Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Fifty: Final Chapter

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Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce the fiftieth and final chapter of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This has been an experiment almost a year in the making. And now it has reached its glorious end. If you are not aware, the idea of my blog stories is to write a story on the fly, chapter to chapter as opposed to creating the foundation of a story and doing the research that accompanies most novels. After today I will be taking a hiatus to assist my novelist in writing…a novel…the traditional way. I will continue to do my usual Thursday posts, and my novelist will continue to write her Stream of the Week. I anticipate returning to writing stories for the blog again in the Summer of 2025 and will keep you updated. Until then, I hope you enjoy my fiftieth and final chapter of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Jouir!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Fifty

Curtis opened his eyes. He could see a carpet of green grass and his nose caught the smell of Easter lilies. He sat up and looked around and could see daffodils and tulips blooming in the nearby gardens. As he gazed further away, he saw a haze…maybe a mistiness across the field in the distance. Then he heard a jingle, a light metallic sound.

Out of the mist came a sight that gave him more relief than anything he’d ever seen. His little dog Haven with white satin bows in her hair ran towards him yipping frantically. When she reached him, she stood up on her hind legs and danced in front of him.

Curtis fell on his knees and scooped the little Yorkie runt into his arms. Her silky hair brushed against his cheek as he inhaled her clean scent that swirled in his mind like joy.

“Haven,” he said as warm rivers of tears streamed down his cheeks. “Haven, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you.”

Her small pink tongue flicked at his salty face as he stood up and carried her through the grass. He looked around and saw the mountains with white snowy caps. He could hear water flowing from a nearby fountain. He heard robins and blue jays and chickadees. He looked up into the cherry blossom trees and saw them flitting from branch to branch. He carried Haven over to the fountain, set her down, and sat down beside her. He kicked off his shoes so he could feel the grass on the soles of his feet.

He felt the sun on his face and closed his eyes. When he did, he heard a strange, distorted sound. His eyelids flew open, and the distorted sound stopped. His Cochlear nerve shifted, and the chorus of the birds and the falling water of the fountain once again filled his ears. He petted Haven and she laid her head in his lap. He looked across the rolling grass where brown bunnies hopped around and chased each other.

In the distance, something caught his eye. He studied it trying to make out what it was. It looked familiar but he was unsure. He reached out to his side and felt Haven’s leash curled beside him. He fastened it to Haven’s harness and started walking towards the object with his little dog leading the way. As he approached it, he realized it was a large ornate chair. As he moved around it, he found it was empty as if it were waiting for something or someone to sit on it. Haven trotted over, put her paws on the seat and stood on her hind legs wagging her tail and examining this odd piece of furniture.

“Haven, get down,” Curtis said.

Haven ignored him and hopped up in the seat and sat there wagging her tail.

“Come on. Let’s get down.”

Haven laid down on her stomach, put her head on her paws, and looked up at him with forlorn eyes.

“Cuteness will get you nowhere.”

Curtis reached over to lift her off the chair, but she hopped out of his hands and sat back down as if to say she wasn’t going anywhere. He sighed and sat down on the grass beside her. He closed his eyes and heard the strange, distorted sounds again. His eyes flew open, and the sounds stopped.

Bexley’s plane descended from the sky and landed on the tarmac at exactly 6:00am. She had her small carry-on under the seat in front of her and her larger carry-on with wheels in the bin above. She was sitting in front, and she knew as soon as first class got off the plane she would be inside the airport in no time. Although it was a short flight, she managed to sleep most of the way. The plane had less passengers on it than she’d anticipated.

She looked out the window as the jet’s wheels coasted to a stop. She took her ear plugs out of her ears, reached down and retrieved her small carry-on bag. She stood up, set it on her seat, stepped out into the aisle, grabbed her larger carry-on from the bin above her, and set it on the ground. This was no small task as the carry-on was weighed down with souvenirs she had picked up while in Palm Springs. She stood there waiting for the first-class passengers to disembark. Then she slipped the strap of the small carry-on over her shoulder and dragged her matching larger carry-on behind her as she headed to the front of the plane where she said goodbye to the flight attendants and the vaguely sleezy-looking pilots. She traversed down the jet bridge and arrived at the small airport.

As she headed out the sliding glass doors and stood outside waiting for her shuttle to arrive, she realized how much colder it was here than Palm Springs. Not as cold as winter, but there was a misty rain, and the sky was a somber shade of grey. She regretted giving her phone number to that tall guy who always wore his baseball hat backwards and sported sleeveless white t-shirts with that California microbrew insignia on the back. She also shouldn’t have given her number to that bodybuilder who was always sticking a bottle cap between his thumb and forefinger and snapping it trying to determine how far it would sail through the air. And she never should have given her number to that annoying short guy with the nasal voice who kept following her all around the beach. Note to self: change phone number today.

Bexley was surprised at how empty the shuttle was when she boarded it. The only other passenger was a young woman her own age. The woman had bleach blonde frosted curls, a light tan, and sported an anklet that looked like a friendship bracelet and three gold hoops in each ear. When the young woman sat down, she turned to Bexley and said, “Heading back for Spring Quarter?”

Bexley studied the woman a moment and said, “Something like that.”

“I’m going to end up going Summer Quarter this year too.”

“That sucks.”

“Tell me about it. I had to drop a couple classes this year, so I need to make them up somehow, right?”

Bexley shrugged. “What are you going to do?”

“I know, right?”

The shuttle pulled into a place called The Coconut Express where both women had parked their cars. Bexley and the woman didn’t say anything else to each other. They just got off the shuttle, retrieved their bags, and tipped the driver. Bexley headed to her lime green Fiat, stuck her carry-ons in the trunk and climbed into the driver’s seat. She headed out to the freeway en route to the Dupree Tax Agency before she got off at the second exit.

She drove up to a bikini barista coffee stand called Kitty Cat Cappuccino. She’d worked at one outside of town a few years ago before getting a receptionist job. In truth, with tips she’d made more slinging coffee than she made answering phones. But she’d gotten tired of the clientele. One guy who’d really irritated her was, ironically, not some dude who drove an oversized pickup truck blasting Blake Shelton and Jelly Roll but rather a respectable lawyer in a Tesla who was fond of single-breasted suits and two-hundred-dollar haircuts. He had an annoying habit of reaching out of his car window, pinching the side of her bikini bottoms and snapping them back.

After a week of putting up with his shenanigans, she went to HotSauceRUs.com and purchased a small bottle of Da Bomb Evolution hot sauce. If you are not familiar with Da Bomb Evolution hot sauce it only requires a few drops to be brutal. When Mr. Tesla unassumingly drove up to the window of Kitty Cat Cappuccino, reached out and predictably snapped her bikini bottoms, Bexley had turned and smiled at him as she handed him his triple iced mocha. Turns out, Mr. Tesla’s mocha was not as iced as he thought that day as it contained no less than fifteen drops of Da Bomb Evolution which, as you may have guessed dear reader, blew his mind. He crashed his car into a stop sign, and after a 911 call made by a volunteer at a local women’s shelter, the drink landed him in the emergency room.

After tipping the barista a proper twenty percent, Bexley drove back onto the freeway and headed for the Dupree Tax Agency. At precisely seven fifty-five AM, she parked her lime green Fiat in the back parking lot of the Dupree Tax Agency, hopped out of her car, and headed to the front door with her keys.

“I’m back, she said tromping I in her black Birkenstocks she’d worn on the plane and her black summer cashmere t-shirt and charcoal colored Lucky Brand jeans with the Treasure and Bond black leather belt with the large gold tone oval buckle. She was greeted with the unexpected sound of silence. As she looked around she found the office to be vacant. She stepped up and set her drink from Kitty Cat Cappucino on the receptionist desk and wandered into the break room. Everything looked organized and in its place. She headed back out into the office area but still no one was at their desk. “Hello? Is anyone here? Hello?”

Suddenly, the door to Mr. Dupree’s office opened and Bexley heard whimpering. There was a light scuffling sound and then Mr. Dupree stepped outside his office and started descending the stairs. When he saw Bexley he said, “Looks like you’re back from vacation. And you got a little sun, I see.”

Bexley looked past him and saw Fia descending the stairs. In her arms she held a tiny Yorkshire Terrier puppy. The dog appeared to be a runt and had a bright red bow tied in its hair between its ears. “Is that yours, Fia?”

Fia looked at Bexley and her eyes widened. “It’s a gift,” she said.

“For whom?”

“I’m glad you’re back, Bexley,” Mr. Dupree said.

“Thank you, Dallas.” Bexley looked around at the empty office. “So…what did I miss?”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE DIG (2021)-NETFLIX

This Netflix original is a wonderful period piece about a widowed woman and her young son on the eve of WWII. It is well-directed by Simon Stone with a screenplay by Moira Buffini based on the novel of the same name by John Preston.

