they whine when they want to sit on your lap. And then when one sits in your lap the other one either protests or starts a fight. They get me up at six in the morning. Sometimes five. Maybe if I were a farmer that would be acceptable. But I’m no farmer and this is insane. I don’t know how Gigi’s novelist puts up with these two. I’m about ready to trade them in on a mutt. There are some seriously nice dogs in the pound who would love a home and would be better behaved. Maybe I should box these two up and make a trade.

Are you talking to my audience?

Yes, I’m talking to your audience, Gigi. And I’m telling them what a pain in the neck you are.

That is most rude.

Yeah, I don’t think so.

And why aren’t you wrapping my Christmas gifts.

Your Christmas gifts? You’re on the naughty list, poodle. You’re not getting any Christmas gifts.

I am not on the naughty list. Santa sent me a letter saying so.

Santa sent you a letter. Right.

I have it right here. Allow me to read it: “Dear Gigi, you are no longer on the naughty list. You will be getting lots of presents this year. Sincerely, Santa Claus”. See. Now go wrap my gifts.

Why should I wrap you gifts if Santa Claus is going to deliver them to you?

Because…

I am Tucker and I am a Maltese. I am now going to bark the song Jingle Bells.

What? Not again! You dogs suck!

Listen to Him. Do not bark that stupid…

I just wanted to wish your audience Happy Holidays., Gigi

I…well…okay.

Maybe we should all wish your audience Happy Holidays.

Okay. Fine. Him, what do you think?

Sure, why not.

Okay one the count of three. One, two, three!

Happy Holidays!

And now here is Chapter Seven of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Joyeux Noël!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Seven

On Wednesday afternoon at exactly 12:15 PM, Makenna and Lance pulled up along the sidewalk of the street where Curtis’s duplex resided.

“Have you got your ski mask?” Makenna asked.

“Right here,” Lance said waving it around.

Makenna scowled. “Don’t be an idiot. Stick it in your hoodie pocket and don’t take it out until I say so.”

“Yeah, alright, okay, whatever.”

“It’s stupidity like this that makes me not want you tagging along.”

“I put the ski mask away, okay? Get a grip. Sheesh.”

“We’re going to follow the plan exactly as we planned it. Otherwise, we’re going to get caught. And I don’t want to get caught. Just like I don’t want to get caught cheating on my taxes.”

“You cheat on your taxes?”

“I just…I don’t want to get caught.”

“Alright, already. We’ll follow the plan exactly as we planned it.”

“Now let’s put our hoods up and get out of the car.” Makenna and Lance disembarked Makenna’s BMW and headed quietly up the street towards Curtis’s duplex. “Keep your hood up and your head down. The place likely has some sort of surveillance system.”

“I guessed Cook the Books probably had one.”

“More likely the landlord had something installed. You’ve got Grady’s dog crate, right?”

“I thought you were bringing it.”

“No, we agreed on this. You would bring the dog crate and I would put the dog in it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Makenna threw up her hands. “Let’s go back to the car and get the crate. We’re losing time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“This is the second reason I didn’t want you involved with this part of the plan.”

“You can’t do this kidnapping alone, Makenna.”

“Yes, I can. And don’t use my name. Who knows what kind of audio recording is listening to us around here.”

“You are so paranoid.”

“Only because you tagged along. If you didn’t, I’d have the dog in the car and be on my way to the safe house by now.”

They arrived at the car and Makenna popped the trunk. Lance reached in and grabbed the handle of Grady’s dog carrier. They adjusted their hoods and headed on route to Curtis’s duplex. Makenna motioned for Lance to head around to the back yard. Lance circled right, and she circled left. They met in the backyard which had a simple patch of green lawn and was surrounded by a wooden fence with a gate which they both entered. Makenna snuck up to the back door and took a few small thin metal tools out of her pocket and began to work the latch on the door.

“Can you actually open that?” Lance asked. Makenna glared at him and continued picking the lock. There was a click and Makenna turned the knob. They entered Curtis’s duplex and looked around. “Where do you think the surveillance camera is?”

Makenna scanned the apartment. She glanced up and thought she saw a camera in the upper right corner where the kitchen and living room met. “Up there,” she said.

Lance reached into his hoodie and produced a can of spray paint. “This ought to do the trick,” he thought, popped open the can and sprayed the lens.

“What are you doing?” Makenna snapped.

“I’m making sure the camera doesn’t incriminate us.”

“Don’t! Just…never mind.” She looked over and saw the bedroom door was cracked open. “I’ll bet the little furball is in there.”

“Ah,” Lance said and slid over to her. Makenna put her finger to her lips and gently pushed open the door. Inside they saw the small Yorkie, alert and sitting up on Curtis’s bed watching them. “You’re a cutie.”

