Books I’d Like to Read

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Bloganuary writing prompt
What books do you want to read?
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As a poodle I consider myself an intellectual. I would like to complete Infinite Jest. Others that come to mind are Darkness at Noon, J.R., Slauterhouse Five and Comming Up for Air. But of all the books I have never read, the ones I’d like to read the most are the ones I have not yet written. My novelist has completed three novels (one is a five book series ) and I have written five short stories for which I posted a chapter a week and am working on my sixth. I desire to someday complete a full length novel like my novelist.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Twelve

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Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter twelve of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week was the announcement of this year’s Academy Award nominations. These are what we think are the most deserving nods from the films we have seen so far:

The Holdovers for Best picture, Best actor in a leading role (Paul Giamatti) Best actress in a supporting role (Da’Vine Joy Randolph), Best original screenplay, and Best editing

Oppenheimer for Best Picture, Best Actor in a Leading Role (Cillian Murphy), Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Robert Downey Jr.) Best Director (Christopher Nolen), Best Cinematography, Best Costume Design, B est Editing, Best Sound, and Best Production Design.

Barbie for Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Ryan Gossling), Best Original Song (“I’m Just Ken”), Best Costume Design, and Best Production Design.

Killers of the Flower Moon for Best Actress in a Leading Role (Lily Gladstone), Best Cinematography, Best Original Score

The Boy and the Heron for Best animated feature film

We look forward to viewing more Oscar nominated films and finding out how they compare to what we have seen so far. And with that note, here is chapter twelve of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Enjoy.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Twelve

Thursday. Twelve-twenty-five in the afternoon. Fia met Curtis in the parking lot of the Dupree Tax Agency.

“What do you think is a good place to start looking?” Curtis asked her as she stepped up to his Honda.

“I thought about that last night,” Fia said, “and my dad really likes baseball memorabilia. So, I thought we could stop at that store at the mall.”

“Sounds good. Hop in.” They both climbed into Curtis’s Honda. He turned to her and asked, “Got your seatbelt on?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I don’t want to put you in harm’s way.”

Fia giggled nervously. Something seemed off but she didn’t know what. Curtis drove out of the parking lot on route to the mall.

“Mr. Dupree said you finishing a degree in Performance Art and got a scholarship for grad school.”

“Yes,” Fia said. “I was originally inspired by watching an off-Broadway play where a woman made a cake backwards onstage. It was extraordinary. I saw it when I was in early middle school when I’d gone back to New York with my parents and little brother. It was the single most inspiring day of my life.”

“I’ve never been inspired by anything. I just always knew I was good at math and numbers so that’s the path I took.”

“It’s the same path my dad took.”

“And not a very exciting one.”

“Math is a talent. It takes talent to do people’s taxes. Especially some of these farmers with all their land and business. That gets crazy. And that Barton guy who owns a small chain of restaurants and a racehorse.”

“Yeah, I started handling Barton’s taxes last year.”

“I know. Daddy told me. He says he wanted you working for Barton because you’re his best accountant.”

“Really,” Curtis said surprised. “I…thank you. Thank you for telling me.”

“Of course.”

“So, sports memorabilia, huh?”

“Especially baseball. My dad loves statistics.”

“So, do I. I used to score baseball games when I was I kid, but I lost interest.”

“Why?”

“So, if your dad thinks I’m the best accountant, why did Lance and Makenna each win the award the past two years?”

Fia bit her lip. “I don’t know. You’d have to ask my dad.”

They didn’t say anything to each other until they drove over the bridge and pulled into the mall parking lot.

“Which part of the mall is the sports collectible store on?” Curtis asked.

“It’s right beside the department store.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll park over here.”

He drove to the south end of the parking lot. They disembarked his Honda and headed for the entrance. Fia caught the faintest whiff of the cherry blossom trees placed strategically around the property.

“I wish I had cherry blossom fragrance oil,” she said. “They sell it at this soap store near my university. Don’t they smell incredible?”

Curtis who hadn’t noticed the smell of the blossoming trees said, “Yeah, pleasant.”

As they arrived at the entrance, Curtis opened the door for her.

“Thank you,” she said surprised. “It’s so rare to find a gentleman these days.”

“Opening doors for people is just something my father instilled in me. There’s no glory in being a gentleman.”

“That’s not true. I think there’s a reward in being a gentleman. There’s just so few around.”

“Small wonder.”

“We should take a right here and head for cosmetics. The entrance is by the cosmetics counter.”

Curtis rarely went to the mall except to see a film at the movie theatre. He was more than happy to follow Fia. Department stores were always labyrinths designed to trap you. Fia was more than an adept guide and got them to the cosmetic counter in no time.

“See,” she said as they stepped out into the mall. “There’s the sports store.” Curtis followed Fia’s finger to the left where he saw a small store designed in dark colors. It looked like an oasis in the enclosed shopping nightmare. The two stepped up to the window where there was a display of baseball memorabilia. “See that baseball in the plexiglass cube there?”

“The signed one?” Curtis asked.

“My dad would love that. It’s signed by his favorite player.”

“How much do you think it is?”

“I’d say around five hundred, more or less.”

“Five hundred dollars? I was thinking of something less than that.”

“You can just put it on your credit card.”

“Yeah, well I have a credit score of 805. And it won’t be a score of 805 if I buy that thing.”

“You could get my dad a signed photo of his favorite baseball player.”

“How much will that set me back?”

“About two hundred dollars.”

“Two hundred dollars? Look, I can’t afford that kind of gift. How about something around fifty dollars?”

“Fifty?”

“Or less if possible.”

“Less? Let me think if there’s something he’d like in the fifty-dollar range.”

Fia wrang her hands, her eyes scanning the display window. “I suppose you could get him a metal or a metal and leather keychain. They have some that run around forty-nine dollars. Or maybe you could get him a crystal mug with the team logo etched on it.”

“Those sound nice.” Curtis could tell Fia was disappointed. Either she was delusional or so spoiled she was oblivious to financial reality.

“You know,” she said, “now that I think about it, he might really like a crystal mug.”

“Great. Let’s go inside and look at mugs.”

They entered the store where they saw a display of glassware over to the left. Curtis stepped up to the table, picked up one of the crystal mugs, and checked the price.

“Forty bucks,” he said.

“They can personalize it.”

“What does it cost to do the etching?”

“Ten dollars.”

“I could spring for that. You think they’d gift wrap it.”

“Yes, they gift wrap.”

“Good.”

They took the mug up to the counter where a tall guy was standing. He looked like he played a lot of sports.

“Hi,” Curtis said to the guy.

“How’s it going?” the guy said.

“I was wondering if I could get this mug personalized.”

“Yeah, sure. But it’ll be about thirty days.”

“Thirty days?” Curtis said surprised.

“We’ve had a lot of requests for personalization lately. Especially etching.”

“Seriously? It’s not even Christmas season.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what it is, but we have a backlog.”

“Thing is it’s a birthday gift for my boss. I was hoping to get him something around fifty dollars.”

“Fifty bucks, huh? Your boss have a desk job?”

Curtis didn’t like the way the guy said desk job. “Yes, he does.”

“We just got some crystal paperweights in over there,” he said pointing. “Run you about forty-five dollars.”

Curtis and Fia turned to see the display. They looked at each other and then headed over to the paperweights. They were round and smooth with a slanted top. Inside was and etched image of the logo of Mr. Dupree’s favorite baseball team.

“How much are they?” Curtis asked.

“Sixty.”

“Uh, huh,” he said begrudgingly. “Can you box it up? Giftwrap it and such?”

“Yes.”

“Sold.”

“Cool.”

“Fia, would you pick one out?”

Fia perused the table and picked the one she thought looked the most pristine. They headed back to the counter and the guy rang up the sale. The guy handed Curtis the receipt before heading into the back to wrap the gift.

“My dad will really appreciate this, Curtis,” Fia said.

“Thanks,” Curtis replied. “I wouldn’t have thought to get him sports memorabilia. I didn’t even know he was into baseball.”

“I suppose he doesn’t talk much about himself at work.”

“No. But it’s probably wise to keep oneself…mysterious.”

“Yeah, but my dad does mysterious to a fault.”

“Here you go,” the guy said returning.

He set the paperweight on the counter which was boxed and wrapped in a dark grey wrapping paper tied with a bright blue satin ribbon.

“That looks beautiful,” Fia said. “Thank you.”

“Welcome.”

Fia picked up the gift and Curtis followed her out of the store and back through the department store’s maze until they arrived at the parking lot exit. Curtis pushed the door open and held it for Fia.

“You have such good manners, Curtis.”

“Thank you.”

They stepped outside and headed towards Curtis’s Honda. When they reached the car Curtis popped open the trunk and Fia set the box inside. He unlocked the passenger side door and held it for her as she climbed inside, a gesture which also seemed to delight her. Then he jogged around to the driver’s side.

“I guess we’d better get back to the office,” Fia said after Curtis shut the door.