Edith Pretty (Carrie Mulligan) lives on a large estate in Sutton Hoo she and her deceased husband purchased that may be a site for an archeological excavation due to the large burial mounds on the property. Edith hires excavator and self-taught archeologist Basil Brown (Ralph Fiennes) to see what he can dig up there. Basil is hesitant at first because Edith is not able to pay him a large enough wage to cover his costs, but through the persistence of Edith’s young son Robert Pretty (Archie Barnes) and Edith’s offer to pay him a larger sum, he decides to give it a try.

After digging for a while Basil finds iron rivets which he believes may be from a ship that could date back to the Anglo Saxons and not the Vikings. Edith has the museum experts come in and they doubt Robert’s findings as such ships would be very old. Edith insists Basil continue leading the excavation and her cousin Rory Lomax (Johnny Flynn) is brought in to assist Basil. News of the dig reaches Cambridge archaeologist Charles Philips (Ken Stott) who declares the dig to be of national importance after Basil and Rory believe they have found a ship. Philips calls in the Office of Works to take over and brings in a larger team including newlyweds Stuart Ernest Piggott (Ben Chaplin) and Peggy Piggott (Lily James).

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Nine

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Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter forty-nine of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Yesterday my novelist went and got her Covid shot, and her Flu shot she has been quite tired today. I asked her to assist me with my intro and she snored. She is most difficult when she is groggy. I am surprised she was even able to get my drinking water changed this morning. She really should take my needs into consideration when she gets inoculated. Her sleepiness is most disrupting to my life. Especially since I have a garden party with Bernard this afternoon. I have become quite a celebrity with Bernard and the other bunnies as a fairytale writer. In the late afternoons we sit out on the grass and all the bunnies gather round and I tell them fairy tales. They are especially fond of the one about the troll that lives in the abandoned tree house. Every night the troll climbs down from his tree house to hunt squirrels although the local squirrels led by Sergio dismiss this idea as fiction. That said I am desperate to finish up here so I can go be admired by the local wildlife. And so, I will wrap it up here and quickly introduce chapter forty-nine of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Nine

After Fia secured the door to the attic, she hurried down the stairs and burst outside. She spotted Grady’s minivan and headed towards the driver’s door. Someone came out of the van and ran for the garage. Hanging back in the shadows, she watched the figure open the garage door and hurry inside. Fia ran for the van, peered into the window, and saw Curtis slumping over in the passenger’s seat. She tried to open the passenger side door, but it was locked.

“Curtis!” she yelled pounding on the window. But he was not moving. She tried pulling on the van’s side door, but it too was locked. She ran to the driver’s side door and tried to open it, but to no avail. “Curtis!” she yelled again, pounding on the windshield. But Curtis remained motionless.

Fia turned to see the figure who’d run into the garage start to pull Curtis’s Aunt Odette’s Vespa out of the garage. Fia snuck through the shadows searching around the ground as she went for something to use as a weapon. Suddenly, she spotted an old-discarded wooden rake and slowly picked it up. She moved towards the side of the garage.

The figure revved the Vespa’s engine. Fia got into position holding the rake like a baseball bat. Her heart pounded as she waited for her opportunity. The figure coasted the scooter forwards and as she did Fia swung. The end of the rake hit the driver square in the face causing her to fall off the vehicle. Fia proceeded to whack the passenger several times. “Where’s the key’s to the van?” she demanded.

“Stop hitting me!” Makenna shouted back. She reached out and grabbed the rake’s handle pulling Fia down to the ground. The two women grappled for control.

“Give me the keys he’s not moving!”

“I don’t have the keys!”

“What do you mean you don’t have the keys?”

“I jammed them into him.”

“What? Why?”

“Because he wouldn’t shut up.”

“He’s dying in there.”

“I have a Vespa to ride.”

Makenna pulled the rake out of Fia’s hands and swung it at Fia’s head. Fia rolled out of the way and hopped to her feet. She reached for the rake, but Makenna jabbed the pole’s end at her. Fia stumbled back.

“We’ve got to get him out of there, Makenna!”

“He can rot in there for all I care.”

“What did you do to him?”

“Nothing.”

Makenna jabbed the rake at Fia again. Fia jumped back and realized the only way to help Curtis was to let Makenna escape. “Go ahead and take the Vespa.”

Makenna backed up towards the scooter, her weapon ready to jab again. Fia stood and watched her. Makenna, rake still in hand hopped on, revved the engine and took off. As she was peeling out of the driveway, Fia ran to the minivan and peered into the passenger side window. “Curtis! Curtis, open the door!”

Curtis remained slumped over and motionless against the passenger side door. Fia pulled her phone out of her back pocket and dialed 911.

“911,” a female operator said. “What is your emergency?”

“My friend has passed out in a van, and he isn’t moving,” Fia said.

“Is he sleeping?”

“No, I can’t wake him up.”

“Are you in the van with him?”

“No, I’m locked outside.”

“What is your location?”

“I’m at 1800 Big Lake Drive.”

“Is the van parked in the front or the back of the residence?”

“It’s in the front facing the road.”

“I’m dispatching a unit out there right now. They should be there in five minutes.”

“Please tell them to hurry. I’m not sure what happened to him, but I think he may have been assaulted.”

“Did you see someone suspicious around who may have attacked him?”

“Yes.”

“Can you describe them?”

“When are the emergency responders supposed to get here?”

“In a couple of minutes.”

Fia peered into the passenger side window. “He’s not moving.”

“Alright I’ll stay on the line until they get there.”

Just then Fia heard sirens wailing in the distance. “I think they’re on their way.”

The blue and red flashing lights of the police prowlers came racing down the road and spun into the driveway. Fia saw the lights of neighbor’s houses flip on. The officers got out of their car just as the siren of an ambulance came into earshot. The ambulance whipped around the corner and plowed into the front yard of Aunt Odette’s house.

This was followed by the sound of a fire engine screaming from the opposite direction. The red leviathan snaked its way into the driveway and pulled up beside the ambulance. Two firefighters jumped off the truck. One of them was wielding an axe. He ran up beside Fia. “Which side is he on?”

“The passenger’s side,” she said.

The fireman ran over to the minivan, lifted his axe and smashed it into the driver’s side window sending shards of glass everywhere. He reared the axe back and struck the window again. Then he reached in and unlocked the driver’s side door.

His partner leaned across the seat, grabbed Curtis and dragged him out of the van. “Looks like we’ve got a bleeder here!”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: AMERICAN FICTION (2023)-PRIME VIDEO

This week’s pick was last year’s winner of the Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay. And although I would have picked The Holdovers in this category, this is a fantastic script well worthy of the prize. The film was written and directed by Oscar winner Cord Jefferson based on the novel Erasure by Percival Everett. It’s the story of a professor and novelist who strives his entire life to write profound literature. And he is successful at it except for one thing: his books are not best sellers.

Thelonious ‘Monk’ Ellison (brilliantly and drolly played by Academy Award Nominee Jeffery Wright) is a literature professor living in Los Angeles who wants to be a great author. He does not want to be seen as a great author because he is African American, he wants to be seen as a great author because his books are outstanding. He gets irritated when bookstores put his works in the African American Studies section instead of the Literature section. He gets frustrated with his family because his siblings Lisa (Tracee Ellis Ross) and his brother Clifford (Sterling K. Brown) are both doctors and praised for their intelligence while he is ignored. Especially by his mother Agnes (Leslie Uggams) who has Alzheimer’s disease and touts Clifford as a genius despite his hedonistic lifestyle.

When Monk’s university puts him on leave over verbal conflicts with students, he travels out to see his family at his mom and dad’s summer home in Boston. While there, Monk meets next-door neighbor and lawyer Coraline (Erika Alexander). He attends a seminar where a first time author he despises named Sinatra Golden (Issa Rae) published a successful novel called We’s Lives in Da Ghetto chock full of black stereotypes.And then tragedy strikes.

Nearing his wit’s end, Monk sits down one night and pens a satirical melodramatic novel about the black experience. He takes it into his agent Arthur (John Ortiz) and says it was written as a joke, but Arthur sends the book out anyway under the pseudonym Stagg R. Leigh causing all sorts of pandemonium for Monk.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Eight

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Happy Halloween! It is I Gigi the parti poodle to wish you all sorts of spooky joy and to introduce the forty-eighth chapter of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Today we are preparing for the trick or treaters. While my novelist gathers goodies to spoil the little moppets with, I too am preparing for this annual festival. I am lying on my back and practicing my breathing. I have a tuning fork and metronome for which I am timing out my bark. I have trotted around our abode to make certain my endurance is strong. I have practiced running to the door and back to memorize my path. What would Halloween be to these costumed munchkins if there was not a poodle to bark at them viciously when they come knocking on the door and holding their bags out for treats? It is my civic duty to make certain they are properly threatened by all six pounds of me. And I mean all six pounds. I’d love to stay and chat more, but I need to get to my calisthenics before dark. And with that thought here is Chapter Forty-Eight of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Have a bewitching Halloween!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Eight

Makenna climbed into the minivan and stuck the keys she’d stolen from Grady’s jacket pocket while the accountants were fumbling around in the dark into the ignition.

