Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here once again to introduce chapter twenty-two of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This is my sixth blog story and when I began penning it, I decided to make this one a little longer than the other five. I do not wish for it to drone on forever because stories must at some point come to an end. My novelist and I have discussed story length many times over tea, and we believe each story is its own animal. No pun intended. Some stories are better shorter, some medium, some large and some extra-large. And some extra small. And so, I am letting this one run a bit longer than the others. Bernard D. Bunny and Sergio Squirrel each have a different opinion, however. Bunny believes in the short story and Sergio believes the long haul is more apropos. Such is the way of the wild untamed animals. I however, being a domesticated poodle have a more flexible mind when it comes to such matters. I can write or read stories of varying lengths. I suppose it is impressive both Bernard and Sergio read stories at all. Bernard is slowly working his way through the Sherlock Holmes stories. Sergio, on the other hand, is working on Lonesome Dove. To each his or her own. And with that thought, here is chapter twenty-two of Certified Sadistic Accountant. Enjoy!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Twenty-Two

Fia set her pasta down across the table from Curtis and took a seat., “This is a lot more comfortable than that little table and chairs set in the attic,” she said.

“My aunt had that as her table and chairs before she bought this one,” Curtis said. He looked down at his food not knowing how to continue a conversation with her.

“What are your parents like?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Just making conversation.”

Curtis shrugged. “Typical upper middleclass family. My dad is an accountant, and my mother is a high school teacher.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

“I have an older sister.”

“What’s her name?”

“Pear.”

“Pear? Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“They named you Curtis, but they named her Pear?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Pear sounds exotic, and Curtis is more…pedestrian.”

“I happen to like the name Curtis.”

“There’s nothing wrong with your name. Pear just sounds more hip.”

“Pear’s not all that exotic. She’s studying to be a veterinarian specializing in reptiles.”

“See, that’s exotic.”

“I don’t understand anyone who would want a reptile for a pet. It’s a good way to get E. coli. Tell me about your mother,” Curtis said trying to take the focus off him. “I already work for your father.”

“Hasn’t she ever come down to the office?”

“No.”

“Really? I suppose that makes sense. She’s not a very happy woman. I think she finds accounting dull.”

“Then why did she marry your father?”

Fia took a bite of her pasta and considered Curtis’s question. “My mother was a forest ranger.”

“A forest ranger?” Curtis said surprised.

“She got her college degree in Forestry. My mom loves being alone. Being a forest ranger allowed her to be alone most of the time. She once told me right after she graduated from college and got her first forest ranging job was the happiest time of her life. She loved being out in nature and roaming around the forest.”

“Did she ever run into any dangerous animals?”

“Oh, sure. She said she’d see wolf packs and black bears.”

“How did she end up meeting Mr. Dupree if she was out there in the forest all the time?”

“Her dad was an accountant, and he knew my dad’s dad because he was an accountant too. Grandpa supported her being a forest ranger, but I don’t think he liked the low pay she received. Being a forest ranger is an underpaid occupation. So, one night he asked my mom to come over for dinner. But he didn’t tell her it was a dinner party. So, she showed up wearing her uniform because she came straight from work. But her mom and dad and my dad and his mom and dad were all dressed in business casual clothes. My mom felt like the whole thing was an ambush. Mom said when they all sat down to dinner, my parents had seated my father right next to her.

“Mom said it wasn’t the last time she got ambushed either. Two weeks later they had my dad and his parents over for dinner again. She told me she would have had enough time to change out of her uniform, but she didn’t. At the end of dinner, she and my dad were out on the porch talking and he asked her out on a date. I think she told him to go to hell, but it did not deter him.

“Mom says she was out doing her job when she heard something coming from the bushes. At first, she thought it might be a moose. But then my dad stepped out of the foliage. She was so angry she pulled out her gun and shot at him. He told her that was incredibly rude, and he’d just come to visit her at work. She told him it was her job to enforce the rules and laws of the forest and he could kiss her ass.

“Mom says after that she started to get depressed. She is a woman who needs her alone time. That was one of the main reasons she became a forest ranger. The problem is there are too many people in the world who need people and that makes for a nasty ugly place for those who don’t.”

“Interesting mother you have,” Curtis said. “She doesn’t sound like the type of woman who would marry Mr. Dupree.”

“They’ve been married for a quarter of a century.”

