Tag: art

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Five

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce the forty-fifth chapter of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Yesterday was one of the weirdest days of my novelist’s life. It started out innocuous enough. She’d planned to drive to Costco. On the way she discovered the entire street she usually drives out to get there was closed for construction. She followed the traffic to the detour and then decided not to take it and go further around. In doing so she managed to get lost. She pulled into a business park and shut off the engine. She then called…Him to help her figure out how to get home. While she was waiting for…Him to call back, she got a phone call from the dentist asking if she was running late. Caught completely off guard and thinking her check up was next week, she had to reschedule her appointment for two weeks out.

Now, over the weekend on Sunday afternoon my novelist sat and began writing a speech she is planning to give. She is rather passionate about the contents, and she began punching her fists in the air and yelling out what she had written. She felt her chest starting to become tight and she was hoping it would go away, but it was still bothering her on Wednesday. So, when she returned home after her botched voyage to Costco, she called her primary care doctor to see if she could get an appointment. They told her to go to the emergency room as a precaution to get checked out for any cardiac issues. She reluctantly did and four hours later (which isn’t too bad really) after they had done a thorough number of tests, she found out she had no cardiac issues, and she’d probably pulled some muscles in her chest. So, she came home and prepared to go to a meeting that evening. Just as she was getting ready to go, she dropped her gold ring. She told me it did not make a sound when it fell. She searched everywhere for it, but it was nowhere to be found. I assisted her of course, but to no avail. She returned home after her meeting and after we looked everywhere again, we found it had fallen into a small bag of knitted items, thus the reason for the silent fall.  

She did not sleep well last night either. I caught her getting up at one in the morning to play solitaire on her computer. I had to tell her that sort of behavior isn’t going to help her sleep any better and after all the oddities of the previous day I would be best served if she got to bed before I give her a stern reprimanding. And with that thought, here is chapter forty-five of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Que vos journées soient moins bizarres que les nôtres.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Five

Just after Fia and her father Mr. Dupree returned from their meeting with Sheriff Bob, the receptionist’s phone rang. Fia hopped up to the desk and took the call. She wrote something down on the Dupree Tax Agency stationery and carried the note over to Curtis and placed it face down on his desk. Curtis lifted the note and read its contents. Then he carefully slipped it into the top drawer of his desk. Before getting up to retrieve his afternoon cup of tea, he locked the top drawer with a small key attached to a keychain and slipped the keys into his jacket pocket.

The only other person in the office to take note of this note situation was Makenna. Her laser stare examined the meticulous care Curtis took with the information he had received and decided to have a tete-a-tete with the only other woman in the office.

“How have you been doing?” she said to Fia after strolling up to the receptionist desk.

Fia looked at her from behind false eyelashes. “What do you mean?”

“With the whole kidnapping matter.”

“Better than I anticipated.”

“It must have been horrible locked in an attic against your will.”

“I managed.”

“I would have found out the identity of my captor at all costs.”

“I think you might be underestimating my kidnapper.”

“I never underestimate anyone. Do you remember something? Is that why you went and talked to Sheriff Bob today?”

“He wanted me to look at some mug shots to see if they jogged my memory.”

“Did they?”

“I’m not at liberty to say. Is there something else you needed, Makenna?”

“I just wanted to let you know anytime you need someone to talk to I’m a great listener.”

Fia nodded. “I don’t doubt it.”

Makenna smiled and headed back to her desk. She sat down and leaned over to Lance. “They’re in on it together.”

“How do you know?”

“She’s not under duress.”

Just then Curtis returned from the breakroom and set his cup of tea on his desk. He sat down and returned to his work, never unlocking the top drawer to look at the note.

Makenna, Lance, and Irwin all left the Dupree Tax Agency at staggered times near the end of the day. Each one parked their car over in the grocery store parking lot across the street. Then one by one they hopped into Grady’s minivan with the tinted glass and hid inside.

Grady remained in the office until Curtis headed out to his Honda Accord. He followed him out and climbed into his minivan. He waited there as Curtis pulled out and started to drive off. Then he started the engine, and the four accountants began to follow the Honda. Grady kept a car between his minivan and Curtis’s Honda so as not to be suspicious.