“Going somewhere?”

Makenna turned to find Curtis sitting in the passenger seat. She scowled. “Why aren’t you inside?”

“Did you see me go inside?”

“I saw you turn off the road into the driveway.”

“Right about now I’ll bet Grady, Irwin and Lance are all locked in the attic. Little theatrics go a long way.”

“You kidnapped Fia.”

“You and Lance broke into my house and killed my dog.”

“We didn’t kill your dog—”

“You chased her outside and she ran into the street. None of that would have happened if you hadn’t broken into my house.”

Makenna scoffed. “You’re cracked.”

“I have tapes that clearly show Lance spray painting my surveillance camera lens.”

“I’m not Lance’s keeper.”

“There’s more footage of you and Lance running out of the house and chasing Haven into the street.”

“You kidnapped Fia. I know that’s why you didn’t show up on the day of the sting.”

“I was working on a client’s tax forms and lost track of time.”

“That’s a flimsy alibi, Cook. And clearly this house you have here has an attic.”

“A lot of houses have attics.”

“You kept Fia in yours. Or maybe she chose to be there.” Makenna smiled at him with the kind of smile a crocodile might use if it were human. “Maybe she has Stockholm Syndrome.”

“If I’d kidnapped Fia I’d be behind bars right now.”

“Oh, you kidnapped her or faked a kidnapping all right. Otherwise, you would have gone to the police right away with this film footage you claim to have of Lance and me. But you didn’t, which means you’re either guilty or stupid. And I know you’re not stupid.”

“I’m going to turn it in to the police.”

“I’ll bet up in the attic where that music was coming from your little bohemian sweetheart was helping you. The other accountants may have easily been led astray, but I was not. That’s why they’re in there and I’m out here.”

“You had no right to hurt Haven, Makenna”

“Will you shut up about that stupid pocket rat. You’re obsessed with that dead furball. It’s like watching an Alfred Hitchcock film about someone obsessing about a dead woman. Except in your case, it’s a dead dog. I feel sorry for you, Cook. You don’t even have a real human being to care about. All you have are other people’s taxes and a canine to mourn. Your priorities are tilted. A dog is nothing except a bedwarmer or something to dry your hands on. Snap out of it already. Get a life. Buy an iguana. I did.”

“Why did you kill Haven, Makenna. Wasn’t it enough you and Lance and Grady all won the tax season award?”

Makenna scoffed. “Is that what this is all about? You never got to wear a sash across your swimsuit? The only reason you’ve never won is—”

“Is what?”

A strange look crossed Makenna’s face. “Are you recording this conversation?”

“Recording?”

“You are, aren’t you. You’re trying to get a confession out of me. Well, confess this. You kidnapped Fia or conspired with her to stage her kidnapping. Either way you’re going to prison. Now get out of my van.”

“This is Grady’s van.”

“Not anymore.”

“Why’d you kill my dog, Makenna?”

“Did you not hear a single insult I’ve slung at you? Get out of this van right now or I will be forced to use duress.”

“Why’d you kill my dog?”

“I didn’t kill your dog.”

“Why’d you take Haven from me?”

 “Shut up and get out of my van.”

“Why did you take Haven from me?”

Makenna grabbed the keys and pulled them out of the ignition. She looked at Curtis with the darkest pools of evil he’d ever seen as she rolled down the window. “Help!” she yelled. “Help me, I’m being attacked!”

“Why, Makenna?”

“Help!”

“Why’d you kill my dog?”

“Help!” Makenna yelled as she took the car keys and jammed them into Curtis’s stomach.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: ALIEN (1979) HULU

As this is Halloween, I decided to go with something traditional and superb. And one with an interesting story behind it. Basically, two writers Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett were down on their luck. O’Bannon was sleeping on couches and floors of friends after he was writing the screenplay for the original incarnation of the film Dune where the director Alejandro Jodorowsky was going to make the film. But when that fell through O’Bannon became broke and disillusioned. He found himself sleeping on Shusett’s couch one night and the two who were science fiction aficionados began writing the short story for Alien. You can read about the rest of their screenwriting collaboration here.

If you have never seen this classic sci-fi horror movie it goes like this: A spaceship named Nostromo has a seven-person crew comprised of Captain Dallas (Tom Skerrit), Executive Officer Kane (John Hurt), Warrant Officer Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), Navigator Lambert (Veronica Cartwright), Science Officer Ash (Ian Holm), and engineers Parker (Yaphet Kotto) and Brett (Harry Dean Stanton). They are on their way back to earth when the ship’s computer, aptly named Mother, receives a signal from a nearby planet. As it is the job of the crew to investigate any planets for possible alien life forms, they decide to go down and investigate. Warrant Officer Ripley, the story’s voice of reason, suspects this might be a warning and has no desire to go down to the planet and risk the safety of the crew. But she loses the decision.

Captain Dallas, Navigator Lambert, and Executive Officer Kane head down and whilst there, Executive Officer Kane stumbles across a chamber of what appears to be large eggs. When he reaches out to touch one, a spiderlike creature breaks out of the shell, hurls itself at him, breaks through his helmet and imbeds itself into his face. Captain Dallas and Navigator Lambert find him and carry him back to board the ship. But Warrant Officer Ripley doees not want them to enter. She thinks Executive Officer Kane may bring a contaminant on board that could harm the rest of the crew and compromise the ship. However, Science Officer Ash insists on opening the pod bay doors as it were and Captain Dallas and Navigator Lambert carry the attacked Executive Officer Kane on board. If you have never seen the movie, telling you more than that is just wrong. Except perhaps to say that Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett may have had some serious mommy issues.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Seven

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Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter forty-seven of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week was calmer than last. I am looking forward to Halloween. I love to bark at the little munchkins who come to my door asking for treats. Being a Canis lupus familiaris I am aware of the importance of treats. And I sympathize profoundly with those who must dress in absurd clothing and go door to door asking for them. As a poodle I am frequently asked to do tricks for my treats. I find this most vulgar. I either must turn around in a circle or sit up or lie down or shake my novelist’s hand. Dreadful humiliation all of it. I should make my novelist do these inane acts for the treats I give her like keeping her on schedule, complimenting her on her writing, and telling her how to drive. She should demonstrate appreciation for my input. I have no idea where she would be without my suggestions. I will say she does not force me to dress as a hotdog or a ballerina for the upcoming holiday. She knows better than that. Although I am occasionally required to wear a Darth Vader hoodie when we go walking in colder weather. And with that thought, here is chapter forty-seven of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Oidhche Shamhna Shona Dhuit!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Seven

Lance rang the doorbell. “Cook? Cook? Hey, Cook?”

“We know you’re in there,” Irwin said.

“Why do people say, “I know you’re in there”? Like the person who’s in there doesn’t know the person who’s out there knows they’re in there.”

“Just try and open the door and see if he left it unlocked,” Grady said.

“What if its boobie trapped?” Irwin said.

“I’m not going to tell you to shut up again, Irwin,” Lance said. “Next time I’m just going to put my foot in your ass.”

Grady marched between the two men, opened the screen door and grabbed the doorknob. He turned it and it opened. “Told you.”

“It’s a trap,” Makenna said.

“Yeah, well, we’re going in.” Grady pushed the door open, and Lance and Irwin headed inside. Grady turned and looked at Makenna. Makenna looked at him then at the door. “Get in here.”

Makenna crossed her arms and eyeballed him. Then she followed him inside.

“This place has weird furniture,” Lance said walking over and sprawling on the lips couch. “Not as comfortable as I would have guessed.”

“Cook,” Grady yelled. “We know what you did. Come out here and let’s talk. We saw you drive here. We know you’re trying to make it look like we kidnapped Dupree’s daughter.” The four accountants waited for an answer but all they got was silence.

“He’s hiding,” Lance said.

Makenna stepped up to him. “Let’s get out of here.”

“No.”

“You’re a fool.” Makenna turned and headed for the door.

Lance rushed over and blocked her. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Did you hear that?” Irwin said.

“I didn’t hear anything—”

“Shh. Everyone shut up and listen.”

“It’s coming from upstairs.”

All the accountants except Makenna headed for the staircase.

“It’s a trap,” she said.

“Cook!” Lance yelled.

Makenna sided up to Grady. “You’re a smart guy. Let’s leave.”

“We’re all going up there, Makenna,” he said.

“Don’t do this.”

“Get going.”

Makenna narrowed her eyes and filed behind Grady. The four accountants headed up the steps. When they reached the second floor, they realized it was dark.

“This place creeps me out,” Irwin said.

“Cook!” Lance yelled down the hallway. But there was no answer. He cocked his head. “Did the music just stop?”

Everyone stopped and listened.

“No, no. I hear it again. Where is that coming from?”

