Good afternoon. It is I Gigi the parti poodle here once again to introduce chapter thirteen of my story Catzilla. This week my novelist and I, as many of you may have done, watched L’Interview with Rex Heuermann. We appreciate the interviewer and his film crew having done this piece. It is rare to get an opportunity to observe a real-life super psychopath in the wild (someone who scores 34 or above on the PCL-R) as this interviewer was able to capture and we wanted to point out some things that caught our attention about his subject.

1. His disregard for animals. The interviewer brings in his very cute dog Norman. Heuermann says “hello, Norman” and then immediately afterwards disregards him and says in a bored tone, “looks like it’s raining outside”. He never mentions having a pet of his own or how cute the dog is like a normal person would do. Although villains in films may be portrayed as having a cat they are constantly porting around, real psychopaths tend to have little to no interest in animals unless they are looking to victimize them. We poodles detest anyone who does not appreciate the Canis lupus familiaris.  
2. His flat affect. In contrast to the interviewer who has a very expressive face Heuermann has a flat affect or lack of emotion throughout the entire interview. He has what my novelist and I like to call a quasi-smile. In fact, at the end of the interview the interviewer and Heuermann take a selfie. The interviewer asks Heuermann if he can smile for the picture and Heuermann, still with his flat affect says, “That is (a smile)”. I myself do not often smile but my eyes express it all.
3. Animated hands. Heuerman uses his hands a lot when he talks. By doing this he is using what is called highly persuasive nonverbal behavior which psychopaths do to distract the listener from identifying their true nature. I often plant my paws on my novelist’s leg to let her know I demand she stop what she is doing and serve me.
4. Wide face. Men with wider faces have a greater tendency to have psychopathic traits. He also has deep set eyes which is another physical trait associated with psychopathy. I have a narrow nose. Who can resist a poodle with our fantastic narrow noses?
5. Distinctive eyebrows. Heuermann has heavy thick arched eyebrows which are related to narcissism. Not all narcissists are psychopathic, but all psychopaths are narcissists. He also exhibits a grandiose sense of self when he talks about how well he does his job. We poodles do not have eyebrows.
6. How to understand people. When the interviewer asked what his job has taught him, he responded “I think it has taught me how to understand people.” This is not a psychopathic trait per say but an observation on his taking pride in honing his manipulation skills. Note that he uses the word think not feel. And he repeats the word think as he continues answering the question. Psychopaths are thinkers not feelers. My novelist and I are thinkers, but we try to use our powers for good and not evil.
7. Highly intelligent. Psychopaths always have an above average IQ. Heuermann could not have become an architect without being intelligent. Also, his father was an aerospace engineer which, like architecture, requires a high IQ. I have a high IQ myself, but then I am a poodle, and we naturally have high IQs.
8. Speech patterns. Although more subtle than other psychopaths we’ve come across Heuermann still had a combination of approximately twenty-seven disfluencies, doubled words and subordinate conjunctions he used in the interview. His most common was the word because which he sometimes said as ‘cause.
9. What he does for a living. Architects are not on Dr Kevin Dutton’s fantastic survey he did in the UK to determine which occupations psychopaths are most likely to hold. However, though Heuermann may technically be an architect his job is really that of a CEO and lawyer. He owns his own firm and negotiates laws and contracts, which is what he excels at. Being a CEO is the first most common occupation and lawyer is the second most common occupation psychopaths gravitate towards according to Dr. Kevin Dutton’s survey. Heuermann is like the Las Vegas shooter who originally got his degree in accounting, which ironically is on Dr. Kevin Dutton’s other list of top ten jobs psychopaths are least likely to be drawn to, but quickly turned to selling real estate and became a salesman is the fourth most likely occupation for psychopaths. I am a creative writer. It would be extremely rare to encounter a creative writer who was a psychopath. Journalists are far more likely to be evil and rank number six on Dr. Dutton’s list.    
10. Family Issues. Psychopathy is hereditary and after watching the interview we found out his brother Craig Heuermann killed a police inspector in 1988 in a substantial auto wreck on the Southern State Turnpike in New York. Craig was drunk and high on cocaine at the time. He was charged with criminally careless murder and driving while inebriated. Craig Heuermann’s behavior is associated with MAOA, one of the six alleles connected with psychopathy. Psychopaths have a combination of at least four of these alleles. MAOA is linked to HSS which stands for High Sensation Seeking and is associated with risk taking and reckless behavior. One of the most frightening things about MAOA is people who have it seek out mates who have also inherited the allele.
11. His possessions. After the interview we found out police reportedly confiscated a child-like doll and more than 200 guns from his home. He also was found to have done 200 searches for child pornography.  
12. Much ado about the hammer. When we saw the interview the first time and the interviewer asked Heuermann if he were a tool or an object to bring his business to greater heights what tool would he be, Heuermann answered a cabinet maker’s hammer. Before we ever knew his response, we instinctively suspected he would choose a hammer. We were less impressed than others have been about his answer. What we found important was what he said to explain his answer which was how a hammer is persuasive and he uses it to persuade. This hooks back into his pride in knowing how to understand people, another clue about his focus on manipulation. That to us was more telling than the object itself. That is what caught our attention.