“Yep,” Curtis said and pulled out and headed for the exit where he clicked on his left blinker and checked for traffic.

“The office is back that way, Curtis,” Fia said and pointed right.

“I know. But I need to run and errand first.”

“Do we have time?”

Curtis made the turn and started heading north.

“What kind of errand?”

“I promised my dad I’d pick up something.”

“Oh.” Fia thought that sounded a little strange, but she had come along for the ride so why not.

Curtis drove straight down the main arterial until he reached the turnoff where he turned right and headed for the lake.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: THELMA AND LOUISE (1990)-PLUTO TV & THE ROKU CHANNEL

I should have known when I sat down to watch the film Barbie, the script penned by Noah Bombach and Greta Gerwig was going to be an exercise in mediocrity. Especially looking at the track record of both writers who have cranked out film after film which fail to reach greatness whether it be the narcissistic The Squid and the Whale or the uninspired Lady Bird. The only thing worse about Barbie other than its script is the song What Was I Made For, yet another dud penned by the brother and sister team of Billie Eilish and Finneas O’Connell, the Salieri’s of modern music.

When Alfred Hitchcock was looking for a screenwriter for The Birds, he originally hired James Kennaway to adapt Daphne DuMauier’s short story. Kennaway had found success adapting his own novel Tunes of Glory. After working on how he would do the adaptation, Kennaway approached Hitchcock and said that everything about the birds would be seen through the eyes of the characters and that the audience would never see a single bird but only hear and feel their presence. Hitchcock sighed and said, “Ah! Well, thank you very much, Mr. Kennaway, for your efforts. There will be a check in the mail.” Hitchcock ultimately hired Even Hunter to pen the script for this terrifying classic which contains a fair number of birds.  

I am, of course, amongst other things, referring to the monologue in Barbie delivered by the character Gloria which comes off more as a social media rant than a logical argument. The writers and director chose to tell and not show, taking the already vapid script (save bright spots with Ken) to sink further into the quagmire.

Which brings me to my stream of the week, one of the best American films about feminism ever made. Callie Khouri’s brilliant script is not just a great story but with Sir Ridley Scott’s extraordinary direction, landmark performances by Susan Sarandon and Gina Davis, Adiran Bridal’s gorgeous cinematography and Hans Zimmer’s haunting score it is also an extraordinary exercise in symbolism. Every step of the way, all the meticulous details, from how the leads pack the car to looking in mirrors to trading jewelry for necessities to the dialogue like in this brilliant scene between the two leads and its unforgettable finale, it gets the points across clearly, subtly and intelligently. It doesn’t require either of the women to step up on a pedestal and give some half-cocked speech on the downfalls of being female. Monologues have their place in films like Gordon Gecko’s speech in Wall Street, but they need to effectively argue, or counter argue the premise of the film.

The story starts out in Arkansas with young housewife Louise (Geena Davis) and waitress Thelma (Susan Sarandon) preparing to go for a weekend at a cabin Thelma’s boss owns that he is losing in a divorce. Louise attempts to ask her narcissistic carpet salesman husband Daryll (Christopher McDonald who is also great here) if she can go. Knowing he’ll never say yes Louise agrees to take off with Thelma and the two overpack Thelma’s turquoise Thunderbird check their makeup, take a picture and leave. But on the way they stop at a roadhouse bar where a scumbag named Harlan Puckett (Timothy Carhart) schmoozes naive Louise and the two drink and dance together. This flirtation leads to an unexpected altercation in the parking lot which ultimately changes the two women’s lives.

Rounding out the cast are Harvey Keitel as Investigator Hal Slocumb, Michael Madson as Jimmy, and a young Brad Pitt as J.D., the role that put him on the map.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Eleven

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Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter eleven of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. We got our first snowfall of the year this week. It has been quite slushy where we are but around us are places which are getting hit harder. It’s hard to believe I went for my first walk with my novelist a couple days ago since her ankle debacle and now it is treacherous out there.

This week we watched the Emmy Awards and were heartbroken that Better Call Saul received no statues. In fact, the show has never won an Emmy despite being nominated for fifty-three of them over the course of its run. This was most disheartening as my novelist, and I considered it the best American show on television this past year. We thought it should have taken home awards for Best Drama Series, Best Lead Actor in a Drama Series for Bob Odenkirk, Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series for Rhea Seehorn, Outstanding Picture Editing For A Drama Series, Outstanding Writing For A Drama Series for S6.E13 ∙ Saul Gone. We are confused as why S6.E7 ∙ Plan and Execution was not nominated for writing as that was the episode we would have awarded with the Emmy. This is most disheartening for a show which was consistently brilliant, never once losing its way and did the unbelievable: it nailed its ending. Perhaps it’s another sad instance of realizing it is not cream which rises but rather mediocrity. Until time passes and everyone forgets about the mediocre.

On the upside, we are delighted at all the awards The Bear took for the Comedy Series catagory including Outstanding Comedy Series, Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series for Jeremy Allen White, Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series for Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series for Ayo Edebiri. We are also delighted at all the awards the fantastic Beef won for limited series including Outstanding Limited or Anthology Series, Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie for Steven Yeun, Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie for Ali Wong, Outstanding Directing For A Limited Or Anthology Series Or Movie, and Outstanding Writing For A Limited Or Anthology Series Or Movie. We were also delighted that Paul Walter Hauser won Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Limited Or Anthology Series Or Movie for playing the very creepy Larry Hall in the fantastic Black Bird and the wacky Weird: The Al Yankovic Story winning Outstanding Television Movie.

And now after all that exposition here is chapter eleven of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Enjoy!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Eleven

Thursday. Seven-fifteen A.M. Curtis pulled into the parking lot of the Dupree Tax Agency. He killsed the engine and stared at the building. He’d spent the entire night plotting. He went over his plan in his head again just like he had at midnight, two A.M. and four A.M. He wanted some coffee, and he wanted it now. Curtis unlocked the car door and strode up to the entrance. He took a deep breath and exhaled. Today was going to be different. 

He marched into the building and headed for the break room where he examined the level of beans in the coffee machine. He filled it, which didn’t require much effort. As Mr. Dupree said, only he and Curtis drank the house coffee. He brewed a cup for himself and added his usual quota of milk. He started to add regular sugar and then decided to be adventurous. He grabbed two packets of raw sugar, ripped them open, and poured them into his coffee. Yup, he thought, next step a Harley Davidson. He strutted out to his desk and waited. Five minutes later Mr. Dupree and his lovely daughter Fia entered the building.

“Good morning, Curt,” Mr. Dupree said sporting his London Fog trench coat and his usual suit and tie.

“Good morning, Mr. Dupree,” Curtis said.

“Hi, Curtis,” Fia said taking off her Ralph Lauren Lambskin Moto Jacket.

“Good morning, Fia,” Curtis said eerily.

Fia gave him a strange look as she went about hanging her jacket on the coat stand behind the receptionist desk. “Oh,” she said noticing the coffee cup he was holding. “I would have filled the beans last night before I left if I knew you’d get here before we did.”

“It’s fine. I filled the beans when I came in.”

“Thank you. That was sweet of you, Curtis.”

Mr. Dupree headed into the breakroom to get his coffee.

“Flying solo today.”

“What?”

“This is your first day not shadowing Bexley.”

“Oh. Yes, that’s right. I guess I am flying solo today.”

Curtis smiled mischievously. “You’ll do just fine. In fact, you’ll do better than fine.”

“Thank you.”

“Absolutely.”

There was a long pause and then she said, “I’m going to see what else needs to be done in the break room…”

“Say, Fia.”

“Yes?”

“I was wondering if you could help me at lunch today.”

Fia gave him a puzzled look.

“I was hoping you could help me figure out what to get your father for his birthday.”

“Yes,” she said surprised. “That’s kind of you to remember.”

“I’m running out of ideas.”

“He’s hard to buy for.”

“Lunch then.”

“Yes, lunch.”

“Good.”

Fia hurried into the breakroom. Curtis gazed out the front window waiting for his fellow accountants to arrive. He opened his drawer, put on a headset, and listened to heavy metal music. Five minutes later they appeared, each holding a pastel coffee cup from The Steamed Bean.

“Hey, Cook the Books,” Lance said nonchalantly as he strode to his desk. “Ready to try and win that big competition?”

It angered Curtis the way Lance spoke to him as if nothing had happened. But he kept his cool and said calmly, “Not try. Do.”

“What are you, Yoda now?”

“I’m going to win this time.”

“Well, alright buddy. Game on.”

Curtis’s eyes shifted to Makenna and narrowed. She looked as cool as ice standing there in her designer boots and full-length London Fog raincoat. “Good morning, Makenna,” he said unable to help himself.

Makenna turned towards Curtis and in that precise moment he saw a flicker of shock in her eyes. And that was all it took for Curtis to know she was guilty. Not that she had remorse for killing Haven, He knew she was incapable of feeling remorse. But she did fear getting caught and that one flicker, that one surge of concern for her own well-being could not be mistaken.