“I think its one floor up,” Grady said. “Let’s go.” The motley crew headed up the stairs to the third floor which was even darker than the last. “There’s got to be a wall switch here somewhere.”

The accountants felt along the walls. “Here it is,” Lance said and flipped the switch. But the lights didn’t go on. “Great. Cook killed the electricity.

“Come on, Cook,” Grady yelled. “We just want to talk to you, man.”

“The music’s getting louder.”

“Maybe it’s because we’re closer to it,” Irwin said.  

“I think it’s coming from over there,” Lance said pointing towards the attic door.

“Let’s head towards it and see what’s going on,” Grady said. The accountants headed in the direction of the attic. “This is it alright.” He reached out and felt around the surface of the door and found the knob. He turned it and pushed it open. The inside was as dark as the hallway except for the center of the room. It was lit up like a stage.

“Cook!” Lance called out.

The music stopped. After a beat a moody saxophone jazz started up. The accountants crept towards the lighted middle of the room. Standing there was a mannequin with long feathery red hair wearing a 70’s era disco gown. The gown had crystal beads on it that sparkled in the light.

“Weird,” Lance said.

Soap bubbles started to rise from the back of the figure.

“Weirder,” Irving said.

“Cook,” Grady called out. “Stop with the freakishness and come out here. We want to talk about Fia’s kidnapping and get to the bottom of this whole mess.”

“Look!”

Grady and Lance turned to look at what Irving was pointing to. A large bear had suddenly flopped over the mannequin. It waved its hand at them.

“Cook!” Grady yelled and walked around to the other side, but he found no one.

“Makenna’s right,” Lance said. Let’s just leave. Makenna? Makenna? Where’s Makenna?”

The three of them looked at each other and then around the space. Then they rushed towards the door.

“It’s locked,” Grady said attempting to turn the knob. “Makenna!”

Just then the three of them heard a motor revving up.”

“She’s stealing my minivan!” Grady said.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: MARATHON MAN (1976)-SHOWTIME, PARAMOUNT+

Is it safe? A question that will ring in your ears for days after watching this taunt, tense thriller that keeps its audience on the edge of its seat all the way until its final scene. This is not a traditional Halloween movie, as most Halloween movies these days seem to be squarely in the horror genre. But it is a fantastic study in suspense and a unique kind of cold-blooded terror. The picture is directed by John Schlesinger and written by William Golden based on his book of the same name.

Thomas “Babe” Levy (Dustin Hoffman) is a graduate student at Columbia University working on his post graduate history thesis. He is trying to help clear his father’s name. His father’s career was ruined by scandal involving the McCarthy hearings which caused Babe’s father to commit suicide. Babe is also an aspiring marathon runner who idolizes Jesse Owens and runs every day trying to beat his time. One day while studying at the library he meets another student Elsa Opal (Marthe Keller) who he believes is Swiss and falls in love with her.

Meanwhile in Paris, a CIA agent named Henry “Doc” Levy (Roy Scheider) realizes he and his fellow agents have become targets for an assassin. Doc is one of those guys with a particular set of skills. He confides in his friend, fellow agent Janeway (William Devane) about his concerns, especially after an assassin breaks into his hotel room.

And elsewhere, down in Paraguay a former Nazi and dentist named Dr. Christian Szell (Lawrence Olivier) also known as the “White Angel of Auschwitz” finds he must come out of hiding to protect his fortune after his brother is killed in a car accident in NYC.

How these three stories fit together is the premise for a genuinely disturbing story produced by The Kid Stays in the Picture himself, Robert Evans.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Six

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce the forty-sixth chapter of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week I had the most embarrassing experience. I will tell you this could be graphic. I will do my best to be discreet and tasteful in my description of the events. I was out for a walk with my novelist, and I did my business as it were, and my novelist noticed some blood. Alarmed, she immediately swept me up, headed home, called the veterinarian who most fortunately had an opening, and drove me over. I detested going to the veterinarian and I was trembling the entire way. Once inside I trembled even more. My novelist carried me up to the desk and we were quickly escorted into one of the patients’ rooms. The nurse came in and took my information as I sat quivering on my novelist’s lap. I was then set on the counter and the young and kind doctor came in. She examined me and realized my anal glands were swollen. The doctor and nurse then took me back to the medical area where she attended to my discomfort and relieved me of my issue. She then kindly returned me to my novelist with my derriere feeling a bit out of sorts but better. They told us that was all that needed to be achieved and sent us home. I am feeling ever so much better after that. And that is this week’s spooky Halloween story. Here now is chapter forty-six of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Joyeux et effrayant octobre!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Six

After Curtis read Fia’s note he peered out the window blinds. Just as he suspected, the accountants had followed him home that night. He saw Grady’s van parked across the street. He carefully folded the note back up and slipped it into the pocket of his blazer. Then he grabbed his keys, headed outside, locked the door, hopped in his Honda and backed out of the driveway.

From the minivan the accountants watched him take off. Grady turned on the engine and headed after him.

“Don’t get too close,” Makenna said.

“You’re driving next time,” Grady said.

“Just don’t let him know we’re on his tail.”

“You think we might get back in time to swing by McDonalds?” Irwin asked. “I need to get some dinner before I work on those accounts.”

“If you say one more word about your accounts, I’m going to slide open this door and shove you out.”

“I’ve seen her do it too,” Lance said. “It’s gruesome. Besides, McDonnald’s sucks.”

“No, it doesn’t. I collected all four of those adult Happy Meal toys and sold them online for two thousand dollars.”

“Are you yanking my chain? You made two thousand dollars off those things?”

“Mint condition and brand new.”

“Nobody makes two thousand dollars…are you serious? Those things are weird.”

“Yeah, well, they’re two thousand dollars weird.”

“I wanted the one with the white hat,” Grady said.

“Shut up about your plastic dolls and keep your eyes on Cook,” Makenna said.

“Looks like he’s heading for the mall.”

“I haven’t had a Hot Dog on a Stick in ages,” Irwin said. “When I was a kid, I used to get a Hot Dog on a Stick then afterwards I’d get a frozen yogurt with gummy bears and strawberries.”

“I always got Reese’s Pieces,” Lance said.

“Turn the car,” Makenna shouted at Grady. “We’re losing him!”

“Shut up,” Grady said. “He’s merging, not turning.”

“Keep an eye on him. At this rate he could be heading towards Canada.”

“I could use some Tim Hortons right about now,” Irwin said.

“What is your obsession with junk food?”

“What kind of treats did you like as a kid, Makenna?”

“None. I was always dieting.”

“That sucks.”

“He’s heading for the lake,” Grady said. “You think Cook has lakefront property?”

“Maybe,” Makenna said. “There’re some smaller cabins out there.”

Curtis glanced in the rearview mirror and saw they were still on his tail. As he continued down the winding path, he realized there was still enough light outside for him to notice the spring flowers and the fresh green leaves on the trees. He cracked his window and breathed in the faintest smell of the cherry blossoms like the ones Fia had pointed out at the mall. He sped up and was able to put some distance between himself and his pursuers. As he approached his Aunt Odette’s cabin, he made a sharp turn into the driveway and rushed to park the car inside the garage, shut the door, killed the engine and remain quiet.

“He turned there,” Grady said and pulled the minivan into the driveway. “This looks like a place with an attic.”

Makenna scowled. “I don’t like this.”

“Why?” Lance asked.

“Firstly, I don’t see Cook’s car. Secondly, it’s too easy. Cook’s too smart to be easy.”

“Look,” Grady said. “You wanted us to follow Cook home. We followed him home. You wanted us to follow him here. We followed him here. And now you’re telling us something isn’t right? None of us have time for this. We all have a job to do.”

“Not if we end up in prison for breaking and entering. Not to mention animal cruelty. Then you can kiss your job goodbye. I’m telling you; this is a trap.”

“Trap, Schnapp. I couldn’t care less. I’m going in there to see what Cook is up to and fix his little red wagon.”

“Fine. Go ahead and trot your little hooves right in that cabin and get your pork loins handed to you. We’ve followed him all the way out here. There’s no need to rush now.”

“All those in favor of going inside and dealing with Cook say aye,” Lance said.

All three men said “aye”.

“All those opposed?”

“Nay,” Makenna said.

“The aye’s have it. Let’s boogie.”

“Have a blast.”

“Oh, no,” Grady said. “You forced us out here, you’re going in,”

Makenna narrowed her eyes. “Fine.”

Irwin slid open the side door of the minivan and he, Lance and Makenna disembarked. Grady jumped out of the driver’s side door. The four of them headed for the front porch. As they did, Makenna kept a close eye on the left-hand pocket of Grady’s jacket where he’d put the keys to the minivan.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: EDGE OF TOMORROW (2014)-NETFLIX

If you are on the hunt for a stellar science fiction film you’ve not yet seen, look no further than this week’s pick based on the novel All You Need Is Kill by Hiroshi Sakurazaka. This is a smart, riveting, entertaining, edge of your seat film about a military officer who gets shanghaied by a ruthless general after which all sorts of wild things happen. The script is co-written by none other than Oscar winner Christopher McQuarrie along with Jezz Butterworth and John-Henry Butterworth, and deftly directed by Dough Limen. The special effects here are outstanding and hold up superbly after ten years.  

