Good morning. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce the second chapter of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. This week my novelist had me do a test drive on some new medication so that when I go into get my grooming, I will not have another mishap. The medication is designed to help me relax more and not be as high-strung. We poodles are quite high-strung, but I am higher-strung than most. I detest travel and as my novelist needed to go somewhere this weekend, I accompanied her. I took my medication a couple of hours before we left to see if the dosage the veterinarian suggested worked. It did not. I was not phased at all. I was in complete charge of my faculties. My novelist was aghast. She was hoping the quarter pill the doctor prescribed would be sufficient for me as it is a rather large and potent pill, and I only weigh six pounds. But apparently, I am a heavyweight, and my novelist must call the veterinarian to ask how much more she can up my dosage. In the meantime, I was given a bath which was awful but not as awful as usual as my novelist tried to make it short, calming, and succinct. This I was grateful for. I relaxed the rest of the day writing in the late afternoon to prepare for my blog post. And so, here it is, chapter two of my story Certified Sadistic Accountant. Disfrutar!

Certified Sadistic Accountant

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Two

Right after Sport left, the door opened and two of the accountants, Grady, and Irwin, entered the agency. They were each carrying a pastel-colored cup with “The Steamed Bean” printed on them with an Easter Bunny below the words.

“Hey, Cook the Books,” Grady said. “How’s it hanging?”

“It’s hanging well,” Curtis replied. “I think it’s going to be an outstanding tax season.”

“Think you might win the big prize this year?”

“I think we’re all hoping to win the big prize,” Curtis said forcing a smile.

Grady grinned at Irwin who grinned back. “Yeah, you keep hoping, Cook,” Irwin said and took a pull off his coffee.

Just then the other two accountants Makenna and Lance strolled into the office. They too each carried a pastel cup with “The Steamed Bean” printed on it with a little yellow chick below the words.

“Sup dudes,” Lance said running his fingers through his freshly cut hair. Lance always had his hair cut at Satin, a barbershop for men where the stylists were young women who wore bikinis. “Where’s the big guy?”

“Mr. Dupree is up in his office,” Curtis said.

“You would know, wouldn’t you Cook the Books. Say, what time do you get here every day? “You’re always here before the rest of us.”

“I…just try to be prompt.”

“I think you’re more than prompt. I don’t think you have anything else to do with your time.”

“I have lots of things to do with my time,” Curtis said absentmindedly picking up a Rubik’s Cube off his desk and fiddling with it.   

“Yeah? What did you do last night after you got home from work?”

“I walked in the door and fixed myself something to drink.”

“What did you drink?”

“I made myself a cup of Citron Green Tea.”

“That’s not a drink, Cook.”

“Sure, it is. It’s a beverage.”

“A shot of bourbon is a drink. A glass of scotch is a drink. A pina colada is a drink. Citron Green Tea is not a drink.”

Curtis narrowed his eyes. Lance was a grade A jerk. “Citron Green Tea is good for you. I like to live a healthy life.”

“But you don’t live much, do you?”

“What did you do after you fixed your tea?” Makenna asked with a smirk.

“I looked over my finances,” Curtis said.

“How are your finances doing?”

“Quite well, actually.” Curtis smiled at Makenna who stared him down like he was a rat. This caused Curtis to sink low into his chair.

Just then Bexley the receptionist hurried inside. She shook out her skull patterned umbrella and tossed it into the large metal umbrella holder by the receptionist desk. The group of accountants turned towards her and saw it had started to pour down rain outside.

“It’s raining cats and dogs out there,” she said setting her pastel cup with “The Steamed Bean” printed on the front with a picture of a duck underneath the words.

Bexley stomped behind the receptionist desk in her combat boots and straightened her ankle-length skirt. “Is Dupree in yet?”

“He’s upstairs,” Curtis told her.

“I need to talk to him,” she said, fiddling with the jingly bracelet-stack on her arm.