“Wow.”

Fia took a bite of her pasta and chewed thoughtfully. “You made a good dinner, Curtis,” she said.

“Thank you.”

“What are your after-dinner plans?”

“I need to finish a second ransom note.”

“You should be careful about sending my dad too many ransom notes. You might get caught.”

“I won’t get caught.”

Fia scoffed. “Famous last words.”

“Would you care for some dessert?”

“That cheesecake thing?”

“Yes, that cheesecake thing. The cake is made for two which means it should be served on one plate with two forks.”

Fia smiled. “Let’s do it.”

Curtis trotted into the kitchen, took the pink cardboard box with the cheesecake out of the refrigerator, and opened the drawer with the good silverware. He removed two small ornate sterling silver dessert forks, folded two napkins, placed a fork in each napkin, picked up the cheesecake and napkin wrapped forks and brought them to the table.

“You fold napkins like a professional,” Fia said.

“Aunt Odette insisted I have good manners. She has no tolerance for young people who don’t know how to sit down and have a proper dinner.”

“I don’t think most guys know how to tie their own shoes much less fold a nap. Should we try this cheesecake?”

“Please.” Fia sliced off a piece of the cheesecake with her fork and tasted it. “That’s really good,” she said. “Creamy like a French cheesecake.”

Curtis took a bite. “You are right, it is good,” he said. “I never tried the bakery’s cakes before. I’ve only had their cookies and the croissants your father orders from them every morning.”

“I’ve got to get my dad to stop doing that. It isn’t healthy to eat a croissant every day.”

“You have to admit the croissants are awesome, though.”

“But not healthy. By the way I thought about what you said.”

“About what?”

“About creating a new performance art piece.”

“That’s why everything was arranged better in the attic today.”

“I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. It’s been a mess for years. My aunt talks about organizing it but never does.”

Fia took another bite of the cheesecake. “Am I allowed to sleep in the guest room again tonight?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll take you up there after we finish dessert.”

“It’s a little boring up there trying to fall asleep. Is there a book or a magazine I could borrow?”

“My aunt has a bookshelf in her office. You can pick out something to read before we head up.”

“Thank you. That’s sweet of you.”

Fia studied Curtis as he took another bite of the cheesecake. Letting her into his aunt’s office was a good sign. He appeared to trust her more. If she was going to get out of here, she needed him to trust her.

Curtis gently pushed the gold foil cardboard towards her. “You can have the rest of the cheesecake,” he said.

“Thank you. You have such good manners, Curtis.”

Curtis beamed. “My aunt wouldn’t have it any other way. After you finish that we’ll go find you a book.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: SEVEN SAMURAI (1954)–HBO MAX

Without question one of the finest films ever made. And that’s an understatement. Here is a timeless story about courage, friendship and humanity directed and co-written by master filmmaker Akira Kurosawa. The story is straightforward: in the year 1586, a man from a village of farmers overhears a conversation between members of a gang of bandits. The bandits want to charge into the man’s village and steal the villagers’ food and commit other horrors. But the leader says they will wait until the crop is harvested so they can take a larger bounty. The villagers discuss the dilemma and finally go to Gisaku (Kokuten Kôdô) the village elder for advice. He suggests a small group of the men travel to a nearby town and hire samurai to protect them. This is easier said than done as farmers at the time were thought to be worthless and no samurai would be interested in the job.

But they do find one older highly experienced rōnin samurai named Kanbei (Takashi Shimura) who sympathizes with their plight. Kanbei in turn manages to convince six other samurai, Gorōbei Katayama (Yoshio Inaba), Shichirōji (Daisuke Katō), Kyūzō (Seiji Miyaguchi), Heihachi Hayashida (Minoru Chiaki), Katsushirō Okamoto (Isao Kimura), and Kikuchiyo (Toshiro Mifune) to assist him in protecting the village.  

The film’s story and even the film’s elements have been copied numerous times, most notably by the fantastic western The Magnificent Seven. In my opinion, one of the factors that makes the film so great is the story takes time to allow the audience to get to know the characters. We watch their relationships evolve naturally, with humor, poignancy, and tension without any rush. This adds great impact to the phenomenal landmark finale. If you have never had the joy of watching Kurosawa’s masterpiece, you will not regret doing so. It is a hands down absolute must see.