“Good morning, Cook,” she said with malice.

“Cook the Books says he’s going to win Accountant of the Year,” Lance said.

Makenna stared at Curtis as if she were a spider examining an insect in her web. “Did he?”

“I just believe in good honest work,” Curtis said.

“It isn’t just good honest work that makes you a winner.”

“You’re right. Sometimes it takes a little bit more. And maybe I’m distracted.”

“What’s distracting you?” Lance said smugly. “Bexley?”

“No. My dog died yesterday.”

“What?” Fia said returning from the breakroom.

“My Yorkshire Terrier. She somehow got loose yesterday, ran out into the street, and got hit.”

“Oh, Curtis! I’m so sorry.”

Curtis looked at Makenna and said, “I guess I didn’t lock my house up as well as I thought.”

“Your mind’s been on Tax Season.”

“Maybe,” Curtis said noticing the flash of discomfort flicker in Makenna’s eyes.

Lance glanced at Makenna then at Curtis. He took a pull off his espresso.

“It’s terrible losing a pet,” Fia said. “I had a chihuahua when I was a kid. She was white with blue eyes. I took her everywhere. But when she turned fifteen, we had to put her down. It was awful. Broke my heart.”

“Yeah,” Curtis said with a lump in his throat.

“Well,” Makenna said heading for her desk. “I have a client coming in at eight. Sorry for your loss, Cook the Books, but I have a contest to win.”

“Yeah, me too,” Irving said.

“Time to kick some ass,” Grady said.

Lance glanced at Curtis then put his laptop in his docking station and focused on his monitor.

Curtis turned to his computer screen and smiled. He was nail on about these guys. All he had to do now was put his plan into action.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK-TETRIS (2023)-APPLE TV+

STREAM OF THE WEEK-TETRIS (2023)-APPLE TV+

This week’s pick is an exciting and entertaining film based on the true story of how one very determined young businessman bet everything he owned and the safety of his family on getting the rights to the enormously popular videogame Tetris…from the Russian government.

In 1988, Henk Rogers (Taron Egerton who received an Emmy nomination this year for his excellent work in Black Bird ) a likeable young businessman for the company Bulletproof Software while trying to sell his video game at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, spots another game called Tetris for which the rights are apparently owned by Mirrorsoft. Henk plays the game for five minutes and realizes this is the hit of the future. He buys or at least thinks he buys the Tetris rights for PC, console, and arcade in Japan. But he is wrong. Apparently, the rights for Tetris were obtained for the company by Robert Stein (Toby Jones) who works for Media Tycoon Robert Maxwell (Roger Allam) and his son Kevin Maxwell (Anthony Boyle).

Henk then manages to get a meeting with Nintendo who are finishing up development on their newest product the Nintendo Game Boy. Henk tells them Tetris would be an excellent game to bundle with the new handheld device and says he will find a way to get the rights to Tetris to make it happen. Henk flies to London to meet with Robert Stein and offers $25,000 for worldwide handheld rights as the Game Boy. But Rogers double-crosses him and sells the handheld rights to Atari for $100,000.

Henk then obtains a tourist visa, hops a plane and flies to the Soviet Union to obtain the rights from the original source, which turns out to be a more harrowing journey than he imagined. He hires a young woman named Sasha (Sophia Lebedeva) to be his interpreter who translates between Henk and the Chairman of ELORG Nikolai Belikov (Oleg Stefan). Nikolai tells him because all the rights to Tetris are property of ELORG, or in other words the government of the Soviet Union, and only released PC rights to Robert Stein and no one else legally owns any rights to the game, including the young creator Alexey Pajitnov (Nikita Efremov) and the rights Henk obtained are illegal. 

Rounding out the cast are Ayane Nagabuchi as Roger’s wife Akemi Rogers and Igor Grabuzov in a standout performance as the sinister head of the department of foreign trade of the Soviet Union Valentin Trifonov.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Ten

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Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter ten of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. We are expecting a cold snap this weekend. I for one do not like the cold. I prefer warm weather with a soft comfortable blanket encircled around me. An adjacent heat vent is also preferred and if there is winter sun shining through a nearby window that is also a plus. I sometimes question why I live where I do. A warm sunny desert often sounds so appealing. But then there would be snakes and tarantulas. Last night I dreamed a large green hairless tarantula bit my leg. I woke up with a start. I was able to fall back to sleep but then dreamed of my twin brother whom I only knew as a puppy. He was talking to me politely about something, but I didn’t trust him. I don’t remember him being untrustworthy, but I felt he was up to something. I also fear a bath is in my near future. Maybe that looming event is the root of my nightmares. And with that thought here is chapter ten of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Enjoy.  

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the Parti Poodle

Chapter Ten

Curtis studied the surveillance video, but he still couldn’t determine why the criminals looked familiar.

“I’ve called the police,” Ray said, “and they have a couple of officers who should be at your place in a couple of minutes, so we’d better drive back to meet them.”

“Alright. Let’s go.”

Ray and Curtis drove back to the duplex and pulled their vehicles into the driveway just as the patrol car eased up to the curb. A male officer and a female officer disembarked the car.

“Hello, officers,” Ray said climbing down from his truck.

“We got a call about a break in,” the female officer said.

“Yep. We got the crime recorded on my surveillance tape.”

“They take anything?”

“Well, they got my tenant’s dog killed.”

“Really? How?”

“They left the door ajar when they broke in and the dog ran out into the street and got hit by a delivery truck.”

“Sorry to hear that. Well, let’s look at what we have here.”

“Did it look like a forced entry?” the male officer asked.

“No,” Curtis said siding up to Ray. “The video showed they picked the lock.”

“Hmm. Maybe what we have is a couple of professional thieves.”

“Maybe.”

The two officers stepped up to Curtis’s door and studied it. “Yeah, the lock looks to be intact,” the male officer said. “Doesn’t appear to be a forced entry. In fact, they locked the door when they left. Have you been in the apartment since the break in?”

“No,” Curtis said. “No one has.”

“That’s good. Then it should be as these criminals left it. Go ahead and open the door.”

Curtis unlocked the door and the four of them stepped inside. The two officers noted how immaculate the place looked.

“You keep a clean house,” the female officer said. “Why don’t you look around to see if anything is missing.”

Curtis carefully searched through his kitchen and around his breakfast nook. Nothing seemed to be out of place. He glanced up at the corner where he’d hidden the surveillance camera, and it looked like someone had spraypainted the lens.

“Nothing seems to be missing,” he said. “I’ll go check my bedroom.”

Curtis headed into the bedroom and noticed immediately his comforter was askew. He usually made the bed neatly before heading to work and Haven had always kept it that way. But the plain white comforter seemed to have been tousled. Maybe the location of a scuffle.

He checked his closet, dresser drawers, computer desk, and under his bed. Everything seemed to be in order. He checked his hidden strongbox where he kept a stash of cash. All the money was there.

“The only thing out of place,” he said returning to the living room, “is my bed looks disheveled. I always make my bed up before I go to work, and Haven never messes it up.”

The two officers marched through the bedroom door and studied the bed.

“We’d better get the blacklight,” the male officer said.

“Blacklight? Do you think they came in here and hooked up?”

“Never hurts to look,” the female officer said.

After the officers left and Ray drove home, Curtis sat down on his couch with a cup of green tea and reviewed his own surveillance video. He scanned to the part where the two intruders entered his home. He leaned in and studied them carefully. They were obviously looking for something. He watched one of the hooded creeps head into his bedroom and the other survey the kitchen and living room. The crook looked up into the surveillance camera. He hopped up on the breakfast nook and proceeded to spray paint the lens.

Curtis quickly rewound the video to take another look at the guy. He did a freeze frame just as the creep’s face came into view. Then Curtis felt all the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. There was no doubt about it. It was Lance. That rat bastard had broken into his house and killed his dog!

Curtis stood up and roared. He grabbed the sides of his face and stamped his feet on the ground. Those creeps he worked with had taken their pranks beyond the pale. He marched out into the kitchen, yanked open his utensil drawer and began hurling silverware against the wall. It took a couple of minutes before he realized someone was knocking on his front door.

“Who is it?” he said.

“It’s Earl,” Earl said. “Are you okay in there?”

“Oh…yes. I’m just…putting some things away.”

“Sounded like that Zuul guy from Ghostbusters came over for a visit or something.”

“No. No Zuul in here. I was just…putting some things away.”

“Really? I’ve never heard you put things away that loudly before.”

“Yeah, well, I felt like being…loud.”

“Okay, man. I’m sorry about Haven.”

“Thank you. I appreciate you taking her to the animal hospital.”

“Absolutely, man. I hope they catch the guys who did it.”

“Yeah. I hope they do something like that.”

“What?”

“Thanks, Earl.”