And there you have it. Now here is chapter thirteen of Catzilla. Enjoy!

Catzilla

by

Gigi the parti poodle

Chapter Thriteen

After we bugged the cat, Lyle began monitoring it and recording its travels. It continued to eat food out of various bowls in various neighbor’s driveways. After a week passed and the kitten had gained another twenty pounds or so, Lyle came over to my house with the recordings.

“Hello, Lyle,” my mother said when he showed up on our doorstep. “I suppose you’re here to see Briar about her cyborg project.”

Shock crossed Lyle’s face as if my mother had figured out our entire operation. “I…I wouldn’t call it a…”

“Hello, Lyle,” I said stepping up behind my mother. “You ready to show me the results?”

“Yes,” he said. “I am.”

“Would either of you care for some lemonade?” my mother asked. “I just made some.”

“Yes, please, Mrs. Gagnon.”

Lyle and I waited near the dining room table while my mother headed into the kitchen to fetch the lemonade. “Have you listened to the tapes yet?”

“Some. Does your mother make lemonade a lot?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s cool. My mom never makes lemonade or limeade for that matter.”

“My mom doesn’t trust any of the storebought stuff. She insists on squeezing the fruit herself.”

“Wow. Maybe I should try making my own. Maybe my mom would get the hint and start making lemonade and limeade too.”

“Here we go,” my mom said returning from the kitchen with two glasses of lemonade garnished with lemon wheels.

“Thank you, Mrs. Gagnon.”

“Thanks, mom.”

“I take it you two want to use my office,” my mom said.

“Yes, please.”

“Don’t mess with my computer. I have important work on it.”

“We won’t.”

Lyle and I headed into the office. “Do you have a set of headphones?” Lyle asked when we got inside.

“My mom does.”

“Get them.”

Lyle put on his pair which he had resting on his shoulders. I fetched my mom’s pair lying on top of a stack of papers. We sat down in the comfortable desk chairs and Lyle played the recording on his phone. Most of what we heard was a steady purring. Then some pitter pattering of the kitten walking around. Occasionally it lapped up water and munched food. But after several minutes we heard a vehicle, footsteps and then the sound of a man picking up the cat, the squeak of what we imagined was a cage door opening, closing, and locking and what sounded like the man walking up to the vehicle, putting the cat inside and the sliding a van door closed. 

We heard the engine rumble as the van drove away. And after twenty minutes when we thought the purr of the engine was all we’d ever hear, the van appeared to idle followed by the clattering of a metal gate and the van driving through.

After a minute, the van’s engine turned off and we heard the side door slide open. The driver said, “Boy you’re getting heavy,” as he grunted and struggled with the cage. This was followed by the cage being placed on something like a cart and the squeaking of the wheels as they turned. We assumed the cart or whatever was rolling over asphalt. After a short while, we heard a large heavy door open and close with equal vigor. The surface changed to a smooth path and the cart continued rolling along until we heard a buzz, the click of a lock releasing, a door opening, and the cart gliding forwards.

“Where do you want her, professor?” the driver asked.

“If you could get her out of the carrier and set her on the table, we can take it from there.” We recognized the voice as Professor Grosser.

“She’s going to come out of this cage mad like she did last time.”

“Put on your mask and gloves and you should be fine.”

The man sighed. “If you say so.”

Lyle and I listened as we heard the door of the carrier click open and a horrible loud low-toned hiss. This was followed by unearthly caterwauling and what sounded like a struggle.

“Augh!” the man exclaimed. “She tore my jacket!”

“Keep her away from your face.”

“No kidding!”

Suddenly, the man screamed, and Lyle and I both jumped as the hissing and caterwauling intensified. “Get it off me! Get it off me!”

“Reed, would you be so kind as to assist him?”

The man screamed for a couple more seconds and then the struggle stopped.

“Thank you, Reed.”

“How much does that…thing weigh?!” the delivery man asked, his voice frenzied.

“Today she weighs eighty-five pounds. If you ask me in two days, she will weigh over one hundred.”

“She’s like a wolverine!”

“You remained unscathed.”

“Unscathed?! She ripped my jacket to pieces!”

