Good afternoon. Gigi the parti poodle here to introduce chapter eighteen of my story Catzilla. My novelist and I have been wanting to recommend a film for our stream of the week that was released in 2003. My novelist had watched it some years ago and was most impressed. She also watched the remake, but the original is the one to see. She was perplexed she could not locate it on any of the streaming channels this past year. But it turns out the film has been fully remastered and restored and has gotten a theatrical re-release as of August 16^th. The film is called Oldboy and if you have never seen it before you really, really should. This is a well-told action mystery tale and the less you know about it before you go in the better. I will say it contains violence and explicit adult themes so it’s not for kids. But if you want a great time at the movie theatres and this is playing near you, we strongly recommend it. Even Tucker the Maltese wants to go. In fact, he claims to have a junior blackbelt in Taekwondo, but I have my doubts. He does keep trying to spar with me, however, and the whole situation has become quite disturbing. Anyway, here is chapter eighteen of Catzilla. Enjoy!  

Catzilla

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Eighteen

“Mr. Homola,” my mom said. “May I address the crowd?”

Principal Doofus sighed. “Sure.”

My mom walked up the stage stairs and stepped up to the microphone. “From what I can ascertain,” she said, “my daughter and her friend were able to lure the cat and sedate it. It was smaller at the time, and they managed to place a bug on it so they could follow it. I am not condoning these actions, but they worked just the same. To get the cat into a container we are going to have to sedate it yet again. Originally my daughter and her friend did this by luring it with food. Therefore, we will need to feed the kitty. Let’s take the refreshments we have on the table there and put together a meal for the creature.”

“Psst, Mrs. Gagnon,” Lyle said just off stage. “What if we just moved the entire table outside?”

My mom glanced at the refreshments table. “What items should I put the drugs into do you think?”

Lyle studied the goodies. “Great question. I think the cat would be fond of the cupcakes.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose that’s as good an option as any.” Then she turned back to the microphone and said, “I’m going to put the sedatives into the cupcakes. Nobody eats anything off that table from now on.” Everyone watched as my mother climbed down from the stage and headed over to the table.

“Wait!” Mr. Relish, the science teacher said. “We need to know where we’re going to store the cat after we drug it.”

“If I’m not mistaken,” my mom said, “there’s a pole building that belongs to the car mechanic’s shop that’s just on the outskirts of town.”

“How are we going to transport it there? Because otherwise your dragging tonnage for the length of a mile.”

“The school owns a large truck with a long flatbed they use every year to build a float on for homecoming. We’ll drive the truck out, park it, put the table of food on top of the bed and lure the cat. The cat will climb on the bed, eat the food, and pass out.”

“There’s all sorts of things that could go wrong with that plan.”

“Maybe. But do you have a better idea?”

Mr. Relish stared her down for a moment and said, “Not presently. But even if you could lure the cat up there and sedate it, who’s going to drive the truck?”

“I am. I paid most of my way through college driving trucks for a company in the summers.”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

“Well,” Principal Doofus said. “After you drug the cupcakes what’s your next move, Mrs. Gagnon?”

“We need to contact the owner of the mechanic’s shop so we can have the doors open to drive the cat in there.”

“Who owns the mechanic’s shop?”

“Quincy’s dad!” one of the kids shouted.

Of course, I thought.

“But Quincy’s missing,” Principal Doofus said.

“Yes.”

“Well, there goes your plan, Mrs. Gagnon.”

My mom sighed. “Can someone try and text Quincy?”

Just then there was a big thud against the main doors followed by an ear-splitting caterwauling. Students screamed.

“Calm down,” my mother said into the microphone. “Everyone, calm down.”

The guitarist struck another earsplitting chord. This seemed to get things under control.

“Alright,” my mom said. “We need to figure out who’s going to be the team to drug the cat and who’s going to stay in the gym. But first, I’m going to try and contact Quincy’s father’s shop and explain what’s going on and what we plan to do.” Then she stepped away from the microphone and walked down the stairs to us.