Curtis listened as Earl headed back to his apartment. Then he looked around at the mess he’d made. He sighed and left the strewn silverware everywhere and went back to his couch, plopped down and continued watching his surveillance tape. He rewound it and watched it again from where the two scumbags entered his home. He focused on the one who wasn’t Lance. It had to be either Grady or Irving.

And then he realized it was a woman. How had he not figured that out before? Makenna. Of course, Makenna. She’d picked the lock. She’d probably concocted the sick plan, the rotten little slut!

Curtis jumped up and paced around stepping on table knives, spoons, and forks as he went. He couldn’t take this lying down. He had to act. But how? The more he thought the more he believed Grady and Irwin were in on the whole rotten scheme too. All of them had set out to kill Haven. They probably planned it at The Steamed Bean drinking those overpriced coffees while he stayed in the office. He was going to tear them to pieces. He was going to get revenge.  

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE HOLDOVERS (2023)-PEACOCK

American movies have been going downhill in recent years but occasionally there is a bright shiny star amongst the rubble. This week two of this film’s lead actors rightly took home Golden Globes and I was overjoyed. I only have three complaints: Dominic Sessa should have also had a nomination; Alexander Payne should have had a nomination and most perplexing of all why in the world didn’t this fantastic original script by David Hemingson get a nomination? It’s easily one of the best screenplays of the 2020’s original or otherwise and I hope the Oscars recognize its brilliance and give it a nod.

Alexander Payne has a stellar list of credits to his name, and this film is amongst his best. Set over a two-week period during Christmas vacation at a prestigious boy’s New England boarding school we meet history teacher and longtime curmudgeon Paul Hunham (Paul Giamatti in a career best Golden Globe winning performance), a brilliant single alcoholic intellectual who has absolutely no patients with his spoiled lazy wealthy students. In fact, he fails most of them on their final test. One of the students Teddy Kountze (Brady Hepner) manages to argue for a makeup test which Hunham agrees to give immediately. However, Angus Tully (Dominic Sessa) who has a rivalry with Kountze argues it isn’t the right time for a makeup test with Christmas break starting that afternoon and could they take it when they come back. After listening to Tully’s argument Hunham rescinds the offer, leaving the boys to face their parents with their horrific grades.

Worse still, during a last-minute phone call with his mother Judy (Gillian Vigman) Angus finds out he cannot go home for the holiday and is stuck at the school with the other “holdovers” which includes Kountze, two younger boys Jim Kaplan (Ye-Joon Park) and Ian Dolley (Alex Ollerman) and fellow classmate, cool and hip Jason Smith (Michael Provost). Mary Lamb (Da’Vine Joy Randolph in a much-deserved Golden Globe winning performance) the head chef at the school is also staying over to cook meals for the left-behind boys. Mary has gone through a horrific recent tragedy and bravely struggles to maintain a strong front. Paul Hunham has been chosen by the rest of the staff, who dislike him almost as much as his students to be the boy’s guardian until classes recommence.

But as luck would have it Jason’s father decides to call a truce with his son who refuses to cut his long flowing blonde locks. Jason invites the boys to accompany his father and him to a ski resort, provided they are granted permission from their parents. Paul contacts and gets permission from all the parents…except for Angus’s mother which leaves a modified Angus alone at the school for two weeks with Paul and Mary.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Nine

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here with chapter nine of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week has been a bit more normal. My novelist’s ankle is healing up well although she is not fully recovered. As she is moving around better, the Maltese and I do not require the services of…Him, although he says he still does some of the work. However, I have not been going out on my usual walks much. This has made me melancholy and I stare out the window at the open road and hope for a time when I shall gleefully traverse it. The Maltese was given a much-needed bath today, and I was granted a pass. I will be getting one tomorrow so I can put off my horror until then. I am looking forward to the New Year and am making a resolution to write even more stories and perhaps some genres I have not penned before. I hope you all had a marvelous New Year’s Eve. I stayed up till midnight and rang in 2024. I was told I could not partake of the sparkling cider as it has too much sugar for my teeth. Next time I will have a few laps of it anyway. And on that thought, here is chapter nine of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. S’il vous plaît profiter.

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Nine

Curtis drove home to his duplex and parked in the driveway. Earl was no longer sitting on his porch. Curtis killed the engine and sat looking out the window. A light rain began to spatter on the windshield. He still had Haven’s collar clenched in his left hand. After a moment he looked up in his rearview mirror and saw his landlord’s truck pull up and park. His landlord hopped out of his vehicle and walked up to the driver’s side of Curtis’s car.

“Hey there, Curtis,” he said.

Curtis rolled down his window. “Hello,” he said.

“Ray told me about your dog.”

“Yes.”

“Well, he and I had a little tete-e-tete while you were gone and we thought it was downright odd your little dog got loose, us knowing you to be a fastidious type of person and all. So, I thought maybe you and I could look at the security footage of the outside of the duplex.”

“Okay,” Curtis didn’t want Ray to know about the surveillance he’d covertly installed inside his apartment.

“You can come over to my office and we’ll have a look-see. You know where my office is?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Alright, then. I’ll meet you there.”

Ray hopped back in his truck and Curtis followed him over to Ray’s offices. Ray owned several duplexes around the area. He’d made his money working as an engineer and then settled in Curtis’s small town. Retirement didn’t suit him, so he purchased the duplexes, fixed them up, modernized them and did well enough to buy himself the truck he was driving and take his wife on a month-long trip to Europe.

“Every year,” Ray said, “we get more and more folks from out of state moving in who think they are going to be living in a better place than they left. But the problem is they bring their former state’s problems with them. My thought is maybe the reason your little dog broke out was because one of these out of towners broke in.”

“You think Haven got out because someone broke into my place?”

“We’ll see. If your place did get broken into, I’ll change the locks. Got a new and improved lock system. I’ve been putting them in my other units. I’ll make your and Ray’s place a priority.”

“Thanks, Ray.”

“Not a problem. Let’s take a look-see at the video. Say, how is your little dog? Is the vet keeping her overnight for observation?”

Curtis sighed. “No. Haven died today. The vet said she sustained injuries from getting hit by a car.”

“Hit by a car? I’m sorry, Curtis. That just sucks. Let’s see if we can get a good look at whoever’s on the tape.” Curtis and Ray headed into the office. Ray moved behind his desk and turned on his surveillance system. “Let me rewind the video a bit and see what we’ve got.” Ray rewound the video all the way back until they saw two people in hoodies walk up to Curtis’s front door. “And look at what we have here.” The two men leaned in and studied the two intruders. “Ever seen those two before?”

Curtis focused, trying to get a good look. “They look familiar, but I can’t quite place them,” he said.

“I wonder if it’s those guys in that house down the street that just got rented.”

“Maybe…no. There’s something familiar about them though.

“Can you make out their faces at all?”

“No.”

“Neither can I. I’ll see if I can get a closer view.” Ray attempted to adjust the zoom on the surveillance, but it didn’t help. Then they saw one of the two people picking the lock. “Wow! I am changing you and Ray’s locks immediately. You should check around your house and make sure nothing got stolen.”

“I don’t own much of value. I don’t understand why anyone would want to rob me.”

“Crooks aren’t always the sharpest crayons in the box. Sometimes they just break into places for the thrill.”

“Yes, but they seemed to be targeting me specifically since they had a key to my apartment.”

Curtis and Ray continued watching the tape which at this point was basically staring at Curtis’s front door. “You know,” Ray said. “It looks like they left the door ajar. Kind of stupid don’t you think? Draws attention…” Suddenly, the door opened wider. A moment later one of the hooded criminals burst outside and ran towards the street. “There’s Haven!”

Curtis watched Haven sitting on his front lawn still alive and full of pep.

“Hey, buddy,” Ray said. “Are you okay?”

Curtis realized tears were running down his cheeks. “Yeah, sure,” he said quickly wiping one away with his sleeve. “I’m just anxious to catch these guys.”

“Look! The other one just ran out the door.”

Curtis watched the second criminal who seemed frazzled. The criminal lurched forwards and Haven turned and ran towards the street. A few seconds later they saw the delivery truck with the neighbor’s flowers screech to a halt.

“I’m sorry, Curtis. This just sucks.”

“Well,” Curtis said quietly. “At least I know I didn’t leave the door open and cause Haven to escape.”

“Earl and I never thought you did, buddy. That’s why I wanted us to watch the tape.”

“Unfortunately, I still can’t recognize these creeps who broke into my house.”

“Well, your residence is basically a crime scene now. We should call the police and have them check inside to see if they can lift any fingerprints or find some DNA or something.”

Curtis nodded. “Yeah, we probably should.”

“I’ll give them a jingle and see if I can’t get a couple of officers to come over and have a look-see.”