Aliens known as Mimics have invaded the earth. And Major Willam Cage (Tom Cruise) is more than happy to be the television spokesperson for the battle that will stop them. That is until he is called into the office of General Bringham (Brendan Gleeson). Bringham, a stone-faced warmonger, tells Major Cage he is being sent to the front lines to film the suicide mission battle to attempt to stop Mimics from completely overtaking Europe and the world at large. Stunned by this assignment, Cage tries everything from reason to blackmail to make Bringham see that he clearly is not fit for battle. But as Cage leaves the general’s office he is arrested, tasered, and wakes up to meet Master Sergent Farrell (Bill Paxton) who gleefully leads him to the barracks with the rest of J Squad. The next day Cage is whisked off to battle where he crosses paths with highly honored Full Metal Bitch better known as Rita (Emily Blunt) and he finds out they are both doomed…or are they?

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Five

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Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce the forty-fifth chapter of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Yesterday was one of the weirdest days of my novelist’s life. It started out innocuous enough. She’d planned to drive to Costco. On the way she discovered the entire street she usually drives out to get there was closed for construction. She followed the traffic to the detour and then decided not to take it and go further around. In doing so she managed to get lost. She pulled into a business park and shut off the engine. She then called…Him to help her figure out how to get home. While she was waiting for…Him to call back, she got a phone call from the dentist asking if she was running late. Caught completely off guard and thinking her check up was next week, she had to reschedule her appointment for two weeks out.

Now, over the weekend on Sunday afternoon my novelist sat and began writing a speech she is planning to give. She is rather passionate about the contents, and she began punching her fists in the air and yelling out what she had written. She felt her chest starting to become tight and she was hoping it would go away, but it was still bothering her on Wednesday. So, when she returned home after her botched voyage to Costco, she called her primary care doctor to see if she could get an appointment. They told her to go to the emergency room as a precaution to get checked out for any cardiac issues. She reluctantly did and four hours later (which isn’t too bad really) after they had done a thorough number of tests, she found out she had no cardiac issues, and she’d probably pulled some muscles in her chest. So, she came home and prepared to go to a meeting that evening. Just as she was getting ready to go, she dropped her gold ring. She told me it did not make a sound when it fell. She searched everywhere for it, but it was nowhere to be found. I assisted her of course, but to no avail. She returned home after her meeting and after we looked everywhere again, we found it had fallen into a small bag of knitted items, thus the reason for the silent fall.  

She did not sleep well last night either. I caught her getting up at one in the morning to play solitaire on her computer. I had to tell her that sort of behavior isn’t going to help her sleep any better and after all the oddities of the previous day I would be best served if she got to bed before I give her a stern reprimanding. And with that thought, here is chapter forty-five of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Que vos journées soient moins bizarres que les nôtres.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Five

Just after Fia and her father Mr. Dupree returned from their meeting with Sheriff Bob, the receptionist’s phone rang. Fia hopped up to the desk and took the call. She wrote something down on the Dupree Tax Agency stationery and carried the note over to Curtis and placed it face down on his desk. Curtis lifted the note and read its contents. Then he carefully slipped it into the top drawer of his desk. Before getting up to retrieve his afternoon cup of tea, he locked the top drawer with a small key attached to a keychain and slipped the keys into his jacket pocket.

The only other person in the office to take note of this note situation was Makenna. Her laser stare examined the meticulous care Curtis took with the information he had received and decided to have a tete-a-tete with the only other woman in the office.

“How have you been doing?” she said to Fia after strolling up to the receptionist desk.

Fia looked at her from behind false eyelashes. “What do you mean?”

“With the whole kidnapping matter.”

“Better than I anticipated.”

“It must have been horrible locked in an attic against your will.”

“I managed.”

“I would have found out the identity of my captor at all costs.”

“I think you might be underestimating my kidnapper.”

“I never underestimate anyone. Do you remember something? Is that why you went and talked to Sheriff Bob today?”

“He wanted me to look at some mug shots to see if they jogged my memory.”

“Did they?”

“I’m not at liberty to say. Is there something else you needed, Makenna?”

“I just wanted to let you know anytime you need someone to talk to I’m a great listener.”

Fia nodded. “I don’t doubt it.”

Makenna smiled and headed back to her desk. She sat down and leaned over to Lance. “They’re in on it together.”

“How do you know?”

“She’s not under duress.”

Just then Curtis returned from the breakroom and set his cup of tea on his desk. He sat down and returned to his work, never unlocking the top drawer to look at the note.

Makenna, Lance, and Irwin all left the Dupree Tax Agency at staggered times near the end of the day. Each one parked their car over in the grocery store parking lot across the street. Then one by one they hopped into Grady’s minivan with the tinted glass and hid inside.

Grady remained in the office until Curtis headed out to his Honda Accord. He followed him out and climbed into his minivan. He waited there as Curtis pulled out and started to drive off. Then he started the engine, and the four accountants began to follow the Honda. Grady kept a car between his minivan and Curtis’s Honda so as not to be suspicious.

“Looks like he’s just heading home,” Irwin said.

“Maybe,” Makenna said. “Don’t lose him, Grady.”

“I won’t lose him,” Grady said. “If you wanted to make sure you didn’t lose him, you should have been the driver.”

“I don’t own a minivan. How was I supposed to pile everyone into my Jaguar?”

“Yeah, I really feel sorry for you.”

“Just shut up and drive, would you?”

Grady followed Curtis out of the downtown area, over the bridge, and up the hill where they made a right at the light and drove until they reached Curtis’s apartment.

“Ugg,” Lance said as Grady parked across the street from the duplex. He lives in an even worse place than I thought.”

“Shut up,” Makenna said. “Let’s see what he does.”

“I need to get to work on the Davis case this evening,” Irwin said. “I need to finish their taxes by Thursday.”

“No one cares. We’re all busy with clients’ taxes. But right now, priority one is to stay out of prison. Sit back, relax, play a game on your phone, and shut up while I figure out what to do about Cook.”

“Looks like he’s heading into the house,” Grady said.

The accountants watched as Curtis disembarked his car and headed for the front door.

“Probably going to play with his stocks and sip his green tea,” Lance said. “The guy’s a douche.”

“Check out this guy,” Irving said as Curtis’s neighbor Earl stepped out of his apartment and headed over for the chairs and table on his porch. He wore his terrycloth bathrobe, a t-shirt from a local saloon, a pair of flipflops, and a fedora.

Lance laughed. “This guy is rich.”

Earl set a paperback and a can of Mountain Dew down on the table. He plopped down in his chair, picked up the book and opened it on his lap.

“What do you think he’s reading?” Irwin asked.

“Fifty Shades of Gray,” Lance said and everyone except Makenna burst out into laughter.

“Shut up,” Makenna said. “We’re trying to frame Cook for Fia’s kidnapping. If he staged this whole crime, he’s going to head back to whatever place it was he had an attic. Either that or Fia is going to show up. We need to be there when he makes that mistake so we can report him to the cops before he tries to frame us as well as peg us for the break in and the escape of his stupid mutt.”

Inside his apartment Curtis slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and retrieved the note Fia had given him. He’d never really locked the note in his top desk drawer. He’d become fascinated with sleight of hand in middle school and kept up the practice through high school as well. He was aware of the importance of the note and didn’t want anyone to know it had never left his person. Especially since one of the tricks his fellow employees had played on him was filling his desk drawers with coffee beans. One way or another, they had a way of getting into his desk. And so, he unfolded the note and began to read.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: BABY REINDEER (2024)-NETFLIX

Winning four Emmys this year for Best Limited Anthology Series, Best Lead Actor in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie, Best Supporting Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie, and Best Writing for a Limited or Anthology Series, Baby Reindeer may be one of the most bizarre original limited series made to date. It is a dark comedy and an autobiography of the show’s creator writer and lead actor Richard Gaad who does an excellent job in all categories as he examines the sometimes amusing, sometimes heartbreaking accounts of his life when he worked as a bartender struggling to become a comedian. It is based on Gaad’s original one-man stage-play Baby Reindeer that premiered at the 2019 Edinburgh Fringe. I will warn you this show is not for everyone. It is bold, brave and raw with disturbing, albeit important subject matter that is neither for younger viewers nor for the faint of heart.