“Shut up,” Makenna hissed. “You’re going to startle it.”

Haven yipped.

“Shh,” Lance said to Haven. Haven yipped again.

“Get out of here,” Makenna told Lance and pointed to the door.

“But…”

“Get out of this room.”

Haven yipped relentlessly. Makenna crept over to the side of the bed and sat down. She slowly extended her hand towards Haven. Haven cowered backwards into the pillows her bright green hair bow twitching slightly as she went.

Makenna reached into her pocket and produced a small Ziplock bag. She unzipped it, took out a treat, and held it out for Haven. “Come here, sweetie. I’ve got a goodie for you.” Haven cautiously crept closer, craned her neck forwards, and sniffed the treat. As she did Makenna leaned in closer. Haven did not like this and hopped back.

“Come on, sweetie.”

Haven remained cautious and did not move. Makenna narrowed her eyes and scooted closer. “Come on. Take the treat.”

Haven looked at the treat then at Makenna. She wagged her tail. Makenna leaned in closer. Then closer. Suddenly, Haven flew off the bed and took off for the door.

“Rotten little mutt!” Makenna yelled.

Lance, who had left the front door cracked open, didn’t see the little dog scurry past him and wiggle through the breach until it was too late. “Uh, oh,” he muttered warily.

Makenna burst out of the bedroom like a frenzied ferret. “Get that thing, you idiot!”

Lance lurched for the front door and burst outside to find Haven sitting on the grass looking at them wagging her tail and panting.

“Come to daddy,” Lance said as he took a slow step towards the dog. “Come on…come to daddy…”

The second Lance was in arms reach, Haven turned and ran. Now on a normal day there would be no traffic on the street in front of Curtis’s duplex. Today, however, one of the neighbors was having flowers delivered. When Haven took off, she bolted towards the oncoming delivery truck.

Makenna heard the engine rumbling down the street. “No!” she yelled as she ran towards the sidewalk. “Stop!”

The truck’s tires screeched to a halt.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: METROPOLITAN (1990)-HBO MAX

Here is a Christmas movie many of you have probably not seen. Before the television shows Gossip Girl and Gossip Girl there was this more sophisticated and smarter film which contains a lot less soap factor and a lot more wit. Featuring a young and at that time mostly unknown cast (for many of them it was their first major motion picture) the story is set in Manhattan during the holiday season which is also what is known as the Deb (debutante) Season where the young wealthy teenage elite meander through a course of various parties dressed in haute couture dresses and black and white tie tuxedos. The more interesting time they spend together is the downtime after the parties than the parties themselves. The kids who are required to pair off and escort each other to these shindigs often end up gathering in one of the parent’s swanky townhouses late at night sitting about and discussing, or at least attempting to discuss cultural and philosophical ideologies. Or at least as best as teenagers can do in their own microcosm of a world. The film has a bit of a different flavor from the John Hughes films of that time, but it is still amusing, engaging, and interesting to watch. 

The film was written and directed by Whit Stillman, and it is an impressive feature debut. It remains a charming, cultured comedy for those out there who would like to try something different from the usual holiday fare. The cast includes Carolyn Farina, Edward Clements, Chris Eigeman, Taylor Nichols, Allison Parisi, Dylan Hundley, Isabel Gillies, Ellia Thompson, Dylan Hundley, and Will Kempe.  

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Five

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good morning. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter five of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. The holiday season continues, and we have yet to put up our tree. As my novelist is allergic to Christmas trees, we are required to have an imitation one. We keep it in a special tree bag and every year we take it out and put our ornaments on it. I do so wish we could have a real one. My novelist would like a real one as well, but alas that is not possible. The Maltese does not have an opinion on the matter which comes as a shock to none of us. One unfortunate joy of the holiday season is sipping a cup of hot cocoa. As I am a dog, chocolate in any form (except the occasional white chocolate) is a no-no. The fragrance of it though is intoxicating. I adore the way the little marshmallows bob on top like magical buoys. Or how gorgeous whip cream encircles it like the zenith of a mountain with a small candy cane inside and green and red sprinkes adorned the top. Oh, how my heart longs for hot chocolate! But that is another matter. For now, I wish you happy holidays and present chapter five of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant.  

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Five

“We need to come up with something that’ll really catch him off-guard this time,” Lance said as the four accountants sat in the back corner of The Steamed Bean discussing their clandestine plan.

“I think he’s got to believe he won an even bigger contest than just a concert,” Irwin said. “Say, a trip to Hawaii or something like that.”

“No, no, no,” Grady said. “It must be colossal. We need to do something that will blow his mind.”

“What does he love more than anything else?” Makenna asked. “If we really want to get him this time you need to go after something he loves.”