“Could you restart the tape from where these two jerks show up on my porch. I sincerely believe they look familiar, and I’d like to see if I can identify them.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: OLDBOY (2003)-NETFLIX

Finally, at long last, one of the masterpieces of the new millennium is now beautifully restored and remastered and streaming on Netflix. From its mesmerizing opening to its shocking ending and everything in between, this is an exercise in masterclass storytelling and cinematic moviemaking. I will warn you right off the bat this film is for genuine cinephiles only. This is not for the casual movie watcher. This is not for kids. This is not for the faint of heart. This is a twisted film in every sense of the word, and I mean that in the best way. As Roger Ebert said in his review of the film, “But content does not make a movie good or bad — it is merely what it is about.” And the less you know about this movie going in the better the experience is going to be.

On a dark and rainy night in 1988, twenty-five-year-old Oh Dae-Su (Choi Min-sik in the role of a lifetime), a loud vile drunken businessman finds himself in jail acting erratically. After his friend bails him out the two men stop at a phone booth on route to Oh Dae-Su’s little girl’s birthday. Oh Dae-Su calls home and drunkenly tells his family he will soon be there. He hands the phone to his friend partway through the conversation. His friend talks to his family and when he hangs up, Oh Dae-Su is nowhere to be found. Only the shopping bag carrying the little girl’s present, a set of white feathered angel wings is lying in the wet street. 

Oh Dae-Su has been kidnapped and finds himself in a bizarre prison: a strange hotel room with no windows and no way out where he is to stay for fifteen years. Once he is released into the middle of a green field in 2003 inside a suitcase (a scene likely borrowed from Krzysztof Kieslowski’s 1994 masterpiece White) he finds he has five days to locate his captor and find out why he was imprisoned. If I told you more, it would be a crime.

The gorgeous cinematography was done by Chung-hoon Chung, the film was expertly directed by Park Chan-wook. The story is loosely adapted from the manga series Old Boy written by Garon Tsuchiya and illustrated by Nobuaki Minegishi. And the fantastic top shelf screenplay is written by Hwang Jo-yun, Lim Jun-hyung, and director Park Chan-wook. Rounding out this impressive cast are Oh Dal-su as Park Cheol-woong, Seung-shin Lee as Yoo Hyung-ja, Ji Dae-han as No Joo-hwan, Kim Byeong-Ok as Mr. Han, Kang Hye-jeong as Mi-do and Yoo Ji-tae as Woo-jin Lee.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Eight

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter eight of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Christmas Eve started out so well and then the unthinkable happened. My novelist was coming down a flight of stairs, missed the last step and sprained her left ankle right at the stroke of midnight. She cried out in pain and required assistance to get to her feet. Her ankle is now swollen and bruised, and she is unable to get around much at all until it heals. I have been waiting on her hand and foot, staying by her side, protecting her. She has been putting ice on the injury and has taken some Tylenol (she hates medicine) and has started putting Voltaren Gel on the wounded area. Not a great way to spend Christmas but then again it could have been worse.

Him has been put in charge again. He insists on bossing everyone around. He even barks at my novelist when she tries to stand up. A genuine brute if you ask me. When he sits down, I take it upon myself to jump on his chest, stare him down, and lick his face incessantly, an act he abhors.

Hi. I’m Him and I’m trying to keep this whack-job household in order. First your novelist gets sick, Gigi, and then she sprains her ankle by missing the last step of the stairs. And now I’m stuck taking care of you and the little snowball while she rests up…again.

Well, I never! Just because you’re in charge, temporarily I might add, doesn’t give you the right to boss me around. You can boss the Maltese around as much as you like but I am more than capable of taking care of myself and my novelist thank you very much.

Yeah? Let’s see you open a can of dog food.

I am perfectly capable of…how do you open a can of dog food?

I’ll give you a hint. Your brand has a pull tab.

What is a pull tab…never mind. I’ll look it up on my novelist’s phone.

Yeah, you do that.

Apparently, all ll I will need is a flathead screwdriver.

This ought to be good…

I will slip it under the pull tab and lift it up and pull it back. And while I am attempting to accomplish that task here is chapter eight of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Bonne Année! And Happy New Year!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Eight

Curtis came home to find his neighbor Earl who lived in the other apartment of the duplex sitting on his front porch.

“Hello,” Curtis said confused.

Earl looked at Curtis, opened his mouth then shut it again. Finally, he said, “I have some bad news, Curtis.”

“What kind of bad news?”

“I was pulling into my driveway this afternoon when I saw something lying on your porch.”

“What was lying on my porch?”

“Haven.”

“Haven?”

“She was lying there, and I walked over, and she looked odd, and she had this shallow panting she was doing. And she wouldn’t look up at me. She just kept lying there. So, I ran into the house and got a blanket, and I wrapped her in it, and I drove her to the emergency animal hospital…”

Curtis turned and ran to his car.

“I didn’t know your phone number,” Earl called after him, “so, I waited until you got here.”

Curtis started the engine and hit the gas. He went screeching down the street, panic surging through his arteries. The kind of panic that sucks you into a vortex and cuts you off from the world. All that mattered was Haven.

Curtis found himself stopped at the four-way intersection. He looked down and saw his hands shaking on the steering wheel. He looked up again. If this had been a different time of the day, there would have been fewer cars. But it was rush-hour and even in a small town like his there was still traffic.  

Finally, it was his turn. He charged through, passed the first turn, turned right on the second and barreled up the grade to the end of the business building at the back of the property where he pulled into the first parking spot and killed the engine. He burst out of the car and locked it with his key fob and ran through the sliding doors.

“May I help you?” the young receptionist at the desk asked.

“My dog…a little Yorkie…female…my neighbor…uh…Ray brought her in today. He found her…he found her unresponsive outside my house.”

The receptionist began to calmly look through the information on her computer. “Your name, sir?”

“Curtis Cook.”

“Hmm…oh, yes. Curtis Cook. Haven. Ray…” she muttered Ray’s last name. “Yes. Let’s have you go into room number three.” The receptionist got up and walked around the desk and slowly led Curtis to room number three. They stepped inside. “The veterinarian will be with you in a few minutes.”

Curtis watched the receptionist close the door leaving him sitting on the wooden bench with his back against the wall. As he stared at the examining table a yard or so in front of him, his stomach tied into knots. A cloak of dread encircled his shoulders and the weight of it made him hang his head. As he gazed at the floor, he saw a thin crack in the polished cement. He wondered how it got there. He breathed as deeply as he could, his ears perked to the sound of voices outside the door moving about in the restricted medical area where his little dog was, and he could not go.

After about fifteen minutes passed the receptionist knocked on the outside door. “I just wanted to let you know we have coffee, tea, hot chocolate, hot cider and some snacks out here,” she said.

“Thanks,” Curtis replied just wanting to see the doctor.

She left and several more minutes passed. Finally, the handle on the doctor’s side door turned and another young woman entered. “Hello, I’m Kit, Dr. Thoroughgood’s nurse,” she said marching up to the screen by the examining table. “He’s the one who’s been caring for Haven. He’ll be in in just a moment.”

“How’s Haven?” Curtis asked. “When can I see her?”

“Dr. Thoroughgood will be in shortly to discuss that with you.”

“Can you tell me what happened to her?”

“Dr. Thoroughgood can tell you all about that as soon as he gets here. Right now, I need to ask you a few questions. Do you have pet insurance?”

“I…no.”

“Hmm. Well, I will tell you today’s visit is going to start around six hundred dollars.”

“Six hundred dollars?”

“Yes. But we have a couple of pet insurance companies we can recommend.”

“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?”

“Well…yes.”

Curtis stared at her blankly.

“But going forwards we recommend pet insurance to all our patients. However, since Haven is not covered, we need to know how you would like to pay for our services today.”

“Credit card I guess.”

“Well…oh, I think the doctor is coming in.”

Curtis heard the door open, and a tall strong looking man entered. He put some sanitizer on his hands from the dispenser near the door.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Thoroughgood,” the doctor said rubbing his hands together before reaching out his hand to shake Curtis’s.

Curtis reached out his hand and shook the doctor’s. Curtis noticed the doctor had a firm handshake.

“Well, Curtis. I have some bad news, I’m afraid. Haven didn’t make it.”

“What?” Curtis said stunned.

“She suffered internal bleeding from injuries she sustained from a car hitting her.”

“A car? That’s impossible. Haven is a very well-behaved dog. She never runs out into the street. And I always secure the house when I go to work.”

“I’m sorry, Curtis. But she must have found a way out and wandered into the road at the wrong time.”

Everything around Curtis turned inwards as if the world was suddenly reduced to a single breath of air. The doctor continued talking but his words were muted and useless to Curtis. Music had suddenly made an exodus from the universe.

“Again, I’m sorry mister…?”

“Cook,” Curtis heard himself say.

“By the time your neighbor drove her here there was really nothing much we could do.”

Curtis listened to the doctor’s heavy footsteps fade away as Thoroughgood walked back to the door and left.

“You can pay at the desk.”

“What?”

“You can pay at the desk, Mr. Cook,”

“Is that it?”

