Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter twenty of my story Catzilla. The Maltese has been driving me mad. Long ago my novelist taught him to speak. This may have been one of her worst decisions to date. Lately he’s been barking more than usual. He likes to hear his own woof. It is most annoying. I wish he would quiet down but he’s having such fun driving the rest of us insane. When my novelist talks too much, I simply put my paw on her mouth to stop the infernal noise. She has the sense to cease talking. The Maltese, on the other hand, does not. But I have come up with a plan. As much as he likes to bark, he likes to sleep and so, I have located an old pocket recorder which I turn on when he barks so I can tape him. Tonight, after he has fallen asleep, I am going to give him a taste of his own torment. I’m going to place the recorder right by his bed near his ear. Take that, wretched mongrel! See how you like being awoken from your precious slumber by the sound of infernal barking! And with that thought, here is chapter twenty of Catzilla.  

Catzilla

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Twenty

Lyle and I hopped in the cabin of the flatbed and my mom slowly backed out. As she did the kitten’s paws dragged along the asphalt.

“Mom, this isn’t going to work,” I said.

My mom looked in the rearview mirror and nodded. “You’re right,” she said. “We need to reposition the cat.”

“We could rope its paws to the top of the truck,” Lyle said.

“We’re going to need those football players to help us,” my mom said and shut off the engine, opened the door, and climbed out of the cabin. She ran out and waved down the pickup truck Buckly was driving.

Buckley rolled down the window and asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. Gagnon?”

“We can’t drive away with the cat’s front paws dragging along the road.”

“That thing’s a killer. Who cares what happens to its paws?”

“You have a point, Buckly. But it’s inhumane. We need to tie the cat’s paws up and take a chance on restoring it to its normal size. I need you four boys to help us do this before it wakes up.”

“What are we going to use?”

“There’s rope in the cabin. It should be enough for you guys to pull it off.”

Buckley rolled his eyes. “Let’s just get it done.”

He shut off the engine and the other three football players reluctantly climbed out of the pickup. Mom opened the door of the flatbed and handed them the rope.

“If this thing wakes up,” Silas said, “all bets are off.”

“Agreed,” my mom said. Then she sided up to the driver’s side window. “Lyle, come out here. I need you to watch the cat while the boys tie her paws.”

“Yes, Mrs. Gagnon,” Lyle said.

Lyle disembarked the truck, and I watched in the rear-view mirror as he walked over and stood in front of the cat, studying it intensely. My mom climbed back inside and shut the door. The four football players climbed onto the flatbed, and secured the ropes to hooks on the roof of the cabin. Then Silas and Toby got on either side of the kitten’s right paw and attempted to lift it as if it were a big furry alligator. They made a loop with the rope, slipped the paw through, anchored it, and cinched it allowing the paw to hang out like a diving board.

Buckly and the fourth football player whose name was Devin, passed by the kitten’s upside-down head, secured their rope to the roof of the cabin, made a loop and were just about to stick the left paw through it when Lyle said, “Hold it.” The four football players looked to find the kitten had opened its eyes and was staring at Lyle.

“Mom,” I whispered as I was looking through the window at the back of the cabin. “I think the kitten’s regaining consciousness.”

My mom looked at the cat and whispered back, “It’s probably still under.”

Then I heard a distorted version of that unmistakable hiss. “Lyle needs help.”

My mom heard it too. She disembarked the truck and hurried over beside Lyle. She whispered something to him. Lyle took a step towards the kitten, and I craned my neck to see what it was, but I was unable to get a good look. The hissing became erratic, then softer, and then tapered off. I watched as Buckley and Devon threaded the kitten’s left paw through the looped rope, anchored it, and cinched it. Lyle hurried in front of the truck and climbed back inside the cabin next to me.

“Buckle up,” my mom said. “We’re heading to Steeling Cars Auto Maintenance.”

My mom pulled up beside the Steeling Cars Auto Maintenance sign while Buckly and the other football players pulled up behind her. “Stay here,” she told Lyle and I before disembarking the truck. She headed up to the entrance of the garage and banged on the door. “Mr. McQuoid! Mr. McQuoid!”

A guy in grey greasy overalls rounded the corner wiping his hands on a dirty towel. He looked at my mother and said, “I take it you’re the lady from the school dance with the toolshed sized cat.”

“That’s correct.”

“Wow,” Aero McQuoid said walking up to the side of the flatbed where the sleeping kitten lay sprawled with its paws tied to the top of the truck and its head turned upside down. “It looks dead.”

“No, it’s breathing.”

Aero took a closer look, “You’re right it is. So, you want to cage up this thing in the pole building over there, huh?”

My mom looked in the direction his oil-stained finger was pointing. “Yes. I think that will work splendidly.”

“So how do you want to do this?”

“I was hoping to drive the truck in and have the boys in the pickup behind me untie the cat and help slide it onto the floor and get out.”

“Uh, huh. How long do you think that thing will stay passed out?”

“Difficult to say. I gave her a solid dose and a backup but with a cat that large its hard telling when it will wear off.”

“Well, I don’t want to be around when that thing wakes up. I’ll go open the doors for you and you can drive in.”