“What about?” Lance asked.

“I’m going on spring break.”

“But it’s tax season. We need a receptionist.”

“Dupree can get a substitute receptionist. It’s not like this job requires thinking or something.”

“Is this an April Fool’s joke?” Makenna asked.

“No, this is not an April Fool’s joke.”

“Good morning, troops,” Dallas Dupree said opening the door of his upstairs office and dancing down the stairs. “Are we ready to have a great tax season?”

“I need to talk to you, Dupree,” Bexley said marching up to him.

“Mr. Dupree,” he said correcting her. “Come up to my office.”

“Here’s fine.”

“Okay. Let her rip.”

“I’m going on spring break.”

“Spring break? What do you mean spring break? It’s tax season!”

“I’m leaving for Palm Springs on Thursday.”

“Thursday?”

“There’ll be a lot more people at the airport on Friday. Besides the Thursday flight was cheaper.”

“Is this an April Fool’s joke?”

“No, this is not an April Fool’s joke.”

Mr. Dupree turned to the group of accountants. “Is this an April Fool’s joke?”

“No, this is not an April Fool’s Joke,” they said in unison.

“Let me get this straight. Our receptionist has decided during the busiest time of the year to take off for Palm Springs and take part in spring break. Come to your senses, Bexley. Wait until May. It’s a beautiful time to take a vacation and you could avoid the crowds at Palm Springs or almost anywhere else that time of year.”

“Look, Dupree…”

“Mr. Dupree.”

“…if I want any chance of finding a boyfriend, and let’s face it this place isn’t exactly rolling in eligible bachelors, I need to go on spring break.”

“Spring break is the worst place and time to find a boyfriend. All anyone does at spring break destinations is hook up and party.”

“You know that from personal experience, Dupree?”

“Mr. Dupree and that isn’t the point. The point is you are being remarkably selfish and unprofessional. When you took this job, you knew this was a tax accounting agency and that tax time almost always occurs in April. I need you to be managing the front desk at this time of year taking phone calls and greeting clients.”

“My priorities have shifted. I’ve decided I’m too young not to have a social life. Besides, you could just hire a temp while I’m away.”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to hire a temp these days?”

“You hired me as a temp, didn’t you?”

“Originally, but…”

“It’s only for a week.”

“It’s almost time to open the doors,” Dallas said exasperated. “Get to work at the receptionist desk and we’ll discuss this later.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: A HAUNTING IN VENICE (2023)-HULU

This week’s pick is a good old fashioned ghost story adapted from the book Hallowe’en Party by Agatha Christie. Sir Kenneth Branagh has been reintroducing the Hercule Poirot character to modern movie audiences starting in 2017 with Murder on the Orient Express, and later with Death on the Nile in 2022 . A Haunting in Venice is probably my favorite so far. The film deviates a bit from the novel. Set in Venice, the story begins with the famed opera singer Rowena Drake (Kelly Reilly) hosting a seance to try and speak to her young adult daughter who drowned. Retired detective Hercule Poirot (Sir Kenneth Branagh) is urged to go to the party by his friend, famed mystery writer Ariadne Oliver (Tina Fey). Oliver has been trying to expose nurse turned medium Joyce Reynolds (Michelle Yeoh) but cannot figure out how she performs her seances and hopes Hercule might be able to figure it out.

Reluctantly, Poirot goes to the séance, skeptical of Reynold’s ability to talk to the deceased. Poirot arrives to find out that the home Rowena Drake lives in is supposedly haunted by children. At first, he is suspicious of the experience, until one of the members of the party is murdered and he begins to see a little girl appear to him in different parts of the house who looks like she could be Rowena’s daughter.

The film is wonderfully moody and has a gorgeous set design by John Paul Kelly and beautiful cinematography by Haris Zambarloukos. Branagh’s directing is top notch as always and all the performances are first rate. A classy mystery for grownups.