“We’ll give you a call tomorrow to decide how you’d like to proceed from here.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

 STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE SHOOTING (1966)-HBO MAX

In addition to streaming on HBO Max, The Shooting is also streaming on Crackle, Freeve, Peacock, Plex, Roko and Tubi.

The Golden Globe nominations came out two weeks ago on Monday, December 11th and reminded me of how far American film has fallen. Three of the six Best Dramatic Film nominations are foreign films and all three are also nominated for Best Motion Picture – Non-English Language. American films of late have little to no imagination or originality. And so, this week my pick is something completely different. If only American film making could get back to this level.

Listed at number twenty-one on Rotten Tomatoes 100 best westerns of all time and easily one of the most intriguing films I’ve ever had the pleasure to see is this fantastic enigma called The Shooting. This film is a puzzle, a riddle even, and one where you must pay attention to every single detail because if you don’t you won’t understand the fabulous home run of an ending this masterpiece delivers (albeit I may have liked it better without the slow-motion effect). Take notice of the character’s names, especially their meanings, and the use of color throughout. The film is directed by Monte Hellman and written by Carole Eastman. Hellman did not have Eastman rewrite any of the script. However, he started filming on page ten to take out expository material about Gashade’s ride back to the camp, which only worked to make the script even stronger.

Willet Gashade (Warren Oats), a former bounty hunter turned miner, returns tired and worn out to his peaceful mining camp after a long absence to find one of his partners Leland Drum (B.J. Merholz) dead and buried with a makeshift tombstone and his other partner child-like Coley (Will Hutchins) aiming to shoot anyone who comes by. Willet’s brother Coigne appears to be missing.

After Willet manages to get Coley to calm down, Willet tells Coley he believes someone had been tracking him as he made his way back to the camp. Coley tells Willet that a couple of days ago Leland and Coigne had gone into town, had too much to drink and Coigne had accidentally trampled a man and a child. Willet asks if they are dead, and Coley says he believes they likely are. Two days ago, Coigne took off, and shortly after someone came to the camp and shot and killed Leland, likely in retaliation. But Coley hid and was unable to make out the identity of the shooter.

The next day a young woman (Millie Perkins) shoots her horse dead on the hills directly above the camp. The gunshot alerts Willet and Coley and then they see her standing above them. She comes into their camp, asks to purchase a horse, and offers Gashade money to help take her to Kingsley but refuses to tell them her name. Gashade reluctantly agrees and their strange adventure begins.

Rounding out the cast is a young Jack Nicholson who plays a sadistic gunslinger named Billy Spear. Nicholson also co-produced the film along with Hellman and executive producer Roger Corman. John Herman Shaner was associate producer.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Seven

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. Normally Gigi would be introducing the blog but this week I am. I am the one known as Him. And I want to give you my side of the story. These dogs are a pain in the neck. Spoiled to a fault. I mean they whine when they want to go outside, they whine when they want a treat, they whine when it’s suppertime and they whine when they want to sit on your lap. And then when one sits in your lap the other one either protests or starts a fight. They get me up at six in the morning. Sometimes five. Maybe if I were a farmer that would be acceptable. But I’m no farmer and this is insane. I don’t know how Gigi’s novelist puts up with these two. I’m about ready to trade them in on a mutt. There are some seriously nice dogs in the pound who would love a home and would be better behaved. Maybe I should box these two up and make a trade.

Are you talking to my audience?

Yes, I’m talking to your audience, Gigi. And I’m telling them what a pain in the neck you are.

That is most rude.

Yeah, I don’t think so.

And why aren’t you wrapping my Christmas gifts.

Your Christmas gifts? You’re on the naughty list, poodle. You’re not getting any Christmas gifts.

I am not on the naughty list. Santa sent me a letter saying so.

Santa sent you a letter. Right.

I have it right here. Allow me to read it: “Dear Gigi, you are no longer on the naughty list. You will be getting lots of presents this year. Sincerely, Santa Claus”. See. Now go wrap my gifts.

Why should I wrap you gifts if Santa Claus is going to deliver them to you?

Because…

I am Tucker and I am a Maltese. I am now going to bark the song Jingle Bells.

What? Not again! You dogs suck!

Listen to Him. Do not bark that stupid…

I just wanted to wish your audience Happy Holidays., Gigi

I…well…okay.

Maybe we should all wish your audience Happy Holidays.

Okay. Fine. Him, what do you think?

Sure, why not.

Okay one the count of three. One, two, three!

Happy Holidays!

And now here is Chapter Seven of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Joyeux Noël!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Seven

On Wednesday afternoon at exactly 12:15 PM, Makenna and Lance pulled up along the sidewalk of the street where Curtis’s duplex resided.

“Have you got your ski mask?” Makenna asked.

“Right here,” Lance said waving it around.

Makenna scowled. “Don’t be an idiot. Stick it in your hoodie pocket and don’t take it out until I say so.”

“Yeah, alright, okay, whatever.”

“It’s stupidity like this that makes me not want you tagging along.”

“I put the ski mask away, okay? Get a grip. Sheesh.”

“We’re going to follow the plan exactly as we planned it. Otherwise, we’re going to get caught. And I don’t want to get caught. Just like I don’t want to get caught cheating on my taxes.”

“You cheat on your taxes?”

“I just…I don’t want to get caught.”

“Alright, already. We’ll follow the plan exactly as we planned it.”

“Now let’s put our hoods up and get out of the car.” Makenna and Lance disembarked Makenna’s BMW and headed quietly up the street towards Curtis’s duplex. “Keep your hood up and your head down. The place likely has some sort of surveillance system.”

“I guessed Cook the Books probably had one.”

“More likely the landlord had something installed. You’ve got Grady’s dog crate, right?”

“I thought you were bringing it.”

“No, we agreed on this. You would bring the dog crate and I would put the dog in it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Makenna threw up her hands. “Let’s go back to the car and get the crate. We’re losing time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“This is the second reason I didn’t want you involved with this part of the plan.”

“You can’t do this kidnapping alone, Makenna.”

“Yes, I can. And don’t use my name. Who knows what kind of audio recording is listening to us around here.”

“You are so paranoid.”

“Only because you tagged along. If you didn’t, I’d have the dog in the car and be on my way to the safe house by now.”

They arrived at the car and Makenna popped the trunk. Lance reached in and grabbed the handle of Grady’s dog carrier. They adjusted their hoods and headed on route to Curtis’s duplex. Makenna motioned for Lance to head around to the back yard. Lance circled right, and she circled left. They met in the backyard which had a simple patch of green lawn and was surrounded by a wooden fence with a gate which they both entered. Makenna snuck up to the back door and took a few small thin metal tools out of her pocket and began to work the latch on the door.

“Can you actually open that?” Lance asked. Makenna glared at him and continued picking the lock. There was a click and Makenna turned the knob. They entered Curtis’s duplex and looked around. “Where do you think the surveillance camera is?”

Makenna scanned the apartment. She glanced up and thought she saw a camera in the upper right corner where the kitchen and living room met. “Up there,” she said.

Lance reached into his hoodie and produced a can of spray paint. “This ought to do the trick,” he thought, popped open the can and sprayed the lens.

“What are you doing?” Makenna snapped.

“I’m making sure the camera doesn’t incriminate us.”

“Don’t! Just…never mind.” She looked over and saw the bedroom door was cracked open. “I’ll bet the little furball is in there.”

“Ah,” Lance said and slid over to her. Makenna put her finger to her lips and gently pushed open the door. Inside they saw the small Yorkie, alert and sitting up on Curtis’s bed watching them. “You’re a cutie.”

“Shut up,” Makenna hissed. “You’re going to startle it.”

Haven yipped.

“Shh,” Lance said to Haven. Haven yipped again.

“Get out of here,” Makenna told Lance and pointed to the door.

“But…”

“Get out of this room.”

Haven yipped relentlessly. Makenna crept over to the side of the bed and sat down. She slowly extended her hand towards Haven. Haven cowered backwards into the pillows her bright green hair bow twitching slightly as she went.

Makenna reached into her pocket and produced a small Ziplock bag. She unzipped it, took out a treat, and held it out for Haven. “Come here, sweetie. I’ve got a goodie for you.” Haven cautiously crept closer, craned her neck forwards, and sniffed the treat. As she did Makenna leaned in closer. Haven did not like this and hopped back.

“Come on, sweetie.”

Haven remained cautious and did not move. Makenna narrowed her eyes and scooted closer. “Come on. Take the treat.”

Haven looked at the treat then at Makenna. She wagged her tail. Makenna leaned in closer. Then closer. Suddenly, Haven flew off the bed and took off for the door.

“Rotten little mutt!” Makenna yelled.

Lance, who had left the front door cracked open, didn’t see the little dog scurry past him and wiggle through the breach until it was too late. “Uh, oh,” he muttered warily.

Makenna burst out of the bedroom like a frenzied ferret. “Get that thing, you idiot!”

Lance lurched for the front door and burst outside to find Haven sitting on the grass looking at them wagging her tail and panting.