Donny Dunn (Richard Gaad) is a young Scotsman who works at a London pub. Even after their breakup, he still lives with his ex-girlfriend Keeley’s (Shalom Brune-Franklin) mother, Liz (Nina Sosanya). One day while tending bar a heavy-set forty-something woman Martha Scott (Jessica Gunning in a stunning performance) walks in and sits down at the bar. Martha claims to be a lawyer who knows a lot of prominent people but for some reason doesn’t have the money to pay for the cup of tea she orders. Taking pity on her, Donny says it is on the house. Unbeknownst to him, this small act of kindness will snowball into the biggest nightmare of his life, and open doors to the unspeakable horrors of his past. If you have never seen the show, that’s all you need to know. After you view the entire series, I recommend you watch the now famed Piers Morgan interview.

Rounding out the cast are Emmy nominated Nava Mau as Terry, Mark Lewis Jones and Amanda Root as Donny’s father and mother, and Emmy nominated Tom Goodman-Hill as the bone-chilling Darrien.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Four

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter forty-four of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. I have spent much of this week reading through my tale to see how I wish it to end. Unlike my novelist’s works which require a lot of research and reworking, my stories are done like a chain where I write a link I think will fit into the last. I am planning on finishing it up soon and just wanted to make certain I had not gone entirely off the tracks. This is the longest of the six stories I have penned and, in many ways, the most challenging. I am presently in the process of consulting with my novelist on what I shall write next. We will let our readers know what we decide in the weeks to come. Until then, here is chapter forty-four of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Jouir!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Four

“He’s onto us,” Makenna said sitting down at her desk.

“How do you know?” Lance asked.

“He took the croissant. I’ve only ever seen him eat a croissant once. He eats that oatmeal for breakfast, the one he gets at the co-op store at the end of the street.”

“Yuck! That stuff tastes like racoon fur.”

“Not that I’d know that but, yeah. Point is he knows.”

“What are we going to do?”

“What do you think we’re going to do? We’re going to make sure the kidnapping gets pinned on him and not us.”

“We don’t even know he did it. We have no proof.”

“We did it and I think Dupree’s kid is in on it. What a great way to lash out at her dad: stage her own kidnapping. Curt must have said something stupid.”

“Like what?”

“I’ll have to listen to the recording.”

“You recorded him just now?”

“Absolutely.”

“I should have thought of that.”

“Well, you didn’t so…and we’ll follow him.”

“Follow him?”

“We’ll follow him home after work tonight.”

“What if he just drives home and makes tea and plays with his stocks?”

“Then we’ll follow him again tomorrow.”

“How many nights do we have to follow him home?”

“What’s wrong with you? Do the bolts in your neck need tightening? We follow him every night until he screws up.”

“Who’s going to drive?”

Makenna narrowed her eyes and tapped her red lacquered nails on his desk. Then she snatched up her pastel Steamed Bean coffee cup and marched over to Grady and Irwin.

“Hey, Makenna—” Irwin started to say.

“Cook is onto us.”

“What?” Grady said.

“He knows we broke into his house. He knows we plotted to kidnap his dog.”

“How?”

“Lance screwed up. Look we need to follow him home from work tonight. Grady, you need to drive.”

“I’m a good driver,” Irwin said.

“You can drive next time.”

“Idiot,” Grady said to Irwin. Then he looked at Makenna. “Cook knows?”

“I think he’s the one who kidnapped Fia and he’s trying to pin it on us. That was the reason he wasn’t here for Sheriff Bob-o’s sting.”

“How does he know?”

“That’s what I aim to find out.”

“But why follow him home?” Irving asked.

“Because I think he’s going to lead us to the place he kept her.”

“You don’t think he held her at his apartment?”

“No. I think he actually has access to a house with an attic.”

“How?”

“That’s what I intend to find out.”

“Look,” Grady said. “Irwin and I were never involved in the whole dog debacle. I don’t see why we need help you follow Cook the Books home tonight.”

“You were going to harbor the dog. And Irwin was going to write the ransom note.”

“But we didn’t.”

“You conspired to and that makes you guilty. All four of us are accomplices in this dead dog situation. You two, me and Lance. If you even think about bailing on me and Lance and I get arrested, Lance and I are prepared to back up each other that you planned the whole thing and all we did was carry out your orders. Now be a good boy, Grady and be the driver tonight so we can all follow Curtis’s Honda home tonight and find out what he’s planning next.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: MEMORY (2023)-SHOWTIME

It’s always a delight to come across a quiet unassuming thoughtful independent film sporting an interesting character study and a fabulous actor to play the part. This film happens to have two interesting characters played by two fabulous actors and is tenderly written and directed by Michal Franco. Sylvia (Jessica Chastain) helps people. She works as a social worker for mentally challenged adults. She is a former alcoholic who attends AA and has just celebrated her 13th anniversary of being sober. She has a teenage daughter named Anna (Brooke Timber) who she protects fiercely including having an elaborate security system at her New York apartment.  Her younger and more financially successful sister Olivia (Merritt Weaver) encourages Sylvia to attend her high school reunion. Sylvia reluctantly goes dressing as casual and somber as she can. When she arrives and Olivia and her friends decide to go out on the dance floor, a man comes over and sits down beside Sylvia. He doesn’t say anything. He just smiles.

Irritated by his presence, Sylvia doesn’t say anything either. She picks up her purse and leaves the party. But as she heads to the subway, she realizes the man is following her, unnerving her even more. When she gets off at her stop, she hurries inside her apartment and flips on the security system. When she peers out the window, she finds the man is outside looking up trying to figure out which apartment is hers. Sylvia warns Anna to stay away from the windows and keep out of sight.

When Sylvia gets up the next morning the man is still there lying in the street near the next door tire dealership wet and cold trying to keep warm under a garbage bag. She gets him to give her his identification and finds out his name is Saul (Peter Sarsgaard). She calls his brother Issac (Josh Charles) to come pick him up. Issac explains to Sylvia Saul is suffering from early onset dementia and Issac’s adult daughter Sara (Elsie Fisher) later comes over to Sylvia’s place and asks if her if she would be willing to be a caretaker for her uncle. Sylvia, who unlike Saul has memories she can’t forget struggles with whether she should take the job.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Three

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Good morning. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter forty-three of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. My novelist has somewhere she has to go today and if she gets up early, I get up early. One cannot allow one’s novelist to galivant off on her own. Novelists are unbalanced creatures. They require a great deal of management. My novelist says there is nothing more disturbing or destructive than a manager, but she will just have to accept that I am in charge. She is off to assist a relative with their Shakespeare text. My novelist, as you may know, studied theatre as well as writing. When one analyzes Shakespeare text one has to go through the dialogue word for word with a pair of Shakespeare lexicons: A-M & N-Z. Tedious, of course, but what a word may mean in one play in one character’s dialogue may be different in another’s and so the work must be done. I must be there for emotional support and make sure they are flipping the pages properly. Wish me luck on this endeavor as it is a history play that we will be working with. Until next week, please enjoy this forty-third installment of Certified Sadistic Accountant. ‘Mal à l’aise est la tête qui porte la couronne’— (Henry IV, Part 2, Act 3, Scene 1)

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Three

Curtis, who had left to retrieve his water bottle from his car headed back inside through the rear entrance.

Hey, Cook the Books,” Lance said. “You’re late this morning.”

“I got here at my usual time,” Curtis said holding up his water bottle and shaking it. “I forgot this in my car.”

Curtis glanced at Makenna. She had an odd look on her face like she was reading his mind. He set the water bottle on his desk and sat down at his computer. As he began working on the Rutan account, he saw Fia descending the stairs after leaving her father’s office. She headed behind the receptionist desk and sat in her chair.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Fia picked it up. “Dupree Tax Agency. How may I direct your call? Oh, Sheriff Bob. Thank you for calling—yes‑yes, that’s right—yes, I’d like to do that—yes, that would be fantastic—talk to you later—bye.”

“What was that all about?” Lance whispered to Makenna.

Makenna shook her head but didn’t answer.

There was a knock on the front doors. Everyone turned to see Sheriff Bob and Deputy Gunther standing outside. Fia hopped off her chair and went over to the door to let them in.

“You got here fast,” Fia said.

“We were in the neighborhood,” Sheriff Bob said. “Did your dad want to go with you?”

“No, I’d just assume not trouble him with it.”

“I don’t think he’d mind under the circumstances.”

“Just the same, I’d rather go alone.”

“Suit yourself.” He turned and looked at the accountants with a sunny smile. “How are you all doing this fine morning? I don’t think Gunther and I got the chance to tell you folks about how much my officers and I appreciated your help the other day.”

“You’re welcome,” Lance said prompting Makenna to give him a shove.

“Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for helping us out that morning—”

“Except you,” Gunther said pointing to Curtis. “You never did show up.”

“I explained my absence to Mr. Dupree,” Curtis said.

“Yeah, maybe.”  He turned to Fia and said, “Let’s head over, shall we?”

“Okay,” Fia said and followed the two officers out the door.

“Who’s going to answer the phones?” Grady asked.

“Hey, Cook,” Irving said, “why don’t you answer the phones since you didn’t bother showing up for the sting.”