“That’s a little sadistic, don’t you think? I mean I’m all for messing with the guy but going after something he loves? That’s nuts.”

“Didn’t he buy a dog last year or something?” Lance said.

“A dog?” Makenna said. “What kind of dog?”

“Some little pocket furball. The kind my sister would own.”

“That’s it. We’ll kidnap his dog.”

“Whoa,” Grady said. “That’s illegal.”

“So what?” Lance said. “It’ll be fun. It’s not like we’re going to get caught.”

“I don’t know,” Irwin said. “That sounds cruel. Even for us.”

“We need a way to break into his house,” Makenna said before sipping her red eye espresso.

“Do you think his place has cameras?” Lance asked.

“Of course, it has cameras. He’s a douche not an idiot.” Then she turned to Irwin and said, “Irwin, you have the best artistic sense. We need you to design the ransom note.”

“I’m flattered. I’ll do it. But I have a bad feeling about this.”

“Grady, we need you to take care of the dog.”

“I haven’t had a dog since I was a teenager. We had an Irish Wolfhound.”

“Curtis has a lap dog. It will be an easier experience than taking care of an Irish Wolfhound.”

“I don’t know,” Lance said. “My great aunt had a Maltese, and he was horrible. Always waking her up in the middle of the night wanting to go outside. Had this relentless bark. Couldn’t train it to stop barking on command.”

“You don’t think this little rug wolf is going to keep me up all night with its barking, do you?” Grady asked.

“I sincerely doubt it,” Makenna said. “It will probably just sit in your lap and fall asleep.”

“Do you have a dog?”

“I have an iguana.”

“Whoa. That’s cool.”

“Sometimes he does unspeakable things, but I usually forgive him.”

“Okay, I’ll watch the little furball. But I’m not going to break into Cook the Book’s house just to nab the little guy.”

“I’m the one who will be breaking in. I have experience.”

“I’m breaking in with you,” Lance said.

“Not a chance. You’ll bungle the job.”

“I won’t bungle the job.”

“When was the last time you broke in and robbed someone?”

“College. I broke into a professor’s office.”                                                                                                                

“Really?” Irwin said.

“Really.”

“Fine,” Makenna said. “You can be my assistant. We’ll also need to grab the dog food Cook feeds the little puffball. We don’t want it to eat the wrong dog food. It could get sick.”

“Great,” Grady said. “That won’t be a monster sized problem or anything.”

“We’ll nab the dog food too,” Lance said. “So, when are we going to do this thing?”

“Soon,” Makenna said. “Before Tax Day if we really want to get under Cook’s collar.”

“How about Wednesday?”

“Agreed. We will do it on Wednesday. Irwin, get started on that ransom note tonight. Lance and I will break into Cook’s house at lunchtime. We’ll leave our phones at the office so there is no trace of us going there. Grady, give me a copy of your house key when we meet for coffee Wednesday morning before we head into the office. Then Lance and I can take the dog straight to your house and come back here at the end of lunch and no one will notice a thing.” 

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: UPGRADE (2014)-HBO MAX

This week’s movie is a science fiction story about artificial intelligence. And it starts out great. A few years in the future we meet Grey Chase (Logan Marshall-Green in a likeable performance) whose occupation is working on and restoring sports cars in his home garage, the kind of cars that still require a human driver. Grey is married to Asha Trace (Melanie Vallejo) who works for an AI tech company that makes self-driving cars amongst other things. One evening after Asha returns from work Grey needs to deliver one of his restored cars to a wealthy young man named Eron (Harrison Gilbertson). Grey asks Asha to accompany him and bring her self-driving car with her, so he has a ride home. When the couple arrives, which requires a long trek to get to the house, Ashe finds out Eron is Eron Keen, the peculiar but brilliant founder of one of her company’s competitors. Eron tells her in so many words her company is hardly his competitor, and he is working on a new product that will help enhance humankind and shows off his newest invention which looks a bit like a Hexbug.

The couple heads home in Asha’s self-driving car when the vehicle short circuits, takes the wrong route and crashes. Grey and Asha find themselves on the wrong side of town, with the wrong crowd “rescuing” them from their high-tech vehicle. A brutal incident occurs which ends up leaving Grey seriously injured. So injured, in fact, he may need Eron’s new product to become whole again.

The film is riveting and engaging. Logan Marshall-Green gives the film a wonderful sense of humor and I look forwards to more of his performances. The ending, though logical, falls a little short, which is sad because it is a terrific concept, well penned and on the precipice of greatness. I am not sure if the ending was writer/director Leigh Whannell’s original vision or if producers messed with it or what exactly happened. But the first three quarters of the film are smart, droll, clever, and well-paced which makes the movie well worth the watch.