“Come to daddy,” Lance said as he took a slow step towards the dog. “Come on…come to daddy…”

The second Lance was in arms reach, Haven turned and ran. Now on a normal day there would be no traffic on the street in front of Curtis’s duplex. Today, however, one of the neighbors was having flowers delivered. When Haven took off, she bolted towards the oncoming delivery truck.

Makenna heard the engine rumbling down the street. “No!” she yelled as she ran towards the sidewalk. “Stop!”

The truck’s tires screeched to a halt.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: METROPOLITAN (1990)-HBO MAX

Here is a Christmas movie many of you have probably not seen. Before the television shows Gossip Girl and Gossip Girl there was this more sophisticated and smarter film which contains a lot less soap factor and a lot more wit. Featuring a young and at that time mostly unknown cast (for many of them it was their first major motion picture) the story is set in Manhattan during the holiday season which is also what is known as the Deb (debutante) Season where the young wealthy teenage elite meander through a course of various parties dressed in haute couture dresses and black and white tie tuxedos. The more interesting time they spend together is the downtime after the parties than the parties themselves. The kids who are required to pair off and escort each other to these shindigs often end up gathering in one of the parent’s swanky townhouses late at night sitting about and discussing, or at least attempting to discuss cultural and philosophical ideologies. Or at least as best as teenagers can do in their own microcosm of a world. The film has a bit of a different flavor from the John Hughes films of that time, but it is still amusing, engaging, and interesting to watch. 

The film was written and directed by Whit Stillman, and it is an impressive feature debut. It remains a charming, cultured comedy for those out there who would like to try something different from the usual holiday fare. The cast includes Carolyn Farina, Edward Clements, Chris Eigeman, Taylor Nichols, Allison Parisi, Dylan Hundley, Isabel Gillies, Ellia Thompson, Dylan Hundley, and Will Kempe.  

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Six

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter six of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week has been most depressing. My novelist has fallen ill and has remained in her room for the last couple of days. The Maltese and I are being looked after by…Him. Him is a reluctant dogsitter. Him is under the impression we are spoiled. Spoiled indeed! It is not spoiled to want to go on walks. It is not spoiled to expect meals at a certain time. It is not spoiled to be able to sleep on my regular bed (although the bed I am borrowing is comfortable). And it is not spoiled to want my novelist back. I am heartbroken. I sit outside her door and whimper mournfully. My holiday season has come to a screeching halt. I am concerned Santa may not come. We still do not have our Christmas tree up. We have not hung our stockings. We have not decked our halls. Woe is me. Woe is me. Not only am I stuck with the Maltese I am stuck with…Him. I am hoping my precious novelist is on the mend and will reemerge tomorrow. Until then my heart is dourer. But being a professional I must power through. And so, dear reader, I bring you chapter six of Certified Sadistic Accountant and hope your holiday season has been jollier than mine.  

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Six

Curtis entered the office Tuesday morning on time (his on time). The last thing he wanted to do this weekend was head up to his Aunt Odette’s cabin on Big Lake and take old dusty paintings down off a wall and put them in whatever packaging she had stored in her attic.

He headed into the breakroom to brew himself a cup of coffee to take to his desk and sulk. To his surprise he found Fia already there filling the tea chest.

“Good morning,” she said with a lilt in her voice.

“When did you get here?” he asked.

“Daddy and I got here at seven-fifteen.”

“Mr. Dupree is here?”

“He’s in his office.”

“I’m always the first one in.”

“I guess we beat you.”

“I guess.”

“How come you don’t stop at The Steamed Bean before you come to work like the other accountants?”

“I’m trying to save up some money.”

“Money for what?”

“My future.”

“How’s that going so far?”

“Well, acually.”

“Are you going to buy a new car or something?”

“No. Sometimes saving money isn’t about buying something.”

Just then, Dallas Dupree entered the break room.

“Good morning, Mr. Dupree,” Curtis said.

“Morning, Cook. My daughter is going to shadow Bexley today.”

“Oh, good.”

“Don’t get any fresh ideas.”

“Dad,” Fia said embarrassed.

“Sir, I…,” Curtis said equally embarrassed.

“Truth is her mother just wants to get her out of the house. I think our croissants just arrived.”

Curtis headed for the door, but Fia blocked him. “No, no, no,” she said. “I will let her in.” Fia glided over and opened the door. “Good morning! Welcome!”

“Who are you?” the girl asked, bringing in the pink cardboard box of fresh croissants.

“I’m Mr. Dupree’s daughter but today I’m the receptionist.”

“Groovy,” the girl said and handed the box of croissants to Fia.

“Dad, where do you want these?”

“In the breakroom,” Dallas Dupree said.

Fia took the box and headed into the breakroom. Dallas walked up to the delivery girl and handed her a tip, “Thank you, sport,” he said. “My daughter is going to be the receptionist while Bexley’s on vacation.”

“Cool,” sport said. “My sister went on spring break. She spent all her spring quarter tuition money.”

“I see.” Dallas was delighted he had never let his daughter go on spring break. Her internet shopping sprees were terrifying enough.

Fia returned from the break room and said, “I’m going to The Steamed Bean to get a skinny vanilla cappuccino with whipped cream and pastel sprinkles.”

“The coffee I have stocked here is excellent,” Dallas said. “I picked out a special brew just for the office.”

Fia looked at her father blankly.

“I drink it every day,” Curtis said holding up his cup. “And it’s a lot better than buying an overpriced cup of coffee that, over the course of a year, will cost you your total annual IRA contribution.”

“Fine,” Fia said, tension in her voice. “I’ll drink your coffee, daddy.” Then she headed back to the break room.

“Would you like a cup of coffee, sport?” Mr. Dupree asked the delivery girl.

“I’m not allowed to drink coffee,” she said. “My parents won’t let me.”

“Well…good for them. We’ll see you tomorrow, sport.”

“See you tomorrow, Mr. Dupree.”

“See you tomorrow, sport,” Curtis said cheerily.

The delivery girl looked at Curtis, grimaced, and left.

“Daddy,” Fia called from the break room. “Do you have any Italian syrups in here?”

“For coffee?” Dallas asked.

“Yes.”

“There’s refined sugar, raw sugar, fake sugar and local honey.”

“Yuck. Okay, well, I’ll figure it out.”

Dallas sighed and said to Curtis, “I can’t keep up with the changing trends these kids are into.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Dupree. “I know your coffee is excellent.”

“Thank you, Cook. But I think you and I are the only ones who drink it.”

Mr. Dupree headed upstairs to his office. A couple minutes later Bexley unlocked the front door and stomped inside. She tossed her skull patterned umbrella into the umbrella holder, threw up her hands and announced, “My bags are packed.”

“That’s so exciting,” Fia said jubilantly as she emerged from the break room holding her cup of coffee. “You’ll have so much fun.”

“Yes, I will. Maybe I’ll enjoy myself so much I won’t come back. Alright, let’s go over what you need to know.”

The two young women walked behind the receptionist’s desk.

“This is the phone,” Bexley said pointing to the phone. And these are the buttons. “If a call comes in you press this button, pick up the handset and say, “Dupree Tax Agency, Fia speaking. How may I direct your call?” And when they tell you whom they want to talk to you push the button again and then push the button of the person they want to talk to. I’ve got a chart here to show you which number corresponds to which accountant including your father.”

“Sounds easy enough,” Fia said.

“It is…until you get a second call. Then you push the second button and say, “Dupree Tax Agency, Fia speaking. May I put you on hold? Then you wait for them to say yes, push the second button again which puts the second caller on hold. You go back to the first caller by pushing the first button and say, “I’m going to transfer you now,” and then you push the first button again and then dial the corresponding number of the accountant they want to talk to and then you push the button of the second caller and say, “How may I direct your call?” Then you wait for them to say whom they want to be transferred to and then you push the second button, dial the number of the accountant they want to talk to and transfer them to that accountant.”

“What if there’s a third caller?”

“You do the whole thing except you have to say to the third caller, “Dupree Tax Agency, Fia speaking. May I put you on hold?” And then you wait for them to say you can put them on hold, push the third caller’s button, take care of the first caller, get back to the second caller and ask them who they want to be transferred to, push their button, then dial the accountant’s number, get back to the third caller, ask them which accountant they want to be transferred to, transfer them and then you take a big drink of coffee and go back to reading your book.”

“Wow.”

“It’s not as confusing as it sounds. You also greet clients as they come in and direct them to their accountant. Then you go back to reading your book. I’ve read a lot of books doing this job.”

“Is there anything else you do?”

“If I’m bored, I water the plants and if I’m really bored, I clean up the breakroom.”

“The breakroom always looks spotless.”

“I get really bored a lot.”

Fia turned and caught Curtis looking at Bexley and her. They stared at each other for a second before Curtis averted his eyes and focused on his computer screen.