“I have the number to the mechanic,” Lyle said. “My dad had to take his car there last week to get a dent fixed and they called my number by mistake.”  

I furrowed my brow and asked, “Why did you say something a couple of minutes ago?”

“I didn’t think about it.”

“They’re probably closed by now.”

“Someone could be working late,” he said locating the number in his phone and dialing it. “I’ll put them on speakerphone, Mrs. Gagnon so you can do the talking.”

“That would be fantastic, Lyle,” my mom replied.

We listened to the phone ring a couple of times before a recorded voice said, “You’ve reached Steeling Cars Auto Maintenance. If you are calling about an emergency, please hang up and dial 911. Please listen to the following options. To make an appointment, press one. If you are calling to find out the status of your repair press two. If you are calling about a replacement part press three. If you are a supplier press four. If you need to speak to our legal department press five. For all other inquiries press six.”

“What should I press?” Lyle asked.

“Six,” my mom said.

Lyle pushed six and we waited. The phone rang several times before someone finally picked up. A rough, gravelly voice that sounded like it was run over with sandpaper said, “Yeah, what is it?”

“Hello,” my mom said. “This is an emergency.”

“Hang up and dial 911 like the message told you.”

“No, you don’t understand. We are in urgent need of your services. We want to use your pole building.”

“Pole building? What for?”

“We need a place to store a toolshed sized cat.”

“Is this Frank? Are you messing with me again? Because if you are…”

“This isn’t Frank. This is Mrs. Gagnon. I’m Briar’s mother. She goes to school with the owner’s son Quincy.”

“Yeah, so?”

“I don’t know if you’re aware of this but there genuinely is a toolshed sized cat running amuck on our streets and we need a sturdy place to imprison it after we sedate it.”

“You’re hilarious. I’ll see you tomorrow, Frank.”

“Don’t hang up! Please! This cat is dangerous, and your pole house is the best place to put it.”

“Yeah, well I can think of a few places to put it off the top of my head, Frank.”

“Please help us.”

“Uh…no.”

“We’ll give you two thousand dollars in cash. That’s what the school made off the tickets they sold for the dance tonight.”

There was a long silent pause on the other end of the line. “I’m here till nine. Once it’s nine, it’s Miller time.”

I looked at the wall clock in the gym. It was five past eight.

“Thank you, Mr.…”

“McQuoid. Aero McQuoid.”

“Thank you, Mr. McQuoid.”

“Just watch out for Gavin and Fritz.”

“Who are Gavin and Fritz?”

“Oh, you’ll see.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: GAME NIGHT (2018)-HULU

One of the great joys of movies is finding a sleeper. And this wacky silly exciting film is well worth watching for its clever script and terrific actors. Max (Justin Bateman) is obsessed with winning games. He met the girl of his dreams Annie (Rachel McAdams) at a trivia night in a bar where they both got the right answer at the same time. After getting married they host a game night every week for their friends and recently have marginalized their next-door neighbor, a peculiar cop named Gary (Jesse Plemons) who used to attend their soirees until his wife divorced him. Because of their intense competitiveness, Max and Annie are having difficulty conceiving. They suspect this might be magnified by Max’s older brother Brooks (Kyle Chandler) who has always beaten Max at every game or challenge the two have had together. On their usual game night, Brooks shows up in town and at the end of the evening invites them to his house for the following week for what he promises to be a game night to remember.

Max and Annie show up at Brooks’s opulent rented house along with the usual game night guests: Kevin (Lamorne Morris), Michelle (Kylie Bunbury) and Ryan (Billy Magnussen). Ryan, who is always bringing a different date with him, has invited Sarah (Sharon Horgan) to join him. The six competitors settle in to play the murder mystery Brooks is hosting where the prize is a red Corvette Stingray, the car of Max’s dreams. Everything starts out as planned until the plan goes completely awry. Look for a couple of surprise celebrity guests along the way.