Curtis looked around the office. Everyone was looking at him. “Fine,” he said and got up from his chair and headed to the receptionist desk. He was just about to take a seat when the phone rang. “Dupree Tax Agency. How may I direct your call?”

Makenna crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair studying him. She knew he knew but she didn’t know what he was planning to do next.

Lance leaned into her and said, “What do you think Fia’s talking to the cops about?”

“Who cares,” she said. “What I want to know is what’s going on in Cook’s medulla oblongata.”

“Looks like he’s trying to score points with the big guy by answering the phones.”

“There’s something wrong with him.”

“You can say that again.”

“No, there’s been a shift in him. Like he’s hiding something. We’ve got to do something. Plan something. Get prepared.”

Lance stood up. “I need a croissant. You want one?”

“Bring me two.”

“You must be hungry.”

“Just bring me two.”

As Lance headed towards the break room, Mr. Dupree descended the stairs. He looked over at the receptionist desk and panicked. “Where’s my daughter?”

“Everything’s fine,” Makenna said. “She just went to help Sherriff Bob with something.”

“Help him with what?”

“Probably the kidnapping case.”

“Why didn’t she tell me about it?’

“She didn’t want you to worry.”

“If she had something to tell Bob about the kidnapping, she should have let me know. I just talked to her this morning about it.”

“Maybe you should just go call the police station and ask what’s going on.”

Mr. Dupree looked around the office at the faces of his employees. “Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I should do.” Then he turned around and headed back up the stairs.

“Here you go,” Lance said strolling out of the break room and heading over to Makenna’s desk with a croissant in each hand.

“Set them down,” she told him.

Lance set the two paper plates on Makenna’s desk. She snatched one up and headed over to the receptionist’s desk.

“Didn’t look like you’d gotten your croissant this morning,” Makenna said to Curtis.

He looked at the pastry then at her. “How…thoughtful,” he said.

“Have you bought a new dog yet?”

“Haven just died, Makenna.”

“Huh. So, why didn’t you show up to work on the day Sheriff Bob set up his kidnapper trap?”

“I realized I made an error on the Plowman account. It was bothering me so much when I woke up, I went straight to my computer to fix it. When I finally figured out what the problem was, I the day was over.”

Makenna nodded her head. “Interesting. You almost never make a mistake.”

“The main thing is Fia’s safe.”

“Right.”

As they locked eyes with each other the phone rang. “Thanks for the croissant,” Curtis said picking up the handset.

“Anytime.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: AS GOOD AS IT GETS (1997)-HBO MAX

All genres have at least a few good movies. Even genres some film aficionados don’t care for. This week’s pick is an excellent example of how to make a romantic comedy: great characterization, a superb cast, smart dialogue, and a very well penned script like this one written and directed by James L. Brooks who was nominated for an Oscar in both categories. This comedy even dares to clock in at two hours and nineteen minutes, and it never drags. Perhaps because the film was made in the 1990’s when there was a plethora of superb landmark filmmaking going on, scripts like this one could get made. Now we’re stuck on the precipice of another Oscar season of mediocre dreck. Maybe since the fallout of the writer’s strike and Covid has thinned out, great films might make a comeback. But for now, perhaps it’s just as well to seek out great entertainment like this one and weather the storm.

Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson in a fantastic Oscar winning performance) is a misanthropic romance writer who hates everyone. He detests his gay neighbor, artist Simon Bishop (Greg Kinnear in a solid Oscar nominated performance), Simon’s agent Frank Sachs (Cuba Gooding Jr.), and Simon’s Brussels Griffon, Verdell. He makes cutting remarks to customers in restaurants, managers, maids, neighbors, party goers and just about anyone who irritates him. In fact, the only person on the planet Melvin does like is Carol Connelly (Helen Hunt in a charming Oscar winning performance), the only server he’ll let wait on him in the same restaurant he frequents every day. Carol is too world weary for her age and the only person in Melvin’s world who has a sharp enough wit to snap back at him, which he secretly admires.

But even with Carol, Melvin cannot keep his acerbic remarks to himself. One day he makes a brutal comment about her son Spencer (Jessie James) who has acute asthma and is constantly ending up in the emergency room. In the meantime, Simon, who’s art show is not doing as well as expected, takes on a new model, a streetwalker named Vincent (Skeet Ulrich) who has friends who plan to rob the painter. The two incidents converge and send Melvin who suffers from acute OCD on an unexpected journey that surprises not only Melvin but the others in his life as well.  

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-Two

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Good morning. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce Chapter Forty-Two of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. I will soon be wrapping up this tale and begin an entirely new story soon. It’s hard to believe I have been writing this one for almost a year. Today, I am taking a day trip to visit relatives. We are having a family summit. It is imperative I go along as someone must run the show. And the best person to run the show is always a poodle. I plan to command and demand and inform as that is what poodles are best at. I detest riding in automobiles, however. I long for the day I can take a train. I love trains. I have never taken one and it is a dream of mine. I revel in the idea of looking out the window and watching the world roll by. My novelist and I rewatched most of The Commuter this past week and I absolutely adore it. Yes, it is a guilty pleasure with a terrible ending, but it is so much fun. That said, I am up early, looking over my notes and preparing my speech and practicing pounding my paw. I am going to be magnificent. And with that thought here is Chapter Forty-Two of Certified Sadistic Accountant.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-Two

Thirty minutes later, Makenna, Lance, Grady and Irwin all arrived at the Dupree Tax Agency each carrying a pastel paper cup from The Steamed Bean. Grady and Irwin turned and headed into the breakroom to retrieve a fresh croissant. Makenna marched up to Lance.

“Why do you think Cook the Books never reported us to the police?” she said.

Lance shrugged. “He never knew it was us.”

Makenna narrowed her eyes. “Of course, he knew it was us. You think that surveillance system of his wasn’t running when you spray painted the lens? He got a great look at your face. He knew exactly who you were. The more I think about this whole out of the blue kidnapping thing with Dupree’s kid, the more suspicious the whole thing seems.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Exactly how stupid are you? We’ve been giving Cook a hard time ever since he stepped foot in this office. Yeah, he seems all polite and hardworking and such. But I think underneath all that façade is a sadist waiting to pounce. I think he staged this kidnapping, and he wants to pin it on us.”

Lance blew a raspberry. “We didn’t kidnap Dupree’s kid.”

“No. But I think Cook looked at that video and thought, maybe he could get Dupree’s daughter to help him stage a kidnapping. She could get out of working here and he could get us back for all the times we messed him. Then he’d keep that tape of us breaking into his house to make us look like criminals. And then pin a kidnapping charge on us a well as a break-in to really make us suffer.”

“That’s nuts.”

“Maybe. But if I were Curtis I’d be out for some serious revenge.”

“We didn’t even steal anything.”

“No. But that pocket rat of his got killed when we were at his apartment. Even if he can’t prove it.”

Lance took a sip of his coffee. “I’ve been wondering if there was another surveillance camera at his duplex.”

Makenna leaned over and tapped her long red manicured nails on Lance’s desk. “The landlord,” she said. “You’re right. There’s more footage. We need to do something.”

“Like what?”

Makenna stood up and folded her arms. “I’m thinking.”

Just then, Fia unlocked the front door and stepped inside. Both accountants looked at her with anxious eyes. She looked at no one and headed up the stairs to her father’s office.

“Fia,” he said when she stepped inside and closed the door. “You decided to come in today?”

“I didn’t want you answering the phones, Daddy,” she said.

Mr. Dupree chuckled. “That’s sweet of you, dear but you’ve been through quite an ordeal.”

“I want to finish my spring break time here at the office. I would feel better if I did.”

“Alright.” Mr. Dupree watched his daughter turn and head over to the door. “Fia?”

“Yes?”

“Cook…Curtis Cook my accountant said something interesting to me this morning.”

“What?”

“He said he wondered if it was an inside job.”

Fia turned around and looked at her father. “An inside job?”

“Are you sure you didn’t recognize something familiar about your kidnapper?”

Fia bit her lip. “Why would one of your accountants want to kidnap me?”

“I don’t know. It’s perplexing they sent a ransom note but never wanted money.”

“I know. I read it.”

“The more I think about it, the more I think Cook may be right. I think someone in this office might be out for revenge.” Mr. Dupree picked up a signed baseball from the wooden stand he had sitting on his desk and began fiddling with it. “I don’t think it’s Makenna and I don’t think it’s Lance. Each of them won the tax bonus contest during the last two years. Grady hasn’t won it since Curtis started working here and Irving’s never won it. But then again neither has Curtis…are you sure you didn’t see the face of your captor?”

“Daddy, the attic was dark and-”

“See, that’s what’s so strange. None of my employees has an attic. How did you end up in an attic?”

“How do you know none of your employees has an attic?”

“Because all their addresses have an apartment number. None of them live in a house so none of them have an attic. But somehow, they were granted access to one.”