Just then there was a knock on the front door and the two young women turned to see the four accountants standing there with pastel coffee cups in their hands. Fia walked around the receptionist desk to let them in. She glanced at Curtis. He did not look up at her. She unlocked the door and the accountants entered and headed for their desks.

“Hey, Cook the Books,” Lance said enroute to his chair.

“Good morning,” Curtis replied.

Lance looked at Curtis’s and noticed Curtis had a picture of Haven sitting there wearing a purple ribbon in her hair. “Still got that dog?”

“Yes,” Curtis said. He’d had the picture sitting on his desk for nearly a year and found it odd Lance asked about it now. “Why? Are you thinking about getting a dog?”

“Something like that.” He nodded his head at the receptionist desk. “Dupree’s daughter’s kind of cute, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, she’s pretty.”

“I’d do her.”

“I don’t think Mr. Dupree would appreciate that.”

“You’ve got to stop worrying about what the big guy thinks. Besides she’s of age.”

“It’s a good way to lose your job.” Curtis glanced at the receptionist desk. “Do you think Bexley’s going to find a boyfriend down there on spring break?”

Lance scoffed. “No.”

Curtis nodded.

“Besides, I’m going to ask her out when she gets back.”

“What? You can’t do that!”

“Why?”

“What’ll…what’ll Makenna say?”

Lance shrugged his shoulders and grinned. “I was just joking, dude. She’s never going to go out with you.”

Curtis felt his face flush. “I never said I liked her.”

“Didn’t have to.”

“You’re a douche, Lance.”

“Yeah, well you’re an easy target. And good luck with this year’s bonus award. You’re going to lose that too.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: THE KILLER (2023)-NETFLIX

This week’s pick is not for all tastes as it is not a redemptive story by any means. But it is a riveting one just the same. Similar in ways to Kill Bill and based on the French graphic novel series The Killer by Alexis “Matz” Nolent and illustrated by Luc Jacamon, the story is about a cold-blooded nameless hitman known only as The Killer (Michael Fassbender) who is methodical and unbending in his work. We watch him and listen to his thoughts as he prepares to take down the target he has been paid to assassinate. But even the best laid plans can go wrong. Knowing he is on the run he uses a series of aliases based on television characters to take varying flights. He finally returns to his compound in the Dominican Republic only to find it has been brutally invaded and his lady love Magdala (Sophie Charlotte) in the intensive care unit at the local hospital. Realizing his equally lethal peers have come crawling out of the woodwork to destroy him he decides he needs to deal with them the only way he knows how and promises Magdala’s brother Marcus (Emiliano Pernía) he will make things safe again. Thus, bringing us to the top of Chapter Two.

Rounding out the cast are Charles Parnell as The Lawyer, Hodges, Kerry O’Malley as Dolores, Claybourne’s office assistant, Arliss Howard as The Client, Claybourne, Sala Baker as The Brute and Tilda Swinton as The Expert. The characters in the story who are closer to humans tend to be the ones with names. The film is directed by the talented David Fincher.

Certified Sadistic Accountant Chapter Five

~ gigicatchesair ~ Leave a comment

Good morning. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter five of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. The holiday season continues, and we have yet to put up our tree. As my novelist is allergic to Christmas trees, we are required to have an imitation one. We keep it in a special tree bag and every year we take it out and put our ornaments on it. I do so wish we could have a real one. My novelist would like a real one as well, but alas that is not possible. The Maltese does not have an opinion on the matter which comes as a shock to none of us. One unfortunate joy of the holiday season is sipping a cup of hot cocoa. As I am a dog, chocolate in any form (except the occasional white chocolate) is a no-no. The fragrance of it though is intoxicating. I adore the way the little marshmallows bob on top like magical buoys. Or how gorgeous whip cream encircles it like the zenith of a mountain with a small candy cane inside and green and red sprinkes adorned the top. Oh, how my heart longs for hot chocolate! But that is another matter. For now, I wish you happy holidays and present chapter five of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant.  

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Five

“We need to come up with something that’ll really catch him off-guard this time,” Lance said as the four accountants sat in the back corner of The Steamed Bean discussing their clandestine plan.

“I think he’s got to believe he won an even bigger contest than just a concert,” Irwin said. “Say, a trip to Hawaii or something like that.”

“No, no, no,” Grady said. “It must be colossal. We need to do something that will blow his mind.”

“What does he love more than anything else?” Makenna asked. “If we really want to get him this time you need to go after something he loves.”

“That’s a little sadistic, don’t you think? I mean I’m all for messing with the guy but going after something he loves? That’s nuts.”

“Didn’t he buy a dog last year or something?” Lance said.

“A dog?” Makenna said. “What kind of dog?”

“Some little pocket furball. The kind my sister would own.”

“That’s it. We’ll kidnap his dog.”

“Whoa,” Grady said. “That’s illegal.”

“So what?” Lance said. “It’ll be fun. It’s not like we’re going to get caught.”

“I don’t know,” Irwin said. “That sounds cruel. Even for us.”

“We need a way to break into his house,” Makenna said before sipping her red eye espresso.

“Do you think his place has cameras?” Lance asked.

“Of course, it has cameras. He’s a douche not an idiot.” Then she turned to Irwin and said, “Irwin, you have the best artistic sense. We need you to design the ransom note.”

“I’m flattered. I’ll do it. But I have a bad feeling about this.”

“Grady, we need you to take care of the dog.”

“I haven’t had a dog since I was a teenager. We had an Irish Wolfhound.”

“Curtis has a lap dog. It will be an easier experience than taking care of an Irish Wolfhound.”

“I don’t know,” Lance said. “My great aunt had a Maltese, and he was horrible. Always waking her up in the middle of the night wanting to go outside. Had this relentless bark. Couldn’t train it to stop barking on command.”

“You don’t think this little rug wolf is going to keep me up all night with its barking, do you?” Grady asked.

“I sincerely doubt it,” Makenna said. “It will probably just sit in your lap and fall asleep.”

“Do you have a dog?”

“I have an iguana.”

“Whoa. That’s cool.”

“Sometimes he does unspeakable things, but I usually forgive him.”

“Okay, I’ll watch the little furball. But I’m not going to break into Cook the Book’s house just to nab the little guy.”

“I’m the one who will be breaking in. I have experience.”

“I’m breaking in with you,” Lance said.

“Not a chance. You’ll bungle the job.”

“I won’t bungle the job.”

“When was the last time you broke in and robbed someone?”

“College. I broke into a professor’s office.”                                                                                                                

“Really?” Irwin said.

“Really.”

“Fine,” Makenna said. “You can be my assistant. We’ll also need to grab the dog food Cook feeds the little puffball. We don’t want it to eat the wrong dog food. It could get sick.”

“Great,” Grady said. “That won’t be a monster sized problem or anything.”

“We’ll nab the dog food too,” Lance said. “So, when are we going to do this thing?”

“Soon,” Makenna said. “Before Tax Day if we really want to get under Cook’s collar.”

“How about Wednesday?”

“Agreed. We will do it on Wednesday. Irwin, get started on that ransom note tonight. Lance and I will break into Cook’s house at lunchtime. We’ll leave our phones at the office so there is no trace of us going there. Grady, give me a copy of your house key when we meet for coffee Wednesday morning before we head into the office. Then Lance and I can take the dog straight to your house and come back here at the end of lunch and no one will notice a thing.” 

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: UPGRADE (2014)-HBO MAX

This week’s movie is a science fiction story about artificial intelligence. And it starts out great. A few years in the future we meet Grey Chase (Logan Marshall-Green in a likeable performance) whose occupation is working on and restoring sports cars in his home garage, the kind of cars that still require a human driver. Grey is married to Asha Trace (Melanie Vallejo) who works for an AI tech company that makes self-driving cars amongst other things. One evening after Asha returns from work Grey needs to deliver one of his restored cars to a wealthy young man named Eron (Harrison Gilbertson). Grey asks Asha to accompany him and bring her self-driving car with her, so he has a ride home. When the couple arrives, which requires a long trek to get to the house, Ashe finds out Eron is Eron Keen, the peculiar but brilliant founder of one of her company’s competitors. Eron tells her in so many words her company is hardly his competitor, and he is working on a new product that will help enhance humankind and shows off his newest invention which looks a bit like a Hexbug.

The couple heads home in Asha’s self-driving car when the vehicle short circuits, takes the wrong route and crashes. Grey and Asha find themselves on the wrong side of town, with the wrong crowd “rescuing” them from their high-tech vehicle. A brutal incident occurs which ends up leaving Grey seriously injured. So injured, in fact, he may need Eron’s new product to become whole again.

The film is riveting and engaging. Logan Marshall-Green gives the film a wonderful sense of humor and I look forwards to more of his performances. The ending, though logical, falls a little short, which is sad because it is a terrific concept, well penned and on the precipice of greatness. I am not sure if the ending was writer/director Leigh Whannell’s original vision or if producers messed with it or what exactly happened. But the first three quarters of the film are smart, droll, clever, and well-paced which makes the movie well worth the watch.