“Reed, would you call the desk and make sure our delivery man here is compensated for his jacket? Thank you for delivering our specimen. You may wait outside.”

“How large is she going to get?”

“That is an excellent question. I’ll let you know when I decide to provide an answer.”

We heard the man scoff then grumble as he left the room.

“After you’ve settled the matter with the man’s jacket do go and fetch the syringes, would you? I want to do a blood draw on our little royal here.”

“Sure,” Reed said. He sounded young.

After Reed left, we heard Professor Grosser say to the kitten, “You’ve been shaping up rather nicely. Growing at a perfect rate.”

The kitten mewed a strange raspy mew as if it had started smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

“Yes, my darling. Now, mommy’s going to draw some blood and run some tests.

The kitten mewed again.

“Cat sounds strange,” Lyle said. “I don’t remember her sounding that croaky.”

“Neither do I.”

“Here’s the syringes, professor,” Reed said returning to the room.

“Why thank you, Reed. Let’s see what we can find, shall we?”

“Do you think we’re still on track?”

“Oh, yes. The experiment is working out quite nicely. Did you know nice is a rather terrible word?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Its original definition was “to be ignorant”.”

“Interesting.”

“Yes, indeed. Ah, there. Take this to the labs and I’ll look at the results in a couple of hours. In the meantime, let’s get our little sweetheart back to work.”

“Professor Grosser?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think this is the only way to achieve the test results?”

“Absolutely. Now, go fetch our delivery person and have him drive our little precious here back to the neighborhood.”

Reed left the room and brought back the driver. “She’s ready for you now,” Professor Grosser told him when he returned.

“Look,” the driver said. “This whole transporting this cat thing back and forth is getting more dangerous every time I go out. I need a partner to bring in on the job. I can’t be out there doing this alone anymore.”

There was a long silence where no one said anything.

“Another driver, you say?” Professor Grosser finally said.

“Yes.”

His answer was followed by more silence. Then suddenly, the driver shouted, “Hey! What are you doing? Stay away from me! Stay away from me!”

We heard a struggle and unsettling scraping sounds. Finally, Dr. Grosser said, “There. That should help you handle the cat.”

“What did you do to me?! What have you done to me?!”

“I’ve provided some assistance for your job. Now, off you go!”

“I’m going to HR about this!”

Dr. Grosser and Reed laughed wickedly. “Be serious, man,” Dr. Grosser said. “Now pick up the kitten and take her back to the neighborhood.”

MY BOOKS

You can check out my books Chicane and all five installments of the Musicology book series Musicology: Volume One, Baby!, Musicology: Volume Two, Kid!, Musicology: Volume Three, Twist!, Musicology: Volume Four, Sweetie! and Musicology: The Epiquad on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback editions. You can also check out Musicology’s web site at www.musicologyrocks.com and vote for who you think will win Musicology!

STREAM OF THE WEEK: HEADHUNTERS (HODEJEGERNE)(2011)-HBO MAX

This week’s film is a superb fast-paced edge of your seat comic thriller from Norway based on the novel Headhunters by Jo Nesbø and Don Bartlett. A 5’6” corporate headhunter named Roger (Aksel Hennie) suffers from serious self-esteem issues. Despite his successful career, Roger is in over his head. His house is far too expensive, his bank account is near drained, and he is married to a beautiful blonde statuesque art curator named Diana (Synnøve Macody Lund) who is out of his league, and he can’t stop buying jewelry for. With Roger’s funds, Diana has just opened her own art gallery. What Diana doesn’t know is to pay for it, Roger moonlights…as an art thief. And a proficient one at that. He works with a security expert named Ove Kjikerud (Eivind Sander) who assists him by turning off home security systems in Roger’s client’s houses allowing Roger to slip inside, steal the real painting, replace it with a passable fake, deliver the real painting to his bosses and take his stake. Unfortunately, even with his side job Roger is still struggling to pay the bills. Not to mention, Roger has been having an affair with a woman named Lottie (Julie R. Ølgaard) which has expenses of its own.

On the evening of her gallery’s opening Roger notices Diana talking with a tall handsome man named Clas Greve (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) a executive for a former GPS company called HOTE. Diana introduces Claus to her husband who thinks he would make an excellent new CEO for one of his clients who runs a competing GPS company. Clas has recently inherited his grandmother’s apartment. Apparently during the war his grandmother had an affair with a German officer who gifted her with a painting worth several million dollars. After stumbling upon this knowledge during a casual conversation with his wife the next morning, Roger decides stealing Clas’s painting could be the answer to all his financial woes and he and Ove go to work to pull off the ultimate art heist. But one should be careful about stealing from a mercenary with a certain set of skills…and a bloodthirsty dog. Don’t miss it.