“Looks like he’s just heading home,” Irwin said.

“Maybe,” Makenna said. “Don’t lose him, Grady.”

“I won’t lose him,” Grady said. “If you wanted to make sure you didn’t lose him, you should have been the driver.”

“I don’t own a minivan. How was I supposed to pile everyone into my Jaguar?”

“Yeah, I really feel sorry for you.”

“Just shut up and drive, would you?”

Grady followed Curtis out of the downtown area, over the bridge, and up the hill where they made a right at the light and drove until they reached Curtis’s apartment.

“Ugg,” Lance said as Grady parked across the street from the duplex. He lives in an even worse place than I thought.”

“Shut up,” Makenna said. “Let’s see what he does.”

“I need to get to work on the Davis case this evening,” Irwin said. “I need to finish their taxes by Thursday.”

“No one cares. We’re all busy with clients’ taxes. But right now, priority one is to stay out of prison. Sit back, relax, play a game on your phone, and shut up while I figure out what to do about Cook.”

“Looks like he’s heading into the house,” Grady said.

The accountants watched as Curtis disembarked his car and headed for the front door.

“Probably going to play with his stocks and sip his green tea,” Lance said. “The guy’s a douche.”

“Check out this guy,” Irving said as Curtis’s neighbor Earl stepped out of his apartment and headed over for the chairs and table on his porch. He wore his terrycloth bathrobe, a t-shirt from a local saloon, a pair of flipflops, and a fedora.

Lance laughed. “This guy is rich.”

Earl set a paperback and a can of Mountain Dew down on the table. He plopped down in his chair, picked up the book and opened it on his lap.

“What do you think he’s reading?” Irwin asked.

“Fifty Shades of Gray,” Lance said and everyone except Makenna burst out into laughter.

“Shut up,” Makenna said. “We’re trying to frame Cook for Fia’s kidnapping. If he staged this whole crime, he’s going to head back to whatever place it was he had an attic. Either that or Fia is going to show up. We need to be there when he makes that mistake so we can report him to the cops before he tries to frame us as well as peg us for the break in and the escape of his stupid mutt.”

Inside his apartment Curtis slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and retrieved the note Fia had given him. He’d never really locked the note in his top desk drawer. He’d become fascinated with sleight of hand in middle school and kept up the practice through high school as well. He was aware of the importance of the note and didn’t want anyone to know it had never left his person. Especially since one of the tricks his fellow employees had played on him was filling his desk drawers with coffee beans. One way or another, they had a way of getting into his desk. And so, he unfolded the note and began to read.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: BABY REINDEER (2024)-NETFLIX

Winning four Emmys this year for Best Limited Anthology Series, Best Lead Actor in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie, Best Supporting Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie, and Best Writing for a Limited or Anthology Series, Baby Reindeer may be one of the most bizarre original limited series made to date. It is a dark comedy and an autobiography of the show’s creator writer and lead actor Richard Gaad who does an excellent job in all categories as he examines the sometimes amusing, sometimes heartbreaking accounts of his life when he worked as a bartender struggling to become a comedian. It is based on Gaad’s original one-man stage-play Baby Reindeer that premiered at the 2019 Edinburgh Fringe. I will warn you this show is not for everyone. It is bold, brave and raw with disturbing, albeit important subject matter that is neither for younger viewers nor for the faint of heart.

Donny Dunn (Richard Gaad) is a young Scotsman who works at a London pub. Even after their breakup, he still lives with his ex-girlfriend Keeley’s (Shalom Brune-Franklin) mother, Liz (Nina Sosanya). One day while tending bar a heavy-set forty-something woman Martha Scott (Jessica Gunning in a stunning performance) walks in and sits down at the bar. Martha claims to be a lawyer who knows a lot of prominent people but for some reason doesn’t have the money to pay for the cup of tea she orders. Taking pity on her, Donny says it is on the house. Unbeknownst to him, this small act of kindness will snowball into the biggest nightmare of his life, and open doors to the unspeakable horrors of his past. If you have never seen the show, that’s all you need to know. After you view the entire series, I recommend you watch the now famed Piers Morgan interview.