“I need to get down to the receptionist desk to take-”

“You aren’t in on this, are you, Fia?”

Fia’s heart was thumping. “I didn’t kidnap myself, daddy.”

“This isn’t some twisted performance art piece, is it?”

“Daddy-”

“Because this whole attic thing is driving me crazy.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: CIVIL WAR (2024)-HBO MAX

This week’s movie is a recent release now playing on HBO Max. If you are a fan of the brilliant 28 Days Later, you will love this non-zombie road trip about a dystopian United States where a small group of journalists head off in a van to get an interview with the president as rebel factions prepare to siege the Whitehouse. This is a tense and unflinching story written and directed by Alex Garland with some interesting effects used to put the audience in the position of press on the ground and in the middle of the action.

Renowned world-weary photojournalist Lee Smith (Well-played by Kirstin Dunst) who was once touted as the youngest member of the Magnum Photos cooperative, has decided to head out to Washington DC to interview the President of the United States (Nick Offerman) as the modern-day American Civil War rages on. Along for the ride are her long-time fellow college Joel (Wagner Moura), and mentor Sammy (Stephen McKinley Henderson) who warns Lee against the idea. While out photographing brutal fighting in Charlottesville, Virginia, Lee comes across and helps and injured a young would-be journalist Jessie Cullen (Callie Spaeney) from Missouri who has always idolized Lee. Jessie wants to join the group for the ride, but Lee, well versed in the dangers of war journalism, does not want her to go with them. Jessie goes with them anyway and after Lee sees some of the young woman’s work, she becomes her mentor.  

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Forty-One

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Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter forty-one of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week my novelist has been trying to help a couple of her relatives who are trapped in that most terrifying level of Dante’s hell, the public school system.

 Apparently, public schools have the right to force students to work without pay. In other words, instead of the student taking a class, they have the right to force the student to work as a lacky for said school during a class period as opposed to the student sitting in a classroom learning a subject. They can claim there is no room in any other class during said period. And they have the legal right to do this to cover up their scheduling mishaps.

Instead of allowing the student to take a different class during any given period, the public school system can force a student to work as a lacky in the office instead of allowing them to be enrolled in a class and in return pay them nothing. Because it is during school hours, it can go under the guise of credit robbing the student of hours they could be sitting in class learning a subject. My novelist and I believe public schools should not have this right.

Schools should begin setting up student schedules no later than sixty days before classes begin. And schools should be required to send out schedules to all students attending school no later than fourteen days before the beginning of the school year, allowing the students to be able to alter any mistakes the school district may and likely will make.

After this debacle, we, and I’m sure many of you, are fed up with the incompetence of the bureaucratic American school system, their profane carnal lust for institutions, their abuse of minors, and their complete and utter disregard for logic and intelligence. And with that, here is chapter forty-one of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Dans l’ensemble, vous n’êtes qu’une autre brique dans le mur.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Forty-One

Curtis arrived at the Dupree Tax Agency the following day in his pale green Honda Accord. He killed the engine and headed inside the rear entrance. He was early which meant he was earlier than his usual early arrival. It was supposed to be sunny today and when he gazed out the front window of the agency that appeared to be the case.

Curtis headed into the breakroom and filled the coffee machine with beans. He retrieved a sleeve of coffee cups from the cabinet and stacked them at the coffee station. Then he made himself a cup of joe and headed out to his desk to work on his accounts.

Twenty minutes later Mr. Dupree arrived. He marched over to Curtis and said gruffly, “Cook, a word in my office.”

This was not the usual cheery greeting Curtis was accustomed to receiving from his boss. However, it was not unexpected either. And so, Curtis rose from his chair and headed up the stairs after Mr. Dupree.

“Have a seat,” Mr. Dupree said gesturing to the chair across from him and straightened his sport coat.

“You were supposed to be here yesterday. The police sent an officer around to your place of residence. You knew Fia had been kidnapped and everyone was supposed to be here yesterday so the police could carry out their sting operation. I sent all my employees an email and Sherrif Bob left all my employees a voicemail. Yet you didn’t show up by seven forty-five as you were told. Where were you and why weren’t you here?”

“I was on my way to work when…something unexpected happened,” Curtis replied.

“What happened?”

Curtis knew he had to come up with an explanation and he had to come up with it fast. “I…realized I had made an error on one of the tax forms.”

“An error?”

“Yes. I was driving to work when I realized I had somehow miscalculated something on the Plowman account.”

“That’s one of our largest accounts.”

“Yes, Mr. Dupree it is. I had to go back and check the forms. It was an unusual morning because I was running late and as you know I am never late. So, I turned my car around and started driving back home.”

“Why didn’t you just keep heading for the office and log in from here?”

“I…I don’t know, sir. I guess I panicked.”

“In all the time you’ve worked here I have never known you to make a mistake on any tax form whatsoever. Lance, now that guy is a royal screw up. There aren’t enough erasers in the world to handle his mistakes. But you? Your near flawless.”

“That’s kind of you to say, Mr. Dupree. But I assure you, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes.”

Mr. Dupree kept a steady gaze on Curtis. “Why didn’t you call the office when you realized you’d made a mistake?”

“I meant to. But I got so caught up in trying to locate the error that by the time I should have called in the day was half over. So, I just stayed at my apartment and rechecked all my other accounts.”

“Did you find any more errors?”

“No. Just the one on the Plowman account. And it was a big one. But it’s fixed now, and everything’s okay.”

“Cook, the police were certain those monsters who kidnapped my daughter would return to the agency. They wanted to make sure everyone was on deck and ready by seven forty-five sharp Monday morning. And I’m having a difficult time understanding your behavior.”

“My behavior?”

“You should have been more concerned about my daughter. We needed everyone on deck in and place and you put a dent in Sheriff Bob’s sting operation, and we were unable to catch the kidnapper. Luckily, she happened to escape and stumbled onto the church there at the bottom of the hill. The one that heads up to the high school. They drove her down here and she appears to be unscathed.”

“That’s the important part; Fia is unscathed.”

“No, Cook, that’s the lucky part. I don’t know what her mother and I would have done if she had never come back.”

“Well,” Curtis said attempting to appear as if he were surmising. “I’ve been thinking about this whole strange event, and I wonder if you’ve considered the idea that it could have been an inside job.”

“An inside job?”

“Maybe one of your employees…or possibly a couple of them planned this. Maybe they wanted to get money out you.”

“There was no ransom note, Cook.”

“You’re right…maybe it was revenge.”

“Revenge? Why would they want revenge? I’m just an accountant. I’m just a man who runs a tax agency. I am faithful to my wife, I haven’t committed any crimes, and I’m a member of the Kiwanis for heaven’s sake. I am an upstanding person in this community. Who in the world would want to seek revenge on me?”

“I don’t know, sir. I’m just brainstorming, sir.”

Mr. Dupree rose from his desk and began walking about. “Revenge…revenge…revenge…hmm…I just don’t see it, Cook. Everybody likes me. And besides, Fia said she never got a good look at her kidnapper. Turned out it was just one kidnapper. There’re maniacs out there, Cook. And my Fia was in the hands of them.”

“Sometimes maniacs are not what they seem. Sometimes they’re the people you see every day.”

“Is there something you’re not telling me, Cook?”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: SIDEWAYS (2004)-HULU

It is always a special treat to rewatch a movie that still makes you laugh, still makes you feel and most importantly still makes you think. This well-deserved recipient of the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay by Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, is based on the book of the same name by Rex Picket.. The same screenwriting pair also co-wrote the smart and sardonic adapted script Election based on the novel by Tom Perrotta.

Sideways is a fantastic, funny and poignant story about two former college roommates who are facing middle age. Jack (Thomas Haden Church in a wonderful Oscar nominated supporting actor performance), is an aging pretty-boy actor who is getting married in a week. Miles (Paul Giamatti in yet another brilliant performance who was wrongly snubbed by the Academy here) is a divorced morose middle school English teacher waiting to find out if his novel is finally getting published.

The two men take a trip from Los Angeles to California wine country in lieu of a bachelor party for a week of wine and restaurants. Or at least that is what Miles thinks. But Jack has a different idea in mind. He wants to party it up and get laid during his last week of freedom.

At a restaurant called The Hitching Post, a place Miles frequents whenever he is in town, Jack spots a beautiful waitress named Maya (Virginia Madson in a lovely Oscar nominated performance) and quickly realizes she is smitten with Miles, and likely has been so for some time. Maya is recently divorced and working towards her masters in Botany. Jack encourages Miles to try and hook up with Maya. But Miles still deeply and profoundly misses his wife, fellow wine connoisseur Victoria (Jessica Hecht) and doesn’t think Maya is good enough for him. The two men also meet Maya’s friend, Stephanie (Sandra Oh) a wine pourer at another establishment. Jack begins hitting on Stephanie despite Miles’s reservations. But despite his protests, Miles finds himself helplessly caught up in a chain of spiraling events.