Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce my twenty-seventh chapter of Alanna the Piranha. As you know this Sunday, March 27th is the Oscars. Now as you may know my novelist has not mentioned all the watch worthy nominated films so she will be continuing to list the best ones in her Stream of the Week past the ceremony. Some are just coming to streaming and others are only available in the theatres. She and I enjoy being able to mention a great film we find on streaming every week and to be able to pull it from different streaming sources.
I am Tucker and I am a Maltese.
Get out of here!
I wanted to let you know our novelist…
Is going to be mentioning films from some services we have not mentioned before. One of them has lots of doggie shows.
She is not going to mentions shows just because they have doggies in them!
I like doggie shows.
You are an imbecilic muppet. Anyway, here is Chapter Twenty-Seven of Alanna the Piranha. And may the Oscar go to you someday.
Alanna the Piranha
Gigi the parti poodle
Day the Twenty-Seventh
At two o’clock in the afternoon my phone rings. I check it and it’s The Zipper. Alanna and Fabulous crowd around me. I put him on speaker phone.
“Kid, kid,” he says. “I gotta tell ya, I gotta tell ya, that was quite a show, quite a show. I want to sign you up for a full-time gig. I’ll have you and Gams perform Wednesday thru Saturday. Four days a week kid. I’ll pay you two hundred a night. What do ya say, what do ya say?”
“We’re better than two hundred a night,” Fabulous whispers to me.
“That seems a little low,” I say into the phone.
“That’s top dollar, kid. Top dollar.”
“But we got a standing ovation.”
“Oh, kid, come on! Everyone gets standing ovations these days.”
“We were the only act at your club that got a standing ovation.”
“That’s only one standing ovation, kid. You’d need at least three for me to pay over two bills a performance.”
“Tell him fine,” Fabulous whispers. “If we get two more standing ovations this week, we get two hundred and fifty a performance.”
“If we get two more standing ovations this week,” I tell The Zipper, “We get two hundred and fifty dollars per performance.”
“Done-o,” The Zipper says. “But you’d better get those two ovations.”
“Say, I was wondering…Gams. Is she single?”
“I was wondering if she’d like to get a drink sometime…out of costume of course.”
Alanna who is listening to the conversation gives me a look of pure horror and shakes her head vehemently.
“I don’t think Alanna’s dating right now,” I say.
“You two an item, huh?”
I look at Alanna who nods her head.”
“We are strictly business,” I say. “She’s just not dating right now.”
Alanna lowers her eyes and I feel like a douche.
“You tell her if she changes her mind, I’d like to take her out for a drink.”
“I’ll do that.”
“Alright, kid. I’ll see you tonight. Same funny time, same funny channel.”
I hang up and find Alanna has huge tears rolling down her piranha face. I reach out my hand to comfort her. “Alanna…”
“Don’t touch me!” she says and runs over and hurls herself on my bed.
“Alanna, it was just something I said to The Zipper, so he’d quit harassing you.
“You could have just told him you and Alanna are an item,” Fabulous says.
“I know. I just didn’t want to lie.”
“I feel so abandoned!” Alanna wails.
“No one’s abandoning you, Alanna,” I tell her.
“You spend more time with Fabulous and me than anyone else in your life. That should account for something.”
“I spend a lot of time with you because we’re friends.”
“Oh, Flint!” she cries writhing on the mattress. “We’re so much more than friends.”
“But we are not dating.”
“Fine,” she sniffles. “You go tell The Zipper I will go out with him on that date.”
“No, Alanna,” Fabulous says. “He’s too old for you. Not to mention he’s scum.”
“At least he sees me as attractive.”
“You deserve better.”
Right this minute I am so glad the bunny can talk.
“You’re right,” Alanna says. “I deserve Flint.”
“I used to dance,” I say changing the subject.
“Seriously?” Fabulous says.
“In middle school and high school. I kind of quit once I got to college.”
“It never got me any girlfriends.”
“I’m throwing myself at you!” Alanna moans.
“Who cares if you had any girlfriends?” Fabulous says.
“I’m just bringing up the subject because I could help you and Alanna improve your routine.”
“Teach me how to dance.”
“I can tweak your routine, but I don’t know if I can do that.”
“If you don’t teach us how to dance better,” Alanna says. “I’m going to take everything I want out of Stacy’s room.”
“You wouldn’t do that,” I say.
Alanna jumps off the bed and bolts for the stairs.
She opens the door at the top and walks out.
“You’ve done it now,” Fabulous says.
I run up the stairs two steps at a time. Luckily, my mom has gone into town to get her hair done and my dad is at work. I sprint down the hall to Stacy’s room where Alanna is pulling dresses off Stacy’s hangers.
“Stop this, Alanna!”
“You don’t want me, and you won’t teach me how to dance better!”
“Put Stacy’s things back and I’ll show you a couple of steps.”
“Not good enough!”
Alanna grabs more clothes, marches over to Stacy’s dresser, and picks up Stacy’s jewelry box that matches her jewelry armoire.
“Put that down!”
Alanna stamps her foot. “Teach me how to dance better!”
“Fine. Just put down the jewelry box and give me the clothes.”
“And teach Fabulous how to dance too.”
“All she can do is hop around.”
“Well, Mr. Fancy Biochemist, why don’t you tweak your stupid CRISPR Cas9 shots and grow her a pair of legs!”
“Fine! I’ll teach you both how to really dance!”
You can check out my books Chicane and the five installments in my Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!!!
STREAM OF THE WEEK: RAYA AND THE LAST DRAGON (2021)-Disney+
A lot of Oscar voters are probably in love with last week’s pick, Encanto which stands a solid chance of winning Best Animated Film this year at the Oscars. But pound for pound of the four out of five animated films nominated this year that I’ve seen my favorite by far is Raya and the Last Dragon. Where The Mitchells vs The Machines has funny moments but annoyingly silly plot contrivances and Encanto has a riveting plot, but a boing and vapid ending, Raya and the Last Dragon remains solidly written throughout. The story begins with the backstory of how a plague once ravaged the world 500 years ago turning everything in its wake into stone. But one family of dragons pulled together their collective talents into one large gem. The gem worked as a deterrent to the plague and mankind was saved. But only one dragon survived the devastation and is rumored to have ended up somewhere at the end of one of many, many rivers.
Unfortunately, because people are basically evil, the world divided into five tribes with only one holding the gem and the other four fighting to possess it. Raya’s father leads the tribe that holds the stone and has long trained his daughter Raya to protect it. But when one of the other tribes causes a catastrophic event, it is up to Raya and her trusty pet/vehicle Tuk Tuk to find Sisu, the last remaining dragon, repair the damage and reunite the tribes as Kumandra. Kelly Marie Tran is excellent as Raya and Awkwafina is perfectly cast as Sisu.