Rounding out the cast are Emmy nominated Nava Mau as Terry, Mark Lewis Jones and Amanda Root as Donny’s father and mother, and Emmy nominated Tom Goodman-Hill as the bone-chilling Darrien.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Thirty-Five

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter thirty-five of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week I had a tea party with Bernard D. Bunny. We tried a white tea with apples blend from Harney & Sons. It was sensational. As white tea has the most caffeine of all the teas, we had an abundance of energy for the rest of the afternoon. We also nibbled on short bread cookies infused with cherry green tea. We did a bunny hop with a baby bunny named Belle A Bunny, Bernard’s younger sister. We also played leapfrog and of course Bridge. I am rather good at the game if I do say so myself. But Belle turned out to be the expert. She won the most rounds. She is quite wily. And the white tea made her wilier. Afterwards, I headed back inside and had a good nap before putting the final touches on my story. And so, here it is chapter thirty-five of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Bonne journée du lapin d’été!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Thirty-Five

“Good morning, sport,” Dallas Dupree said to the delivery girl as she arrived early Monday with the day’s croissants.

“Where’s that guy who’s always here when I come in?” the girl asked.

“You mean Curtis? I don’t know. I was surprised he wasn’t here when I arrived. He’s always here when I get here.”

“Is your daughter still missing?”

“Yes. My wife and I have had the worst week of our lives.”

“That sucks.”

“Oddly the kidnappers did not ask for money.”

“Isn’t asking for money what kidnappers do?”

“Usually.”

“Well, good luck. I hope your daughter comes back soon.”

“Thank you, sport. Here you go.”

Mr. Dupree handed the girl a tip.

“Thanks, Mr. Dupree.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Mr. Dupree unlocked the front door and let the girl out then he locked the door back up and headed into the break room to get a croissant and a cup of coffee before going upstairs to his office.

Ten minutes later Grady, Irwin, Lance and Makenna, each carrying a pastel coffee cup from The Steamed Bean unlocked the front door and entered.

“This whole thing is bizarre,” Irwin said.

“But we’re here on time,” Grady said checking his watch. “That’s what matters.”

Makenna looked over at Curtis’s empty desk. “Where’s Cook?” she asked.

“Cook?” Lance called out.

“Maybe he’s in the bathroom,” Irving said.

“He’s always at his desk when we come in,” Makenna said.

“He’s not there now.”

Makenna marched into the breakroom. Curtis wasn’t in there. “That’s odd,” she muttered and marched back out. “I’m going to talk to Mr. Dupree,” she announced and turned towards the stairs.

“Is Cook the Books in there?” Lance asked.

“No,” she said and ascended the stairs. She knocked on Mr. Dupree’s office door.

“Yes?” Mr. Dupree said.

“It’s Makenna.”

“Come in.”

Makenna entered his office and said, “Curtis isn’t here yet. Isn’t everyone supposed to be here by seven forty-five?”

“He’s still not here?”

“No.”

“I called Sheriff Bob a few minutes ago. He should be here soon.”

“Thank you, Mr. Dupree.” Makenna headed back down the stairs to the other accountants. “He hasn’t shown up today,” she announced.

“Maybe he got caught in traffic,” Irwin said.

“In this town? Don’t be ridiculous.”

Suddenly, the receptionist’s phone rang. All four accountants turned to look at each other.

“Should we answer it?” Grady asked.

Makenna rolled her eyes and sighed. She walked over and picked up the handset. “Hello?”

“Good morning, ma’am,” Sherrif Bob said.

Makenna turned on the speakerphone. “We’re all here except Curtis Cook,” Makenna told him.

“Alright. I’ll send a patrol car around to Mr. Cook’s place of residence to see if he’s home. He might be running late for work.”

“He lives in a duplex,” Lance said.

“I see. I’m calling it in right now. A patrol car will be there shortly.”

“Thanks,” Makenna said and hung up.

“Maybe Cook the Books is the kidnapper,” Lance said.

Makenna scoffed. “Don’t be stupid. Cook couldn’t plan a library fine.”

“Gunther,” Deputy Gunther heard over his police radio as he was on route to the Dupree Accounting Agency.