Aero strolled towards the pole building and mom motioned for Buckly and the other football players to follow her. She hopped back into the cabin and drove up to the pole building entrance. Aero pushed in a code on the side of the building and the large door began to rise. As it did two oversized rottweilers trotted out and sat down in front of the building on either side of the entrance as if they were stone lions. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Buckly get out of the pickup. As soon as he did, the rottweilers began growling and baring their teeth. They rose to their paws ready to pounce.

“Fritz, Gavin!” Aero snapped. “Sit!”

The two dogs begrudgingly sat back down on their haunches. But their eyes never left Buckly. I watched Buckly slowly get back into the pickup and follow my mother as she drove the flatbed into the pole building. She shut off the engine, rolled down her window and asked, “How are we supposed to unload this cat with your two guard dogs sitting there ready to pounce?”

“Fritz and Gavin?”

“Yes, Fritz and Gavin.”

“I’ll have them stand outside the door and guard the place. They’re well trained.”

“You’re sure they won’t attack?”

“Totally.”

Mom looked skeptically at the two rottweilers.

“I don’t trust your dogs, man,” Buckly called from the pickup.

“Kid, I just told the lady here they won’t attack.”

“They growled at me.”

“They’re excellent judges of character.”

“I’ll get out first, Buckly,” my mom said. She opened the truck door. The two rottweilers studied her but remained seated. My mom motioned for Buckly and the other three football players to come over. She stuck her head back in the window and said, “We’re going to need your help too.”

Lyle and I got out of the truck and walked around to the side where the football players were standing.

“We’re going to slide it off the flatbed,” my mom said.

“How?” Devin asked.

“Mr. McQuoid has a forklift over there which will make things easier. You boys will untie the ropes. Mr. McQuoid will slide the forklift under the cat. Briar will watch to make sure the cat does not wake up. Lyle will deal with the cat if it wakes up.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Lyle knows what it means and that’s what matters. Now, let’s get started.”

Buckly, Devon, Silas, and Toby all climbed up on the flatbed. The kitten let out a huge snore and all four boys jumped back.

“Easy,” my mom said.

Silas and Toby got on either side of the kitten’s right paw. Buckly and Devon carefully unhitched the rope as Silas and Toby carefully loosened the loop and slipped it off the kitten’s paw. Silas and Toby moved over to the kitten’s left paw as Buckly and Devon loosened the remaining ropes from the top of the truck’s cabin. Silas and Toby slowly lowered the paw down.

Mr. McQuoid started driving the forklift over to the cat. “Alright, boys,” he told the football players. “I’m going to take it from here.”

Aero drove the forklift around to the back of the truck. He lifted the fork to meet the height of the kitten. Lyle and I, our eyes still on the kitten’s face, took a step back as Aero began to side the fork under the feline’s underbelly. The kitten began to rise. My mother put the truck into neutral and began to slowly roll it forwards. The kitten suspended in the air slumped over the front of the fork so Lyle and I could no longer see its face. Aero shifted gears and began to lower the kitten to the ground.

Suddenly, Lyle grabbed my arm. Then I saw the cat lift its head and bore its emerald-green eyes into ours. It hissed like a giant cobra and swatted its paw causing it to slip forwards on the forklift. Whump! It landed on its feet hissing loudly staring Lyle and I down.

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: RESERVOIR DOGS (1992)-NETFLIX

It occurs to me sometimes that I assume everyone has seen a lot of great films. And that may not be so. Especially with the saturation of superhero movies and the peculiar idea that said films have depth, are art, and are not just overhyped entertainment. But for the most part they don’t have depth, are anything but art, and are primarily designed for franchising and merchandising. And so, this week I thought I would recommend a film that everyone should see, has truly great writing and direction, and says something more profound about the human condition.

Quintin Tarantino films tend to have two basic elements. One is they are about honor. Two is they are about logic. This is a film that pits one against the other in a brilliant exploration of honor amongst thieves. The story on the surface is basic: a jewelry store robbery has gone wrong. The post robbery meeting place is a warehouse. After the botched job those who didn’t get killed show up to figure out if they’ve been set up and if so by whom. But at its core it’s about each character’s vantage point, their personal values, and how those two elements determine if they will survive.

Six criminals are hired by a father and son. The father is Joe Cabot (Lawrence Tierney) the son goes by the name Nice Guy Eddie (Chris Penn). The thugs they hire know nothing about each other and are given fake names by Joe. The aged veteran is Mr. White (Harvey Keitel), the resident psychopath is Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen) the rookie is Mr. Orange (Tim Roth), the man on the brink of retirement is Mr. Blue (Edward Bunker), the conspiracy theorist is Mr. Brown (Quintin Tarantino himself), and the cynic is Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi).

After an unplanned shootout occurs at the jewelry store, police show up and civilians and two of the criminals are killed. Two of the survivors arrive at the warehouse first. One of them has been shot in the stomach and is in dire need of medical care. A third criminal shows up with the bag of diamonds and a fourth shows up with a surprise in his trunk. The men debate as to if they have been set up, if there is a mole amongst them, if the rendezvous location is safe, and if Joe and Nice Guy Eddy are coming or if they are waiting for Godot. The story is told in the present and well-designed flashbacks which give us insight into who each of these men are and all the performances are first rate. This is a must-see piece of masterful modern filmmaking.