“Deputy Gunther here,” he said. “Over.”

“This is Sheriff Bob. I need you to take a swing by Curtis Cook’s house. Over.”

“That guy who lives in the duplex? Over.”

“Yeah, that guy. Would you drive by his place of residence and see if he’s still home? Over.”

“He’s not at the accounting office yet? Over.”

“Not yet. Over.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes. Over.” Gunther turned his prowler around and headed towards Curtis’s duplex.

When Deputy Gunther arrived, he didn’t see Curtis’s pale green Honda Accord parked in the driveway. He spotted Curtis’s neighbor Earl sitting outside his apartment wearing a blue terrycloth robe and sipping coffee. When Earl saw the officer marching up to him, his eyes widened, and he stopped mid sip.

“Curtis Cook?” Gunther asked.

“No, I’m his neighbor Earl.”

“Do you have identification?”

“Yes, sir.”

Earl reached over and grabbed his billfold off the mesh metal table beside his folding chair, removed his driver’s license and handed it to the deputy. The deputy glanced at it and handed it back to Earl.

“Did you see your neighbor Mr. Cook leave for work this morning?”

“Curtis leaves for work before I get up.”

“Did you hear Mr. Cook leave?”

“No. He’s usually very quiet. Even more so since his dog died.”

“When did his dog die?”

“Last Wednesday.”

“How did the dog die?”

“She escaped from the house when Curtis was at work. Some robbers broke in and Haven, that’s the dog, ran into the road.”

“Then there’s a record of it. What type of dog was it?”

“A Yorkie.”

“When was the last time you saw Mr. Cook?”

“Friday evening. He was leaving.”

“Do you know where he was going?”

“No.”

Deputy Gunther knocked on Curtis’s door. “Mr. Cook?” Nothing. He knocked again. “Mr. Cook?” Silence. Gunter peered around the side of the house. “Is there a way into the back yard?”

“You can follow the fence line. You’ll have to climb over.”

Deputy Gunter moved around the side of the house and expertly hoisted himself up and over the fence like an Olympic gymnast. He headed over to the bedroom window. He looked inside and saw Curtis’s bed was made and his laptop was sitting closed on the neat and orderly desk. By the bed was a photo of a small round fluffy Yorkshire Terrier puppy.

“Mr. Cook,” Gunther said rapping on the window.

No answer.

Deputy Gunther swung back over the fence and came around to the front. He strode over to the prowler and said into the radio, “Cook’s not at his place of residence. Over.”

“He’s still not arrived at the accounting agency either,” Sheriff Bob answered. “Over.”

“His neighbor says his dog was killed last Wednesday while he was at work. Over.”

“How was the dog killed? Over.”

“His house was broken into by thieves. The dog got loose during the robbery and was hit by a car. Over.”

“I wonder if that has something to do with his having gone missing. Let me talk to Dal and see what I can find out about Mr. Cook. Over.”

“I’ll head out to the Dupree Accounting Agency. Over.”

“See you there. Over.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: RUN LOLA RUN (1998)-AMAZON PRIME

Finally, finally, finally this fantastic film is available for streaming. Winner of the Sundance Audience Award in 1999 and nominated for the BAFTA for Best Film Not in the English Language in 2000, this highly imaginative brilliantly written and directed film by Tom Tykwer and edited by Mathilde Bonnefoyis is as fresh and exciting today as it was when it was released over twenty-five years ago. Not one second of this fast paced, edge of your seat, real-time time bending 80-minute masterpiece is dull.

The premise is simple and straightforward: Manni (Moritz Bleibtreu) has screwed up. He’s left a bag of 100,000 German francs on a subway train. A homeless man named Norbert von Au (Joachim Król) has taken it. Manni must come up with 100,000 German francs in the next twenty minutes or he will be forced to rob the grocery store near the payphone he is calling his girlfriend Lola (Franka Potente in a stellar performance) from. If Manni doesn’t deliver the money to the criminal it belongs to, he will most assuredly be killed. Lola, whose moped has been stolen, must come up with a way to get the cash and run to Manni to deliver it before he makes a fateful decision. Every choice Lola makes along the way decides not only Manni and her destiny but everyone else’s along the way.